What's your Love Language?

[Marsh]

I finally got around to reading this book - the 5 love languages. Anyway the premise of the book is that that people don't give and receive love in the same way. So, you might not share the same love language with a significant other/ someone you like.

Of the 5 love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation - You like hearing encouraging words and genuine compliments.
2. Gift Giving - Gifts are an indication of appreciation and effort and valued above all else.
3. Acts of Service - Performing tasks like errands/obligations as demonstrative of true appreciation (i.e. paying bills, household chores etc.)
4. Physical Touch - The need for physical touch or close proximity to someone is highly valued among this type of person.
5. Quality Time - Valuing full and undivided attention.

I took the test and scored:
View attachment 123416

YOUR PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE IS: Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.


Shukaansi never worked on me though. I want to know the meaning of this!

Please take the quiz and share your results.

There is a quiz for:

Singles (18+):

The Love Language® Quiz

Discover your primary love language and how you can use it to better connect with your loved ones.

www.5lovelanguages.com

Couples (i..e married):

The Love Language® Quiz

Discover your primary love language and how you can use it to better connect with your loved ones.

www.5lovelanguages.com

Teens (for you high schoolers):

The Love Language® Quiz

Discover your primary love language and how you can use it to better connect with your loved ones.

www.5lovelanguages.com

Wow you got zero on physical touch does being touched repulse you. I grew up in a household with very little touching as a way of showing affection im guessing most somalis do as well so touching is a foreign concept until they get a bit older.
I took the test and I got quality time like I expected.

If you enjoy spending time with someone and just being in their presence that shows you love them in my eyes. Everything else just seems like a bonus or the cherry on top.

 

[bluebird]

I didn't take the test but my preferred is quality time, but I mainly show love through #3.

 

[Sophisticate]

Wow you got zero on physical touch does being touched repulse you. I grew up in a household with very little touching as a way of showing affection im guessing most somalis do as well so touching is a foreign concept until they get a bit older.
I took the test and I got quality time like I expected. View attachment 123488
If you enjoy spending time with someone and just being in their presence that shows you love them in my eyes. Everything else just seems like a bonus or the cherry on top.

I'm not repulsed by touch at all. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I can conform if there's an expectation of this i.e. being married to someone who's love language is physical touch or if someone wants/needs a hug I won't deny them. Even though I got 0% I'm more flexible than the quiz would suggest.

I didn't take the test but my preferred is quality time, but I mainly show love through #3.

Interesting so you're quality time and I would assume acts of service.

 

[bluebird]

I'm not repulsed by touch at all. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I can conform if there's an expectation of this i.e. being married to someone who's love language is physical touch or if someone wants/needs a hug I won't deny them. Even though I got 0% I'm more flexible than the quiz would suggest.



Interesting so you're quality time and I would assume acts of service.

I'm not sure which the test is for but if you're asking which I want people to show love for me its through quality time. the acts of service is my way of showing love to others. strangly enough, I hate being on the receiving end of it. I'm like that prince song.. I just want your Xtra time lol

 

[Caaro]

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I think the Words of Affirmation get a bad rep partly because some people think of it as disingenuous. What if one believes what they say? And won't make a compliment unless they mean it.

What if they’re not? That’s the problem, you never know if those words are empty. And even if they’re not empty, they’re still not enough

It takes literally no effort to compliment someone or say something nice. It proved nothing, which is why it’s so easy to replicate even if you don’t love someone.

the other 3 are not very easy to replicate. Unless someone is rich, gift giving is sincere. Unless someone has no self respect for their body, intimate touching is sincere. Unless someone is just naturally selfless, services and work are sincere.

All of these require some form of effort and you can easily tell when someone is insincere. I would be foolish to think a Ho.e loves me just because she let me smash.

 

[Abdisamad]

I don't know what this shit means but here is my results

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[Inquisitive_]

I don't think I'll perish If I'm not hugged. I can self-soothe now that I'm an adult. Though I'm aware of the health benefits of physical touch. Humans are sentient creatures after all.

I have no issues with words of affirmation which is the default for females as a prime love language.

The problem for me arises when that is followed by either gifts or acts of service as the secondary love language.

In your case it's even worse, both touch and quality time are at the bottom and your top 3 are all things that are not associated with selflessness or giving.

I was a bit surprised by it because you don't come across that way, but then again the difference is only 3% between acts of service/gift with respect to quality time, might just be a rounding error.

I can work with a female for as long as she has in her top 2 one of either touch or quality time and gift is absent.

 

[Halimak]

I have no issues with words of affirmation which is the default for females as a prime love language.

The problem for me arises when that is followed by either gifts or acts of service as the secondary love language.

