Foreign marriage horror stories: SHARE

[Sophisticate]

Mosques love giving Somali girls/women away like candy because many Somali women/girls don't have protective men at home who will chase the revert away/vet them appropriately.

Somali men/boys need to start being pro-active in finding suitable men for their female relatives.

Somali women only fall for foreigners if there are not enough compatible suitors.

Warn them from an early age about foreign marriages.

Sis,

These women clearly know what they are doing. They are not children that we should instruct and guide.

I would wager that they don't make these choices based on not finding compatible males from their communities but because they were receptive and choose to marry a foreigner. It's as simple as that. The meaning they ascribe to decisions/ reasoning is of little importance.

Also, @AussieHustler if we are going to be frank the increase in divorce is a western phenomenon that isn't unique to Somalis. If we were playing a game of probability the odds of marriage survival would be higher and compound with more shared commonalities - ethnic origin, world view, values, socio-economic status and education levels.

Personally, I don't like the notion of rushed courtships which seem to be a contributing factor in these divorces (particularly when there are so many unknowns yet to be addressed which either party has glazed over while they were talking). Also, some seem to lack the emotional tool kit to address their concerns rationally, effectively resolve conflicts and negotiate along with an unwillingness to learn these these skills.

 

[gurey]

Is it me or does their racism come out after mareiage. They must be hiding their true feelings. I dont think they become this way after marriage lol.

 

[NAAFO]

Most Somali marriages dont work period

@Dibleyy Thats not necessarily true, marriages don't work in any culture for example whites have some of the highest divorce rates among any ethnic group that said this is a highly exaggerated issue.

 

[Lostbox]

I've seen both Somali men and women marry the lowest member of other races. It has end away you would expect.


Like why would you in the first place?


Also, why are some many of them going for brown people these days?

 

[dana]

pff Here we go again.

 

[embarassing]

Yes but where was this encouraged by the prophet s.a.w so show the links?? Where's the hadith? you just keep mentioning scholars words but that doesnt mean much. Wealth, lineage and social status are things of this world, we are encouraged to leave them behind, you really think allah s.w.t and the prophet cared about wealth and lineage and social status those are the things he spoke against. Allah s.w.t has told us to never seek out wealthy people and it is a sign of greed so your whole statement makes no sense. Why dont you just send the link?

The Hadith is cited here: https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/34170

It’s prophetic advice. Technically it doesn’t mean you can’t marry outside your race, two people could be from different races but share culture. For example, a white and African American, they could be from the same place for generations, share religion, culture, values, wealth and education etc.

It doesn’t mean you can’t marry someone from a different, lineage, wealth and social status but there is wisdom in the prophetic advice.

If it works with someone from a different background great for them. But they’re not wrong, @Abdurahman_somali is citing a well known Hadith. These things do contribute to compatibility. Different cultures and families that can’t communicate let alone understand each other I’m sure would cause a strain on a marriage.

But I also would agree with the sentiment that you can’t really hate on or impose on other people’s decisions. It’s their choice. But personally I would prefer my future children inshaAllah to only marry Somalis.

 

[Ferrari]

These are isolated cases, certainly not enough to discourage interracial marriages altogether.

If you get unlucky, and the universe sends you qof inkaar qaba, it just means you've been dealt a terrible hand.

 

[embarassing]

These are isolated cases, certainly not enough to discourage interracial marriages altogether.

If you get unlucky, and the universe sends you qof inkaar qaba, it just means you've been dealt a terrible hand.

Sure, the murders are extreme and isolated cases. But the divorce rate generally is not.

 

[Ferrari]

Sure, the murders are extreme and isolated cases. But the divorce rate generally is not.

Somalis divorce each other just as much if we are going to be honest.

We dont value marriage, and most somali couples will divorce over dumb stuff due to kibir and pride.

I think there are legit reasons to not marry out, but higher divorce rates isnt one of them.

the biggest reason for me would be having some mixed up kids who look nothing like me, that's daylight robbery.

other than that, marrying out shouldnt be painted so negatively and discouraged.

 

[embarassing]

Somalis divorce each other just as much if we are going to be honest.

