Ohio incident highlights a failure in the Somali community!

[Finesse]

Now i notice people here saying that the reason why women have become "masculine" is because the men in the society haven't lived up to the societal norms of being "a man" and so women have filled in that role, that's not how i see it. In many cases particularly in the west, women have advocated in specifically the feminist movement about how a woman can do all of the men's roles, and how they do not need a male figure in their lives, also to point out that they themselves wanted to do those jobs for their own sense of empowerment, basically a false sense of equality by pursuing the roles men in society have previously taken up, and I have no idea why the blame is now shifted upon the men for the advocacy of these women that have made it so that both men and women do certain things for example shopping as is what this thread was originally made about

You are totally right.. for Western women but when it comes to Somalis who came to the West mostly around 1991, they were forced into it.

Also, they say that the housewife/working man is a myth in the West and that most working class White women have always worked.

The feminist movement was more about getting equal pay and better job opportunities.

 

[Revolutionary]

You are totally right.. for Western women but when it comes to Somalis who came to the West mostly around 1991, they were forced into it.

Also, they say that the housewife/working man is a myth in the West and that most working class White women have always worked.

The feminist movement was more about getting equal pay and better job opportunities.

I wouldn't exactly say they were "forced into it", but obviously the environment they lived in which is the west definitely helped them gain these sort of beliefs (specifically the younger generation) and this has played out on much more aspects in life. Also I'm pretty sure the majority of women then were housewives and the amount that worked alongside their husbands was much lower than today, and now that isn't to say that women working is a bad thing, as I believe that they could choose to pursue their profession as long as it doesn't get in the way of parenting the children, and the reason they want the job isn't because the man at home isn't fulfilling his duties as a husband, but because the woman is probably an ambitious woman who would like to pursue what she wants to do whilst being a mom to her kids and wife to her husband. I think a lot of you guys want to have lives both ways, in a traditional way and in a "modern" way but let's be real it cannot be both, mixing it is like mixing oil and water.

 

[Celery]

Man-bashing has to stop just like woman bashing has to stop. I’ve had enough of this s**l supremacist stuff

 

[CanoGeel]

It's something I've noticed recently but a lot of women in the Somali community do the jobs of men in addition to their own jobs. They cook, clean, educate, shop, fix, and pay the bills.

You are basically making one person do the job of two people. Then they question why their wife is stressed and isn't as attractive as she use to be (because she's overworking) and then dump her for someone else.

also on top of that i never forget to occasionally discipline her, albeit lightly and hope that she stays in her place inorder to avoid stiffer discipline or further escalation @Basra

edit: I make sure no one is around when taking corrective actions

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

I have been to Arab nations and noticed when I was shopping ( as a single woman), that Arab men do the shopping, or the couple goes together, it is very rare to see a married woman shopping alone. They especially do NOT ever go to the market, that's a place filled with male employees.

However, in the diaspora or even in Somalia, it's the women who do the food shopping. When my mother moved to Europe, her male ESL teacher was astonished at Somali male learners, he said "why the hell don't Somali men know the English vocabulary for food items but Somali women do!". He kept cussing Somali men and said that they are useless.

Also, when you send your wife and daughters to go food shopping, they are exposed to perverted Arab/Turkish employees!!

There is no excuse for a grown man to not to do the weekly or monthly shopping. You can do it easily on your way home from work or during the weekends. Learn how to shield and protect your women from non-mahrem men.

Not to mention the most obvious issue here; carrying shopping is heavy and intense work. What kind of man thinks it is ok to make his wife do all that heavy lifting AND to cook?

If you want to have a full-time housewife or maid/staff, as a MAN, please ensure you are in full-time control of "Outside" just like all other ethnic groups on earth.

1. Throw out the trash
2. Maintain the vehicles, pump gas/fix tyres etc.
3. Cut the grass/garden work
4. Wash the windows
5. Bring the shopping home
6. DIY work etc.

Oh wow abaayo as a Somali man I totally agree with every you said. Essentially we have a matriarchal community were the women do all of the parenting and household chores and the absent fathers do up FKD in the maqaayad or back home
I’m starting to realise that most Somali fathers are entitled b*tches, they demand all this love and respect from their childern and spouse but don’t do the things that would make ones wife and child love/respect them, You hear them talk about “ragnimo” all the time but they lack the basics of ragnimo I could speak about this all day.
arab men like you stated do the shopping, protect and take care of their wives Therefore their wives never finds themselves in situations were she is humiliated and degraded by non mahram men ,Somalis on the other hands, we are similar to the black community, our women are vulnerable to attacks and exploitation because the fathers are mostly deadbeat who our mothers can’t rely on/ fall back on.
I hope my generation of young Somali males don’t become like our beta fathers, lets do better guys I’ll do all the shopping for my somali queen and be an all around proactive father inshallah

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

Somalis are also one of the only, if not the only, Muslim community that sends their daughters abroad to carry out menial jobs such as being a maid etc.

