Why do a lot of Somali girls marry men that are not on their level?

[hippy60]

Why do so many Somali boys who graduated university and have good paying jobs go for women that are not on their level . Hence a house wife or she works a lower paying job , see what I did .

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

Can I ask, where do you live and see these things? Your stories on this thread sound like a TV drama

You're 23, right? You'll see soon enough the reality of the situation. There are Somali mothers who get depressed when their child doesn't get married and Somali fathers filled with shame.
I never thought this was the case but Somali parents put on a brave face especially the ones who spoke to me finding someone for their average daughter. They don't worry if their daughter is high value though.

I am not talking about high value Somali women who get many marriage offers until their 40s and 50s. I am talking about average or below ones. Let me make that clear. I am talking about 75% of them who cannot act high value.

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

Why do so many Somali boys who graduated university and have good paying jobs go for women that are not on their level . Hence a house wife or she works a lower paying job , see what I did .

Because of their personality, kindness, and that's what they look for in a wife. That's a high value woman on their level. If you don't give peace and softness to a man, you are not high value, degree or no degree, $100K job or no job.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Saxib, I don’t believe that B.S for numerous reasons.

1. classroom settings is in fact a setting that comes from a bygone era in which men dominated education and was in fact designed with boys in mind. The setting only seems to be an issue when now in the last 20 yrs or so, women have been outperforming boys. Where was this concern in the last 150 yrs or so? Even before schooling and university was opened up to girls, boys were educated this way.

Just because it was made for a purpose in mind doesn't mean that it fulfils that purpose and obviously men dominated it since no women were a part of it and education wasn't accessible to most men like you make it seem it was only accessed by the elite and solely for bureaucratic reasons.
Things developed with time aswell as our understanding. Now that both men and women have the same access and the same situation people are going to ask why and try and find out. You can't just dismiss studies when it doesn't suit your agenda that's not how they work and I could be wrong future studies might come out debunking these studies or they might come to futher reinforce them who knows what the future holds.

2. Another reason that is often sited which I agree with is due to lack of men in the teaching industry and boys not having role models or having their own space. Please explain why even in the Middle East in which education is segregate and boys are in male only environments are lagging behind their female counterparts?

Because like I stated in a previous comment most men are on either extreme either really dumb or really smart so for basically 50% of men education isn't an option and that's a good thing we all can't be working white collar jobs. men have been made to work physically demanding jobs and without most of them there wouldn't be an economy for white collar jobs to function. Most of the jobs women work would literally disappear if anything happens to the economy. Things are really shaky right now with the state of things in the world.

Instead of just blaming the education system we need to scrutinize the way we raise boys. You can’t now have an issue with a system that was invented solely for men now that women have joined.

In the past most men would die in war that no longer happens and they would generally get there upbringing from a mentor in the army now men don't.

With women, it does actually cause a lot of issues unfortunately backed by actual studies and anecdotes although many women do end up with wonderful marriages.

1. gender roles haven’t changed, despite many men expecting women to help. What happens is that a woman might help for the sake of her husband and giving the kids a better childhood and the man will not necessarily help her as well. Hence a woman ends up feeling overworked and resentful.

2. gender based violence increases when women are making more as some men tend to internalize that and will believe that the only way they can take back their masculinity is now through brute force.

That is two such issues.

Gender role expectations hasn't change on either side. both sides want the traditional things from the counter part despite being in different situations for example the women still wants a guy above her and who can provide and protects her and is masculine.

Ideally a woman shouldn't have to work and doesn't have to islamically that's her own choice when it comes to your first point unless the man is forcing you to work. This is an issue that can be resolved when your getting to know the individual.

The second point you can sus out aswell in the talking stage if he's insecure then avoid him.

 

[Angelina]

Just because it was made for a purpose in mind doesn't mean that it fulfils that purpose and obviously men dominated it since no women were a part of it and education wasn't accessible to most men like you make it seem it was only accessed by the elite and solely for bureaucratic reasons.
Things developed with time aswell as our understanding. Now that both men and women have the same access and the same situation people are going to ask why and try and find out. You can't just dismiss studies when it doesn't suit your agenda that's not how they work and I could be wrong future studies might come out debunking these studies or they might come to futher reinforce them who knows what the future holds.



Because like I stated in a previous comment most men are on either extreme either really dumb or really smart so for basically 50% of men education isn't an option

Interesting, I’d love to read the studies that men most men are in the extreme end. I know that the extreme ends are over-represented by men, but not that most are either or..

and that's a good thing we all can't be working white collar jobs. men have been made to work physically demanding jobs and without most of them there wouldn't be an economy for white collar jobs to function. Most of the jobs women work would literally disappear if anything happens to the economy. Things are really shaky right now with the state of things in the world.

