Interracial marriage advice

[snds]

Hmmm so what ive gathered by making this thread:

1. People who sincerely have good inputs and wants to help

2. Trolls that either thinks marrying outside of somali people would be beneath them, or simply shitposts

3. People who make concerning assumptions instead of asking about certain things they are curious about

4. People with interesting stories and asks about my situation further if there's any parallels, which tbh is fair.

5. The ones that keeps questioning if this is all real, which honestly is the most useless comments of them all since i wont prove them right by sharing private information.

_______________________________________________________________________________________
So here's my final note on this observation ive made;

Trolls will be trolls. You arent really contributing with anything, but i hope atleast you're having fun.

The ones making concerning assumptions. Ask before you assume. I get you might have had your fair share of arabic people in the span of your lifetime, but I guess i shouldnt be the one telling you how concerning it is not to be open minded in regards to individuals. Mind you there's probably people in your life that have negative views towards somalis, and im sure that would be frustrating to you. Our culture isnt perfect, so maybe we shouldnt act so superior.

To the ones with interesting stories and questions, I will try to answer some of the stuff.

 

[snds]

I'll give you the truth about Somalis. They are on average less restrictive in their dealings with women than Arabs (especially Gulf ones). However, this could be offset through a western upbringing. As one raised in the Middle East is different from one born here (second generation). Also, beyond a shared faith and a couple loan words I don't know where these similarities are?

Somalis consider them foreigners as they aren't Somali and with that comes a lack of intimate details about the dynamics within their respective communities. You can't call up habo asking information about *the Arab guy's family*. This would help you to triangulate data points and figure if what he says is consistent with who he is.

Two years is a sufficient amount of time in order to know whether to proceed forward with marriage. Any longer and it's coasting. I think you're getting too emotionally invested if you ask my opinion (this feels like a g/f and b/f situation). You're young so there are other fish in the see but if you're adamant go for it. No one is stopping you.

I feel like you are projecting your own experiences or what you've seen to this situation. Mind you, you dont know me or him or what our relation entails. But here is what i will say;

Our upbringing has been very similar. By that, i mean how our parents raised us personally. The level of how strict/openminded theyve been towards us. Religious views in general. Just a lot of personal stuff that wont even matter that i go in depth with. Ofcourse I cant say that just because our upbringing has been similar, that means thats its also similar to all somalis or all arabs. Depends from family to family. But, from our situation its just been interesting how similar our families are in certain aspects. If thats hard for you to grasp, maybe try to get to know more people outside of your own culture.

And look, how long we are waiting doesnt matter. It's our decision, and its not realistic to get married when both individuals arent completely done with uni yet, or atleast got a job with stability to get a roof on top of our heads and food on the table. If thats how you move then good luck, but we've been very mature about this decision.

Am I too emotionally invested? I dont get what you mean by that. Ofcourse im emotionally invested in this person. And i might be young, but am i really that young if im 22 years old while still making the mature decision to wait until im done with uni? I might be young but im realistic. This is gonna happen, and I dont really care if theres other fishes in the sea, im not looking for a surface level relationship that won't last. I am happy and positive with how things will be in the future.

 

[Desert Flower]

Hello somali spot!

Im a 22 somali woman, and ive been seeing this arabic guy for around 2 years now, just getting to know eachother sharing different philosophies on life. We share the same views on almost everything, from religion to world perspectives and even how we'd go about it raising a child. Culturally I was also kind of surprised how similar somali and arabic culture is, and to me I believe thats a huge plus to relate to one another. We speak to eachother in english, but we've been trying to learn eachother's languages since that would be very useful communication wise with family.

Well, you get the gist how our relationship works out for us. We want to get married, and here's where im confused how thats supposed to play out. Im not worried about my parents since I know that the thing they value the most is religion and stability (job, education etc). Ofcourse also how he treats me. However, when it comes to aunts and uncles etc, im certain that some of them have a negative views on arabs in general. Which makes me nervous about some aspects, like how is the wedding even going to be like with two cultures that handles weddings in a different way. And family members that are going to attend that dont really approve on the whole marrying an arab thing.

So here's the part where im asking for advice from fellow somalis that maybe either have experienced this themselves or knows someone thats been through this. How would be the best way to go about a wedding, or is it even worth it to have a wedding at all? How have you seen or experienced the cultural clash work out? And why do so many somalis have a problem with interracial marriages?

