how to go about second wife without burning bridges with the first one

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

This is why it's a good idea for women to always take care of themselves in all aspects and prepare for her husband acting up. There is always a man around who only wants one wife and you don't have to put up with a polygamous man.
This way, the minute you sense he's acting up and is sniffing around for another woman, you can exit because you have your affairs in order.
Don't give up your education, your career, your dreams, your social life etc. You need all of that to make sure your affairs are always in order and a man can't threaten you with loss of livelihood etc.

 

[Oday-yar]

Why should your wife need to 'compete'? This is a perfect example of men abusing polygamy and emotionally abusing women to feel insecure in their own marriages.

Miss me with that, being a single mother is better than your compettion bullshit.

kkk because we all need love sister. the more the merrier. don't get mad at me because you can't have 4.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Competing for your love sounds like manipulation to me.

His intentions sound haram to boot. Polygamous husbands are supposed to be very careful to make sure every wife is treated equally, not to manipulate a bunch of miskeen women into boosting a man's ego like they are his harem mistresses.

I feel sorry for all the sisters who feel pressure to share a man, whether it's due to economic circumstances or mental/social pressures. Only righteous men with a lot of income are worth being a second wife for and they are like unicorns.

 

[Aboow]

His intentions sound haram to boot. Polygamous husbands are supposed to be very careful to make sure every wife is treated equally, not to manipulate a bunch of miskeen women into boosting a man's ego like they are his harem mistresses.

I feel sorry for all the sisters who feel pressure to share a man, whether it's due to economic circumstances or mental/social pressures. Only righteous men with a lot of income are worth being a second wife for and they are like unicorns.

Hes a typical man that feels entitled to multiple women and he’s using the religion to justify it.

 

[Caspian]

Hes a typical man that feels entitled to multiple women and he’s using the religion to justify it.

I don't know about his status but elite men have almost always had multiple women through history. Monogamy was pushed by the church polygyny was the norm for a man with character and means and should not be shamed

 

[Caspian]

This is why it's a good idea for women to always take care of themselves in all aspects and prepare for her husband acting up. There is always a man around who only wants one wife and you don't have to put up with a polygamous man.
This way, the minute you sense he's acting up and is sniffing around for another woman, you can exit because you have your affairs in order.
Don't give up your education, your career, your dreams, your social life etc. You need all of that to make sure your affairs are always in order and a man can't threaten you with loss of livelihood etc.

I don't understand the logic of leaving the man you love because he wants to do something halal only to get with a man you don't love that makes no sense to me.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I don't understand the logic of leaving the man you love because he wants to do something halal only to get with a man you don't love that makes no sense to me.

You can easily love a new man, especially if he only wants you.

If men can exercise the option to marry multiple women, women can exercise the option to divorce. Nobody is a hostage to anyone.

 

[Angelina]

I don't know about his status but elite men have almost always had multiple women through history. Monogamy was pushed by the church polygyny was the norm for a man with character and means and should not be shamed

Monogamy was pushed well before Christianity, it was in fact pushed by the Romans.

Elite men would have multiple women, leaving young men unable to afford or have one wife. The Romans realised it was causing unrest and violence.

Even within Islam, polgamy was limited to 4 and rules and regulations were put in place for the protection of society. Throughout history, the majority of men only had one wife with unfortunatly many never even having the chance to procreate. Rampant polygamy would in fact make average and poorer men suffer.

 

[ShimbirSlayer]

I don't know your financial status.

But the majority of Faraxs in the West, even the educated ones are struggling to pay for everything as the cost of living is ridiculously high. If you're one of those Abdis, which makes up 98% of Somali men, then just know you're selfish. That little bit of money can go towards your wife and kids. Even more disgusting is when you're getting your wife to pay for stuff as well, just so you can use her whilst you pay another woman.

If you don't fit into that category and you provide everything and you have enough money for both, then have an honest discussion with her. If you notice that she is willing to leave, then the ball is in your court. You either love her enough to abandon your plans, or you call it a day and proceed with your quest for another woman. At the end of the day, if you hide it she's still going to find out as Somalis talk. You're just going to make it 10x worse as she's going to feel betrayed and your kids are going to feel resentful. If you're honest from the get go, you might have a chance of slowly convincing her.

Majority of abdis? Stfu and stop generalising nacasyahow. 98? Lol stop making up fake statistics just to fit ur agenda sad human

 

[Angelina]

I don't understand the logic of leaving the man you love because he wants to do something halal only to get with a man you don't love that makes no sense to me.

Seeing someone you love with another woman can be a blow to one's physical and mental wellbeing. Better to lead a life without a man than constant bitterness and jealousy tbh. Most of these men that marry a 2nd wife a lot of the times don't even love/desire the 1st one anymore.

