Honest question to the married Diaspora males & the likeminded

What leads you guys to take such an epic gamble on your entire households, your finances, your children and your own health?

What’s the logic behind placing yourselves in a position of little to no authority, power or control to enforce anything in your own households?

What leads you guys to be willing to pay anywhere between 10-40k for this misfortunate madness and in the process bankrupt yourselves and your entire household as vulnerable first generation immigrants?

What lessons have you learned from the generation that preceded us including the countless broken households in our own generation who tend to wake up after the storms have hit them?

This is an honest genuine question to these brothers as I would like to understand their points of views and the logic behind this monstrosity of a gamble.

Like to especially hear from @Mercury @Boqor Quark Boqor Cisman and @Armadillo
 

4head

The one and only 4head
VIP
pop-corn-sale-au-paprika.jpeg

I'm waiting to see the responds :russ::pachah1:
 

Arma

GRAND Wizard of MJ SIXIIR
VIP
You're absolutely spot on, sxb. Its ridiculous the high price some women demand for their mehr. I've always said and held the opinion that, if she asks for more than 5k, she doesn't love you sxb.

One of my distant cousins, left a girl he was courting after she had the gall to literally want 20k for her mehr.

I was blessed enough that my wife, only wanted 2k for her mehr.
 
Finances are almost a non-issue if you don't legally get married

As for children, you can always make more.

She act out of pocket, she'll get Ramadan Kareem cards of my new fam in Disneyland.
 
You're absolutely spot on, sxb. Its ridiculous the high price some women demand for their mehr. I've always said and held the opinion that, if she asks for more than 5k, she doesn't love you sxb.

One of my distant cousins, left a girl he was courting after she had the gall to literally want 20k for her mehr.

I was blessed enough that my wife, only wanted 2k for her mehr.

I agree with this, but what about the first part of the question? the power dynamics in the household that is not in your favour in this society and that fact that biologically it's something she is repulsed by?

If a contentious issue comes down the line and she sticks to her guns, what authority or power do you have to enforce anything? do you see what I am getting at here? your pretty much at her mercy in the eyes of the law.

Your more fortunate then the other Farax's in the sense that your not married to the naturally rebellious hot headed Xaalimo but rather a timid submissive foreigner that's scared to death to raise children alone. (especially black ones)

Finances are almost a non-issue if you don't legally get married

As for children, you can always make more.

She act out of pocket, she'll get Ramadan Kareem cards of my new fam in Disneyland.

This disgusting attitude and lack of regard for your children is morally repugnant, your children need you most when you select their mother.

No offence to you whatsoever, but people that hold your attitude are almost always the ones that end up being deprived from either having children or loosing access to them.
 
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pablo

Make Dhulos Great Again
Mehr nowadays you could say it’s not needed, back in the ancient world there was no courts that could just take your child away from you. There was rarely divorce because it was known that a man could have more than one wife and the man was number 1 and women was number 2 she had her roles and responsibilities and so did the man, so mehr was paid because there was no such thing as full custody or child support etc, however nowadays a man and women break up their marriage the woman 80% wins the court battle so the man will only see his own child a few times out of the week and he will have to pay for that child or go to jail so the justice system is a woman’s insurance policy which is a greater insurance policy than mehr, so what’s the point of mehr in western society?
 
I don't understand why everyone is fixated on mehr and not the main problem which is the male having absolutely no authority, power or control over his household in the diaspora !

The whole reason of this thread is to understand what compels an intelligent rational male to place himself in a union with a women were he already knows about the existence of a massive power imbalance against him!

Do people even understand the biological implication of this when it comes to women? and how biologically they are repulsed by this?

Why do you think 70% of divorces are initiated by women? why do you think in our community 90% of the divorces are all initiated by our Xaalimo's?

This power imbalance does not exist during courtship or relationships because the female knows any male with a bit of self-respect will dump her immediately if she acts up.

It only comes into play during marriages and especially during pregnancy or after having the first child which is when the majority of divorces take place.

My question is very simple! why would any rational sane male sign up for this and pay through his teeth for this?
 

4head

The one and only 4head
VIP
I don't understand why everyone is fixated on mehr and not the main problem which is the male having absolutely no authority, power or control over his household in the diaspora !

The whole reason of this thread is to understand what compels an intelligent rational male to place himself in a union with a women were he already knows about the existence of a massive power imbalance against him!

Do people even understand the biological implication of this when it comes to women? and how biologically they are repulsed by this?

Why do you think 70% of divorces are initiated by women? why do you think in our community 90% of the divorces are all initiated by our Xaalimo's?

This power imbalance does not exist during courtship or relationships because the female knows any male with a bit of self-respect will dump her immediately if she acts up.

It only comes into play during marriages and especially during pregnancy or after having the first child which is when the majority of divorces take place.