If you want to marry him (I get the sense you do and will inshallah) have whatever wedding you want. Don’t let others discourage you from having the wedding of your dreams. Somali or non Somali, who cares? As long as you and your partner are happy, that’s all that matters ruunti.

But SSPOT is filled with dad badaan who are either miserable, or love to jump to conclusions and make assumptions about others (Men more so than the women). Anyways don’t let that discourage you. Live your life. People will always talk about you anyways, let them.

 

[snds]

I wouldn't worry about racism from your family. Of course, a few will be weirded out at the fact that you are marrying an Arab man and will have many questions and maybe offensive jokes. But it's just curiosity/banter that will die down after the marriage. Anyways, the only opinion that matters at the end of the day is that of yours parents. Somaalidu waa dad qalbi nadiifsaan.

I'd worry about racism from his family. Do they know that you guys are seeing each other? Do you know how his parents are like? They could be racists for all you know...

Thanks for being optimistic about my family's reactions. Inshallah I hope thats how it all plays out.

Also, the part about his family possibly being racist. I'd lie if I said that didnt cross my mind, however I did ask him to test the waters about somalis or generally other cultures and what they think in his family. He said that racism isnt a thing for his parents, and like mine they value that the person is muslim above all.

 

[Abdisamad]

How are we supposed to know how your aunts would react... Why don't you ask your family instead of asking us on sspot

 

[snds]

How are we supposed to know how your aunts would react... Why don't you ask your family instead of asking us on sspot

Again, you probably didnt read the thread. Did i ask for you to know how my aunts or uncles will react? No, i simply gave the information that ive heard them discuss some views about arab people in general. Since you didnt read the things i was asking/curious about, i will outline it for you:

"So here's the part where im asking for advice from fellow somalis that maybe either have experienced this themselves or knows someone thats been through this. How would be the best way to go about a wedding, or is it even worth it to have a wedding at all? How have you seen or experienced the cultural clash work out? And why do so many somalis have a problem with interracial marriages?"

 

[Sophisticate]

I feel like you are projecting your own experiences or what you've seen to this situation. Mind you, you dont know me or him or what our relation entails. But here is what i will say;

Our upbringing has been very similar. By that, i mean how our parents raised us personally. The level of how strict/openminded theyve been towards us. Religious views in general. Just a lot of personal stuff that wont even matter that i go in depth with. Ofcourse I cant say that just because our upbringing has been similar, that means thats its also similar to all somalis or all arabs. Depends from family to family. But, from our situation its just been interesting how similar our families are in certain aspects. If thats hard for you to grasp, maybe try to get to know more people outside of your own culture.

And look, how long we are waiting doesnt matter. It's our decision, and its not realistic to get married when both individuals arent completely done with uni yet, or atleast got a job with stability to get a roof on top of our heads and food on the table. If thats how you move then good luck, but we've been very mature about this decision.

Am I too emotionally invested? I dont get what you mean by that. Ofcourse im emotionally invested in this person. And i might be young, but am i really that young if im 22 years old while still making the mature decision to wait until im done with uni? I might be young but im realistic. This is gonna happen, and I dont really care if theres other fishes in the sea, im not looking for a surface level relationship that won't last. I am happy and positive with how things will be in the future.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[snds]

Has he already sampled the goods? (Serious question)

In relation to this question, I know a couple that were in a similar situation during our first year in university (both non Somali but Muslim). The guy has and is still sampling the goods 6 years later with no wedding ring on the girls finger

There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

No, we both do not believe in sex before marriage. We are very serious about doing this the right way, with our relationship. I guess the best way to describe it that in my eyes our relationship is "halal". It's different from person to person how they view halal relationships. Some people believe that a relationship isnt halal at all, and it should just be straight to marriage. Thats why arranged marriages exists. However, I believe that i want to get to know a person before i make the decision to spend the rest of my life with them, have kids etc.

 

[Abdisamad]

Again, you probably didnt read the thread. Did i ask for you to know how my aunts or uncles will react? No, i simply gave the information that ive heard them discuss some views about arab people in general. Since you didnt read the things i was asking/curious about, i will outline it for you:

"So here's the part where im asking for advice from fellow somalis that maybe either have experienced this themselves or knows someone thats been through this. How would be the best way to go about a wedding, or is it even worth it to have a wedding at all? How have you seen or experienced the cultural clash work out? And why do so many somalis have a problem with interracial marriages?"

