Why are Muslim men allowed to marry non-muslims but never vice versa?

[Juliet]

Here I am, browsing Reddit, and came across this particular thread, the comments from the men are crazy...


I feel really bad for practising women in the west ngl, they have very limited options in partners, and their counterparts use the "people of the book excuse" lol, even though their kid will 90%+ percent of the time not be a muslim.

So I guess my question is, why the double standard? Is it because if vice versa was allowed, Muslim women would be leaving them in droves for their unbearable misogyny and hypocrisy?

 

[Yeri]

Muslim Reddit is a cesspool. The reason for why muslims men can marry jewish/christian women doesn’t make sense to me either. Considering people who are born from such union are rarely practicing muslim. It’s so unfair.

 

[mohamedismail]

Muslim men who marry ahlul kitab women in the west are minority tbh.

But majority of the scholars advise against marrying an ahlul kitab women in the west. This is due to the fact that the overwhelming influence of the west is kaafir.

The scholars only advise to marry ahlul kitab in the Muslim countries. This is because in the Muslim countries the overwhelming influence in Muslim countries is Islam and sunnah. So even if the mother is kafir then she won't be able to influence the kids to kufr as they have more islamic influence.

I personally follow that advice of the scholars and wouldn't advise marrying a ahlul kitab woman in the west. Also why would you do so when there are so many practising Muslim single sisters available.

 

[Juliet]

Muslim men who marry ahlul kitab women in the west are minority tbh.

But majority of the scholars advise against marrying an ahlul kitab women in the west. This is due to the fact that the overwhelming influence of the west is kaafir.

The scholars only advise to marry ahlul kitab in the Muslim countries. This is because in the Muslim countries the overwhelming influence in Muslim countries is Islam and sunnah. So even if the mother is kafir then she won't be able to influence the kids to kufr as they have more islamic influence.

I personally follow that advice of the scholars and wouldn't advise marrying a ahlul kitab woman in the west. Also why would you do so when there are so many practising Muslim single sisters available.

well, that's still terribly unfair. I for one hate having my marriage options limited while men are given free reign.

I honestly think that "rule" is just your typical male territorialism BS. Maybe it was made up to trap Muslim women? we all know the kids follow their mothers faith in vast majority of interfaith marriage cases

 

[mohamedismail]

well, that's still terribly unfair. I for one hate having my marriage options limited while men are given free reign.

I honestly think that "rule" is just your typical male territorialism BS. Maybe it was made up to trap Muslim women? we all know the kids follow their mothers faith in vast majority of interfaith marriage cases

You have to understand the logic behind it. Plus it is part of the deen it's not something any man made up or brought out of his back pocket.

The logic is that the man is the head of the household so the kids will follow his religion. However if a woman was to marry a gaalo man her kids would follow the fathers man.

 

[wheel]

well, that's still terribly unfair. I for one hate having my marriage options limited while men are given free reign.

I honestly think that "rule" is just your typical male territorialism BS. Maybe it was made up to trap Muslim women? we all know the kids follow their mothers faith in vast majority of interfaith marriage cases

It has to do with islamic culture where the men are the head of the household and the children follow/inhert his beliefs and values. But i dont see why this is an issue for muslim somalis (both men and women)? i never see these marriages happen and on the very rare occurrence it does it has a very high rate of failure.
Its probably more of a thing among arabs.

 

[Juliet]

You have to understand the logic behind it. Plus it is part of the deen it's not something any man made up or brought out of his back pocket.

The logic is that the man is the head of the household so the kids will follow his religion. However if a woman was to marry a gaalo man her kids would follow the fathers man.

that "logic" is very flawed when you look around and see the amount of children from these Muslim-male - non-Muslim female unions and what they identify as in terms of religion. You would be shocked. Women are the primary caregivers, so children tend to follow them in terms of culture and religious beliefs. The double standard exists because of muslim males insecurity and territorialism, nothing more.