In your case it's even worse, both touch and quality time are at the bottom and your top 3 are all things that are not associated with selflessness.

I was a bit surprised by it because you don't come across that way, but then again the difference is only 3% between acts of service/gift with respect to quality time, might just be a rounding error.

I can work with a female for as long as she has in her top 2 one of either touch or quality time and gift is absent.

Everyone loves gifts and Islam even tells us that gift giving is something that brings people closer and strengthens relationships. So, I don't understand why something so natural and encouraged is something you find to be a red flag? How is it selfish when our deen acknowledges that this is something people love and that we should gift each other?

 

[Joliemademoiselle]

3% physical touch...

 

[Inquisitive_]

Everyone loves gifts and Islam even tells us that gift giving is something that brings people closer and strengthens relationships. So, I don't understand why something so natural and encouraged is something you find to be a red flag? How is it selfish when our deen acknowledges that this is something people love and that we should gift each other?

Your conflating both things.

I regularly take gifts to close friends, mind you these are the types of gifts that are beneficial to them which actually make a difference to there lives, not the type to boost there ego or self-esteem.

I do this out of a genuine need that I see without expecting anything in return, they never asked for it, nor have they ever expressed a desire for it.

I have no problem doing this for a wife here and there especially when I see a need or know that gift will improve her life as opposed to merely inflate her ego, every human being needs all 5 of these things to some degree.

The problem arises when her prime love language is "gift" meaning that's what she expects from you all the time as a means of showcasing your love to her because everything else is not enough.

That for me is unacceptable and the type of female one should avoid at all cost.

 

[Halimak]

Your conflating both things.

I regularly take gifts to close friends, mind you these are the types of gifts that are beneficial to them which actually make a difference to there life, not the type to boost there ego or self-esteem.

I do this out of a genuine need that I see without expecting anything in return, they never asked for it, nor have they ever expressed a desire for it.

I have no problem doing this for a wife here and there especially when I see a need or know that gift will improve her life as opposed to merely inflate her ego, every human being needs all 5 of these things to some degree.

The problem arises when her prime love language is "gift" meaning that's what she expects from you all the time as a means of showcasing your love to her because everything else is not enough.

That for me is unacceptable and the type of female one should avoid at all cost.

The whole reason why gift giving is seen as beneficial is because it creates an atmosphere of love and nothing to do with 'need' as you want to put it. It has an impact on the way people feel.

It is a recognised love language:

Prophet

said: “Exchange gifts, as that will lead to increasing your love to one another.” [Al-Bukhari]

Gift giving was also seen as particularly good at maintaining ties of kinship.

Also, anything can inflate a person's ego. If a woman's primary love language is words of affirmation, being told she is loved and that she is beautiful can 'inflate her ego' or if she likes to be touched, her husband making her feel desirable because he keeps on touching her, can 'inflate her ego'.

Just because someone loves gifts doesn't mean they are superficial, because it clearly does increase love.

 

[Lostbox]

2 and 3

 

[Yukon_Niner]

I got Quality time

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I don't even like hugging my parents

I get annoyed when people touch me for no reason. I had to a female teacher who would give me shoulder rubs for no reason back when I was 14, shit used to piss me off.

Fucking Macron normalised that crap

 

[Happy_]

Sis, you were actually the one that convinced me to check out Dr. Gary Chapman's book on the 5 Love Languages. This thread is all because of you. That and genuine interest in figuring out the lovelies on here.

A cheerleader is what you want and a cheerleader you shall get Insha'Allah.

Jojo said it well, "If I'm going to Love Someone...Damn....I'm gonna need a Man, Someone who wants me like a Fan...I need somebody who loves me like I loves me, loves me like I can.

I won't lie it was an exercise in self-awareness. I didn't know how much "Words of Affirmation" mattered to me as I tend to chide insincere compliments or look upon them with a scrutinizing eye. I silently read people from a mile away but in a friendly and deferential way. Any who, I will own it.

Really? That‘s amazing! My man will do this test as well, first day of our marriage, warya test ka mar oo kasoo bax.

Not knowing how you and your partner like to receive love is a disaster. Both you will feel unloved and unappreciated. So doing this test really helps to undestand oneself and your partner.
I think what you like and appreciate it unsolicited, honest and sincere compliments and words of encouragement. I don’t like receiving unsincere compliments either. I can‘t take them seriously. It‘s nice hearing the reasons why someone loves you rather than a simple I Love You. I would love to hear deeper reasons as to why someone likes/ loves me.
It‘s just

I have no words for it. I think I appreciate it more since you know somali parents aren‘t really affectionate. No lovey dovey words or anything. Most of the time they show their love with acts of service. The other ones are kinda lacking.

