why do somalis look down in single moms?

[Mimir]

Custody in the early days is pretty murky, but islamically a woman has more rights to the child until the age of 7 and then then child can choose. However, it is not set in stone as different madhabs have different views and also it should be taken as a case by case when it comes to some scenarios. If the mother remarries the father has more rights.

Also, widows are single mothers as well.


And he said: It should be noted that there was no general text from the Lawgiver giving precedence to either of the parents in absolute terms, and the child should not be given the choice between his parents in all cases. The scholars are unanimously agreed that neither of them should be singled out in all cases; rather one who is an evildoer and heedless should not be given precedence over one who is righteous and of good character.

I get where you're coming from its just that I was trying clarify what I meant by my previous post.

 

[HalimaJ]

You are clearly being disingenous, I know many Somali fathers who were taken to court by scornful ex Somali wives, one of them even had his passport seized by the state for 10 years and another one was denied his tax returns. Stop acting as if Somali men are immune to the gyrocentric system!

In Islam at the end of the day it is the man who has the final decision when it comea to divorce, this is a fact. Alhamdillilah, I have a great father whom instilled in me alot of the values I have today, If I was raised by a single mom I would be a gangbanging loser like many of the youth in Toronto today!

Women can ask for divorce and in islam women have an option of Khula. Are you saying that a woman has to stay with a man who neglects her rights?

Learn what Khula is before talking to me about facts!

Islam gives us the right to leave when we are being mistreated and abused.
Guess what? we are even allowed to leave for disliking our husbands such as the case of Khawla.

 

[HalimaJ]

You are clearly being disingenous, I know many Somali fathers who were taken to court by scornful ex Somali wives, one of them even had his passport seized by the state for 10 years and another one was denied his tax returns. Stop acting as if Somali men are immune to the gyrocentric system!

In Islam at the end of the day it is the man who has the final decision when it comea to divorce, this is a fact. Alhamdillilah, I have a great father whom instilled in me alot of the values I have today, If I was raised by a single mom I would be a gangbanging loser like many of the youth in Toronto today!

I too wasn't raised in a single parent home, but I was also taught morals by my mother.

Are you suggesting that your hooyo would have not raised you well? Stop embarrassing yourself.

 

[TekNiKo]

Women can ask for divorce and in islam women have an option of Khula. Are you saying that a woman has to stay with a man who neglects her rights?

Learn what Khula is before talking to me about facts!

Islam gives us the right to leave when we are being mistreated and abused.
Guess what? we are even allowed to leave for disliking our husbands such as the case of Khawla.

Neglecting rights, absolutely Khula is an option, but if a man gives woman income, treata her well, satisfies her in everyway can she divorce him, simply cause she doesnt like him? Also Khula needs an Islamic qadi and an arbitrator which is not available in the West.

 

[HalimaJ]

I was raised by a single mother but I didn't turn out the way you say kids from single parent households turn out

Honestly, the biggest issue when it comes to Somalis is due to them living in violent working class areas. I know a lot of kids from families with dads around and they were still getting up to madness.

 

[Mimir]

Honestly, the biggest issue when it comes to Somalis is due to them living in violent working class areas. I know a lot of kids from families with dads around and they were still getting up to madness.

Don't get me wrong,my dad wasn't a bum and still has a connection with his kids and didn't leave us behind.
Although my mom raised me my whole life,my father manages to pay for our education etc.

 

[TekNiKo]

I too wasn't raised in a single parent home, but I was also taught morals by my mother.

Are you suggesting that your hooyo would have not raised you well? Stop embarrassing yourself.

Stop twisting my words, it takes a man's authority to prevent tomfoolery, single parent households have a 80% failure rate.

 

[Mimir]

Stop twisting my words, it takes a man's authority to prevent tomfoolery, single parent households have a 80% failure rate.

That I agree with

 

[HalimaJ]

Neglecting rights, absolutely Khula is an option, but if a man gives woman income, treata her well, satisfies her in everyway can she divorce him, simply cause she doesnt like him? Also Khula needs an Islamic qadi and an arbitrator which is not available in the West.

A woman can divorce her husband for hating him, even if he is good man as in Islam both men and women have rights. If a woman dislikes her husband, how will she uphold his rights? She will be sinning.