 

[Do]

I totally understand where your reservations are coming from. I mean, take a look at the Hadid sisters. Bella and Gigi seem like lovable compassionate people and they outwardly identify with the Muslim label, but I doubt they know how to pray salah. But according to the specific Muslim male personalities in the diaspora who want to marry women who fall under people of the book, they've done the right thing.

What they miss (or turn a blind eye to) is that Christian and Jewish women at the time of the prophet were almost identical to Muslim women in their external practices like wearing long headscarves and abstaining from pork and alcohol. These days, religiousity is less valued in the West so most of these Christian girlies they wish to marry are actually scantily-clad Instagram baddies whose only semblance of Christian faith is Psalms in their bio.

So this rule, while valid, isn't one that should be practiced in the 21st century most of the time because the cons greatly outweigh the benefits.

I also think it's not something for Somalis to worry about since we typically marry within our own (99% Muslim) group and that other Muslim diasporas, like the white-passing Lebanese Arabs who are basically the face of Australian Muslims here are the ones whose women should worry about having less options.

 

[Do]

About the misogyny, I think it's less about the hatred of women in Islam and more about taking into consideration that we live in a world where men take up the majority of leadership positions both at work and at home and that this idea that Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim men is to accommodate for that reality.
Your man could easily take away the kids by force and raise them non-Muslim, should he snap one day, god forbid. That is less likely to occur with genders reversed.

Though you're on point about how some Muslim guys like to rub it in women's faces to put us down but that's a reflection of bad societal attitudes not the fallibility of Islam itself.

 

[Omar del Sur]

well, that's still terribly unfair. I for one hate having my marriage options limited while men are given free reign.

I honestly think that "rule" is just your typical male territorialism BS. Maybe it was made up to trap Muslim women? we all know the kids follow their mothers faith in vast majority of interfaith marriage cases

I don't want to say anything in the woman's section but this is super serious.....

this rule that you call.... what you called it. "typical male territorialism BS"

this rule is from the Quran. whatever chain of reasoning has led you to characterize the Quranic ruling in this way... whoever has a problem with this ruling- their problem is with Allah, not with men. the Quran is the kalaam of Allah. are you going to oppose verses of the Quran?

Why is it not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man​

21047
Publication : 22-08-2001
Views : 13770
EN

Question​

It is permissible for Muslim men to marry women who are not Muslim, so why are Muslim women not permitted to marry men who follow a religion other than Islam?

Answer​

Praise be to Allah.
It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a woman from among the People of the Book, a Jewish or Christian woman, but not a woman from any other kaafir religion, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halal (lawful) foods, which Allah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)…” [Al-Maa’idah 5:5]
This refers to chaste women from among the People of the Book, not immoral women. It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a mushrik who is not a Muslim, no matter what his religion is. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire…” [Al-Baqarah 2:221]
And because Islam should prevail and not be prevailed over, as is stated in the religion of Islam.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr
It is known that the man is the stronger party and the one who dominates the lives of the family, his wife and children. So it is not wise for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man who will dominate her life and the life of her children, the consequences of which will be very serious, as there is the possibility that he may divert her from her religion and raise the children in his own religion.
And Allah knows best.
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Source: Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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https://islamqa.info/en/answers/21047/why-is-it-not-permissible-for-a-muslim-woman-to-marry-a-kaafir-man

edit:

just to add on- and the point here is not to condemn anybody or anything like that, that is not the point at all but only to illustrate how serious it is to reject verses of the Quran

"Ruling on rejecting a verse in the Quran"​

(Omar del Sur: I think everyone knows the ruling... and it's very serious...)

Whoever rejects a verse from the Quran – after knowing that it is confirmed in the Mus-haf or after trustworthy people informed him that it is from the Quran – then he is considered to be a Kaafir (non-Muslim) as Allaah commanded us to believe in the entire Quran; so whoever denies something from the Quran, he does not believe in it. A group of scholars, among whom are Al-Qaadhi Iyaadh and Ibn Qudaamah

reported a consensus from the scholars that whoever rejects a verse from the Quran, he is a Kaafir.

