why do somalis look down in single moms?

[HalimaJ]

No,they were cultured but most of them ended up marrying Hindi and preffered their kids learning Hindi more than Somali.
It was most likely because of self-hate

Find it hard to believe that they haven't picked up any Somali. My aunt who married a Turk speaks Somali to her kids. That is her first language and obviously she feels comfortable speaking that to her children. Her husband is at work all day, so he can't really do anything about that.

Also, if the mothers are cultural and Somali is their main language, even if they don't speak it to their children, the kids will pick up on it. Fob Somali mothers spend so much time talking to friends and family on the phone or when they visit. Somali hooyos love talking.

 

[Omar del Sur]

Most Somalis are raised by a single mother, whether your mom and dad were divorced or not we know who raised you, who showed up at your school meetings, got up in wee hours to make you breakfast, went to school shopping with you. Anyone who looks down on a single mother is a moron.

Firstly, I like a lot of what you post and I think you seem cool. I think my position is in line with reason, however.

Stigmatizing single motherhood (unless in cases where there is a legit reason) is part of a healthy society and it's part of protecting the next generation. I care about the next generation and I care about the integrity of society's family structure.

Many (not all) of the single mothers were committing zina and having sex with random men and got pregnant by some random dude. Now if you're a single mom and you were married and divorced... I see that as different. It may be that the guy tricked you, you thought he was a good guy and then it turned out he was a bad guy and divorced you.

However, in pretty much any healthy society, historically, it was not looked upon well for a woman to get pregnant by a random guy she's not married to. I understand that it may be seen as cruel and it might be painful for the woman who is stigmatized.... however, it is necessary for the maintenance of the society's health.

Just last night a single mom approached me and asked me for crystal meth. I've never in my life smoked meth or sold it or had anything to do it. She just really wanted crystal meth so I guess she thought it couldn't hurt to ask me.

If I wanted, I could be getting on top of her. She was my old neighbor and she didn't look as good as before she became a dope fiend but she still looked pretty good.

I know two other single moms I could name who I know of smoking meth. I know a single mom where I see a long line of random men streaming in and out of her house and where I'm pretty sure I could have easily committed zina with her myself if I had been willing.

I mean these are just a few examples off the top of my head.

I think it's pretty understandable that I'd be worried for the children of those women and how those children are going to be impacted.

It's not about the women. It's about the children and about the next generation.

Did you know that

One-Parent Households Double Risk of Childhood Sexual Abuse

https://www.pennmedicine.org/news/news-releases/2007/march/oneparent-households-double

If not wanting little kids to be molested means I hate women then I guess I hate women. I think little kids should be loved and protected.

Men have to get up for Fajr and women need to also. Men need to think of others besides themselves and so do women. Men and women both need to do what's right for their children and families just like they both need to get up for Fajr.

I don't know of anything in Islam that says only men should have to get up for Fajr and that women are exempted from having to do anything besides breathe air and have no expectations. That is not something which is right, that is entitlement. If anyone thinks in that kind of way, I think maybe they have it too easy and they should be forced to live as the very poor in places like Somalia live so that they can learn they are not entitled and have responsibilities just like anyone else.

 

[KobeBryant]

Is the father still in your kids life?

 

[HalimaJ]

Firstly, I like a lot of what you post and I think you seem cool. I think my position is in line with reason, however.

Stigmatizing single motherhood (unless in cases where there is a legit reason) is part of a healthy society and it's part of protecting the next generation. I care about the next generation and I care about the integrity of society's family structure.

Many (not all) of the single mothers were committing zina and having sex with random men and got pregnant by some random dude. Now if you're a single mom and you were married and divorced... I see that as different. It may be that the guy tricked you, you thought he was a good guy and then it turned out he was a bad guy and divorced you.

However, in pretty much any healthy society, historically, it was not looked upon well for a woman to get pregnant by a random guy she's not married to. I understand that it may be seen as cruel and it might be painful for the woman who is stigmatized.... however, it is necessary for the maintenance of the society's health.

Just last night a single mom approached me and asked me for crystal meth. I've never in my life smoked meth or sold it or had anything to do it. She just really wanted crystal meth so I guess she thought it couldn't hurt to ask me.

If I wanted, I could be getting on top of her. She was my old neighbor and she didn't look as good as before she became a dope fiend but she still looked pretty good.

I know two other single moms I could name who I know of smoking meth. I know a single mom where I see a long line of random men streaming in and out of her house and where I'm pretty sure I could have easily committed zina with her myself if I had been willing.

I mean these are just a few examples off the top of my head.

