Any single women on SSpot feel like this sometimes . .

[The alchemist]

THATS EXACTLY IT!!!!! You took the words right out!

That's the life of every Asian. They are forced to study and get good grades their whole youth, with minimal social skills and no dating experience. They graduate and get a job then their parents expect them to fetch a partner and get a family as soon as possible.

 

[Dibleyy]

1. Make sincere Dua, everything else will fall into place for you and Allah will take care of your affairs.

2. Constantly improve yourself both physically through continuous good diet/exercise, spiritually through learning the religion and psychologically by acquiring knowledge of thyself (to know your own weaknesses and biological predispositions in order to minimise them),

If you do this you become part of the 1% club and completely indispensable, any male of decent quality will immediately recognise you and elevate you above the rest of the brain dead sheeple who only care about outward appearances that fade quick.

3. Never ever approach a guy first, especially at your age, this is something you do when your much more experienced (gone through divorce) or when your in your 30's.

4. The fact that you think of marriage at 22 in the diaspora is wonderful because the majority of your counterparts don't, and as a result they end up like your sisters.

Ignore those who say you are too young, your in your prime right now, take advantage of it, do not let the feminists/careerists fool you because the vast majority of them end up worse then the average single mother that married early both financially, psychologically and emotionally.

I know many of these women who deeply regret pissing away their prime fertile years for a pack of lies and empty dreams that in the majority of cases are never fulfilled, and even in the rare cases when they are fulfilled the emptiness and regrets remains. (they would all trade places with you right now)

5. Being shy or socially awkward is a great sign, it's what all quality male's with experience look for in a woman, it means your chaste and inexperienced, it's your greatest asset, don't look at it as a liability.

Shyness (Hayaa) is part of iman, majority of female's with experience lack this, if a female during courtship looks me directly in the eye with confidence upon first meeting, she is automatically ruled out. (let alone if she approaches me first)

6. Befriend good righteous sisters especially those that are married and older then you, third party introductions are the best because much of the vetting has already been done for you, and it's easier to break the ice this way.

7. If 6 becomes too challenging, place yourself in good environments were quality males congregate (no shiisha bar's, parties or weddings)

But don't act like most entitled females do and walk around with kibir with your nose in the air with an enticing gait, because all you attract with this is either nobody or a low quality male.

But rather walk humbly, smile, appear approachable, send very subtle indirect hint (quick glance with a friendly smile, then look away immediately) this will make the brother confident to approach because he knows the interest is mutual.


8. Learn to get over your childhood frustrations regarding absent father, mum trying to get you with a fob and the rest of the malarky etc.

Allah does not burden a soul with what it can't handle, everyone goes through their own difficulties.

These types of negative feelings if left alone to fester turn into bad character traits which not only turns others off, but is also very self-destructive, it will age you quick and lead to depression down the line.

Best advice ever given! Thank you

 

[Dibleyy]

That's the life of every Asian. They are forced to study and get good grades their whole youth, with minimal social skills and no dating experience. They graduate and get a job then their parents expect them to fetch a partner and get a family as soon as possible.

Did you hear about that asian mother going around her son's college looking for women?

 

[The alchemist]

Did you hear about that asian mother going around her son's college looking for women?

No, I haven't heard of that story. The guy has to carry that memory around. Damn, his mother had no chill.

 

[Halimo-2018]

I'm 27 and my family keep pressuring me to get married and everytime I went back home to Somalia they do family gatherings so i will meet someone but I'm totally not interested. my plan is if I find the right person (liberal person) i will get married but if not i will live my life to the fullest and focus on my career and in future i will adopt somali kids.

Marriage is not that big deal as many people are making it to be. You are very young and you can focus on other things in your life and if the right person come good if not still good too.

Having your own kids is different than adoption.27 is old is no longer a pressure it's a concern lol just joking nothing will compare to having your own family. Best of luck

 

[East side]

No, I haven't heard of that story. The guy has to carry that memory around. Damn, his mother had no chill.

no way lool.....so embarrassing

 

[Emily]

but you just said i am not a xalimo, do you even know somali, emily, your funny,

so your dating a foreigner!