Ruling on rejecting a verse in the Quran

Explore the nuanced debate on the repercussions of rejecting verses from the Quran, including differing scholarly opinions on the phrase Bismillah. This discussion addresses the significance of belief in the Quran, where scholars like AlQaadhi Iyaadh and Ibn Qudaamah assert that rejecting any...

www.islamweb.net

 

[hinters]

well, that's still terribly unfair. I for one hate having my marriage options limited while men are given free reign.

I honestly think that "rule" is just your typical male territorialism BS. Maybe it was made up to trap Muslim women? we all know the kids follow their mothers faith in vast majority of interfaith marriage cases

Why are you challenging the deen? Kulaha male territorialism

 

[samira24]

My mom is friends with a Somali woman who married a Christian man and still with him today and she's a practising Muslim, all her kids are practising Muslims too and her daughters wear the hijab aswell and their dad don't have a problem with it. Whilst I know many Muslim men that are married to non Muslims and most of the kids are not Muslims or not practising, those men have not commited any sins but the Somali woman has even though her kids are Muslims. But all in all I don't know why it's allowed for Muslim men but not Muslim women, no one can ever explain it properly.

 

[Do]

I wish male users could all just collectively piss off from the Women's den.

None of you are being helpful. Bludgeoning female users with verses of the holy Quran and the authentic hadeeth without taking into consideration where their underlying concerns and anxieties about Islamic rulings are coming from does nothing at best and pushes away young Muslim girls/women further away from the deen than if you had just left them alone.

 

[hinters]

I wish male users could all just collectively piss off from the Women's den.

None of you are being helpful. Bludgeoning female users with verses of the holy Quran and the authentic hadeeth without taking into consideration where their underlying concerns and anxieties about Islamic rulings are coming from does nothing at best and pushes away young Muslim girls/women further away from the deen than if you had just left them alone.

She's essentially insulting and making fun of the Quran. As a Muslim(which I think she is) idk why she'd do that.

 

[Juliet]

My mom is friends with a Somali woman who married a Christian man and still with him today and she's a practising Muslim, all her kids are practising Muslims too and her daughters wear the hijab aswell and their dad don't have a problem with it. Whilst I know many Muslim men that are married to non Muslims and most of the kids are not Muslims or not practising, those men have not commited any sins but the Somali woman has even though her kids are Muslims. But all in all I don't know why it's allowed for Muslim men but not Muslim women, no one can ever explain it properly.

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[The alchemist]

Because men are the leaders of a household and women are not. A woman that marries a kafir man is putting herself under that man and his ways, and he will dominate and influence the children regardless. It's not unfair, but the order of things, protection for the Muslim woman, most of all, who places herself at such a spiritual disadvantage. The freedom that the man can marry non-Muslim women comes from his inherent disposition that women lack. We all have roles to play, those roles have amenities and responsibilities, and those aspects don't run symmetrical across genders - you can't do as a man does because you're not a man, and vice versa. It's stupid to pretend otherwise unless you're a feminist bimbo who can't assess basic reality.

 

[Deejay]

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My mom is friends with a Somali woman who married a Christian man and still with him today and she's a practising Muslim, all her kids are practising Muslims too and her daughters wear the hijab aswell and their dad don't have a problem with it. Whilst I know many Muslim men that are married to non Muslims and most of the kids are not Muslims or not practising, those men have not commited any sins but the Somali woman has even though her kids are Muslims. But all in all I don't know why it's allowed for Muslim men but not Muslim women, no one can ever explain it properly.

Then their marriage would be invalid islamically, any copulation they've is considered zina and their children would be counted as being born out of wedlock. She should've had him convert before marriage.

