My dad left me as a child

[IBRAHIM.]

Yup. You judge a tree by the fruits it bears. He tell his other woman that my mom is the First Lady and if she wants to be accepted by us she has to respect our mother. Plus, they talk.

 

[VixR]

Why do you absolve the females from blame? didn't she choose to marry that loser?

No matter how much you insult your ex, he is a reflection of yourself, you picked him out of your own volition, all the signs were there for you, he didn't magically start drinking or become violent after marriage, he likely did before too.

In the rare occasion the poor dude began to drink or turned violent after marriage, it's highly likely you contributed towards this dysfunction.

If this was my wife and she became a worse person after marriage, I would take a deep look at myself because my presence should have had the opposite effect on her not a negative one.

This total lack of introspection and responsibility is at the root of all marital dysfunctions that I see, we always look at the actions and pass judgement, never at the things that preceded those actions.

One of the ways you can determine in any long-standing nasty disputes/marriage break up who is truly at fault, it's the person who is still bitter, resentful and hateful years down the line, because that alone is a form of spiritual punishment.

I’m not insulting my ex, you idiot. There was nothing wrong with him.

I hope you get whatever you consider the worst punishment for the blatant idiocy you’re displaying. Share a grave with the worst elements of Somali society, and become its defender in front of your god.

 

[Calaf]

We were in Africa and we had a maid who was older than my mom. Old enough to be my grandmother I used to love (AUN) her name was hawa. She was from Tanzania. Made amazing food MashAllah. One day my mother asks me to massage her feet while I’m doing that the maid does something and my mom loses her cool while I’m there. Hawa would hide food for me coz I would not eat a lot and we were many so if u don’t eat on time u buy dry bread. She starts scolding her like a little kid she gave birth to. I was so uncomfortable and hurt I just ran out the room. Miskeenta she was sad. I go up to my mom and I tell her what she did wasn’t good and that woman was old enough to be her mother and just because she pays her 40 bucks a month doesnt give her the right to disrespect her like that and scold her infront of a kid(me) that is embarrassing. My mother calls my dad and tells him what I said to her. From that day it never happened again at least not in front of the children. When I say my mother respects me she does. My sister had a habit of calling her shaqaalo. So disrespectful. I would cringe every time. To a point I would yell at them to call her by her name or call her aunty. A place full of women and no male is a house of petty, disrespect and no logic. There has to be a man who keeps everyone in check.

I experienced the same but instead of the mother shouting it was my younger but more arrogant brother, but I always slip some extra money for the maid, as she is my mothers age and working for younger people! I would talk to her and say hello!

 

[IBRAHIM.]

I get why people change when going Africa. You see stuff like this and wonder why does this happen. And then you accustom to it!

Wallahi this is actually mellow. You should go to Indian and Arab households in Africa ruthless to their maids, treat them like dogs wallahi. Abuse them, not pay their salaries, making them sleep in the kitchen, telling them to eat Food she made after all the other family members eat. Last time I heard they were blaming Somalis for treating these women like humans and apart of the family. Most of the households that maids are abused are households run predominantly by women, them having the say in everything and the men are just watching or even taking part in the abuse. It’s baffling wallahi.

 

[IBRAHIM.]

I experienced the same but instead of the mother shouting it was my younger but more arrogant brother, but I always slip some extra money for the maid, as she is my mothers age and working for younger people! I would talk to her and say hello!

Wallahi I would’ve knocked him out.

 

[Calaf]

Wallahi this is actually mellow. You should go to Indian and Arab households in Africa ruthless to their maids, treat them like dogs wallahi. Abuse them, not pay their salaries, making them sleep in the kitchen, telling them to eat Food she made after all the other family members eat. Last time I heard they were blaming Somalis for treating these women like humans and apart of the family. Most of the households that maids are abused are households run predominantly by women, them having the say in everything and the men are just watching or even taking part in the abuse. It’s baffling wallahi.

But also African, especifally those that has diapora residents
The Indians are treated like that in arabs country and they treat them how they are treated

Wallahi I would’ve knocked him out.