I am a white girl trapped in a habesha girl’s body

 

[Tukraq]

Keep this in mind, maybe why your sisters are struggling now more than before

 

[VixR]

Like you have to lower your standards for a man, just a quick backstory I have five older sisters who are much older than me 10 years+ and 3 are unmarried in their mid 30s. Me being 22, I've been receiving a lot of pressure from my mom to marry quickly but growing up without a real father figure in my life (used me for citizenship and promised to remain close and raise me and then would visit me 2 hours every month and would call me a failure without ever providing or supporting me) I've grown skeptical of men in general, and now my mom keeps finding me these fob guys who either need support into the country or fobs who live here already and both of those raise red flags for me and I told my mom why those wouldn't be good options and she would begin to argue and scream at me when I told her I want to find a good man with a education, open mindedness and maturity someone who I feel wouldn't walk out on me and she told me I was looking for a fairy-tale, WHAT THE f*ck having basic standards is looking for a fairy-tale nowadays?!!! THIS IS COMING FROM A WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GUY WITH A MASTERS DEGREE IN THE 80S IN FUCKING SOMALIA! And you guys can tell me that my moms worried I will become single like my sisters but she's literally done the same thing to them and its not like we have a father to ask. Also alot of Somali guys here (not talking about fobs) are either bums or in school and the ones in school all my life from elementary to even college they dont try to talk to me in a manner of interest EVER, and I honestly have always received more attention from really cute ajnabi guys but im hesitant about that and also im really shy and awkward so I keep my distance afterwards but I find them more attractive and I kinda feel guilty about that and my mom completely disapproves (will do another thread) but any of you girls made to feel like shit like that?

My mom married my father with a PhD. There’s definitely a shortage of quality men walking around. I would say the community’s collective standards have dropped.

It’s ironic bc I have two brothers who both turned out well, meanwhile most of the guys in the community not so much. So, ironically, my parents raised two Somali men (one married to an ajnabi) who were catches for girls in the community, but what I see most when I look around is really a shocking lack of any initiative, or goals, or any real, long-term thinking. I wasn’t interested in the attention I got bc they were too familiar, but I still cared for their ability to do well. You just wonder why. I live in an area that is not a ghetto or anything, so it wasn’t as if the environment was conducive, unless you really went out of your way to join a Hispanic gang in the big city (which some did).

But I wouldn’t lower your standards, especially for marriage to the red-flag FOBs whom you have to support and you don’t even care about, that’s just depressing and a recipe for a failed marriage anyway. If any FOB, it should be one you actually like.

Why not just focus on the guys you receive attention from even if they are Ajnabi? So long as they fit your standards and you’re being smart about it, you should be fine.

It’s not your fault the numbers aren’t in your favor. The fact is, the guys have much higher odds than we do of finding someone decent in the community.

Or maybe try a Somali guy outside where you live. It took an out-of-towner to show me that not all of them are lost or uninteresting lol. But then I’m also comfortable with ajnabis. And Somali guys are mostly out of the picture for me now, anyway.

I actually met a Somali dx recently who was doing a residency at my hospital (a neurosurgeon resident, who is also cute), but I already knew it wouldn’t work out even if he didn’t, but I was just so happy to see a Somali guy doing great. I met his sister and she was also a resident in peds. That just made my whole week. But I’ve opted out from being floated to the neuro unit.

 

[Juuqbuuqluuq]

Somali hablo turn down MANY decent guys through mid 20s(becuz they love the cat mouse chase) then when they hit 30s they panick

 

[roble]

Somali hablo turn down MANY decent guys through mid 20s then when they hit 30s they panick

walahi true , is not some unique to thm,,white,black.asian and hispanic etc all complaining, sounds familiar, all women looking for Mr prince thats not gona show up,and when he not available then every man is junk. on the otha hand these women come up with the usual on how they strong.independent,highly educated that dont really give a fk about relationships as its not worth and rather concentrate on their self esteem. they just keep on whinning but strong hhhh.