My question is very simple! why would any rational sane male sign up for this and pay through his teeth for this?

Mariage is a scam and men shouldn't get married in the West. Too risky
 

Samaalic Era

QurboExit
I don't understand why everyone is fixated on mehr and not the main problem which is the male having absolutely no authority, power or control over his household in the diaspora !

The whole reason of this thread is to understand what compels an intelligent rational male to place himself in a union with a women were he already knows about the existence of a massive power imbalance against him!

Do people even understand the biological implication of this when it comes to women? and how biologically they are repulsed by this?

Why do you think 70% of divorces are initiated by women? why do you think in our community 90% of the divorces are all initiated by our Xaalimo's?

This power imbalance does not exist during courtship or relationships because the female knows any male with a bit of self-respect will dump her immediately if she acts up.

It only comes into play during marriages and especially during pregnancy or after having the first child which is when the majority of divorces take place.

My question is very simple! why would any rational sane male sign up for this and pay through his teeth for this?

Not only that, but they also lose their deen and dhaqan as well
 

Mercury

Ha igu daalinee dantaada raac
Staff Member
What leads you guys to take such an epic gamble on your entire households, your finances, your children and your own health?

What’s the logic behind placing yourselves in a position of little to no authority, power or control to enforce anything in your own households?

What leads you guys to be willing to pay anywhere between 10-40k for this misfortunate madness and in the process bankrupt yourselves and your entire household as vulnerable first generation immigrants?

What lessons have you learned from the generation that preceded us including the countless broken households in our own generation who tend to wake up after the storms have hit them?

This is an honest genuine question to these brothers as I would like to understand their points of views and the logic behind this monstrosity of a gamble.

Like to especially hear from @Mercury @Boqor Quark Boqor Cisman and @Armadillo

I’m laidback and chill and so is she I don’t enforce rules nor do I see the point of Controlling the household cause we both are in charge of the household we cook and clean together and any changes we think about we sit and communicate about it

Anybody worried about authority in marriage isn’t ready for an adult relationship
 

Molotoff

Supreme Bosniak Geeljire
VIP
Is mehr really necessary in this day and age, when most young people have it going in their lives with careers?
 

Mercury

Ha igu daalinee dantaada raac
Staff Member
I don't understand why everyone is fixated on mehr and not the main problem which is the male having absolutely no authority, power or control over his household in the diaspora !

The whole reason of this thread is to understand what compels an intelligent rational male to place himself in a union with a women were he already knows about the existence of a massive power imbalance against him!

Do people even understand the biological implication of this when it comes to women? and how biologically they are repulsed by this?

Why do you think 70% of divorces are initiated by women? why do you think in our community 90% of the divorces are all initiated by our Xaalimo's?

This power imbalance does not exist during courtship or relationships because the female knows any male with a bit of self-respect will dump her immediately if she acts up.

It only comes into play during marriages and especially during pregnancy or after having the first child which is when the majority of divorces take place.

My question is very simple! why would any rational sane male sign up for this and pay through his teeth for this?
What’s wrong with taking care of your wife and spoiling her?
 

World

VIP
It’s her Islamic right to ask for whatever mehr she wants. Although a small one is the best.

But not having authority to control your children and having a rebellious wife who can do what she wants without impunity or consequences is horrific and the main reason I’ll never marry in the West.
 

Tukraq

VIP
Prophet Muhammad payed about 400 dollars for mahr to the mothers of the believers (the best women of all time) and that is how much I will pay because it is sunnah :fittytousand:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/3119
How can she want me to upstage rasuluallah:faysalwtf:
And how does she think she’s worth more than ummul mumminin :ileycry:
I will pay the Sunnah of 400
Considering I also want four wives(sunnah) my total will be 1600, but we are dealing with Somalis so hopefully one or two of them is pleased with an apple:samwelcome: to cut the price down for the sake of allah:siilaanyosmile:
 

Maxamed bin Harti

KAAH 2021
VIP
@Inquisitive_ Good questions, its a risk we take living in the west but Alxamdulilah i dodged that bullet.


I’m laidback and chill and so is she I don’t enforce rules nor do I see the point of Controlling the household cause we both are in charge of the household we cook and clean together and any changes we think about we sit and communicate about it

Anybody worried about authority in marriage isn’t ready for an adult relationship
Helping out in the house is sunnah, but you are the head of the household.
 

Mercury

Ha igu daalinee dantaada raac
Staff Member
@Inquisitive_ Good questions, its a risk we take living in the west but Alxamdulilah i dodged that bullet.



Helping out in the house is sunnah, but you are the head of the household.
Yes I know I’m just saying being the head of the house don’t mean it’s something that the person should abuse

Like say the wife wants to start a course and the husband refuses it
 
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