Why do a lot of Somali girls marry men that are not on their level?

[Odious Delirium]

It's stupid for women to marry a man for potential. There is always a possibility of him never achieving that potential. This so called "potential" is what traps a woman to a man that's struggling On top of that, some men leave their wife after hitting the jackpot. Since they believe that they've upgraded their wallet, they can get a better selection of women. Or a man might marry a 2nd wife. Now the woman will still be stuck with the same amount of money he used to give her despite him increasing his income cuz he needs to provide for a whole other person/ family. His resources has been split. She played Barbara the builder only for him to divorce her / get a 2nd wife
A woman should marry a man on what he has NOW, if a woman isn't satisfied with what he has, then keep it pushing.

Calling a woman "not high maintenance" is not a compliment. It's men code for say, "she's cheap" "she's low hanging fruit" "I don't have to do very much to get her / keep her" "She'll take what she can get".....etc

I don't make the rules Yaraye I'm just saying what some women tend to do and you stated some things some men tend to do. The more higher up the ladder you go when it comes to your income and education levels as a women the less your options get because women tend not to marry down due to reasons like the ones you listed and some others. Your shafting yourself because if you know that's the case then marry young and up before you reach your full potential yourself then that way you get to around that hurdle but waiting until you reach were you wanna be financially/education wise when you know your options are gonna be down as a women is shooting yourself in the foot.

Plus that's a bunch of fear mongering to be honest you can tell what kind of guy he is if you pay attention when your getting to know him.

A girl being low maintenance or high maintenance isn't a compliment or an insult there is nothing wrong with being either and a guy simply doesn’t mind aslong as your maintenance level is with in his means.

 

[AbdiFreedom]

Women, especially Somali women, are picky. I have seen many good and decent men above them in the social and income ladder that get rejected by them. Many of them don't even "settle" and rather stay single.

It seems like she married for love and commitment. Good for her.

Nurses and RNs are not special jobs anyway. It's just a normal job and from my experience, many are not that happy in their positions and can be a little mean from the demands of their jobs. I never understood this superiority complex from nurses.

 

[Angelina]

What don’t females understand that your career, money, personality are all superfluous to us Having a relationship with the Qur’an and Allah SWT, be feminine and obedient and competent in house duties is a female worth far more than an university educated, personality combining humorous & critical thinking, having your own car, having your own side hustle.

When will men understand that women don’t have careers or money for men? You’ve turned the thread about what men want, when the whole thread is about what benefits women.

it’s rather narcissistic to change the topic based on mens needs and desires when that isn’t the main point here.

My life long principle is to keep the main thing the main thing. The main thing in marriage is to find a compatible & competent partner to strive towards Akhira.

1) Compatible - she is obedient and feminine.

Compatibility is much more than obedience. Reducing the marriage to whether she only listens is ridiculous. Personality, religiosity, origins, views with regards to life all matter. Women aren’t personality less robots whose only purpose is to smile and say yes.

2) Competent - she can do her house duties and has Fard al ayn ilm to teach your children 5 pillars of Islam, Akhlaaq and your Somalinimo.

A career woman can or cannot provide this. So she isn’t necessary higher in value (both Dunya wise or Akhira, from the perspective of marriage). What depends is if she provides the above. But then, a working woman will tend to scuff and find it harder to do the above given she is naturally more independent.

Career women aren’t higher in value, that is true but the whole point of the thread isn’t about being higher in value it’s about a woman going for man that is at least earning more, so that they can actually take time off at work and focus on their family and actually be able to do the things you’ve pointed out. If the woman is the breadwinner that might not be possible.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Funny how Muslim men are allowed to want to be rich and work towards it and it doesn’t mean they’re only interested in the dunya? Let’s be real, figures like Tate became a big deal amongst the men due to his substantial wealth, but women aren’t allowed to also want wealth as well.

You can want wealth but the more you have independently the less guys available unless you don't mind providing for a guy since most men equal to you if your a millionaire/billionaire for example gain more and more options the more wealth they got simply because guys don't mind providing and it is the duty of a guy to provide islamically speaking and most women even rich women want to be provided for. its just human nature and now women have more opportunities and access to wealth that they didn't have in the past unless it was through inheritance.

Plus earning less doesn't mean they can't provide for you unless your too high maintenance and can't live the lifestyle you want with the amount they can provide.

 

[Somali Saayid]

This thread isn’t about what men care about it.

Isn't a @Smif-N-Wessun a female?

 

[Angelina]

You can want wealth but the more you have independently the less guys available unless you don't mind providing for a guy since most men equal to you if your a millionaire/billionaire for example gain more and more options the more wealth they got simply because guys don't mind providing and it is the duty of a guy to provide islamically speaking and most women even rich women want to be provided for. its just human nature and now women have more opportunities and access to wealth that they didn't have in the past unless it was through inheritance.

