Xaliimo came on YouTube to lament the passage of time. She can’t believe she’s 38 with no kids and husband. She’s very emotional

Quantity; no. Quality; yes. If you think lifestyle does nothing. Nor adjusting for hormonal imbalances than you aren't in the know.
I think you mean extending length of time for the quality of already good eggs rather than improving eggs where the DNA has already degraded.
 
I am 35 this year alhamdulilah I don’t feel the pressure to have kids I want marriage stable marriage and I am working on that. I have too many nieces and nephews that I love to death they fill the gap for me for now i give my love to them and spoil them like hell. As far as my own kids that for Allah to decide I refuse to stress over that I will have them if Allah wills I want to plan them with my future hubby nor will I birth 10 kids nope. Maybe 2 or 3 then am done. Ladies never let anyone stress you out if they intrude tell them ask Allah and walk away.
Hate to break it to you, but if you planning to have kids it's best to plan sooner rather than later

Time flies and 35 is not young for a female at all biologically speaking, there is still time no need rush but clock is ticking
 
I am 35 this year alhamdulilah I don’t feel the pressure to have kids I want marriage stable marriage and I am working on that. I have too many nieces and nephews that I love to death they fill the gap for me for now i give my love to them and spoil them like hell. As far as my own kids that for Allah to decide I refuse to stress over that I will have them if Allah wills I want to plan them with my future hubby nor will I birth 10 kids nope. Maybe 2 or 3 then am done. Ladies never let anyone stress you out if they intrude tell them ask Allah and walk away.
As long as you’re working on it and making Dua there’s nothing more you can do and if it doesn’t happen then it was Qadr Allah

May Allah SWT provide you with a loving husband and the children you desire.
 
Could only watch part one. May Allah help her.

I don’t think posting this vulnerable info was the best thing to do though. The internet isn’t the place to vent or show anything that can be considered as a weakness. There’s people that get gleeful watching someone else’s pain.
 
Yeah, I’ve personally seen good pious Somali women who’ve hit 30+ whom I’m related to struggle with finding a partner they can invest in and create a future with, while their peers continue to get married making them feel stranded and lonely. These women don’t even have particularly “high” standards either, it’s just that they find it hard to find someone in the first place due to them being invisible or miskeen but there’s also some uniformed people who think it’s fine to wait it out cause so and so didn’t get married and have kids until X age and others who are paying for their parents or even those who are engaged but their partner doesn’t seem to be taking things seriously.
It’s a mixed bag and many women don’t marry for a multitude of reasons. In many of the cases are simply because of lack of accessibility and help in the Somali community. Age isn’t even a factor since fob women who are surrounded by Faraxs or women who are social butterflies marry at any age and you have women with kids from previous relationships and in their 30s marrying for a second time.

Also, this isn’t going to sit well with many men but it’s also a numbers game. We have a lot of dysfunctionality and many of our boys have paid the price due to the lack of awareness of raising kids in the Western world.
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In certain areas there might not be enough men to be a match for Somali girls and a lack of a community that invests in matchmaking also leads to this. Its contributed to many women and men not finding those that would be an optimal partner. I’ve also seen decent men feel this as they hardly see decent Somali girls due to only going to work, hang out with family and their male friends.

I’m being honest here. Most girls that marry early, were dating earlier and put themselves out there more. It’s 2024 and Somalis don’t have arranged marriages, hence the average Farax isn’t knocking on the door of a woman that doesn’t try and get to people.

in the end of the day, I’m not going to come up to the sisters in my community and family and tell them the realities of their situation, either they already know and are suffering in silence or they’re uniformed and the first people who should speak to them is other females in their families. It’s easier to do it online as gender players less of a role here.
I have no issues with those women speaking about it, but this dialogue whilst needed will be fruitless since we have a lot of men grappling with their undesirability or difficulties in marriage and instead of relating or feeling for the sister, they’ll tear her apart even more and women in those circumstances will feel even more alone and maybe even resentful.
Thank you for being the first person in this post who’s educated in this topic as it pertains to the Somali community specifically, and understand the struggles that these women go through.
Thanks for your acknowledgment and respect in this debate. I think both Western Somali men and women are struggling and we do have a lot of community issues and we need to start listening to each other instead ripping each other into shreds.
 

attash

Amaan Duule
The only men that are gleeful at these kind of topics, are those that get turned down by women in their 20s, so they wait until a woman is single in her 30's, to make fun of her. Little do they know, that by 30s, these women are even happier being single, more financially stable and have even higher standards.

And yes, plenty of sisters, get married in their late 30s, 40s, and have healthy children.

Joke is on you weirdos, because nobody is lowering the price or standards at any age. The lady you couldn't get when she was 20, will never even look at you in her 30s, 40s, hell xataa with one foot in the grave. :manny:
Massive cope. 😂
 
Serious question, forget all that standards stuff. Are you seriously gonna risk it by getting married in your late 30s and try having kids by then? Cause people who give this advice are the same ones who are educated enough to know the realities of female fertility and don’t take those risks, or if not they’re rich and smart enough to know they’ll freeze their eggs while they’re still in their early 30s/20s and use a surrogate mother if need be or use IVF for themselves.

