Would you guys marry a single mother ?

[Amk]

If we look at the hadith (shown below), which is included in that link that you referenced, and then try to digest it, we can get several things that have relevance here: 1) Age of Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (ra); 2) age of his sisters; 3) age of the previously married woman; 4) virgin woman; 5) the concern that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (ra) that he had for his sisters;

On the first point, the Prophet (ra) asked him why didn't he marry a virgin. In my view, Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (ra) may have been a younger man, and the Prophet (scw) was recommending him to marry a younger woman. The virgin here could be understood as someone who is much younger.

On the second point, Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (ra) wanted a wifey who is very mature (#3) that can provide guidance to his sisters. This is where the age and maturity of the woman that he was marrying was very relevant. It also explains that the virgin referenced (#4) here is about age because if a Muslima never married but an older age, she is still a virgin. So why then the sahabi Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (ra) wouldn't go for an older woman who has never been married? She is a virgin if we take it the way you see it, so why didn't he go for it? Due to her age, experience, and knowledge in the deen, she could've raised those girls while she was a virgin, so why didn't he go for a woman who fits in all of that if the intention is to find a woman who is never been married?

This is where we need to understand that the virgin referenced here isn't about a woman who has never married before only and of course didn't have an intercourse; the virgin here is a young girl. And it does indicate to me Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (ra) was a younger man who needed a mature woman who could provide guidance and take care of his sisters. In other words, he needed a much older woman than a younger man - who is being recorded the hadith as "virgin".

Third, the Prophet (scw) told him “You did the right thing" by marrying a mature woman who can provide a motherly figure to his sisters here. Again, age and maturity does have a relevance here. The Prophet (scw) also make dua for Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (ra): "He said, 'May Allaah bless you,' or he said good words to me. "

Finally, the Prophet (scw) also stated "For women may be married for their religious commitment, their wealth or their beauty. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” At the end, women's eman and her religious commitment has far greater importance than her being virgin, divorced, or widowed. There that your "mustahab for virginity" is overtaken by the woman's eman and piousness.

Bruv this is all waffle.
Age doesnt matter, its about a woman being already experienced in her marriage making her more suited to manage 9 of his sisters.
If you ask any scholar they will tell you it is prefered to marry a virgin woman.

The Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said; “You should marry virgin ladies as they are sweet in speech and bearer of more children and they feel contented with a little
Ibn Maajah in his Sunan. Al-Albaani: Hasan

 

[Man with a garuun]

Bruv this is all waffle.
Age doesnt matter, its about a woman being already experienced in her marriage making her more suited to manage 9 of his sisters.
If you ask any scholar they will tell you it is prefered to marry a virgin woman.

The Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said; “You should marry virgin ladies as they are sweet in speech and bearer of more children and they feel contented with a little
Ibn Maajah in his Sunan. Al-Albaani: Hasan

The virgin referenced here is about younger women who could give you more children. That is what it means. I went into detail about hadith, but when marrying a woman, her eman and religious commitment have far greater importance than anything else. Being fixated on "virginity" beats the whole purpose of choosing a suitable wife. For instance, a woman could be in older age, mature, can raise kids and guide them, but could never have married.Such woman is still a virgin.

But if we look at the hadith, "You should marry virgin ladies as they are sweet in speech and bearer of more children and they feel contented with a little," what is referred here is a young woman. However, still a woman with an eman and religious commitment takes precedence over some virgin who is sweet and young. In marriage, it is piousness and commitment to Islam that has priority than anything else.

Man, I made my point and am done with this thread. My positions are clear. So I should end it here. Have a good day.

 

[Amk]

The virgin referenced here is about younger women who could give you more children. That is what it means. I went into detail about hadith, but when marrying a woman, her eman and religious commitment have far greater importance than anything else. Being fixated on "virginity" beats the whole purpose of choosing a suitable wife. For instance, a woman could be in older age, mature, can raise kids and guide them, but could never have married.Such woman is still a virgin.

