How to deal with breakups

[VixR]

I'll be honest, I don't perceive it as a good thing for men. Categorically disagree with it being a bad thing from women.

Lol. That's your bias showing. It's categorically ill advised on both counts. It never ends well.

 

[InfoMatic]

I don't think being eager to please is a bad thing at all, nor do I think it leads to a lack of devotion from a man. I mean I kind of see what you mean, but it's heavily context dependent. It's one thing if she gives head a day after exchanging names... I won't exactly be thinking about what we'll name our children. If you know what I mean? It's an entirely different thing if you're somewhat invested in her imo.

If he proposed and married her, I would have more positive view of her situation. I am giving her the same advise I would give to my sister. She is worth more than some dude's feelings. Granted love and respect are mutual and should be, and that she would get joy by loving him as he loves her back as much, still, her sacrifice has to be dignified as it should. I am also projecting what I would do in this situation. I can't sleep with a woman who loves me on a daily basis without feeling guilty of taking from her and not doing what honors her sacrifice.

It comes down to how a guy was raised. Some of us, with a woman who is more than willing to give up herself to them without expectation and out of love, would still feel guilty and do what is right for her and marry the devoted.

 

[GodKnowsBest]

So do we

On a serious note, a man can only expect to be dished out the same level of respect/ love he provides. It is nothing personal here either. My self-interest comes first

I agree. He wasn't putting as much effort into me so I dropped him like a penny. Nothing to take personal. I'll just find another man who can do the same.

 

[Dino]

these thread of xalimo s going through the cadaan girl experience would be amusing if not pitiful and alarming.

eventually when the law of averages catches up they will end up alone due to the damage their relationship has on their self esteeem, their live goals and their families

 

[GodKnowsBest]

I don't think anyone wants to be in one-sided relationship. Respect goes both ways I agree.

Adeer, I need advice from you since you are sensible when it comes to traditional roles. The guy was A': a virgin, respected women, was always nice to me (when we argued last night I cussed him out but he was calm), very religious he was practically a Muslim but he worshipped Christ, should I keep it like it is and not go back to him?

Since when is "worshipping" part of dating?

By worshipping we mean constant honey moon phase. Love them, always give them good morning texts, make sure the girl never has to text you first, let them know you love them through actions not words, make them giggle at least once per day.

 

[GodKnowsBest]

these thread of xalimo s going through the cadaan girl experience would be amusing if not pitiful and alarming.

eventually when the law of averages catches up they will end up alone due to the damage their relationship has on their self esteeem, their live goals and their families

Wait this is how White girls experience relationships? Aren't Somali girls the same? I Don't do the sucky sucky. I'm a virgin. Ask one of the other girls.

 

[InfoMatic]

Not really, i grew up without a dad and most of my relatives live in somalia
So tbh i dont have many faith on marrying a somali guy, but you never know, first my school ill see in a couple years

I just dont want to forget where im coming from, even though i grew up here in peace and everything what my heart belongs to and some cadaan guy will never understand you know

You have the right attitude Shukri. Not forgetting your roots is important and to pass that on to your children. It is the only reason I ignored white and brown beauties alike around me. I can't get past that identity of mine despite my desires for beauty that cuts across ethnicity.

Keep your mom in mind in your future decisions. She will be great help to you if by Allah's will you end up with a man she can relate to who is Somali.

Even after you marry, you will need your mother around and her love still..

 

[black]

Lol. That's your bias showing. It's categorically ill advised on both counts. It never ends well.

lol I'm aware there's some bias on my part, hence why I felt the need to disclose that. Regardless, I'll definitely have to disagree with you lot on this.

If he proposed and married her, I would have more positive view of her situation. I am giving her the same advise I would give to my sister. She is worth more than some dude's feelings. Granted love and respect are mutual and should be, and that she would get joy by loving him as he loves her back as much, still, her sacrifice has to be dignified as it should. I am also projecting what I would do in this situation. I can't sleep with a woman who loves me on a daily basis without feeling guilty of taking from her and not doing what honors her sacrifice.

It comes down to how a guy was raised. Some of us, with a woman who is more than willing to give up herself to them without expectation and out of love, would still feel guilty and do what is right for her and marry the devoted.

I'm talking about it from an isolated pov. I'm not familiar with her position or her relationship at all. I definitely agree that effort, respect etc. needs to be mutual. I'm just very skeptical compliance and excessive blowjobs was the downfall of their relationship

 

[GodKnowsBest]

She came across as too eager to please without a return to show for her devotion. So, I was making that point unsuccessfully. It is better to never give yourself wholly to anyone, especially when they are not married to you regardless of religious beliefs. I like to see girls get their worth out of the relationship for their sacrifice. Not self victimize and then later complain about a guy dumping them after he used them.