Just run with him. No need for wedding its bullshit, also don't ask for any high mehr money take something symbolic like an apple or an orange

 

[snds]

Sis, I was born in the west. My family is cultured, educated and multi-lingual. I have lived abroad and interacted with a swath of individuals. My closest friends are ajnabis but I don't date outside my ethncity because I'm a traditionalist. Keep this focused on you, mon ami. And similarly, don't be as assumptive either. Its not a lack of a broad mind that I suffer from. I'm just pragmatic. I did not waste time with men in uni. And I value my plans over them along with freedom.

I don't see the point of talking to a man for several years without marriage (my view). I wouldn't call that a lack of depth just a choosing to keep my mind free of outside influences. I do not profess to know anything about your relationship or what you've cultivated. We have incomplete information on your situation but I'm sure you'll so fine with or without our advice. And we have zero connection to you or him. I'm unbothered by how you live your life but do refrain from assuming we're uncultured and close minded for choosing a different life path

Salaam.

I am geniunly confused. When did I assume you weren't cultured. And when did I make statements about your life?

No i didnt "wAste mY tImE in uNi on MeN". First of its one guy that ive started out being best friends with. And for the same reasons that id keep friendship connections for the longterm, i'll keep talking with him since we are positive influences to eachother's lives.

I literally NEVER called you uncultured or close minded. So confusing. Hope you are okay.

 

[Odkac WRLD]

The guy said he will marry her in 2022

He did not lie, he is religious. He meant 2020 AH islamic calendar, which is really in 2599.

 

[Sophisticate]

I am geniunly confused. When did I assume you weren't cultured. And when did I make statements about your life?

No i didnt "wAste mY tImE in uNi on MeN". First of its one guy that ive started out being best friends with. And for the same reasons that id keep friendship connections for the longterm, i'll keep talking with him since we are positive influences to eachother's lives.

I literally NEVER called you uncultured or close minded. So confusing. Hope you are okay.

Lost in translation perhaps.

If its burgeoned from friendship, is unadulterated and you have similar values and life goals then that's cool. You should be fine Insh'Allah. Its best to keep postive influences in your life.

 

[Sol]

What's your youtube channel?

 

[snds]

If you want to marry him (I get the sense you do and will inshallah) have whatever wedding you want. Don’t let others discourage you from having the wedding of your dreams. Somali or non Somali, who cares? As long as you and your partner are happy, that’s all that matters ruunti.

But SSPOT is filled with dad badaan who are either miserable, or love to jump to conclusions and make assumptions about others (Men more so than the women). Anyways don’t let that discourage you. Live your life. People will always talk about you anyways, let them.

Thank you for the positivity

To be honest, im just confused about the technical stuff with how to go about the wedding when its mixed cultures. I geniunly havent seen a somali/arabic wedding before. I was also generally curious about stories.

 

[Abdisamad]

Thank you for the positivity

To be honest, im just confused about the technical stuff with how to go about the wedding when its mixed cultures. I geniunly havent seen a somali/arabic wedding before. I was also generally curious about stories.

This is not interracial sspot.. Try twitter

 

[Octavian]

What's your youtube channel?

no early nigga

 

[snds]

This is not interracial sspot.. Try twitter

You seem negative. If you aren't interested in this thread, perhaps its just not for you. Theres other topics in the sea.

 

[Neron]

No, we both do not believe in sex before marriage. We are very serious about doing this the right way, with our relationship. I guess the best way to describe it that in my eyes our relationship is "halal". However, I believe that i want to get to know a person before i make the decision to spend the rest of my life with them, have kids etc.

Keep it that way, don’t get strung along or used

I wish you the best Insha’Allah

 

[Abdisamad]

You seem negative. If you aren't interested in this thread, perhaps its just not for you. Theres other topics in the sea.

It's just a silly thread.. You ask questions like a small child wallahi.
I mean who logs on sspot and asks how potentially one's family would react to her arab lover

 

[Ceelbuur]

Lost in translation perhaps.

If its burgeoned from friendship, is unadulterated and you have similar values and life goals then that's cool. You should be fine Insh'Allah. Its best to keep postive influences in your life.