The evidence for that from the Sunnah is that the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays ibn Shammaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not find any fault with Thaabit ibn Qays in his character or his religious commitment, but I do not want to commit any act of kufr after becoming a Muslim.”


Also, khula is available in the west. We have islamic institutions in London. I have relatives that have used it. However, the average Faraax with bit of pride and sense, will give his wife a divorce if she no longer wants to be with him. Like, why hold a woman hostage?

 

[HalimaJ]

Stop twisting my words, it takes a man's authority to prevent tomfoolery, single parent households have a 80% failure rate.

So why is the single mother to blame? Just because you divorced the mother, why divorce the kids? In London, most of the older generation have never stopped their ex husbands from seeing the kids. They have never utilised the courts. These women have trouble filling out forms in English without the help of their children and you want to act as though the odeys were stopped from seeing their kids??? Yes the younger generation maybe, but not the older.

Many men are quick to marry and divorce, marry and divorce and the endless cycle continues.

This shit is even happening back home and Kenya. There is no western government taking the sides of 'women', yet men are marrying and divorcing leaving women and children behind destitute.

I was shocked when I went Xamar. I have seen so many women under the age of 25 divorced some twice married. Single motherhood is rife there as well. Its ridiculous.

When this issue is also plaguing Africa, and society is still very much patriarchal, you have no leg to stand on. Its about time men start being held accountable.

 

[Mimir]

So why is the single mother to blame? Just because you divorced the mother, why divorce the kids? In London, most of the older generation have never stopped their ex husbands from seeing the kids. They have never utilised the courts. These women have trouble filling out forms in English without the help of their children and you want to act as though the odeys were stopped from seeing their kids??? Yes the younger generation maybe, but not the older.

Many men are quick to marry and divorce, marry and divorce and the endless cycle continues.

This shit is even happening back home and Kenya. There is no western government taking the sides of 'women', yet men are marrying and divorcing leaving women and children behind destitute.

I was shocked when I went Xamar. I have seen so many women under the age of 25 divorced some twice married. Single motherhood is rife there as well. Its ridiculous.

When this issue is also plaguing Africa, and society is still very much patriarchal, you have no leg to stand on. Its about time men start being held accountable.

The Kenya thing only happens once in a blue moon

 

[HalimaJ]

The Kenya thing only happens once in a blue moon

No it doesn't. Also i personally know cases of odeys that go back home to have fun. They marry and divorce and marry and divorce. Xamar has become a playground for them.

Also, if it only happened once in a blue moon there wouldn't be a whole documentary with a lot of abandoned women. Its a real issue. There is even a Somali police officer who goes out of her way to try and track down the men.

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

Those days the men were given custody of the kids if the woman divorced and remarried.
No man with an inch of pride would allow their kids to be raised by another man.

Saxib, we are Somalis. Don't marry an outsider. Simple solution. And if the Somali mother ends up with her kids in a divorce case, it is better to maintain the children's well being from outside and make sure they get the love they should from you as a father. If the mother turns out to be irresponsible and does not do her motherly job as she should, with your record of child support and prove that you were there in all their important events, the judge would rule in your favor.

The key is proving you are financially stable and can afford to give basic necessities to your kids. Good work ethics and responsible personality, all would be in your favor provided she is a loser.

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

I meant to say a proud man who never married before would usually never marry a single mother. I wasn't trying to bash them. I simply made a typo.

I was mostly focusing on why some people out there look down on single mothers.

I'm sorry if you got upset.

Is there a better investment than kids you raise as your own and help them become responsible adults? They might love you more than their own biological father saxib. Also, for the sake of Allah and expecting a reward from him, through their Islamic faith and the fact that you ensure they don't grow up disobedient to their creator, you reap more than you lose in material.

If I ever married a single mother, my only precondition would be that I would not have kids other than what she brings to the union already. I am not the type that believes in having children beyond certain age or limit.

 

[Mimir]

No it doesn't. Also i personally know cases of odeys that go back home to have fun. They marry and divorce and marry and divorce. Xamar has become a playground for them.