An Arab man would rather die than send his daughter to another man's house to cook, clean and risk being raped/molested.

Their pride does not permit them to eat the wages of their women/girls.

Meanwhile, in the Somali community it is seen as normal for a girl/woman to work inside and outside of the house and pay the bills like she's an adult male.

Damn Somali men are just Muslims basically.
I would rather die than send my daughters to work for another man.

 

[Basra]

also on top of that i never forget to occasionally discipline her, albeit lightly and hope that she stays in her place inorder to avoid stiffer discipline or further escalation @Basra

edit: I make sure no one is around when taking corrective actions

How is the camel milk?

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

I agree. But don’t glamorize these men because there are lots of issues that these Arab and South Asian women go through. Somali men are very liberal and our women have more freedom. But you’re right when it feels like even if a Somali woman is married, she’s basically a single mom.

my parents are married but my mother lived like a single mother , she did everything while my father was in the maqaayad fkding (doesn’t even work ) I had cut this bum off I don’t want his bumness to rub off on me

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

Facts abayo, they take it too far also. We need moderation, just like Islam dictates but unfortunately, Asian/Arab men are a bit closer to Islamic practise than Somalis.

Asian and Arab men have a masculine mindset they see themselves as the backbone of their family so they ought to handle all the family affairs and make sure everything is good , while Somali men are entitled b*tches who want to leech on their wife and children rather than uplifting them

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

I believe Somali girls and women can try to reverse this epic failure in our community.

Step 1. Never marry a misogynist, try your best to figure out his attitudes towards the female gender and how he was raised, the apple does not fall far from the tree.
Step 2. Raise your boys to emulate the prophet SAW, raise them to be PROTECT and PROVIDE.
Step 3. Make sure both genders carry out chores in your house but teach the boys that some chores are more masculine than others; carrying heavy things and anything "outside".

I agree with step 2 and step 3 but step 1 seems a bit too liberal for me, what do you mean by misogynist ? Do you want a weak man who has no geerah over his wife ? Isn’t this what causing the issues in the diaspora? We have liberal minded men who rely on their wife to make decisions and handle household affairs

 

[BlackJack]

This thread is so great thanks for making it sis. I agree with all you’re points. But mother’s are also to blame for this, they raised their sons telling them they are too good to work around that house and help the wife and that’s the women’s job. It’s not 1973 anymore this is modern society and a man needs to work along side his wife or the whole family will collapse.

 

[BlackJack]

I agree with step 2 and step 3 but step 1 seems a bit too liberal for me, what do you mean by misogynist ? Do you want a weak man who has no geerah over his wife ? Isn’t this what causing the issues in the diaspora? We have liberal minded men who rely on their wife to make decisions and handle household affairs

In modern times both of The spouses work, if the wife brings in a income as well then yes her opinion will matter.

Even if she didn’t work how can the mother of your children that is raising them not have a say in how the things in the house should run. She would obviously have more knowledge about the children’s needs and other things around the house.

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

What we can do sis, is ensure deadbeats lineages are no longer fully Somali. If every Somali woman stopped marrying sexist deadbeats, they would be forced to marry Ajnabi women.

Allah has all the power but we can also decide and trust Allah to guide us away from betas.

Yesss don’t do this sis I’m a male I’ll tell you I wish my mother didn’t marry my deadbeat father.
She’s such a good wife even though he’s useless

 

[Aratayu]

When does a dameerified woman have time to bathe, moisturise, put on nice clothes and make her house a home? When she is not shopping, she is cooking, when she is not cooking, she is cleaning, looking after a football team of kids etc.

And then betas will say "she does not have time for meeee". .. haye, doqonkii, go divorce her and replicate this nightmare life a few times.

Walaahi you have explained the life of a relative of mine to a T.

She does all of the cleaning in the house, cooking and feeding of children. Is expected to do ALL outside errands such as pick up the kids and grocery shopping. She pays 7/8 of all BILLS. And work a shitty minimum wage job for EIGHT plus hours.

The dayuus married to her makes 10 times more money than her. Instead of choosing to use the money for his family, the miser saves it all up (I suspect he's saving for gender surgery, naag naaga xun). Too effeminate to even fix broken parts of his own home, so he lets everything go to shit. He is all types of abusive and a master at gas-lightning.