Just saying if you’re going to give out this advice to women I wanna see you live by it.


Did I tell women to marry late? Women should marry who they want to marry and not lower their standards. As for fertility, that is a gift/test from Allah, plenty of young men and women, are infertile.
 
How's life as a somali in turkey?
I've never lived there but I visited 2-3 years ago so take this with a grain of salt, but from what I experienced and the experience of two family members, Somalis are unironically the Mexicans of Turkey. They are aware of us, there's a large population that go to Turkey for school / work / general social mobility. The Turkish govt claims there's a big problem with Somalis staying past their visas, so they have military forces that will stop and question Somalis to see if they have papers. My cousin had this happen one evening, he ran into a pretty bad turk who dumped the bag he had with luggage in it, and upon seeing the Canadian passport, apologized profusely and started shoveling the clothes back in the back. My other cousin, a native born Somali who was studying in turkey at the time is the one who informed of the visa issues. Additionally, Turks are straight up racist by and large, and they people who live in cities like Istanbul or Ankara know Somalis are a "problem". Don't get me wrong it doesn't mean niggas are turning you away from shops, but the conduct of some Turks will be shocking.

On my plane ride from turkey to somalia (plane full of Somalis, Turkish airline and plane staff) on arrival to somalia there was a delay in exiting the plane. Naturally some people were asking questions about the situation, since we were at the airport but asked to stay on. The plane staff treated the people asking questions like toddlers. One native Somali nigga was not having it, and no word of a lie stood ten toes down and started saying shit like "you can't talk to us like that, that's racism". They didn't give asf

Most Turks are reasonable and don't care about Somalis, but there are some fuckheads and Somalis aren't just black people there, they know us. If you get the chance to visit or live there it still worthwhile, the ratio of western influence to islamic influence is good to see and experience, gives something to measure against back home (western countries and somalia)
 

Sophisticate

~Gallantly Gadabuursi~
Staff Member
It's fine. You can type out what you really think
Bald and seems a little neurodivergent.
I think you mean extending length of time for the quality of already good eggs rather than improving eggs where the DNA has already degraded.
Well anything you don't take care of degrades. The question should be why have you resigned yourself to a do-nothing miserable mentality. I certainly doubt you are filtering your water from plastics and industrial pollutants, avoiding soy, reducing EMF exposure or even supporting lymphatic drainage. I could probably provide a long list of ways you could improve your gametes but I doubt you'd listen. :ftw9nwa: Children inherit your gut microbiome and I see no men taking prenatal vitamins or making changes to their lifestyle before kids. They just produce misbehaving brats with lopsided heads (a sign of vitamin deficiency) that they saddle their wives with.
 
Bald and seems a little neurodivergent.

Well anything you don't take care of degrades. The question should be why have you resigned yourself to a do-nothing miserable mentality. I certainly doubt you are filtering your water from plastics and industrial pollutants, avoiding soy, reducing EMF exposure or even supporting lymphatic drainage. I could probably provide a long list of ways you could improve your gametes but I doubt you'd listen. :ftw9nwa: Children inherit your gut microbiome and I see no men taking prenatal vitamins or making changes to their lifestyle before kids. They just produce misbehaving brats with lopsided heads (a sign of vitamin deficiency) that they saddle their wives with.
Wallahi wa iga qoslisay 🤣
 

Abaq

VIP
I actually agree with that poster. The unfortunate reality is that a lot of men are sick and are unable to see beyond their one entitlement and anger of being rejected by certain women in their past.

The thing is I know plenty of unmarried women in their 30s and understand their struggles immensely, I too married pretty late and wasn’t that shy of 30, and I have a full circle of married, unmarried and engaged women in that age group and hardly any of them envisioned this or had that gaal mentality of enjoying life. Most were on the look out by 25 and were open to marriage by that age.

Most Somali women aren’t uniformed about fertility and know full well. We have Somali mum, aunts and the list continues who give us that reality check, but the biggest issue is that many frustrated men don’t understand the concept of calaf or don’t understand that the same ways they too sometimes struggle finding a decent match, so do women. Women’s humanity isn’t acknowledged and many silly men seem to think that women should marry anyone and lower their standards whilst simultaneously bashing the women who do just that and cry about being mistreated or dealing with the baggage of single motherhood.

The thing is due to intense misogyny and sad men who are haunted by their own undesirability, online isn’t a safe space for these women to explore this.
For once a decent response to these kinda topics. Most decent men and women that reach their 30s unmarried isn't due to a gaal mentality or lack of trying, it's because they are trying to find someone compatible and at their level. Now, there might be an argument that they might be too picky, but that doesn't mean they wanted to 'have fun'.