 

[Angelina]

Majority of abdis? Stfu and stop generalising nacasyahow. 98? Lol stop making up fake statistics just to fit ur agenda sad human

It is in fact the majority of Western men not just Abdis. The cost of living is high. Even middle class men are struggling with high city rent.

Grow up, do you see any of the adults here upset? They're not because us rent paying adults know. I even have doctors in my family considering moving to Birmingham due to how ridiculous London rent.

You're a child and your outburst has exposed you.

Next time, instead of seeing my post as an attack on Abdis, actually read what I meant. I said Abdis, as most of the males here are Somali men, but in the West, the majority of men definitely find it hard to pay 100% even if they have professional jobs and that is just the sad reality of today's capitalism.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Seeing someone you love with another woman can be a blow to one's physical and mental wellbeing. Better to lead a life without a man than constant bitterness and jealousy tbh. Most of these men that marry a 2nd wife a lot of the times don't even love/desire the 1st one anymore.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner.

That's exactly what it is but they don't want to divorce because;

1. They don't want their children to experience divorce.
2. They don't want stress from in-laws etc.
3. Ego, they want the woman to compete for their affection
4. Sadist, they like seeing a woman in pain.
5. They are selfish and just don't want her to be happy with someone else.


That's why women should ask for

TALAAQ.

And live their best lives alone or with a new man and make sure to have a shared custody arrangement + child support payments. ​

 

[Saredo]

she already sort of knows because I told her when we were getting married that i'd one day marry more women if I could. With that said, there's a difference between knowing and seeing it happen. I know women don't like this but there's got to be a way to do it while not ending one family in the hope of building another. It doesn't make sense.

If she already knows then just talk to her. I don’t think she’ll be surprised since you had the decency to be honest from the start. But what if she says no? What will you do?

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

If she already knows then just talk to her. I don’t think she’ll be surprised since you had the decency to be honest from the start. But what if she says no? What will you do?

If he told her from day 1, she signed up for this sister wife lifestyle.
I think some women think a man is joking when he says this or think they can change their mind.

Like Maya Angelou said;

 

[Angelina]

If she already knows then just talk to her. I don’t think she’ll be surprised since you had the decency to be honest from the start. But what if she says no? What will you do?

True, I actually forgot that part. The fact that he was honest from the get go and she still proceeded to marry him shows she might not be the jealous type, so marrying again will probably not be an issue.

 

[Angelina]

If he told her from day 1, she signed up for this sister wife lifestyle.
I think some women think a man is joking when he says this or think they can change their mind.

Like Maya Angelou said;

I reckon she isn't the jealous type. I can't imagine a man seriously tell a woman he wants to be polygamous and she takes it as a joke.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I reckon she isn't the jealous type. I can't imagine a man seriously tell a woman he wants to be polygamous and she takes it as a joke.

Yes, I've heard of women like this, there are even those who help their husband find a second wife. That's why it's so selfish and stupid when men mislead women and hide their intentions, they can find willing candidates and live a less stressful life.

 

[Angelina]

Ding ding ding! We have a winner.

That's exactly what it is but they don't want to divorce because;

1. They don't want their children to experience divorce.
2. They don't want stress from in-laws etc.
3. Ego, they want the woman to compete for their affection
4. Sadist, they like seeing a woman in pain.
5. They are selfish and just don't want her to be happy with someone else.


That's why women should ask for

TALAAQ.

And live their best lives alone or with a new man and make sure to have a shared custody arrangement + child support payments. ​

Exactly, that is what makes polygamy a hard pill to swallow for a lot of women, as most of the time, unless the guy was always planning to be polygamous, They actually marry again as the love/desire is gone. Usually, there's problems in the marriage, or the wife has aged and the man no longer sees her as a 'lover'. Being with a man that doesn't really want you anymore without another woman in the picture is sad, but imagine knowing your man doesn't want you, but he's probably obsessed with the younger wife?! That is heart shattering. No wonder some of these habayars are getting high blood pressures and all sorts of issues.

 

[Saredo]

True, I actually forgot that part. The fact that he was honest from the get go and she still proceeded to marry him shows she might not be the jealous type, so marrying again will probably not be an issue.

There are women who are ok with polygamy and it works well for them. Everyone is happy. I respect the fact that he did not hide his intentions.

 

[Angelina]

There are women who are ok with polygamy and it works well for them. Everyone is happy. I respect the fact that he did not hide his intentions.

Yep lool. So what is the point of this thread . If she knows he eventually will, then I fail to see what the dilemma is. @Oday-yar you just wanted a platinum thread.