Yep, you’re right, but one thing people forget is that throughout history before women were allowed to attend university, poor women worked laborious jobs. Working the fields, factory work and the garment industry did in fact have high female employment rates. Even now in the slums of Bangladesh in which these women don’t have access to education, they work hard back-breaking jobs. Poorer women will go back to that.

In the past most men would die in war that no longer happens and they would generally get there upbringing from a mentor in the army now men don't.

Gender role expectations hasn't change on either side. both sides want the traditional things from the counter part despite being in different situations for example the women still wants a guy above her and who can provide and protects her and is masculine.

Yep, but you’d be surprised how many women would go for men that were earning a bit lower if it came with the reassurance that it wouldn’t case them to be in a situation in which they’re juggling everything by themselves or that will cause the husband to feel threatened ect.

Ideally a woman shouldn't have to work and doesn't have to islamically that's her own choice when it comes to your first point unless the man is forcing you to work. This is an issue that can be resolved when your getting to know the individual.

Really depends on where you live and the economy tbh. If you don’t want to rely on social Housing and don’t want to raise your sons in a low socioeconomic area thus creating that cycle of poverty and gangs ect, then many women will have to level up and work.

The second point you can sus out aswell in the talking stage if he's insecure then avoid him.

Yep, I agree. I don’t think there is anything wrong with women going for men that earn less than as throughout a man’s career once they’re in their late 30s, the table turns and women tend to become less career focused as kids come in the picture. Some men are go getters who aren’t insecure, if you see that then you could have a great marriage.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Yep, you’re right, but one thing people forget is that throughout history before women were allowed to attend university, poor women worked laborious jobs. Working the fields, factory work and the garment industry did in fact have high female employment rates. Even now in the slums of Bangladesh in which these women don’t have access to education, they work hard back-breaking jobs. Poorer women will go back to that.

That Is true especially in non clan based/family oriented societies like the west where women don't necessarily have a man to fall back on.

Yep, but you’d be surprised how many women would go for men that were earning a bit lower if it came with the reassurance that it wouldn’t case them to be in a situation in which they’re juggling everything by themselves or that will cause the husband to feel threatened ect.

I'm very much aware in fact most women imo wouldn't mind marrying down wealthwise when other factors are brought into the equation. Same thing for men really the other factors is what makes the difference when picking a partner. And I would say I have seen a lot of women marry more so for potential/love then anything else.

Really depends on where you live and the economy tbh. If you don’t want to rely on social Housing and don’t want to raise your sons in a low socioeconomic area thus creating that cycle of poverty and gangs ect, then many women will have to level up and work.

True somalis should go back and help somalia become secure that's what I plan to do settling down in somalia is the only real option for somalis in the West who want to raise kids.[/QUOTE]

Yep, I agree. I don’t think there is anything wrong with women going for men that earn less than as throughout a man’s career once they’re in their late 30s, the table turns and women tend to become less career focused as kids come in the picture. Some men are go getters who aren’t insecure, if you see that then you could have a great marriage.

Women just need to make sure they pick right and not fall for an insecure guy wether they marry up or down in anyway.

 

[Bundasliga]

@AbdiFreedom spoke nothing but facts .

Those people are delusional & reality will hit them very hard & watch their high standards vanish & settle for someone they wouldn't even consider a decade ago

 

[reer]

No wonder the Somali divorce rate is so high. Yes, marriage is about struggling together if financial struggle happens in life. It's also about enjoying life together when life is full of enjoyment. That's what marriage is all about. Life is not perfect. Life can become a struggle at certain points in time. You can make $100K and then lose your job and have to get back up.

Those are rare examples. There are so few of those men around. They don't settle for average women. They are not in high abundance to become the husband of every available average woman. There is a low supply of Somali doctors. There is a low supply professional career Somali men in general forget about doctors. Somali women doctors are even more rare than Somali male doctors. I am talking about average and below average women.

Most Somali western raised women 28-39 are not married not by their choice. I can confidently say this. I have been bombarded by people, both fathers and women, to find spouses for them. The situation is extremely bad and average and below average picky women are being lied to. Take this as a 30 year old seeing the reality of the situation today. I can't imagine how bad it will be for Gen Z.