 

[nine]

Like you have to lower your standards for a man, just a quick backstory I have five older sisters who are much older than me 10 years+ and 3 are unmarried in their mid 30s. Me being 22, I've been receiving a lot of pressure from my mom to marry quickly but growing up without a real father figure in my life (used me for citizenship and promised to remain close and raise me and then would visit me 2 hours every month and would call me a failure without ever providing or supporting me) I've grown skeptical of men in general, and now my mom keeps finding me these fob guys who either need support into the country or fobs who live here already and both of those raise red flags for me and I told my mom why those wouldn't be good options and she would begin to argue and scream at me when I told her I want to find a good man with a education, open mindedness and maturity someone who I feel wouldn't walk out on me and she told me I was looking for a fairy-tale, WHAT THE f*ck having basic standards is looking for a fairy-tale nowadays?!!! THIS IS COMING FROM A WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GUY WITH A MASTERS DEGREE IN THE 80S IN FUCKING SOMALIA! And you guys can tell me that my moms worried I will become single like my sisters but she's literally done the same thing to them and its not like we have a father to ask. Also alot of Somali guys here (not talking about fobs) are either bums or in school and the ones in school all my life from elementary to even college they dont try to talk to me in a manner of interest EVER, and I honestly have always received more attention from really cute ajnabi guys but im hesitant about that and also im really shy and awkward so I keep my distance afterwards but I find them more attractive and I kinda feel guilty about that and my mom completely disapproves (will do another thread) but any of you girls made to feel like shit like that?

Because gaalo want to date and bang.

Most Somali male students are focusing on their studies and not to settle down.
We are Muslims we don't date and bang through college. If we want a girl, we marry her.

It's not rocket science.

Or do you want to date and get banged for 7 years before John proposes (gaalo)

 

[Tukraq]

My mom married my father with a PhD. There’s definitely a shortage of quality men walking around. I would say the community’s collective standards have dropped.

It’s ironic bc I have two brothers who both turned out well, meanwhile most of the guys in the community not so much. So, ironically, my parents raised two Somali men (one married to an ajnabi) who were catches for girls in the community, but what I see most when I look around is really a shocking lack of any initiative, or goals, or any real, long-term thinking. I wasn’t interested in the attention I got bc they were too familiar, but I still cared for their ability to do well. You just wonder why. I live in an area that is not a ghetto or anything, so it wasn’t as if the environment was conducive, unless you really went out of your way to join a Hispanic gang in the big city (which some did).

But I wouldn’t lower your standards, especially for marriage to the red-flag FOBs whom you have to support and you don’t even care about, that’s just depressing and a recipe for a failed marriage anyway. If any FOB, it should be one you actually like.

Why not just focus on the guys you receive attention from even if they are Ajnabi? So long as they fit your standards and you’re being smart about it, you should be fine.

It’s not your fault the numbers aren’t in your favor. The fact is, the guys have much higher odds than we do of finding someone decent in the community.

Or maybe try a Somali guy outside where you live. It took an out-of-towner to show me that not all of them are lost or uninteresting lol. But then I’m also comfortable with ajnabis. And Somali guys are mostly out of the picture for me now, anyway.

I actually met a Somali dx recently who was doing a residency at my hospital (a neurosurgeon resident, who is also cute), but I already knew it wouldn’t work out even if he didn’t, but I was just so happy to see a Somali guy doing great. I met his sister and she was also a resident in peds. That just made my whole week. But I’ve opted out from being floated to the neuro unit.

How is it easier for men? Seems like your just having a tough time competing for the top 20 percent of men, well the thing is the top 80 percent of women are also competing for the 20 percent so what can you offer to differentiate yourself

 

[HalimaJ]

The men that will expect women to lower their standards are the same men who have high standards despite not bringing much to the table.