But if we look at the hadith, "You should marry virgin ladies as they are sweet in speech and bearer of more children and they feel contented with a little," what is referred here is a young woman. However, still a woman with an eman and religious commitment takes precedence over some virgin who is sweet and young. In marriage, it is piousness and commitment to Islam that has priority than anything else.

Man, I made my point and am done with this thread. My positions are clear. So I should end it here. Have a good day.

The prophet ﷺ said virgin not young. You can be young and divorced.
Your just going against a hadith to prove ur points now, its embarrassing

 

[Man with a garuun]

The prophet ﷺ said virgin not young. You can be young and divorced.
Your just going against a hadith to prove ur points now, its embarrassing

I'm not against the hadith; I am against your interpretation and fixation on "virginity". You failed to digest the whole meaning of the hadith.

You also disregard part of the hadith that stated "For women may be married for their religious commitment, their wealth or their beauty. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”

So what is the point of going in circles with a fella who just fixated on one thing while he disregards other part of the hadith? My reasoning is very obvious for anyone who is willing to listen.

Fyi, reasoning with literalists is like talking to a wall. it is a futile exercise to reason with such group of people, so I call it a day.

 

[WiilkaGedo]

Only a virgin single mum

 

[Amk]

I'm not against the hadith; I am against your interpretation and fixation on "virginity". You failed to digest the whole meaning of the hadith.

You also disregard part of the hadith that stated "For women may be married for their religious commitment, their wealth or their beauty. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”

So what is the point of going in circles with a fella who just fixated on one thing while he disregards other part of the hadith? My reasoning is very obvious for anyone who is willing to listen.

Fyi, reasoning with literalists is like talking to a wall. it is a futile exercise to reason with such group of people, so I call it a day.

The hadith clearly mentioned virgins, not young women. if u have an option between 2 women, of equal religiousity, one virgin, and one not, u always pick the virgin, bc it is mustahab.

The meaning behind the hadith is clear, literally the prophet ﷺ said Aaishah was his favourite wife bc she was a virgin b4 marriage. Im sticking to my stance with evidence but ur trying tp reinterpret everything to be right.

 

[Sophisticate]

There is a general preference toward individuals with less life experience and fewer logistical complexities (i.e. co-parenting). I've never been married hence no children obviously so I would rather marry a younger man than a divorced one with a child. And you know how much I steer clear of younger uppity Abdis.

The best option is an older never married man. But sometimes they are dull and less animated. Where is the joie de vivre?

I'd imagine all they would do is knit all day and take a blue pill for some night owl RPG?

 

[Peache]

If you would marry a single how old the would the kid be max and what age should you be less picky ?

I’m going to be honest and say as a divorced single mother of one child…

DONT DO IT. Unless you as the man are divorced as well and have a child of your own then go ahead.

I’ve gotten shit for saying this, and of course every single divorced mother is different but please take this into consideration.

We don’t talk about the drawbacks enough about dating single parents when you don’t got children of your own.

And this is coming from a woman:

Number 1: the child will most likely give you attitude and most mothers will not allow you to discipline them.
Imagine raising a child that ain’t yours only for them to say one day: you ain’t my abo!! I can do what I want.

Number 2: unless the husband is dead or in a whole different country ( my ex is in Somalia still ), it’ll be hard to have to deal with her still being in close contact with the ex husband.
Will you be ok with her and the ex hanging out while they chat about their child ? Will you be that secure and confident in yourself that she and him won’t do anything ? I’ve heard of horror stories of these situations so be mindful of this.

Number 3: it’s haasid to say but I just don’t think a man who don’t got children and has never been married should take care of a child that isn’t his. She may also be still stuck on her ex and compare you to him. Don’t drag me please lol

Number 4: most men may not know this but in some states (Idk about Canada ), they may make you pay child support for the child even if it isn’t yours. Subhanallah imagine having to pay your money for a kid that isn’t your seed. When you break up with her, she can go to the courts and demand this and men have gone to prison refusing to do so.