Another thing: men will marry a minimum wage woman if she is going to give him peace at home. Peace and kindness is number #1 for men, especially these high value men. These women are high value women in their eyes. They will pick these women over some higher income one that isn't lovey dovey. Your education and job means nothing if you don't give peace to a good man.

a cold hard fact is that the average farax has an option of marrying gabadh from back home. and also like you said in wetsern somali communities (e.g. uk) the ratio is heavily skewed in favor of professional faraxs.

 

[Odious Delirium]

@AbdiFreedom spoke nothing but facts .

Those people are delusional & reality will hit them very hard & watch their high standards vanish & settle for someone they wouldn't even consider a decade ago

That is true a lot of people will be in for a rude awakening when because they over value themselves and end up realising when it's too late they end up either settling for way less then they would have if they knew there actual value or how to actually increase it. Or they stick to there guns and die alone. Both sad endings but luckily not everyone is this deluded and most won't suffer this fate.

But this doesn't really apply to somali girls for the most part from my observation.

 

[reer]

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[Leila]

Why are people acting as if Somali girls have incredible high standards? I know so many Somali girls in London who are teachers and nurses and marry guys working Uber and warehouse jobs.

I even said before that Somali incels don’t exist because even a guy that has a criminal record will have no problem finding a Somali girl. Most families would be glad if their daughter ends up with a Somali guy regardless of his quality.

 

[Danakiil]

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[Odious Delirium]

Why are people acting as if Somali girls have incredible high standards? I know so many Somali girls in London who are teachers and nurses and marry guys working Uber and warehouse jobs.

I even said before that Somali incels don’t exist because even a guy that has a criminal record will have no problem finding a Somali girl. Most families would be glad if their daughter ends up with a Somali guy regardless of his quality.

True most somali girls do not have unrealistic standards

 

[0117]

This threaded me that there hasn't been any Somali divorce stories on YouTube in a while

 

[Odious Delirium]

This threaded me that there hasn't been any Somali divorce stories on YouTube in a while

You sure about that...


Overall it has died down somalis women have stopped posting there divorce stories as much as they used to in the past but in this case the ajnabi guy posted his experience with a halimo

 

[Smif-N-Wessun]

Isn't a @Smif-N-Wessun a female?

No little girl

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

The issue has become diluted. It's not necessarily about age.

It's about average or below average women of any age thinking they can get men better than them and holding out for them. This is very delusional and high value women have misled average and below average women.

It only becomes about age when average or below average women waited too long to get someone on their level that have chosen to remain single or have gotten married and left the market. Then there's slim pickings. A 45 year old woman can get any remaining man they want if she's high value.

Somali hooyos are regularly and quietly going behind their average and below average daughter's back as @reer has said.

This is how you can find out if you're below average: no/very few men/family outside of apps expressed interest to you/your family to get to know you or if you reached out and there was always radio silence. You're average if you had some interest. You're high value if it's happened very often for years.

 

[Danakiil]

The issue has become diluted. It's not necessarily about age.

It's about average or below average women of any age thinking they can get men better than them and holding out for them. This is very delusional and high value women have misled average and below average women.

It only becomes about age when average or below average women waited too long to get someone on their level that have chosen to remain single or have gotten married and left the market. Then there's slim pickings. A 45 year old woman can get any remaining man they want if she's high value.

Somali hooyos are regularly and quietly going behind their average and below average daughter's back as @reer has said.

This is how you can find out if you're below average: no/very few men/family outside of apps expressed interest to you/your family to get to know you or if you reached out and there was always radio silence. You're average if you had some interest. You're high value if it's happened very often for years.

Oh so you're saying that clapped girls between 26 - 29 get slim pickings in the Somali community

 

[Dualke]

The issue has become diluted. It's not necessarily about age.

It's about average or below average women of any age thinking they can get men better than them and holding out for them. This is very delusional and high value women have misled average and below average women.

It only becomes about age when average or below average women waited too long to get someone on their level that have chosen to remain single or have gotten married and left the market. Then there's slim pickings. A 45 year old woman can get any remaining man they want if she's high value.

Somali hooyos are regularly and quietly going behind their average and below average daughter's back as @reer has said.

This is how you can find out if you're below average: no/very few men/family outside of apps expressed interest to you/your family to get to know you or if you reached out and there was always radio silence. You're average if you had some interest. You're high value if it's happened very often for years.

At what age are families supposed to start expressing interest? What about families that are cut off from the community?

 

[Juliet]

No one cares about your education, only your looks and akhlaaq. The warehouse worker might be making good money, and they're compatible. I know many uneducated truck drivers who are killing it. Stop acting like a madow woman. White women don't care about these things, and they're getting married and are happy.

Ladies don’t listen to this gaslighting attempt. We are naturally inclined to seek providers dont ever compromise