Why do some Somali women have double standards

[Basic]

I get your point one shouldn’t ask the husband to pay the bills and still ask 50/50 on chores but what I was trying to get at is it doesn’t happen that way, put aside the posts on anonymous forum most Somali women do end up taking care of the house whether she is career woman or not. Btw you definition of “traditional” seems unrealistic unless the girl you are marrying is not a career woman, you would have to help.

That’s what surprised me. If he means fully traditional which is hard to find since most western raised Somali women have a career. Maybe she’s not from the west?

 

[NotMyL]

That’s what surprised me. If he means fully traditional which is hard to find since most western raised Somali women have a career. Maybe she’s not from the west?

A lot of these men here aren’t married so they have all these opinions about what marriage should be like, when you can’t really know until you are married. I get home at 5pm from work, I would hate for my hubby to sit and watch tv while I slave away in the kitchen after doing 9 hour shift, instead he likes to help out because it would be faster and he actually cares.

 

[Basic]

A lot of these men here aren’t married so they have all these opinions about what marriage should be like, when you can’t really know until you are married. I get home at 5pm from work, I would hate for my hubby to sit and watch tv while I slave away in the kitchen after doing 9 hour shift, instead he likes to help out because it would be faster and he actually cares.

Yeah I think marriage will be a real eye opener for a lot of these people tbh

 

[Gambar]

Naga amuusa!

 

[Factz]

I get your point one shouldn’t ask the husband to pay the bills and still ask 50/50 on chores but what I was trying to get at is it doesn’t happen that way, put aside the posts on anonymous forum most Somali women do end up taking care of the house whether she is career woman or not. Btw you definition of “traditional” seems unrealistic unless the girl you are marrying is not a career woman, you would have to help.

It is realistic. I'm not looking for a career woman. I am looking for a wife but this isn't about me. This thread is about hypocrites who refuse to fulfil their duties.

 

[bluebird]

A lot of these men here aren’t married so they have all these opinions about what marriage should be like, when you can’t really know until you are married. I get home at 5pm from work, I would hate for my hubby to sit and watch tv while I slave away in the kitchen after doing 9 hour shift, instead he likes to help out because it would be faster and he actually cares.

True about the people having opinions while not being married. I’m not married either but I get your point, it’s easy for people to complain about what a man/woman should do in a marriage and how the roles will be split so it’s most fair, but I think in real life, you won’t try to compete with people you love and care about lol, I imagine everyone just does whatever they can do without on person being overburdened and I think that’s how it’s best.

@Factz isn’t it usually the other way round? Women bring home an extra paycheck but still do the housework and take care of the kids?

 

[Halimo-2018]

Now I said "some" because not all Somali women think the same as the hypocrites I'm talking about.

They expect a man to be traditional but won't be traditional themselves? They cry that no Somali men want them but they don't see the reason why.

If you can't keep up your bargain then don't expect Somali men to be traditional because he will not give you meher. The wedding, honeymoon, house rent and bills will be split to 50/50. When you're on a date with him, you'll pay your half.

If you do in fact want a traditional husband that gives you your meher. You want him to pay for the entire wedding and honeymoon cost. You want him to pay the house rent, bills and etc. You want a real man to be the head of the house, provider and protector then fulfil your traditional gender roles like cooking, cleaning and satisfying his sexual needs. That's the only way to fulfil your requirements because that's the only way to make yourself useful, the only way to prove your love for him or else what are you doing at his house?

The purpose of marriage and relationships is about covering each other's needs and scratching each other's back. If one cannot fulfil their gender role. They are useless, selfish, unloving and they clearly have no purpose for a relationship so you should dismiss them.

If you prefer modern relationships where everything is split 50/50. Okay, great on you but don't expect a traditional spouse if you can't be traditional yourself.

Any guy that doesnt take the burden off bills from his wife is an ass hole. Real man dont have any issue with that. Even if she does 50/50 she will always do more than the man. Only stingy broke dude would have aa problem with that. Man up!

 

[Factz]

True about the people having opinions while not being married. I’m not married either but I get your point, it’s easy for people to complain about what a man/woman should do in a marriage and how the roles will be split so it’s most fair, but I think in real life, you won’t try to compete with people you love and care about lol, I imagine everyone just does whatever they can do without on person being overburdened and I think that’s how it’s best.