I think it's pretty understandable that I'd be worried for the children of those women and how those children are going to be impacted.

It's not about the women. It's about the children and about the next generation.

Did you know that

One-Parent Households Double Risk of Childhood Sexual Abuse

https://www.pennmedicine.org/news/news-releases/2007/march/oneparent-households-double

If not wanting little kids to be molested means I hate women then I guess I hate women. I think little kids should be loved and protected.

Men have to get up for Fajr and women need to also. Men need to think of others besides themselves and so do women. Men and women both need to do what's right for their children and families just like they both need to get up for Fajr.

I don't know of anything in Islam that says only men should have to get up for Fajr and that women are exempted from having to do anything besides breathe air and have no expectations. That is not something which is right, that is entitlement. If anyone thinks in that kind of way, I think maybe they have it too easy and they should be forced to live as the very poor in places like Somalia live so that they can learn they are not entitled and have responsibilities just like anyone else.

Most people here are not talking about women who had children through Zina. That is haraam and should be severly discouraged.

We are talking about single mothers in the Somali community. Most are divorced or widowed.

 

[Yahya]

Because if we look down on single mothers (that are that way because of personal poor choices and not divorce due to abuse) then we open the doorway for society to collapse. Once a female removes the father from her children's lives because of a one night stand or because she messed around a lot then that child is more likely to grow up unstable and will eventually become a menace to society.

If we praise single mothers, then more young females will follow in their footsteps because young girls are impressionable.

Females are the most critical of the two genders when it comes to choosing a mate. If you can refuse a man for phenotypes that he can't help, then don't expect sympathy from society for choosing some deadbeat and having him dump you and the kid.

 

[NotMyL]

@Omar del Sur I don’t excuse zina and if a woman/man had a child that way they made their bed and can lie in it, the conversation is about women who married the halal way and got screwed over, why would anyone look down on these women?

 

[Omar del Sur]

@Omar del Sur I don’t excuse zina and if a woman/man had a child that way they made their bed and can lie in it, the conversation is about women who married the halal way and got screwed over, why would anyone look down on these women?

oh okay. I agree 100% then

 

[Lostbox]

You find tons of them in the ghetto. What I find my shocking are how very wealthy guys put their ex's there and kids(so many are quick to start new families). I need to hire them lawyers when I get divorced

 

[TekNiKo]

Theres a reason she became a single mom, do you think the former husband left for no reason? Be wary boys.

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

There are many factors that contribute to the break-up of homes in the somali community.

A- Hardship to adopt to the culture of America where there is little help outside the house. Parents have to stay engaged in everything. It is all consuming life with no break and the extra added vigilance required to maintain a difference of culture in your children and constant reprogramming from what they learn in their environment that can take a toll. Not easy and creates stress, arguments and if one parent is not willing to shoulder the burnden equally, and to make a committment to the success of the cihildren to see them to college, they may bail out.

B- Misguided belief that being a single parent has more freedom and one can lead their life as they see fit, and therefore not making any conciliation towards their partner when conflict arises. It is as if they think they made a mistake in marrying to begin with and want out. So the flimnsiest conflict leads to divroce. This kind of decisions and selfishness quickly pays the person back with heavy blows and they go into spiral. It is bad for everyone from children to the adults involved.

C- Assumption that welfare takes care of everything so the government will play the role of the parent in terms of provision and sustenance. No husband is necessary. Except repsonsible Halal sex is replaced with zina and sleeping with any man willing to have sex becomes a norm. A very tragic ending for everyone involved with the kids being the victims in such homes.


D- Mental illness or other illness that require more care than the partner is willing to burden themselves with. In many cases, Somalis don't recognize what is causing the person's lack of judgement and constant arguments to be mental, so they seek divorce making a case agaisnt the wife/husband.

E- Man who prioritizes the pursuit of Qaat and FKD totlaly ignoring his household. Eventually the wife gets fed up and chooses to divorce. I think she should stick around for her kids because a loser father is better than no father or one who comes into their life only to have sex with their mom and be a leech on her and her welfare checks. Another loser replacing the loser before makes hardly anything different if not worse.


Lastly, it boils down to the new culture and on the ways things are done in America that are different from how things were done back home. In Somalia, society was an ally who raised your kids with you silently and without direct involvement. Here in the west, Society has its norms that are different from yours, so it is extra work and hardship to get your kids to grow up as you grew up, safe from drinking, safe from sex before marriage, safe from drugs, safe from suidical habits that lead to the person's demise and lack of place for God in their hearts which leads them to be just another doomed human. It is tough out here to survive and it is the reason many end up dealing with mental issues like depression and stress.