He was a hard guy to deal with, but he became better once he had the old daqan celis treatment!
It was Western mentality!

 

[IBRAHIM.]

But also African, especifally those that has diapora residents
The Indians are treated like that in arabs country and they treat them how they are treated


He was a hard guy to deal with, but he became better once he had the old daqan celis treatment!
It was Western mentality!

The red dotted Indians are the worst of them.

 

[Calaf]

The red dotted Indians are the worst of them.

uff, them and the Cocky western taught one!

 

[Gambar]

Your children have rights over you. Being that it’s a responsibility per the deen, if you don’t fulfill them then you cannot use being a parent as a trump card. Based on what you say, your father did not fulfill the fatherhood role but he also seems unhinged and it wouldn’t be safe for you to be around him. Leave it to Ilahay. I know a lot of folks like to demonize Somali mothers but a mothers instinct is to protect her child. Listen to her and leave him alone. Who’s to say he wouldn’t meet you drunk and attack you? If he seeks you out make sure to stress that he has to be sober and have another person around. Also PTSD and the civil war is no excuse, under afweyne there was open lewdness, alcohol, etc. There were nightclubs in Xamar.

 

[Inquisitive_]

I’m not insulting my ex, you idiot. There was nothing wrong with him.

I hope you get whatever you consider the worst punishment for the blatant idiocy you’re displaying. Share a grave with the worst elements of Somali society, and become its defender in front of your god.

I am not talking about your ex, I didn't know you lacked reading comprehension, I was talking in general terms.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Don't be stupid. Allah tests people in their marriages.

The best of women were married to tyrants that have tried to challenge Allah such as Asiya, yet here you are spouting rubbish.

Even a prophet of Allah, the most noble of men was tested with an evil wife.

I know men like you, like to victim blame women for being abused and mistreated, yet you create countless of threads blaming Somali women for why some Somali men are unemployed and toothless.

Either way, women are damned in your eyes and the hatred is clear to see. Even in a thread in which a young women is traumatised and has witnessed her mother being mistreated, its her poor mother that you berate. You're even trying to create a narrative in which its the mother that is the reason for his drinking.

Basically, in your world everything is the woman's fault. If he drinks, its the woman's fault, if he beats you it's the woman's fault.

If the husband is unemployed, a drunk, a female beater= probably the mothers fault.

Your hatred is a mental illness, get yourself sorted out.

Who blamed the mother? Taking responsibility doesn't mean you take all the blame, you have a lot of hate and anger in you.

For your own good I wish you don't tear down your own household with it.

 

[Umm-al-Dhegdheeriyaa]

Do you feel kinship to your other siblings from his second marriage then? This is messed up. You and IftiinOfLife were affected by your family experiences. I suggest you both find resolution so your personal relationships would not mirror your childhood experiences. This is the danger of hanging on to too much anger and disappointments from your childhood.

It should be about you now and not about your dad moving forward. Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave as they say. That is how you let your anger go so you have more space for love and happiness in your hearts.

I’ve never talked to them, I don’t hate them, I feel sorry for them. I honestly used to hate my dad but as I’ve gotten older, I don’t care about him anymore, I have my own life to live, I don’t have the time to waste on worrying about him. You are right, forgiveness is hard

 

[Umm-al-Dhegdheeriyaa]

You western dhoocils have no respect for Islam, how can you call your own father a bastard? Wallahi Allah will deal with you.

So you point out the fact that I called him a bastard but not what he has done Don’t act like you know anything about Islam, and cherry pick Allahs religion

 

[IBRAHIM.]

I’m not insulting my ex, you idiot. There was nothing wrong with him.

I hope you get whatever you consider the worst punishment for the blatant idiocy you’re displaying. Share a grave with the worst elements of Somali society, and become its defender in front of your god.

U gotta nice lil futo on you gaasha. Too bad a Somali farax doesn’t get to drool on your back while hitting it up from behind, I guess you prefer the pork and alcohol breathe of chad while he’s calling u his Niggress.