Due to pressure from society women already lower their standards, whilst a mediocre or even a man that doesn't have much going from him, expects to be with a woman he regards as being very high quality.

Men, you cannot be telling attractive, practising, intelligent professional women to go for men who are the complete opposite to them.

Instead of telling women to lower their standards how about you pull yourself up and focus on being the best man you can be. Its embarrassing, when I see some the comments.

 

[HalimaJ]

How is it easier for men? Seems like your just having a tough time competing for the top 20 percent of men, well the thing is the top 80 percent of women are also competing for the 20 percent so what can you offer to differentiate yourself

'Top 20%'

The vast majority of decent women are not aiming for millionaires or the like.

What is a top 20% anyway? I'm interested to see what you regard as being the top.

 

[Tukraq]

'Top 20%'

The vast majority of decent women are not aiming for millionaires or the like.

What is a top 20% anyway? I'm interested to see what you regard as being the top.

Millionaires are the top 1 percent as less than one percent of the world is a millionaire, top 20 percent is what most women aim for considering that all women date up its just what they do, the thing is it’s not the same with the top men as they settle, so theirs only a shortage of men if your aiming for that top 20 percent as your getting competition from the top 80 percent of women, men at equal levels to you(unless your in the top 20 percent) are vastly available and there is no shortage

 

[HalimaJ]

Millionaires are the top 1 percent as less than one percent of the world is a millionaire, top 20 percent is what most women aim for considering that all women date up its just what they do, the thing is it’s not the same with the top men as they settle, so theirs only a shortage of men if your aiming for that top 20 percent as your getting competition from the top 80 percent of women, men at equal levels to you(unless your in the top 20 percent) are vastly available and there is no shortage

You didn't answer my question. Describe a top 20% male please.

 

[Tukraq]

You didn't answer my question. Describe a top 20% male please.

In the top 20 percent of males in wealth, attractiveness, success and status, the number is pretty self explanatory, rank all men and the higher end would be the top 20 percent

 

[Molotoff]

Most women have unrealistically high demands when it comes to what they look for in a man. They need to lower their expectations if they dont wish to end up childless living in a one room apartment with their cats in some sleepy suburb.

 

[Mehmet]

Like you have to lower your standards for a man, just a quick backstory I have five older sisters who are much older than me 10 years+ and 3 are unmarried in their mid 30s. Me being 22, I've been receiving a lot of pressure from my mom to marry quickly but growing up without a real father figure in my life (used me for citizenship and promised to remain close and raise me and then would visit me 2 hours every month and would call me a failure without ever providing or supporting me) I've grown skeptical of men in general, and now my mom keeps finding me these fob guys who either need support into the country or fobs who live here already and both of those raise red flags for me and I told my mom why those wouldn't be good options and she would begin to argue and scream at me when I told her I want to find a good man with a education, open mindedness and maturity someone who I feel wouldn't walk out on me and she told me I was looking for a fairy-tale, WHAT THE f*ck having basic standards is looking for a fairy-tale nowadays?!!! THIS IS COMING FROM A WOMAN WHO MARRIED A GUY WITH A MASTERS DEGREE IN THE 80S IN FUCKING SOMALIA! And you guys can tell me that my moms worried I will become single like my sisters but she's literally done the same thing to them and its not like we have a father to ask. Also alot of Somali guys here (not talking about fobs) are either bums or in school and the ones in school all my life from elementary to even college they dont try to talk to me in a manner of interest EVER, and I honestly have always received more attention from really cute ajnabi guys but im hesitant about that and also im really shy and awkward so I keep my distance afterwards but I find them more attractive and I kinda feel guilty about that and my mom completely disapproves (will do another thread) but any of you girls made to feel like shit like that?

Give up on marriage or just marry ajnabis as your sisters should do the same as 22 is even old when you got mid 30s unmarried sisters who probally got 3 years max to get married as somalimen would not even marry over 20 year olds either as the market is always hot for the younger woman/lady