Number 5: VERY IMPORTANT MEN. She may say to you that she don’t want any more kids and you marry her thinking ok she doesn’t want kids for now, and she may get pregnant on purpose thus trapping you.
It’s happened to a male relative of mine who got with a single mother, and he made her promise that she wouldn’t have any more children, since he had kids who were grown and didn’t want to go back to raising babies.
She said she didn’t want more kids either and immediately into the marriage, stopped taking birth control and had a baby and thus he’s raising more kids he didn’t want. He did admit to me that he should’ve been more careful and not believed her when she said she was taking her pills, and take precautions as a man.

Overall, men without kids marry woman without kids and vice versa.

End of my Ted talk and please don’t drag me ladies lol.

 

[Peache]

Most people don’t want to raise kids that are not theirs. People are just more honest online. In real life I would tell you offcourse. Kids are blessing and keep it moving.

Lmaoooooo we truly are more honest online. But in person, single moms are amazing, I’ll love her kid as my own.

 

[Peache]

some guys specifically seek out single mothers to take advantage of them lol those women probably stopped getting attention for a long time so when they see a guy giving them attention they go crazy also they already have a house so the guy doesnt have to really provide and most times the guys want to make them second wives

This is a great point you made and this is the reason I’ll stay single and co parent with my sons father who lives in Africa ( he is planning to be sponsored to the states with his brother inshalalh ), but single moms need to protect their children !

They are sick people out here and men watch out for the ladies that immediately show their kids to you without thinking about it.
Subhanallah there are a lot of men who will go after single moms cause she has welfare money and they see them as easy targets for easy jiggy jiggy and women who are lonely.

And also see them as the second or third wife option as well.

 

[Peache]

Your wife's son is much closer to you than any other inlaw. That is what you gotta understand.

Besides, making statements like "I'm not some pathetic meal ticket cùnt" clearly shows that you're a stingy guy. Fyi, I'm about to marry a woman with a son, and maasha'Allah he'll get treated as my own son. That is what a real man oughtta do. And I aint stingy when it comes to my wife, her children from a former marriage, and her other immediate family members.

Bless you, and mashallah your a good man.

I want to stress that when marrying a single mother with a child ( one at the most ), it’s important to see if she doesn’t have any anger to her ex, cause she will make comparisons to you as well, and if her child is well behaved and to see if she a good mother overall.
Good luck to your marriage to her, and inshallah everything will go well.

 

[Peache]

There is much reward about raising orphans of widowed women. If the dad is still around than it would not be appropriate to raise those children as they can turn on you as quick as a sleight of hand. Disciplining them would also be a headache as you will not maintaining ultimate authority.

“Garoob gabar wadataa guurso”

Can I honestly ask why some people get triggered if someone who has no children themsleves doesn’t want that for themselves ?

My uncle recently told me how depressed he got when the kids ( who weren’t his ) that he raised eventually turned on him and used the, “well your not my abo” approach on him.

He said that he wishes more men who go into relationships like that would stop and think about it first.

 

[solo_man]

This is a great point you made and this is the reason I’ll stay single and co parent with my sons father who lives in Africa ( he is planning to be sponsored to the states with his brother inshalalh ), but single moms need to protect their children !

They are sick people out here and men watch out for the ladies that immediately show their kids to you without thinking about it.
Subhanallah there are a lot of men who will go after single moms cause she has welfare money and they see them as easy targets for easy jiggy jiggy and women who are lonely.

And also see them as the second or third wife option as well.

but not all men are like that though some good men who want to look after women

 

[karkaar]

I've heard guys say they would be more accepting of a single mother with daughters than sons which is such a red flag, they sound so predatory. They would justify it by saying boys are harder to raise and how they would possibly try to fight them ( like they're wild animals or something). Just your typical extremely illogical and asinine way of thinking.

ive heard an older somali man say that its best to marry a woman that has one daughter who's like 7 or so, that way hoyada markaad caruur ka dhashid gabada wey ula korin doonta and she'll treat the kids as her full siblings.

