What to do when father refuses a guy because of his qabiil

[TheAnswer]

Are you not able to read? He is hawiye!

I'm shook

 

[Desert Flower]

I don't want to lose my father but whatever my father is saying is wrong do I have to obey him even if he is wrong?

Islamically u can’t marry if your dad says no.

Btw how old are u and the guy? And has your dad met the guy?

 

[QueenSamaale]

I don't want to lose my father but whatever my father is saying is wrong do I have to obey him even if he is wrong?

It is wrong. I know but after trying to convince him dont go against him. Why? Because a marriage is invalid without the fathers/ wali consent.
Make dua that your father understands his wrongdoings. In'sha'allah I will pray for you too.

 

[Linalina]

Islamically u can’t marry if your dad says no.

Btw how old are u and the guy? And has your dad met the guy?

Yeah i know, but I would like to convince him and show him that a person shouldn't be judged because of qabiil

I am 24 and he is 27, my dad doesn't want to meet him at all he refused. I tried to get him to meet him but he said no is no

 

[Tukraq]

I don't want to lose my father but whatever my father is saying is wrong do I have to obey him even if he is wrong?

father probably knows best, id trust his judgement

 

[QueenSamaale]

@Sheikh if you dont keep your nasty friend from me wallahi oo billahi oo tallahi waan rifrifaa saqajaanka.

 

[Linalina]

It is wrong. I know but after trying to convince him dont go against him. Why? Because a marriage is invalid without the fathers/ wali consent.
Make dua that your father understands his wrongdoings. In'sha'allah I will pray for you too.

Thank you so much. I pray everyday that Allah opens up his heart and sees that this isn't the way to handle things...

 

[Desert Flower]

Yeah i know, but I would like to convince him and show him that a person shouldn't be judged because of qabiil

I am 24 and he is 27, my dad doesn't want to meet him at all he refused. I tried to get him to meet him but he said no is no

Very tough situation indeed. May Allah make things easy for you. At the end of the day, your father has more haqq over you. Nin kale waa xeeli karta laakin waalid lama xeelo.

 

[Linalina]

father probably knows best, id trust his judgement

I'd understand if he got to know the guy and the family and saw something bad and he said I don't want this guy because of [reason]... but he doesn't even know him, doesn't even want to meet him. Only because he is "wrong" qabiil

 

[Linalina]

Very tough situation indeed. May Allah make things easy for you. At the end of the day, your father has more haqq over you. Nin kale waa xeeli karta laakin waalid lama xeelo.

Amiin thanks sis, I'll try to talk to him again and see if there are any improvements

 

[TheAnswer]

You’ve really absorbed your folks’ prejudices, huh.

My feelings about them arose independent of my parents, who I don't recall to have expressed any displeasure with a clan group, except maybe my mother who once bizarrely and inexplicably accused me of adopting our neighboring family's (my friend was their son at the time and i spent a lot of time at their house) leelkase accent. I was maybe 12 and didnt know what the hell she was talking about. I never heard her make a prejudiced clan remark so that one strange outburst--against a minor Darood clan whose accent i dont believe is any different than ours--sticks out in my mind.

 

[Tukraq]

I'd understand if he got to know the guy and the family and saw something bad and he said I don't want this guy because of [reason]... but he doesn't even know him, doesn't even want to meet him. Only because he is "wrong" qabiil

your acting like its just a trivial matter, theres been war and blood spilt over it, why be in a situation that will put your family and inlaws at odds? it dosent seem optimum to me and could lead to major issues tbh, it maybe belief systems too especially if he's a hardcore nationalist and they're against everything he stands for

 

[Cam]

Islamically u can’t marry if your dad says no.

Btw how old are u and the guy? And has your dad met the guy?

Pretty sure she can if the dad refuses on the basis of qabil though.
@linalin Speak to a local imaam and get more guidance. Refusing a Muslim on the basis of qabil or nationality is haram. As far as I know you can technically marry him but an imaam will be able to sort it out better and maybe even convince your father.

 

[Desert Flower]

She can if the dad refuses on the basis of qabil though.
@linalin Speak to a local imaam and get more guidance. Refuses a Muslim on the basis of qabil or nationality is haram. You can technically marry him but an imaam will be able to sort it out better and maybe even convince your father.

Even so, who wants to start a marriage while your parents are angry at you? Remember also that it is not just two people, but two families marrying. In spite of how irrational the dad may be, one should strongly reconsider marrying a man that your father does not approve of. And sis @Linalina, make istikhara and ask Allah for guidance.

 

[Tukraq]

Even so, who wants to start a marriage while your parents are angry at you? Remember also that it is not just two people, but two families marrying. In spite of how irrational the dad may be, one should strongly reconsider marrying a man that your father does not approve of. And sis @Linalina, make istikhara and ask Allah for guidance.

exactly there forgetting that its two families coming together for a marriage, them being able to get along is pretty important, but it is her life and her decision, inshallah Allah makes it easier for her

 

[Jaydaan]

The guys parents are totally okay with it. My dad always said that qabiil doesn't matter and I can marry whoever I want. Now that I finished uni and brought someone to him, he acts like this.

plus my dad is super stubborn, he doesn't wanna listen at all. Sometimes I am even afraid to bring it up, takes me weeks to get courage lol

Does your dad know anything about the guy or his family? Or is it as soon as he heard isaaq he said hell no? Is your dad religious or even pray? Do you have uncles you can speak to?

Whats your mum saying?

 

[Jaydaan]

exactly there forgetting that its two families coming together for a marriage, them being able to get along is pretty important, but it is her life and her decision, inshallah Allah makes it easier for her

Im mj and have 3 sisters married to hawiye. Be careful what you wish for. If your daughter bring muslim somali from decent family. Be grateful. You already heard @VixR story about family denying her brother a girl based on qabil. I dont know her family but I woukd guess like most somalis if the choice was somali from another qabil or white non muslim they woukd take the somali. So be careful what you wish for

 

[Libaaxseendheer]

Tell him you meant reer isaaq, ogaden. Say something like " aniga qabiil si fican ma garanayo aabo, confused ba igalay aabo"

 

[Desert Flower]

Tell him you meant reer isaaq, ogaden. Say something like " aniga qabiil si fican ma garanayo aabo, confused ba igalay aabo"

I think her dad wants a Hawiye king for his princess.

 

[Tukraq]

Im mj and have 3 sisters married to hawiye. Be careful what you wish for. If your daughter bring muslim somali from decent family. Be grateful. You already heard @VixR story about family denying her brother a girl based on qabil. I dont know her family but I woukd guess like most somalis if the choice was somali from another qabil or white non muslim they woukd take the somali. So be careful what you wish for

MJs don't care what qabil your from, we don't have this problem I don't know what you mean be careful, we intermarry with hawiye allot lol