Always complaining about her appearance and the appearance of the home, but like you said, "When does a dameerified woman have time to bathe, moisturize, put on nice clothes and make her house a home?"

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

This thread is so great thanks for making it sis. I agree with all you’re points. But mother’s are also to blame for this, they raised their sons telling them they are too good to work around that house and help the wife and that’s the women’s job. It’s not 1973 anymore this is modern society and a man needs to work along side his wife or the whole family will collapse.

No a woman can’t not raise a boy to be a man I’m sorry , it’s not Somali mothers fault at all
The Somali fathers should have stepped in and taught their son to be a responsible young man from early.
Don’t blame our mothers they are victims of having deadbeat husbands.

 

[Calaf]

Okay, it may be cause I am a tad childish or whatnot, but I enjoy Shopping.

I rather do the shopping then my wife, heck, i would not even let her do it or even my mother. Gives me time by myself, and I can get whatever I want on top of the shopping

Be smart, think hard

 

[BlackJack]

No a woman can’t not raise a boy to be a man I’m sorry , it’s not Somali mothers fault at all
The Somali fathers should have stepped in and taught their son to be a responsible young man from early.
Don’t blame our mothers they are victims of having deadbeat husbands.

Many single mothers have risen great men so yes a woman can raise a man. Just like many single fathers have risen great women. And the mother is going to be around the children way more then the father. Her opinion and her behavior towards her sons will shape their views and how to behave around women and what it takes to be a man.

If a mother puts her son on a pedestal and turns him into this untouchable figure, his going to grow up thinking he is superior to women and he does not need to respect. But if the mother raises the son to be kind but still a strong and firm man, and the son sees his father respecting and loving his mother then the son will turn into a good man insha Allah.

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

In modern times both of The spouses work, if the wife brings in a income as well then yes her opinion will matter.

Even if she didn’t work how can the mother of your children that is raising them not have a say in how the things in the house should run. She would obviously have more knowledge about the children’s needs and other things around the house.

I’ll be the sole provider when I get married I’m working towards becoming a 6 figure earner.

I’ll also be an involved proactive father I know what my son wants he wants a hero/ positive male role model someone he can look up to, I know what my daughter wants, a father is a daughter's first love she wants adoration she wants to be his little princess ,these are vital emotional needs of a child

, feeding and clothing them is nothing anyone can do this, as far as shopping and chores go I’ll also take part in that.
Being a good father / husband is not hard at all. Most Somali fathers just don’t bother, they spend their free time away from their children/wife

 

[IGotDaAnswers]

Many single mothers have risen great men so yes a woman can raise a man. Just like many single fathers have risen great women. And the mother is going to be around the children way more then the father. Her opinion and her behavior towards her sons will shape their views and how to behave around women and what it takes to be a man.

If a mother puts her son on a pedestal and turns him into this untouchable figure, his going to grow up thinking he is superior to women and he does not need to respect. But if the mother raises the son to be kind but still a strong and firm man, and the son sees his father respecting and loving his mother then the son will turn into a good man insha Allah.

I personally can never rely on my wife to raise my son into a man. This is dangerous in my eyes, my son will end up being a soft feminine looking beta mummy’s boy who has a gynocentric view of the world.
A women doesn’t understand a young boys’s physical and emotional needs like a man does. She sees his hyperactivity as an issue she’s will curse him and wish he could just sit down watch telly whereas a father is more likely to see it as a gift and get him to partake in sports.

I’m more concerned with my sons being strong boys than “good boys” anyone can be a good boy , lazy abdi fuuto weyn and farah Luugo baasto are also good boys. being good comes second to being strong

 

[BlackJack]

I’ll be the sole provider when I get married I’m working towards becoming a 6 figure earner.

I’ll also be an involved proactive father I know what my son wants he wants a hero/ positive male role model someone he can look up to, I know what my daughter wants, a father is a daughter's first love she wants adoration she wants to be his little princess ,these are vital emotional needs of a child

, feeding and clothing them is nothing anyone can do this, as far as shopping and chores go I’ll also take part in that.
Being a good father / husband is not hard at all. Most Somali fathers just don’t bother, they spend their free time away from their children/wife

Agreed, I hope you reach your goal and raise good children. And in the daughter part I agree, my father had a lot of influence on my life I’ll probably not even be half where I am today if he has not worked his ass off being a surgeon and still had time to come back each night to help me with my school work, Quran or just play with me.

A father raising a daughter is either a hit or a miss, he either raises the daughter well and she looks up to him and sees him as a role model. Or he raises the daughter to detest him and she will look for another source to get the fatherly love she never had.

The same goes with mothers and their sons, she will shape his views on the opposite sex and will impact the way he behaves and interacts with women in the future.