 

[En_Sabah Nur]

I’m going to be honest and say as a divorced single mother of one child…

DONT DO IT. Unless you as the man are divorced as well and have a child of your own then go ahead.

I’ve gotten shit for saying this, and of course every single divorced mother is different but please take this into consideration.

We don’t talk about the drawbacks enough about dating single parents when you don’t got children of your own.

And this is coming from a woman:

Number 1: the child will most likely give you attitude and most mothers will not allow you to discipline them.
Imagine raising a child that ain’t yours only for them to say one day: you ain’t my abo!! I can do what I want.

Number 2: unless the husband is dead or in a whole different country ( my ex is in Somalia still ), it’ll be hard to have to deal with her still being in close contact with the ex husband.
Will you be ok with her and the ex hanging out while they chat about their child ? Will you be that secure and confident in yourself that she and him won’t do anything ? I’ve heard of horror stories of these situations so be mindful of this.

Number 3: it’s haasid to say but I just don’t think a man who don’t got children and has never been married should take care of a child that isn’t his. She may also be still stuck on her ex and compare you to him. Don’t drag me please lol

Number 4: most men may not know this but in some states (Idk about Canada ), they may make you pay child support for the child even if it isn’t yours. Subhanallah imagine having to pay your money for a kid that isn’t your seed. When you break up with her, she can go to the courts and demand this and men have gone to prison refusing to do so.

Number 5: VERY IMPORTANT MEN. She may say to you that she don’t want any more kids and you marry her thinking ok she doesn’t want kids for now, and she may get pregnant on purpose thus trapping you.
It’s happened to a male relative of mine who got with a single mother, and he made her promise that she wouldn’t have any more children, since he had kids who were grown and didn’t want to go back to raising babies.
She said she didn’t want more kids either and immediately into the marriage, stopped taking birth control and had a baby and thus he’s raising more kids he didn’t want. He did admit to me that he should’ve been more careful and not believed her when she said she was taking her pills, and take precautions as a man.

Overall, men without kids marry woman without kids and vice versa.

End of my Ted talk and please don’t drag me ladies lol.

Good advice. Women like you with life experience are more practical than the feminist crowd

 

[Kanan]

But nowhere does it say that marrying divorced/widowed women isn't a good deed especially since you're feeding and putting a roof over the head of child out of the goodness of your heart.

Anyways, there is clearly khair in everything the Prophet did. And he did marry widowed/divorced women so are anyone to say any negative thing about it?

Yeah but Mohamed married Khadija before he was even a Muslim. The Waxy and revelation of Jibriil to Mohamed happened after he married Khadija so it's not really Sunnah but a a fact before the existence of Islam.

 

[Angelina]

Yeah but Mohamed married Khadija before he was even a Muslim. The Waxy and revelation of Jibriil to Mohamed happened after he married Khadija so it's not really Sunnah but a a fact before the existence of Islam.

Mate, ALL of his wives AFTER the revelations have been widowed and divorced women, apart from Aisha. So, your point doesn't make sense.

Anyways, who people marry is a personal issue. For some men, marrying a divorcee or widow might serve a purpose, but I would advise a young never married man/woman to marry someone similar to them.

 

[Celery]

If she’s in her 20s with one child, yes.

 

[Angelina]

I wouldn't have to play daddy to some other guy's walking talking cùm because I wouldn't put myself in that situation to begin with. Raising another man's child, when said man is alive, doesn't benefit me in any shape of form. I could use the same resources needed to raise that child to raise my own biological child

What if the father has custody or its joint so you don't really spend or raise the child?

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

What if the father has custody or its joint so you don't really spend or raise the child?

It'd still be a no. Things are never so straight forward and hassle-free even if the parents are on good terms. Besides, I know that child's needs would always come first. We wouldn't be able to just have random date nights or go on holiday whenever we felt like it, everything has to be meticulously planned and the fact that it's not even my own child would just compound the annoyance that would cause lol