Also, if it only happened once in a blue moon there wouldn't be a whole documentary with a lot of abandoned women. Its a real issue. There is even a Somali police officer who goes out of her way to try and track down the men.

Yeah that only happens in xamar.Not with other Somalis living in East Africa.
What does a cop who kills gangsters and drug dealers got to do with single parent households?
Which documentary and which part of Africa is it talking about?

 

[HalimaJ]

Yeah that only happens in xamar.Not with other Somalis living in East Africa.
What does a cop who kills gangsters and drug dealers got to do with single parent households?
Which documentary and which part of Africa is it talking about?

There was this channel 4 documentary hosted by this Somali journalist about Somali men in the west going back to Keny and marrying and divorcing Somali girls as form of sexual tourism. It really saddened and disgusted me. Unlike the west, these women have no help.

 

[IstarZ]

@Halimo-2018, I don’t know how old your child is but I would advise to wait until he/she is older to get remarried. Especially, if you have a daughter. Even in our community, you hear about young kids being molested by their stepfather.

There are men out there who have no issue with marrying a single mother. Everyone has a right to choose what suits them best based on whatever criteria they want. It’s a personal choice. From what I’ve observed some men will actually flex those ‘rules’ if the right match comes along.

Issues with child custody, finances, emotional commitment, time limitations are real concerns that need to be weighed up. Some men also only want to raise their own biological kids, other men would only consider a single mother if she has one kid because it means she is open to having more and it means less chaos. The dynamics are different and it’s not for everyone.

Single parents (yes, single fathers exist) face hardships and responsibilities that are unfairly underestimated by childless adults.

I know of a particular single mother. She had one daughter and she married a single/never married/no child having man. They had 4 kids together. He was a doting stepfather to her daughter. He was like a father to her whilst her biological father paid her dust. He didn’t treat her any different than his own kids. She recently got married and he was the proudest father you could find. Although rare, men like him do exist. Yes, he’s Somali.

 

[Halimo-2018]

@Halimo-2018, I don’t know how old your child is but I would advise to wait until he/she is older to get remarried. Especially, if you have a daughter. Even in our community, you hear about young kids being molested by their stepfather.

There are men out there who have no issue with marrying a single mother. Everyone has a right to choose what suits them best based on whatever criteria they want. It’s a personal choice. From what I’ve observed some men will actually flex those ‘rules’ if the right match comes along.

Issues with child custody, finances, emotional commitment, time limitations are real concerns that need to be weighed up. Some men also only want to raise their own biological kids, other men would only consider a single mother if she has one kid because it means she is open to having more and it means less chaos. The dynamics are different and it’s not for everyone.

Single parents (yes, single fathers exist) face hardships and responsibilities that are unfairly underestimated by childless adults.

I know of a particular single mother. She had one daughter and she married a single/never married/no child having man. They had 4 kids together. He was a doting stepfather to her daughter. He was like a father to her whilst her biological father paid her dust. He didn’t treat her any different than his own kids. She recently got married and he was the proudest father you could find. Although rare, men like him do exist. Yes, he’s Somali.

I dont wang any men near me for the next 10 years. I am even sure i want to remarry again. One strike is enough for me hhhh i have other things to worry about than a man. My baby and me against the world.
Thank you sister

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

I dont wang any men near me for the next 10 years. I am even sure i want to remarry again. One strike is enough for me hhhh i have other things to worry about than a man. My baby and me against the world.
Thank you sister

You can always marry a younger guy you can train and abuse/dominate mentally Halimo. I say continue your education and get some practical degree, like a two year kinda degrees in healthcare and save money as you raise your kid. Marriage is for convenience and life is not all about having a partner. Things happen in life. Don't judge yourself based on what you don't have but what you have accomplished.

Also, stay fit. It is healthy to burn that sugar. With awesome healthy looks, you can trap thirsty faraxs. Easy.

 

[Mimir]

There was this channel 4 documentary hosted by this Somali journalist about Somali men in the west going back to Keny and marrying and divorcing Somali girls as form of sexual tourism. It really saddened and disgusted me. Unlike the west, these women have no help.

And those are the extremely rare cases.You make it seem like Somalis worldwide are facing the same shit Londoners are facing.


Yes its very sad and you're right,unlike the west,these women have no help.