@Factz isn’t it usually the other way round? Women bring home an extra paycheck but still do the housework and take care of the kids?

I don't agree with that either. If the woman is doing household duties and taking care of the children then she should not work but stay at home as a housewife while the husband should provide and maintain the family.

I've just seen some women say outrages things like share chores but you be traditional. It doesn't work that way. This goes for both men and women. Either pick a modern relationship or a traditional relationship. Don't mix the two because the world doesn't work that way.

 

[Younes Osman]

It's only a matter of time when xalimo ceebeniysa in public , hadil hoon on the downlow and habaar .

 

[Mehmet]

A lot of these men here aren’t married so they have all these opinions about what marriage should be like, when you can’t really know until you are married. I get home at 5pm from work, I would hate for my hubby to sit and watch tv while I slave away in the kitchen after doing 9 hour shift, instead he likes to help out because it would be faster and he actually cares.

Well islamically he must help with chores just like how his wife must respect him

 

[bluebird]

I don't agree with that either. If the woman is doing household duties and taking care of the children then she should not work but stay at home as a housewife while the husband should provide and maintain the family.

I've just seen some women say outrages things like share chores but you be traditional. It doesn't work that way. This goes for both men and women. Either pick a modern relationship or a traditional relationship. Don't mix the two because the world doesn't work that way.

No I get why you consider it a double standard but I was saying that when actually married it’s better not to have either mindset. like I personally wouldn’t mind doing cooking/cleaning even if I am working, but what would annoy me would be a husband to tell me he *expected* me to do traditional work and still expected me to pay some bills, among other things...lol. So I see why it would bother you, for me it would be the nerve above all and entitlement the actual tasks are nothing

 

[Mehmet]

No I get why you consider it a double standard but I was saying that when actually married it’s better not to have either mindset. like I personally wouldn’t mind doing cooking/cleaning even if I am working, but what would annoy me would be a husband to tell me he *expected* me to do traditional work and still expected me to pay some bills, among other things...lol. So I see why it would bother you, for me it would be the nerve above all and entitlement the actual tasks are nothing

A rare site to see a girl to cook for her guy a real meal these days

 

[NotMyL]

True about the people having opinions while not being married. I’m not married either but I get your point, it’s easy for people to complain about what a man/woman should do in a marriage and how the roles will be split so it’s most fair, but I think in real life, you won’t try to compete with people you love and care about lol, I imagine everyone just does whatever they can do without on person being overburdened and I think that’s how it’s best.

@Factz isn’t it usually the other way round? Women bring home an extra paycheck but still do the housework and take care of the kids?

Exactly that, we don’t really think about gender roles I do whatever I can and he does the same, most of these people will realize it’s not that serious lol

 

[Factz]

No I get why you consider it a double standard but I was saying that when actually married it’s better not to have either mindset. like I personally wouldn’t mind doing cooking/cleaning even if I am working, but what would annoy me would be a husband to tell me he *expected* me to do traditional work and still expected me to pay some bills, among other things...lol. So I see why it would bother you, for me it would be the nerve above all and entitlement the actual tasks are nothing

Wait a guy expects you to do house duties and pay the bills at the same time? Paying bills is his job and trust me, when you're in love with someone. You will enjoy your gender roles. Forget expecting it, you know it's the way to show your love.

Try to understand the mindset of a man, walaal. When you're cooking and cleaning for a guy. He will feel loved and appreciated. He would do anything for you. When you have this negative mentality like you're not entitled. He would think you're brainwashed with feminism and you don't have any love for him. That is how some guys feel about some women of today.

 

[Leila]

I don't agree with that either. If the woman is doing household duties and taking care of the children then she should not work but stay at home as a housewife while the husband should provide and maintain the family.

I've just seen some women say outrages things like share chores but you be traditional. It doesn't work that way. This goes for both men and women. Either pick a modern relationship or a traditional relationship. Don't mix the two because the world doesn't work that way.

To be honest in real life the two will be mixed because most families (in the West) need an extra income. Most women will eventually go back to work or start their own business. Usually it’s couples where the husband has a good income that can afford to have the mother stay at home and focus on her children and the house.

My husband works up to 50 hours a week , I work part time so I take care of the cooking, cleaning etc. We agreed before getting married that I will stay at home when we have children insha allah. I am planning to have a part time job when my children start school and he is happy with that.