That wasn’t the point. It was the idea of a woman wanting a rich man that meant she’s too attached to the dunya, but a man coveting wealth and with the influx of so called traditional guys looking up to Tate with his 33 Bugattis supposedly its completely fine for men and doesn’t affect their religiousness. At this point, it’s clear to see boys here make things up as they go along based on what benefits them.

Plus earning less doesn't mean they can't provide for you unless your too high maintenance and can't live the lifestyle you want with the amount they can provide.

It sometimes does. It isn’t about being high maintenance and tbh their isn’t anything wrong with it. For example, many scholars of old believed that a rich father shouldn’t marry off his daughter to a man that isn’t on her social level due to her being used to a certain level. If a woman earn a certain amounts and is used to living a certain way, the only way that marriage will work with him being full provider is by her reducing her lifestyle and I don’t see why a woman should do that. A woman isn’t going to do that also mostly for the sake of her kids, so she will contribute ect.



Also, in todays current climate, average folk are struggling with literal rent and having any form of disposable income. That is why I’m even finding this discussion silly, although I couldn’t help but reply. May Allah help me.

 

[AbdiFreedom]

Early and mid 20s average or below average women have no idea how bad things get as you get older. No idea wallahi. Only few higher level women (looks and personality) will have options as they get older or some average women will luck out. Reality will hit alot of Somali women like a ton of bricks. No man will care about your career or money you have. Your income will just supplement any additional costs if necessary. For every Somali wedding of a late 20s or 30s woman, there's 20 others who will not get one. It's also funny that the guys they married are a downgrade to what they could have gotten younger. Feminism and hypergamy is delusion.

 

[Angelina]

Early and mid 20s average or below average women have no idea how bad things get as you get older. No idea wallahi. Only few higher level women (looks and personality) will have options as they get older or some average women will luck out. Reality will hit alot of Somali women like a ton of bricks. No man will care about your career or money you have. Your income will just supplement any additional costs if necessary. For every Somali wedding of a late 20s or 30s woman, there's 20 others who will not get one. It's also funny that the guys they married are a downgrade to what they could have gotten younger. Feminism and hypergamy is delusion.

I don’t know when you became a redpiller or started to fall into that rabbit hole. Late 20s women aren’t lucking out, they’re the most married demographic simply because all women from all backgrounds are marrying later. The average Somali girl is in fact marrying that age. Men are in fact much more likely to marry 26-29 yr old, simply because that is the age women marry the most.

A lot of women aren’t marrying later because of feminism. I know many women that have gladly married at 23, but they simply couldn’t find anyone or didn’t have good options then, but options can become better if you’re in a more professional environment or you move. A beautiful 23 yr old in a working class hood area isn’t going to have better options that a 28 yr old that is actually around a more educated and sophisticated group.

 

[World]

University education is overrated

Skilled tradesmen will make more than 95 % of women that go university

 

[Yaraye]

Let me fulfil your cinderella dreams.
Buy yourself something nice my Queen.
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[AbdiFreedom]

I don’t know when you became a redpiller or started to fall into that rabbit hole. Late 20s women aren’t lucking out, they’re the most married demographic simply because all women from all backgrounds are marrying later. The average Somali girl is in fact marrying that age.

I'm not a redpiller and that is definitely not among Somali and Black women. Those are for white women. People should be marrying younger and getting the best they can get then and seeing future potential. Marriage is about struggle and growing together, not trying to grab a man when he's successful and established. There's a reason why so many successful Somali men will not entertain a Somali woman his age. You know these successful Somali men remain single, marry ajnabis, marry 5-7 years younger, or go back to third world countries which is something I am seeing is getting much interest. I know a guy who went to Cambodia of all places and converted her and will bring her here. You and I both know there's a huge number of average and below average single Somali women in the diaspora. There's going to be a huge problem soon. People have been lied to. I'm not too concerned about Somali men because men can be alone and are solitary in nature and only half of them have historically even had children and if they are desperate and panic, they can go to Somalia.

 

[Yaraye]

Women cannot have it both ways. If they want a rich Muslim man, be prepared that he shares his resources to multiple wives. They want to their cake and eat it too. Also, low maintenance is one of the best characteristics a woman can have. Being low maintenance and abstemious is the greatest indicator that your interested in the Akhira over Dunya.

There are men our here who make decent money, and are only married to one woman. Aim for the moon, hit the stars.

Low maintenance woman is a woman who doesn't care about getting her haaq (AkA the husband paying the bills). the same Haaq that is established by the deen.

 

[Yaraye]

It is what it is. Most people are average/broke and will stay that way and women are more successful on average. Expecting a guy who’s already established and on your level is usually unrealistic unless you plan on marrying some soyboy or oday.

why is it unrealistic?

