Xaliimo came on YouTube to lament the passage of time. She can’t believe she’s 38 with no kids and husband. She’s very emotional

[Kisame]

A lot of Somalis in the west can’t afford to get married when they’re in their 20s because they have to financially support their parents and younger siblings

Many won’t be thinking about marriage until they’re in their late 20s/early 30s as that’s when the younger siblings will finish school and start helping with the bills

I personally know many Somalis in this position

It's even harder for niggas from low income background to get their shit together.

Niggas don't realize that your zip code/postal code can have an affect on how successful you might end up.

Life is only good for youth that are raised in middle/upper class neighbors and live in good school districts.

 

[Abdirazaq]

Cope & stop regurgitating manosphere talking points.

This is not manosphere talking points .

Are we really at a point now where talking about the realities of female fertility backed up be hard science is a “manosphere talking point” . There really are way too many uniformed people out there, completely oblivious to reality.

 

[Abdirazaq]

Baseless assumptions. I simply don’t think it’s smart for women to air out their personal grievances on public platforms. Nothing good comes out oversharing.

She’s not sharing her sins but her past experiences that she regrets or maybe not who knows? Either way there would be nothing wrong about sharing such experiences in such a situation and letting younger generations know about what’s to come as it at least informs younger people about their potential futures and what steps they wanna take, so yes sometimes good things do come from over sharing.

 

[Abdirazaq]

It is mostly fear mongering and the excessive medicalization of fertility and birth. Both of which I reject. I'd like women to start taking care of themselves young. It will help them in the future. I'm from the alternative health community so already an outlier. I also don't do anything mainstream. And I know how to boost fertility at any age but I'm less inclined to tell men that. I could even help you with your hairline but you seem uppity.

How do you know I’ve been struggling with my hairline you hacking into my devices or something.

But in all seriousness you seem like someone who’s made their life choices and are comfortable with them, so you do you I’m not trying to fear monger people but rather inform people of reality, my comments shouldn’t bother someone like you at all nor do I want it to bother anyone. IMO there’s a reason for the medicalisation of fertility and that’s cause women wanna hold out having kids till later so you don’t really need to reject or accept it if you don’t want kids. No need to let it affect you. And of course being healthy from a young age till older will help your fertility rates, but even that doesn’t get mentioned and is sweeped under the rug.

 

[XawoTako]

Look at my previous comments.

I said being a religious childfree individual would suck and that it would be way better if the individual was either a cultural Muslim or gaal.

Marriage is calaf and everyone has their own timeline. How is cultural Muslim or gaal better than religious childfree?

 

[Lais]

This is not manosphere talking points .

Are we really at a point now where talking about the realities of female fertility backed up be hard science is a “manosphere talking point” . There really are way too many uniformed people out there, completely oblivious to reality.

Bruh mind your business stop womb watching

 

[Abdirazaq]

Bruh mind your business stop womb watching

If a Somali women was advising young men and men in their 20s to stay away from gang culture, get good education, stay away from bad people etc for their futures do you think I would say “stop pocket watching” or something? No of course I wouldn’t say that. I would be so happy that there’s Somali women out there who care about the men in their community and lives. Honestly we need more women to come out and start advising/helping men about how to conduct themselves properly and not just men advising/helping men.

Im tired of the excessive genderisation of everything, as if men and women lived in completely different planets unrelated to each other.

 

[Lais]

If a Somali women was advising young men and men in their 20s to stay away from gang culture, get good education, stay away from bad people etc for their futures do you think I would say “stop pocket watching” or something? No of course I wouldn’t say that. I would be so happy that there’s Somali women out there who care about the men in their community and lives. Honestly we need more women to come out and start advising/helping men about how to conduct themselves properly and not just men advising/helping men.

Im tired of the excessive genderisation of everything, as if men and women lived in completely different planets unrelated to each other.

You have malicious intent.. your advice isn’t sincere. Anyways, everything is calaf just mind your own.

 

[Kisame]

Marriage is calaf and everyone has their own timeline. How is cultural Muslim or gaal better than religious childfree?

