Has anyone ever come across Somali parents that don’t let their daughters get married?

O

Odious Delirium

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Angelina said:
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I said many in general amongst all women. Not most somali women and my point was you should have same standards or above for ajnabis. The examples I have seen in and out of the community when it comes to those that have dealt with both there own and others tends to end with them being more lax towards the ajnabis. That's just my observation.
 
C

Chase

Angelina said:
Nah it’s a standard cultural practice. Ask anyone in your family. I’m not joking. It’s well known. They don’t pay it unless upon divorce. They simply announce it during the nikkah. Ask any old head.
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Maybe it's a Southern vs Northern thing, can't say I've come across it, I literally just attended a wedding a couple weeks ago, American guy spent 30k+ on a Xalimo, brought Iphones, laptops, Ipads, consoles for the kids, paid for the wedding, don't know what the Mehr was but I'm willing to venture it was around 15k.
 
A

Angelina

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Chase said:
Maybe it's a Southern vs Northern thing, can't say I've come across it, I literally just attended a wedding a couple weeks ago, American guy spent 30k+ on a Xalimo, brought Iphones, laptops, Ipads, consoles for the kids, paid for the wedding, don't know what the Mehr was but I'm willing to venture it was around 15k.
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Northerners and Southerners are the same in that regard. Somalis tend to give gold upfront which ain’t part of the Mehr and the Mehr later. You’ve just admitted that you don’t know about the Mehr, so you have no idea if he gave it to her and tbh he seems wealthy so it’s a non issue, but most men aren’t in that situation and most Somalis ask for 3K to 5k.
 
C

Chase

Angelina said:
@Chase and @Odious Delirium

Even this report about Somalis mention this:

DOWRY (MEHER)According to sharia, the woman will be given the dowry in connection with the nikaah, and the dowry will remain her personal property, which she has full control over. In Somalia, it is common for the meher to be paid only upon divorce or the husband's death.

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I'm sorry but I call cap, it says it is 'common', yet I have never heard of this being a normal thing in our culture. I was always under the impression that majority of our parents generation had their Mehr paid upfront, you can't convince me this is normal, at least in the North, hence why I asked you to specify if this was a Southern practice.
 
Dharbash

Dharbash

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MARQUESS OF SSC
empressjamila said:
I have a friend going through this right now. Also Somali. She’s 25 turning 26 and really wants to get married. Her mom keeps telling her “what’s the rush” “go get your masters degree and a better job instead of being desperate for nin” even though she has a decent job already and she’s not broke lol.

She introduced a suitor to her family last year and her parents refused him for really stupid reasons and threatened her if she went along with marrying him so she let him go. She doesn’t think her family has her best interest in mind, and they just want her to stay at home so she can continue taking care of them. They obv aren’t letting her move out as a single woman either. She has a secret boyfriend now, they want to get married and she’s considering getting married without her parent’s input so she can move out and live her life. Which I understand tbh I think her parents are being very selfish..

I really feel for her I’ve never seen Somali parents acting like that. Usually the minute you finish uni they’re asking where’s the husband at lol. Has anyone come across a Somali family like this?
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I don’t think the parents are denying her marriage, they’re correct in wanting what’s best for her, and getting a degree and a good paying job is part of that

Edit: I reread it, she already has a degree and a job, could probably find a better job but she’s young and doing good, if she wants to marry him, what’s the issue, do her parents think she’s a maid?
 
O

Odious Delirium

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Angelina said:
@Chase and @Odious Delirium

Even this report about Somalis mention this:

DOWRY (MEHER)According to sharia, the woman will be given the dowry in connection with the nikaah, and the dowry will remain her personal property, which she has full control over. In Somalia, it is common for the meher to be paid only upon divorce or the husband's death.

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I already said I took your word for it you didn't have to go to such lengths. Plus none of my arguments had anything to do with mahr im not arguing the exact same thing as chase or even making the same points :what1:
 
A

Angelina

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Chase said:
I'm sorry but I call cap, it says it is 'common', yet I have never heard of this being a normal thing in our culture. I was always under the impression that majority of our parents generation had their Mehr paid upfront, you can't convince me this is normal, at least in the North, hence why I asked you to specify if this was a Southern practice.
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You’re ‘under the impression’ and something tells me you’ve never directly asked. Somalis announce the Mehr and that which makes you think they give it straight away when on average they simply don’t.

This is from years ago but this whole thread is about that:

https://www.somnet.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=293180

Ask an older member of your family about this part of the culture and get back to me.
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A

Angelina

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Odious Delirium said:
I already said I took your word for it you didn't have to go to such lengths. Plus none of my arguments had anything to do with mahr im not arguing the exact same thing as chase or even making the same points :what1:
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Sorry walal, my life motto is point, evidence and explanation. But upon my quest to showcase this, I found an old thread of Basra from 2011 saying she didn’t get Mehr because married her cousin 😂😭
 
O

Odious Delirium

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soomal__.nur1 said:
How long does the talking stage between women and men last? Anyone who has better knowledge, please share. Also, what is the norm today for mehr? Can you explain the average mind?

@Sophisticate @Yaraye @empressjamila @Idrus @Odious Delirium
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It depends on how you went about it aswell as how frequently or infrequently you talk to her. Basically once you have done a background check and have asked whatever you needed to know about her and your both on the same page in general about each other. Then you can set a date.

I would say at the pace I do it at for me 1 month is enough and then I would set the marriage based off my current circumstances between 3 to 9 months from then. Some things might come out so this give you time not to rush into things but you have to keep in mind that somethings will never come out until you guys live together so bare that in mind when you decide and don't also jump the gun towards divorce because she wasn't as "perfect" as you orginally thought. Everyone is on there best behaviour in the talking stage and pre marriage in general.
 
C

Chase

Angelina said:
You’re ‘under the impression’ and something tells me you’ve never directly asked. Somalis announce the Mehr and that which makes you think they give it straight away when on average they simply don’t.

This is from years ago but this whole thread is about that:


Ask an older member of your family about this part of the culture and get back to me.
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Sweet, I'll make sure to ask and let you know what I get.
 
Three Moons

Three Moons

One thing about this Telenovela story that doesn’t add up is where are the girl’s extended family? Where are her grandparents, uncles, her aunts, her brothers, her sisters? Somali children are usually raised by more individuals than just the parents. If the girl actually brought home a Somali brother, why didn’t she plead with her other relatives to change her parents minds? Why didn’t they involve the Sheikh or Imam of the local mosque that they and their parents attend?

I also reject the theory that her parents are holding her back for monetary reasons, because how did they support themselves all those years that the girl in question was a child and then a student? It’s all wishy-washy to me, and I suspect the entire family agreed with the parents, and didn’t intervene, because the original suitor wasn’t Somali (God is watching you Jamila, be honest).

Marriage in of itself is one of the most welcomed institutions in the eyes of Somali parents, almost universally.
 
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