But that’s what works for us . Every family is different , that’s why you have to talk about this before marriage.

 

[bluebird]

Wait a guy expects you to do house duties and pay the bills at the same time? Paying bills is his job and trust me, when you're in love with someone. You will enjoy your gender roles. Forget expecting it, you know it's the way to show your love.

Try to understand the mindset of a man, walaal. When you're cooking and cleaning for a guy. He will feel loved and appreciated. He would do anything for you. When you have this negative mentality like you're not entitled. He would think you're brainwashed with feminism and you don't have any love for him. That is how some guys feel about some women of today.

I’m not married but I pay bills and do housework at my house. my brothers aren’t expected to do housework even though I pay as much (sometimes more) when it comes to house bills/rent. Yes, when you look at it, it’s definitely unfair and imbalanced, but truthfully? I could care less at this point lol. At some point I realized that these things like cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, doing the laundry etc take like 20 minutes each at max so it’s not fair but it’s life and it doesn’t kill anyone.

 

[Factz]

I’m not married but I pay bills and do housework at my house. my brothers aren’t expected to do housework even though I pay as much (sometimes more) when it comes to house bills/rent. Yes, when you look at it, it’s definitely unfair and imbalanced, but truthfully? I could care less at this point lol. At some point I realized that these things like cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, doing the laundry etc take like 20 minutes each at max so it’s not fair but it’s life and it doesn’t kill anyone.

I actually feel terrible for you. Inshallah, you will find a guy that covers your bills and that you don't live in this unfair lifestyle anymore.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[bluebird]

I actually feel terrible for you. Inshallah, you will find a guy that covers your bills and that you don't live in this unfair lifestyle anymore.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

thanks!

 

[HalimaJ]

I don't agree with that either. If the woman is doing household duties and taking care of the children then she should not work but stay at home as a housewife while the husband should provide and maintain the family.

I've just seen some women say outrages things like share chores but you be traditional. It doesn't work that way. This goes for both men and women. Either pick a modern relationship or a traditional relationship. Don't mix the two because the world doesn't work that way.

Most Xalimos work in the west. Even if their husband is paying the bills and rent, they are still contributing financially such as paying for groceries ect. Therefore the man should help out here and there as well.

Women in this day and age work, cook, clean, carry babies, give, birth, primary caregivers ect. Statistics show that marriages benefit men more than women.

Even if your wife is a housewife, she is going to need help. Being a house wife and mother is a never ending job, especially when you have crying babies. The Prophet S.A.W, who was a traditional man with traditional wives would help out. Men in those days had more pressure than men today. They would go to battle and do hard labour. Now we have men crying about difficulties, when all they do is work 9-5.

No relationship is ever 50/50. Women due to biological nature and being primary caregivers of children, will always end up doing more.

 

[HalimaJ]

I agree with you somewhat but I also what to make a point. A lot of men think like this but it's actually not true. Marriage actually benefits men more than women.


In most marriages, women work and contribute financially to the household and finances are legally shared as a unit.


However, women 9/10 times take on more of the burden than men in marriages. Women work in addition to taking on most of the domestic work in the household. Women do most of the cleaning, cooking, and child care. This essentially means they have a full time career when they go to work and a full time career when they come home.


Most men do not fulfill their equal share of the household duties so it is unequally distributed between husband and wife. This provides more relief for men but more stress for women. If you come home from work and know that your wife will take care of most of the dishes, laundry, getting the kids ready for bed, etc then that creates more time for you to relax after work, while the wife has to continue working. You half-way washing one dinner plate and hidding your two day old drawers under the bed does not count as house work.


The example the Prophet left us is of marriage as an mural relationship, were the couple don’t go tit for tat, the Prophet use to take part in household chores. There’s going to be times were you wife is pregnant with your child or recently gave birth and the humane thing to do would be to take on her burden in housework like cooking and cleaning.



The most honorable one isn’t the one who demands his rights in full but the one tries his best to fulfill the one other have upon him.

I 100% agree.

It really isn't fair how some men are not able to see the reality. Even die hard career women end up being overworked, because women do most of the household duties, despite providing as well.

Men do not go through half of the things women go through in marriages. We give birth, go through nursing ect and men want to behave as though we are the same.