The gaal and cultural Muslims childfree ones will have more dating prospects than religious ones.

 

[Sophisticate]

How do you know I’ve been struggling with my hairline you hacking into my devices or something.

But in all seriousness you seem like someone who’s made their life choices and are comfortable with them, so you do you I’m not trying to fear monger people but rather inform people of reality, my comments shouldn’t bother someone like you at all nor do I want it to bother anyone. IMO there’s a reason for the medicalisation of fertility and that’s cause women wanna hold out having kids till later so you don’t really need to reject or accept it if you don’t want kids. No need to let it affect you. And of course being healthy from a young age till older will help your fertility rates, but even that doesn’t get mentioned and is sweeped under the rug.

The reason for medicalization of fertility has more to do with creating panic in women under 35. Make them freeze their eggs, pay the real estate and what have you. Its a business above all else. If it makes them feel comfortable. Go right ahead. Though I'd love to see what a decline in fertility looks like for women specifically. Each one being different. Does it take you 3 months, 6 months or 12 months to get pregnant at age X relative to them at age Y. What is it exactly? How come no one teaches them how to improve their gamete quality?

 

[Kisame]

If a Somali women was advising young men and men in their 20s to stay away from gang culture, get good education, stay away from bad people etc for their futures do you think I would say “stop pocket watching” or something? No of course I wouldn’t say that. I would be so happy that there’s Somali women out there who care about the men in their community and lives. Honestly we need more women to come out and start advising/helping men about how to conduct themselves properly and not just men advising/helping men.

Im tired of the excessive genderisation of everything, as if men and women lived in completely different planets unrelated to each other.

"Honestly we need more women to come out and start advising/helping men about how to conduct themselves properly and not just men advising/helping men"

Tf

Which women are you talking about exactly???

These niggas don't need women to tell them to stop bumming bruh.

 

[Abdirazaq]

You have malicious intent.. your advice isn’t sincere. Anyways, everything is calaf just mind your own.

Yeah, accuse me of something you have no idea of. That’ll help your point.

Everything being calaf means me advising other people about the reality of fertility is also Calaf and hopefully inshallah people become more educated on the topic and are more informed of their decisions as they get older.

Calaf doesn’t mean “oh today I won’t pray and if I didn’t pray that was Calaf” that’s not how things work.

 

[Lais]

The gaal and cultural Muslims childfree ones will have more dating prospects than religious ones.

Exactly

 

[Abdirazaq]

The reason for medicalization of fertility has more to do with creating panic in women under 35. Make them freeze their eggs, pay the real estate and what have you. It’s a business above all else. If it makes them feel comfortable. Go right ahead. Though I'd love to see what a decline in fertility looks like for women specifically. Each one being different. Does it take you 3 months, 6 months or 12 months to get pregnant at age X relative to them at age Y. What is it exactly? How come no one teaches them how to improve their gamete quality?

Can a women improve their gamete’s over time? Pretty sure they’re only consistently going to get worse over time as women are born with them and no new ones are ever created.

 

[Angelina]

You just said “she should hide away her very serious pain cause a bunch of not very nice groups will use it against her and women in general”. This shows me you’re not concerned about her or older uninformed women and their reality about fertility but concerned about people attacking women which makes you feel that you get hit by the crosshairs.

You probably already got kids or if you’re young you’re planning to have your first before 30. It seems like you don’t care if others suffer in silence as long as some group somewhere doesn't take some issue tangentially pertaining to you and makes you feel insecure about it even if you’ll be fine regardless.

I actually agree with that poster. The unfortunate reality is that a lot of men are sick and are unable to see beyond their one entitlement and anger of being rejected by certain women in their past.

The thing is I know plenty of unmarried women in their 30s and understand their struggles immensely, I too married pretty late and wasn’t that shy of 30, and I have a full circle of married, unmarried and engaged women in that age group and hardly any of them envisioned this or had that gaal mentality of enjoying life. Most were on the look out by 25 and were open to marriage by that age.