 

[Nak Muay]

Acts of service + physical touch easily. Getting gifts makes me uncomfortable, I feel like there’s this unspoken thing where you have to give the person something back in return.

 

[Saredo]

I got Quality time

I don't even like hugging my parents

I get annoyed when people touch me for no reason. I had to a female teacher who would give me shoulder rubs for no reason back when I was 14, shit used to piss me off.

Fucking Macron normalised that crap

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@Saredo I love your back and forth with @Inquisitive_ (it's comedy gold)

Me too .

 

[Marcus]

I didn't know somalis were averse to touch.

 

[Sophisticate]

I'm not sure which the test is for but if you're asking which I want people to show love for me its through quality time. the acts of service is my way of showing love to others. strangly enough, I hate being on the receiving end of it. I'm like that prince song.. I just want your Xtra time lol

So, you garner enjoyment from doing things for those you love without anything in return?Just be careful miss giver. Its ok to extend yourself but don't over exhaust yourself. You also deserve recognition in turn (even if it's for loved ones).

What if they’re not? That’s the problem, you never know if those words are empty. And even if they’re not empty, they’re still not enough

It takes literally no effort to compliment someone or say something nice. It proved nothing, which is why it’s so easy to replicate even if you don’t love someone.

the other 3 are not very easy to replicate. Unless someone is rich, gift giving is sincere. Unless someone has no self respect for their body, intimate touching is sincere. Unless someone is just naturally selfless, services and work are sincere.

All of these require some form of effort and you can easily tell when someone is insincere. I would be foolish to think a Ho.e loves me just because she let me smash.

We're familiar with the truism talk is cheap but words are not viewed in isolation from actions. Individuals with Words of Affirmation as their primary love language are not necessarily easily impressed by words. Particularly when there hasn't been the groundwork made to establish rapport in a relationship. I'd say they are probably even more wary during the early phases.

We also are keen to pick up on nonverbal body language that tends to betray ones utterances. I'm good at figuring out ones modus operandi. I can say that with a high degree or accuracy. No one has cheated me with a slippery tongue. However, if I rewind time every Abdi I talked to was conversationally adept in that they were masters of the forgotten art of wordplay (but they were genuine).

Words matter. In the past great orators were prized and often elevated to the status of statesman. From what I recall, tribesman with sharp minds were given informal leadership authority from their ability to convince the elders of the tol. Poetry was like social lifeblood. However, without execution they fall on deaf ears. If I was as well spoken and could communicate my ideas in English as I could in Somali I'd write gabays and probably consider a foray into politics.

Words aren't supposed to be used carelessly. And I'm likely to remember what people say since I file it away (good and bad). For some people making statements is harder for them than physical labour or tasks because it requires subversion of ones ego which is stronger. For quality time one just has to be there and focused on you. Physical touch isn't too challenging. Gift giving is quite automatic. And acts of service may appear routine (though I see their merit). This is just my view.

 

[Sophisticate]

I don't know what this shit means but here is my results

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So, Words of Affirmation are your primary love language? Who would have thought. Then again your current username portrays this. kkkk

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I have no issues with words of affirmation which is the default for females as a prime love language.

The problem for me arises when that is followed by either gifts or acts of service as the secondary love language.

In your case it's even worse, both touch and quality time are at the bottom and your top 3 are all things that are not associated with selflessness or giving.

I was a bit surprised by it because you don't come across that way, but then again the difference is only 3% between acts of service/gift with respect to quality time, might just be a rounding error.

I can work with a female for as long as she has in her top 2 one of either touch or quality time and gift is absent.

My parents always warned me that my poor ability to multi-task would prove cumbersome in a marriage. It appears that I love my projects/musings a bit more than the suitors. Lakiin when people have my attention it's undivided and focused on them. I don't occupy my mind with my next talking point but try to interpret what they mean or I ask for clarification. That is my strength in spending quality time with friends at least. And I go out of my way to remember their likes and interests (which comes in handy for gift giving). Acts of service isn't a challenge either. This might be the reason for the nearly even scores. Physical touch is just a bit foreign. Hence it's low score.

@Halimak does have a point about gift giving. It also doesn't have to be a material artifact. Something like a letter or an item made from scratch may suffice. The best gifts I received was a poem or an item tailored to me (and weren't costly). I suppose it's not about these primary love languages being wrong per se but it might have something to to with how were raised and socialized as children.

3% physical touch...

We're very similar. What was your primary one, sis?

 

[Nak Muay]

My prediction was right
If you've been in a relationship, I feel like you've got some idea without having to take the quiz.
I knew I hated gift giving, but holy shit 3% lol.