I’m curious do u tell ur dad about the guys youre dating? Be honest with me.

 

[IBRAHIM.]

Where is @IftiinOfLife in all of this? Where are u hiding nayaa? U expected hugs, omgs and sympathy?

I guess you’re all Cap. Here to throw around “Cold hard truths” but not receiving them. Thanks for telling us about your single mom household, you’ve proved my suspicions of you.
You’re always gonna be the woman who almost killed her disoriented drunk father in cold blood.

 

[Calaf]

You’re always gonna be the woman who almost killed her disoriented drunk father in cold blood

Come on, they are both wrong
They both did not fulfill their duties set by them!
Lets not treat this uncle as a winner, and neither should we treat her as some angle
They both are in the wrong! ; the father a drunken person, the daughter an father beater whist he is down!
Both need to forgive each other!

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

I’ve never talked to them, I don’t hate them, I feel sorry for them. I honestly used to hate my dad but as I’ve gotten older, I don’t care about him anymore, I have my own life to live, I don’t have the time to waste on worrying about him. You are right, forgiveness is hard

Your siblings are an asset to you who might come in handy at some point in the future. You never know. Close relatives are important in life. The girls specially. May be they think good of you and love you but you are not aware of it. That would be sad wouldn't it?

You have responsibility to tie the two groups of siblings together in the future dear. They can be useful to you and you may end up happier for doing the right thing.

 

[HalimaJ]

Who blamed the mother? Taking responsibility doesn't mean you take all the blame, you have a lot of hate and anger in you.

For your own good I wish you don't tear down your own household with it.

There is a running theme in your threads. Any given situation you try to find a way to blame women, even now when the father was/is clearly a degenerate.

We don't know the full story, but so far, taking responsibility for what? If a man was to abuse, mistreat and drink, somehow, you believe a victim needs to take responsibility for a man's evil actions? Every given opportunity, you try to find a way to take accountability away from men.

Do you not understand that Allah tests us with our children, wealth and marriages . People far greater than you and I have been tested with horrid spouses? Your arrogance is shining through.

My irritation stems from the stupidity and hypocrisy that is spewed on this forum.

You were once obese and its obvious from your posts that you still battle with it, hence why you feel extra judgmental towards bigger women. Its all very personal for you, isn't it? Someone like you, i would have thought would be more compassionate and would offer sincere advice without malice as you were once a fat man.

Your hatred towards them stems from your disgust with your body. Its evident from your posts that you feel uncomfortable with yourself.

You're also unmarried and have no experience in that department. You once mentioned in your posts that you were once very fat, i reckon that has made you feel rejected by western Somali women as being fat has more more negative connotations with men as it is associated with femininity. At least fat women can pass it off as 'thick'. Furthermore, i wouldn't be suprised if you are socially awkward in real life. I think that has also further coloured your distaste of women as they probably do not like to be around you.

 

[GoldmanSachs]

Thread is a trainwreck. @AussieHustler @Knowles time to lock this shit down.

@IftiinOfLife I wish you well abayo and perhaps one day you can forgive your father and rekindle your relationship but that is for you and your mother to decide.

 

[Muji]

Why do you absolve the females from blame? didn't she choose to marry that loser?

No matter how much you insult your ex, he is a reflection of yourself, you picked him out of your own volition, all the signs were there for you, he didn't magically start drinking or become violent after marriage, he likely did before too.

In the rare occasion the poor dude began to drink or turned violent after marriage, it's highly likely you contributed towards this dysfunction.

If this was my wife and she became a worse person after marriage, I would take a deep look at myself because my presence should have had the opposite effect on her not a negative one.

This total lack of introspection and responsibility is at the root of all marital dysfunctions that I see, we always look at the actions and pass judgement, never at the things that preceded those actions.

One of the ways you can determine in any long-standing nasty disputes/marriage break up who is truly at fault, it's the person who is still bitter, resentful and hateful years down the line, because that alone is a form of spiritual punishment.

Let’s blame a woman for a man’s behaviour. The one consistent theme in your threads.