Exactly! I can screenshot our texts to you but I told him on at least 3 occasions that I would not submit to him because he's not my hudband. I won't sacrifice for a man I won't marry because those are sacrifices I only want to give to a man who God joins me with through marriage.

 

[Gambar]

Men in general get bored easily and lose interest if the woman isn't able to keep their attention. It is nothing personal.

 

[VixR]

lol I'm aware there's some bias on my part, hence why I felt the need to disclose that. Regardless, I'll definitely have to disagree with you lot on this.



I'm talking about it from an isolated pov. I'm not familiar with her position or her relationship at all. I definitely agree that effort, respect etc. needs to be mutual. I'm just very skeptical compliance and excessive blowjobs was the downfall of their relationship

A lot more than some But it's perhaps that naive due to being sheltered? You'll come to that realization on your own with time and some experience, heck even a little people-watching will do

 

[InfoMatic]

I agree. He wasn't putting as much effort into me so I stopped him like a penny. Nothing to take personal. I'll just find another man who can do the same.

You would make a good wife if you weren't a nut job. And you are funny.

 

[GodKnowsBest]

It was your choice to go out with the white guy. Think about the mental process you went through to justify going out with him. It would be clear as a day light that a Somali guy had nothing to do with it.


You liked him for what?

- Personality?
- Looks?
- Religion?
- Ideals he espoused?


Or

- You wanted to have mixed kids because they are prettier than Somali kids?
- You would feel elevated because he is white and you are not worthy?
- Somali guys are all useless? Or you don't get excited by the prospect of being with one?


Just think about the process of justification you went through to give yourself up to him. It is clear a Somali guy has nothing to do with it.

He fit this criteria:
1. 4 Year university student
2. Guaranteed to make at least the same amount of money as me.
3. Constantly talked to me and fell in love with me before I loved him
4. Was tanned skin (I was looking for a dark guy but we were already talking at this point).
5. Was good looking
6. Had strong faith and Morals
7. Knew how to treat women right
8. Good relationship with mother and respected both parents.
9. Was at least 6 foot tall
10. Was good looking

 

[InfoMatic]

He fit this criteria:
1. 4 Year university student
2. Guaranteed to make at least the same amount of money as me.
3. Constantly talked to me and fell in love with me before I loved him
4. Was tanned skin (I was looking for a dark guy but we were already talking at this point).
5. Was good looking
6. Had strong faith and Morals
7. Knew how to treat women right
8. Good relationship with mother and respected both parents.
9. Was at least 6 foot tall
10. Was good looking

You conveniently left out the buuryo sweetie. That piece of meat Muslims cut from boys for hygiene purposes. I thought you liked that balaq.

 

[GodKnowsBest]

You would make a good wife if you weren't a nut job. And you are funny.

My friends introduce me as their crazy friend so I take this as a compliment.

What makes you think I'd be a good wife though?

 

[black]

A lot more than some But it's perhaps that naive due to being sheltered? You'll come to that realization on your own with time and some experience, heck even a little people-watching will do

this is the second time, what makes you think I'm sheltered? For clarification, eagerness to please is exclusive and not just another way of saying push over, yes?

 

[GodKnowsBest]

You conveniently left out the buuryo sweetie. That piece of meat Muslims cut from boys for hygiene purposes. I thought you liked that balaq.

Nothing wrong with uncut ----s I can't swear btw I swore enough last night at him and I already feel bad. I have to pray a lot to Jesus Christ tonight.

 

[The Cushitic One]

Personally speaking, I was taught that the guy should love the girl more.

If she loves him more than he loves her, that's when problems arise and she feels neglected or under appreciated.

I've read some posters say 'I tried to make him love me more'

Listen have some self respect, it's bad enough you're out here dating a cadaan guy, but than you let him treat you like shit? But it's ok, for you to write how worthless somali guys are?

When you've never dated on or given one a chance? Get out of here!

Anyway personally speaking as a female, you always need to put yourself
First.

Here's abit of advice, why don't you concentrate on you, instead of jumping from one relationship to another. Take a break and build you're low self esteem up.

 

[InfoMatic]

Nothing wrong with uncut ----s I can't swear btw I swore enough last night at him and I already feel bad. I have to pray a lot to Jesus Christ tonight.

Jesus can not hear your prayers. You are well served praying to the same God he prayed to when his enemies attacked him and wanted to crucify him. His prayer was accepted and he was saved from the Crucifixion and didn't die on the cross. He owned no power to save himself or anyone else for that matter. Same goes for prophet Mohamed or for anyone else.

Prayer is worship and only God almighty can be worshiped.

 

[Zumar]

these thread of xalimo s going through the cadaan girl experience would be amusing if not pitiful and alarming.

eventually when the law of averages catches up they will end up alone due to the damage their relationship has on their self esteeem, their live goals and their families

Wait what? How is this a experience
Who said he ever touched me?