 

[Angelina]

University education is overrated

Skilled tradesmen will make more than 90 % of women that go university

Depends on what trade. Plumbers and that ilk yes, stacking warehouses not to much.

I'm not a redpiller and that is definitely not among Somali and Black women. Those are for white women. People should be marrying younger and getting the best they can get then and seeing future potential.

People should, but Somali girls on average are marrying at 26-28. That is most of the weddings I attended. In fact that demographic are out marrying the 22-23 yrs olds now. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, but there goes the myth that men aren’t marrying girls in their late 20s.

Marriage is about struggle and growing together, not trying to grab a man when he's successful and established.

No, marriage isn’t just about financial struggle. Women already have their separate struggle which is child birth, raising kids and all that usually mostly fall on the mother. What other struggles do men go through? So now women have to battle their own issues along with mens? Even in a world in which men seem to think that household duties are all for women whilst simultaneously wanting a woman to help them with work and money? How is that fair? So now women need to give birth, cook, clean, raise the kids, breastfeed, and take on the financial struggles? What additional struggles are men meant to shoulder?



@AbdiFreedom

Where did you get the idea that successful Somali men don’t marry girls that are similar age to them?

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Most average/below average Somali girls are actually married and settle down. It’s the beautiful ones who are educated that tend to not want to settle down with any Tom and Harry.

Also, multiple studies show that men struggle with singleness and childlessness by every metric, so worry about your fellow men please!

 

[Waa dhamatay]

why is it unrealistic?

Top earner (1%) + good in other aspects (another 1%) is already 0.01% of men. Add must be Somali (a minority group that’s underrepresented in high earners) and it’s basically over.

 

[Wervelwind]

Successful Somali men won't marry a girl their age. If he's 30+, he's gonna look for a 20-25 year old girl, not someone near his age even if he may have more common with the older girl. It's the same feeling women have when they marry someone short. It's biologically repelling

This is especially so if he wants to have many children

 

[World]

Depends on what trade. Plumbers and that ilk yes, stacking warehouses not to much.

Yeah i mean mechanics, electricians, etc. Not warehouse labourers. My friend who decided to go trade whilst we went uni makes £60k a year and his work is easy, stress free. Most that go university outside 4-5 degrees just go into debt with nothing to show for it.

 

[Sophisticate]

Nothing wrong as they choose who they choose. Provided they are content with their choices. A principle of no regrets is best. We don't live the lives of others.

If there are slim pickings why were a lot of guys on here in Comp Sci or Engineering?

And most of the guys I know seem rather educated. I feel this boils down to access, networks and opportunity.

My first cousin married a western educated double PhD in the STEMs from beesha and she was not a spring chicken when she married. Ignore the poverty mindset ladies and scarcity. Never let anyone tell you it's over or act like a clairvoyant.

 

[Odious Delirium]

That wasn’t the point. It was the idea of a woman wanting a rich man that meant she’s too attached to the dunya, but a man coveting wealth and with the influx of so called traditional guys looking up to Tate with his 33 Bugattis is completely fine.

Both are the same coverting wealth is about being attached to the dunya for both men and women.

It sometimes does. It isn’t about being high maintenance and tbh their isn’t anything wrong with it. For example, many scholars of old believed that a rich father shouldn’t marry off his daughter to a man that isn’t on her social level due to her being used to a certain level. If a woman earn a certain amounts and is used to living a certain way, the only way that marriage will work with him being full provider is by her reducing her lifestyle and I don’t see why a woman should do that. A woman isn’t going to do that also mostly for the sake of her kids, so she will contribute ect.

Agreed but now unlike the past women can raise there own soical level which is what this post is about so it's kind of different especially if for example most don't come from that lifestyle but believe in there potential to live it due to opportunities/access if they aren't were they want to be yet.

Regardless there isn't anything wrong with being high maintenance or low maintenance and general that's what women have always done on average, going for guys equal to them or above them. The only difference now is that that women can raise it on there own.

Also, in todays current climate, average folk are struggling with literal rent and having any form of disposable income. That is why I’m even finding this discussion silly, although I couldn’t help but reply. May Allah help me.

People like empressjamila (it literally in the name) and Yaraye want to live that highlife and there are many men and women that do so these kind of discussions will never die. Its either they will find the perfect man some day or settle in some way.

 

[Angelina]

Yeah i mean mechanics, electricians, etc. Not warehouse labourers. My friend who decided to go trade whilst we went uni makes £60k a year and his work is easy, stress free.

Yh, I know. Most screwed on women know this. That is why I’ll always encourage Abids that aren’t the most academic to go down that route. In the future, you can also start your own plumbing company as well, which will bring the money rolling and such men will make more money than any University educated corporate man.