There is not one issue but many that leads to divorce. The most asinine being the one that has to do with adultery and pursuing the life of desire as more important than the life of dignity and sacrifice.

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

Theres a reason she became a single mom, do you think the former husband left for no reason? Be wary boys.

The same question goes to the husband as well. Men and Women are equally capable of wrong doing. It is not always the woman's problem ninyow.

 

[TekNiKo]

The same question goes to the husband as well. Men and Women are equally capable of wrong doing. It is not always the woman's problem ninyow.

Most men are powerless in this gyrocentric Western society, the true victims in child custody, alimony etc. Single motherhood is incentified by the state, she gets a bigger cheque from welfare than her man.

 

[Younes Osman]

I personally don't look down on these women who have experienced an untimely end of their marriages. But, any logical thinking Farax don't want to be caught in a dispute with hiblayo and her ex heble husband especially when children are involved. accusation of Taking the father's place is a common allegation to make. therefore, it may resort to a physical and verbal confrontation with the disgruntled ex husband.

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

Most men are powerless in this gyrocentric Western society, the true victims in child custody, alimony etc. Single motherhood is incentified by the state, she gets a bigger cheque from welfare than her man.

This western problem is not one exclusive to somalis, it affects their society as much. But the somali adult should know better and think about the children and not their self-interest. Somalis have a better culture that puts everyone at an advantage if practiced. Requires selflessness and sacrfice. This goes for both the wife and the husband.

The father needs to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of his children like the wife should. That is what Somali parents back home did. You trade little discomfort for the well being of your vulnerable children who would suffer from lack of two parents at home. But, sometimes the option to call it quits for women is better when they are dealing with violence and emotional abuse from loser husbands. In that case, there is more evil in having an alcoholic and abusive somali husband stay around kids. For me, anything other than Alcohol and adultery can be forgiven.


Somalis should look around and learn from the mistakes of others.

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

You find tons of them in the ghetto. What I find my shocking are how very wealthy guys put their ex's there and kids(so many are quick to start new families). I need to hire them lawyers when I get divorced

You live in the middle east saxib, your money is safe from your crazy wife. She gets only what she is entitled to and not a dime more unlike the west where a guy gets bankrupted by a useless wife. It is the reason marriage is rare in America and guys see women as enemies for the most part. Women are dirt cheap here. They cry when proposed for marriage. Sad. America is paying a heavy price for unthoughtful laws in the books and a culture that promotes pursuit of happiness at the expense of family.

 

[Younes Osman]

There is absolutely no reason to divorce Xalimo because
1) I married her
2) im attracted to her
3) I love her
4) she is the mother of my child or children

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

Out of curiosity, Did your hajchee left you or you left him ?

It is better to ask her that in private. Sometimes it is better to ask people privately when the question is too personal saxib.

She could be embarrassed to answer or be forced to blame someone else when she shouldn't. We are Muslims and believe what is meant to happen will. Destiny. Divorce was meant for her and to be part of her experience in Life. It is not the end of the world.

 

[ZakWantsToPlay]

There is absolutely no reason to divorce Xalimo because
1) I married her
2) im attracted to her
3) I love her
4) she is the mother of my child or children

Let us hope you won't experience something that changes these committments of yours. You have good mindset. Also, love is not important and a man can love a woman he married through family and friends recommendation. A smart man can make any somali female of traditional stock happy.

 

[Younes Osman]

It is better to ask her that in private. Sometimes it is better to ask people privately when the question is too personal saxib.

She could be embarrassed to answer or be forced to blame someone else when she shouldn't. We are Muslims and believe what is meant to happen will. Destiny. Divorce was meant for her and to be part of her experience in Life. It is not the end of the world.

certainly, I do agree. My apologise.. perhaps a little more consideration on my part would have gone a long way.

 

[HalimaJ]

Because if we look down on single mothers (that are that way because of personal poor choices and not divorce due to abuse) then we open the doorway for society to collapse. Once a female removes the father from her children's lives because of a one night stand or because she messed around a lot then that child is more likely to grow up unstable and will eventually become a menace to society.

If we praise single mothers, then more young females will follow in their footsteps because young girls are impressionable.

Females are the most critical of the two genders when it comes to choosing a mate. If you can refuse a man for phenotypes that he can't help, then don't expect sympathy from society for choosing some deadbeat and having him dump you and the kid.

You're a hypocrite. Many men choose women based on beauty. You obviously think a man has a right to choose a woman he regards as attractive right?

Would you marry a woman you were not attracted to?