Most Somali women aren’t uniformed about fertility and know full well. We have Somali mum, aunts and the list continues who give us that reality check, but the biggest issue is that many frustrated men don’t understand the concept of calaf or don’t understand that the same ways they too sometimes struggle finding a decent match, so do women. Women’s humanity isn’t acknowledged and many silly men seem to think that women should marry anyone and lower their standards whilst simultaneously bashing the women who do just that and cry about being mistreated or dealing with the baggage of single motherhood.

The thing is due to intense misogyny and sad men who are haunted by their own undesirability, online isn’t a safe space for these women to explore this.

 

[Sophisticate]

Can a women improve their gamete’s over time? Pretty sure they’re only consistently going to get worse over time as women are born with them and no new ones are ever created.

Quantity; no. Quality; yes. If you think lifestyle does nothing. Nor adjusting for hormonal imbalances than you aren't in the know.

 

[Abdirazaq]

"Honestly we need more women to come out and start advising/helping men about how to conduct themselves properly and not just men advising/helping men"

Tf

Which women are you talking about exactly???

These niggas don't need women to tell them to stop bumming bruh.

They think they’re living the good life while young and they feel the joy of the fast life but not enough men tell them it won’t last let alone women telling them anything.

 

[Kisame]

If I'm single and childfree by 40 I'mma just stay a bachelor and just live life as a sugar daddy.

Might enter a relationship if I get bored but won't remain faithful. By 50 a bunch of divorced single moms with kids in college will be available for me to date if I'm ever lonely. Won't have to take care of any annoying ass kids either.


I got me a plan fellas.

 

[Abdirazaq]

I actually agree with that poster. The unfortunate reality is that a lot of men are sick and are unable to see beyond their one entitlement and anger of being rejected by certain women in their past.

The thing is I know plenty of unmarried women in their 30s and understand their struggles immensely, I too married pretty late and wasn’t that shy of 30, and I have a full circle of married, unmarried and engaged women in that age group and hardly any of them envisioned this or had that gaal mentality of enjoying life. Most were on the look out by 25 and were open to marriage by that age.

Most Somali women aren’t uniformed about fertility and know full well. We have Somali mum, aunts and the list continues who give us that reality check, but the biggest issue is that many frustrated men don’t understand the concept of calaf or don’t understand that the same ways they too sometimes struggle finding a decent match, so do women. Women’s humanity isn’t acknowledged and many silly men seem to think that women should marry anyone and lower their standards whilst simultaneously bashing the women who do just that and cry about being mistreated or dealing with the baggage of single motherhood.

The thing is due to intense misogyny and sad men who are haunted by their own undesirability, online isn’t a safe space for these women to explore this.

Yeah, I’ve personally seen good pious Somali women who’ve hit 30+ whom I’m related to struggle with finding a partner they can invest in and create a future with, while their peers continue to get married making them feel stranded and lonely. These women don’t even have particularly “high” standards either, it’s just that they find it hard to find someone in the first place due to them being invisible or miskeen but there’s also some uniformed people who think it’s fine to wait it out cause so and so didn’t get married and have kids until X age and others who are paying for their parents or even those who are engaged but their partner doesn’t seem to be taking things seriously.

in the end of the day, I’m not going to come up to the sisters in my community and family and tell them the realities of their situation, either they already know and are suffering in silence or they’re uniformed and the first people who should speak to them is other females in their families. It’s easier to do it online as gender players less of a role here. Thank you for being the first person in this post who’s educated in this topic as it pertains to the Somali community specifically, and understand the struggles that these women go through.

 

[Ladylike]

I am 35 this year alhamdulilah I don’t feel the pressure to have kids I want marriage stable marriage and I am working on that. I have too many nieces and nephews that I love to death they fill the gap for me for now i give my love to them and spoil them like hell. As far as my own kids that for Allah to decide I refuse to stress over that I will have them if Allah wills I want to plan them with my future hubby nor will I birth 10 kids nope. Maybe 2 or 3 then am done. Ladies never let anyone stress you out if they intrude tell them ask Allah and walk away.