We dont value marriage, and most somali couples will divorce over dumb stuff due to kibir and pride.

I think there are legit reasons to not marry out, but higher divorce rates isnt one of them.

the biggest reason for me would be having some mixed up kids who look nothing like me, that's daylight robbery.

other than that, marrying out shouldnt be painted so negatively and discouraged.

Sure, but even after the divorce. With another Somali you don’t have to worry about the children becoming gaal or rejecting or ignoring their Somali lineage. The families can still get involved and communicate if there are any issues. There is cultural understanding.

I’m just saying it’s easier to deal with.

 

[Ferrari]

Sure, but even after the divorce. With another Somali you don’t have to worry about the children becoming gaal or rejecting or ignoring their Somali lineage. The families can still get involved and communicate if there are any issues. There is cultural understanding.

I’m just saying it’s easier to deal with.

That's correct.


People are individuals tho, some will always marry out.

I date out, but i dont plan on ruining my superior Ogaden genes with dirty none Somali genes.

 

[Abdurahman_somali]

Yes but where was this encouraged by the prophet s.a.w so show the links?? Where's the hadith? you just keep mentioning scholars words but that doesnt mean much. Wealth, lineage and social status are things of this world, we are encouraged to leave them behind, you really think allah s.w.t and the prophet cared about wealth and lineage and social status those are the things he spoke against. Allah s.w.t has told us to never seek out wealthy people and it is a sign of greed so your whole statement makes no sense. Why dont you just send the link?

1.) Scholars words are the only words that are important. It is a direct order of the Quran to ask the people of knowledge. If you want medical treatment you don't open a medicine book and treat yourself, you go to someone with knowledge, a doctor, to treat you.

2.) The prophet SCW had 11 wives and expect for two of them who were freed slaves, the other 9 were all from his own tribe Quraysh, i.e. it is his Sunna to marry into your own culture.

 

[embarassing]

That's correct.


People are individuals tho, some will always marry out.

I date out, but i dont plan on ruining my superior Ogaden genes with dirty none Somali genes.

If you date out then you might end up falling in love or more likely knocking someone up and marrying them lool.

I’ve seen it happen many times

Most of the Somali guy + ajnabi marriages I’ve seen started out this way. Shot gun wedding looool.

 

[Ferrari]

If you date out then you might end up falling in love or more likely knocking someone up and marrying them lool.

I’ve seen it happen many times

Most of the Somali guy + ajnabi marriages I’ve seen started out this way. Shot gun wedding looool.

That's why I keep it EA only, not much lost there.

maybe latinas, but with them, i'd just disappear, fake my death or something.

she can go enjoy being a single mom.

 

[embarassing]

That's why I keep it EA only, not much lost there.

maybe latinas, but with them, i'd just disappear, fake my death or something.

she can go enjoy being a single mom.

That is evil, smh.

 

[Jiron]

I think it depends on the person rather than his or her culture, personality is everything. Please be with an individual for the right reasons rather than superficial traits.

 

[Ferrari]

That is evil, smh.

it's a lot less riskier when you are a man.

you dont get pregnant, or deal with babies afterwards.

Thank God.

 

[embarassing]

it's a lot less riskier when you are a man.

you dont get pregnant, or deal with babies afterwards.

Thank God.

Lol yeah that’s not what I meant. It’s one thing not to care about the girl but your own children? That’s evil, I suggest you avoid anything that can have you end up in a situation like that. Stick to your EA’s or Muslims. Your children are your responsibility and you’ll be questioned about them in akhiro.

 

[Ferrari]

Lol yeah that’s not what I meant. It’s one thing not to care about the girl but your own children? That’s evil, I suggest you avoid anything that can have you end up in a situation like that. Stick to your EA’s or Muslims. Your children are your responsibility and you’ll be questioned about them in akhiro.

You should stick to the generals section, you sound completely sane here.

 

[scarecrow]

That’s not something to be proud of, alhamdiilah she has healthy children but her children don’t have self belonging since they have mix heritage and they are not accept in Somali and Dutch community. That’s really sad tbh.

Actually her kids can pass for somali, because she's very dark they don't look your typical half cadaan half somali which is like Italian looking.