I think the real issue in our community, especially in the West, is a lack of exposure between potential couples. I know plenty of good, well educated guys with decent jobs that struggled to find a spouse because there was simply no exposure between them and the kind of girls they wanted. And relying on friends/family to recommend someone can only take you so far and no one really knows what you want except yourself. Ironically, they had more success finding someone at networking events. I went to such an event last year and you could see just how badly the young guys and girls needed it, it was like one mad speed dating event lol. This is the area I think we need to put our efforts on, creating more spaces for young, educated males and females from our community to meet.
 

Abaq

VIP
It’s a mixed bag and many women don’t marry for a multitude of reasons. In many of the cases are simply because of lack of accessibility and help in the Somali community. Age isn’t even a factor since fob women who are surrounded by Faraxs or women who are social butterflies marry at any age and you have women with kids from previous relationships and in their 30s marrying for a second time.

Also, this isn’t going to sit well with many men but it’s also a numbers game. We have a lot of dysfunctionality and many of our boys have paid the price due to the lack of awareness of raising kids in the Western world.
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In certain areas there might not be enough men to be a match for Somali girls and a lack of a community that invests in matchmaking also leads to this. Its contributed to many women and men not finding those that would be an optimal partner. I’ve also seen decent men feel this as they hardly see decent Somali girls due to only going to work, hang out with family and their male friends.

I’m being honest here. Most girls that marry early, were dating earlier and put themselves out there more. It’s 2024 and Somalis don’t have arranged marriages, hence the average Farax isn’t knocking on the door of a woman that doesn’t try and get to people.


I have no issues with those women speaking about it, but this dialogue whilst needed will be fruitless since we have a lot of men grappling with their undesirability or difficulties in marriage and instead of relating or feeling for the sister, they’ll tear her apart even more and women in those circumstances will feel even more alone and maybe even resentful.

Thanks for your acknowledgment and respect in this debate. I think both Western Somali men and women are struggling and we do have a lot of community issues and we need to start listening to each other instead ripping each other into shreds.
You should start a podcast sister. You've hit the nail on the head.

I went to a wedding in a certain European country with a small Somali community a few months ago. A lot of young educated, religious brothers from other countries with larger diasporas attended the Wedding. The local dads were practically harassing the boys for their numbers. Why? They all had good, educated daughters at home and they were struggling to find husbands.

The percentage of good, well educated, religious boys in our community is smaller than the percentage of similar girls due to the issues you highlighted. This already makes it an uphill task for sisters to find someone suitable. On top of that, we have no matchmaking system to speak off at all. When you have a shy, quiet girl that doesn't go out much, you practically guarantee her being invisible. No visibility = no chances for meeting someone suitable.

What we really need is a matchmaking culture. If that means aunties in the area recommending good guys and girls to each other, so be it. The current hands off approach is creating an unfair situation for many sisters and a lot of good guys as well.
 
Most do not want a liter of children. Fertility dips but it is very individual. If you have regular cycles, were health conscious during your peak child bearing years, did not undergo drastic weight flucuations. Then you should be fine. My cousin got married at 40 and had five kids naturally. She's certainly a 10 and still looks young at 55. And is married to a man with money. So the question I have is why disparage women who aren't doing anything wrong as in not commiting Zina. You guys seem more obsessed with female fertility than they are. As though you have a womb.


I know someone who got married in her late 30s, her husband is around her age, and she had a child, naturally. I think we all have similar stories to share. And every single one of those women has no regrets, even though they did want to marry earlier in life. I think we need to share more of these stories, to counter-act the barrage of false information and fear-mongering from bitter men.
 
You should start a podcast sister. You've hit the nail on the head.I went to a wedding in a certain European country with a small Somali community a few months ago. A lot of young educated, religious brothers from other countries with larger diasporas attended the Wedding. The local dads were practically harassing the boys for their numbers. Why? They all had good, educated daughters at home and they were struggling to find husbands.

The percentage of good, well educated, religious boys in our community is smaller than the percentage of similar girls due to the issues you highlighted. This already makes it an uphill task for sisters to find someone suitable. On top of that, we have no matchmaking system to speak off at all. When you have a shy, quiet girl that doesn't go out much, you practically guarantee her being invisible. No visibility = no chances for meeting someone suitable.

What we really need is a matchmaking culture. If that means aunties in the area recommending good guys and girls to each other, so be it. The current hands off approach is creating an unfair situation for many sisters and a lot of good guys as well.


From what I've observed, being friends with match-makers, and overhearing plenty of conversations with frustrated aunties. Every Somali aunty knows plenty of single, eligible ladies, the truth is, single Somali males are the ones who aren't putting themselves out there, and not informing their families to find them suitable matches. I know of people who are trying to do match-making, but they can't find men, and their clients are mostly women.

Somali girls are already aware of and involved in match-making culture, in fact, every Somali girl I know gets introduced to socially awkward guys or fobs (who want inaa la soo dhoofiyo), instead of eligible bachelors. Furthermore, eligible bachelors, seem to dislike being matched by their families, and prefer to find women themselves. Maybe they prefer using apps? I know those apps are being abandoned by normal Somali women, after being harassed by Hindi and perverts.
 
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