As brother @mohamedismail was alluding to earlier most scholars advise against marrying ahlul kitaab women in non-muslim countries and even when it is allowed it's for ahlul kitaab women who were seriously practising and with the intention that the man would have her convert eventually.
The problem is some muslim men have taking it as a carte blanche to marry any non-muslim woman even when neither of them are seriously practising. The kids I grew up with who had non-muslim mothers are still muslim because their fathers are praticing men and some of their mothers converted as well.

In respone to sister @CurrentlyOnline, no brother should rub this in the nose of muslim sisters. Being allowed to marry ahlul kitaab women is not a privlige as much as it is a burden, our deen puts heavy emphasis on you raising your children to be proper muslims and doing that in household where that might be challenged by their very own mother is a real tough challenge

It's usually the guy in the neighbourhood who everyone knows drinks and fornicates who marries a non-muslim woman and then to no ones surprise their children end up either non-practicing or non-muslim. That why the scholars advise against it in non-muslim lands because there is a lack of a good muslim enviroment that would've prevented such a disaster.
That's why I have personally don't know or seen a seriously practicing brother marry a non-muslim woman, the closest thing is a brother marrying a recently reverted sister but reverts in general tend to be more serious about their than most muslim from muslim households.

However I would also like to add that you shouldn't underestimate the imaan of our sisters to believe that it is so weak that it would falter when met with responses from a misogynistic trolls* online when they're asking questions regarding our deen.

Praise be to Allah.

Just as the parents have rights over their children, so too the children have rights over their parents.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded”

[at-Tahreem 66:6].

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock…” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (893) and Muslim (1829).

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no person whom Allah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allah will forbid Paradise to him.” Narrated by Muslim (142).

Therefore children have rights over their parents to which the parents must pay attention. These rights are many and include the following:

1. A man must choose a good wife for himself and a woman must choose a good husband for herself. A man should choose a woman who will be a good mother for his children in the future, and a woman should choose a man who will be a good father to her children.

2. Giving the child a good name, taking care of him, and fulfilling his basic needs of food, drink, clothing and accommodation, according to what one can afford, without falling short or being extravagant.

3. One of the most important rights that children have over their parents is that they should give them a good upbringing and take care of them, paying attention to their manners and behaviour, and their practice of their religion in a manner that is pleasing to Allah, and following up with them regarding worldly matters in such a way that will help them to live a dignified and righteous life.

Many parents fall short with regard to this duty that they owe to their children, then they suffer the consequences of their falling short, which is defiant disobedience from their children, and the children’s mistreatment of them.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

Whoever neglects to teach his child that which will benefit him, and leaves him without any guidance, has wronged him gravely. Most children’s deviance is because of their parents and the parents’ neglect and failure to teach them the obligatory religious duties and the sunnah of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), so they neglected them when they were small.…

How many are the parents who were the cause of their children’s misfortune and suffering in this world and the hereafter, because of their negligence and failure to discipline the child, and their encouraging and helping him to pursue his whims and desires. By doing that, they think that they are being kind to the child, at the time when they are disgracing him, and they think that they are showing mercy to him at the time when they are wronging him. Thus the child will be of no benefit to his parent, and the parent is the cause of the child’s misfortune and of his missing out on opportunities for success in this world and the hereafter…

If you think of the causes of children’s misguidance and corruption, you will see that it is mostly the fault of the parents.

End quote from Tuhfat al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood (p. 229, 242).

It should be noted that if the father and mother fall short in raising their child, that does not mean that the child should fall short in his duties towards his parents and mistreat them; rather he has to treat them kindly and forgive any mistreatment on their part towards him. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and to parents, good treatment”

[al-Isra’ 17:23]

“But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness”

[Luqmaan 31:15].

For more information on the rights of children over their parents, please see question no. 20064.

And Allah knows best.

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[Juliet]

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Then their marriage would be invalid islamically, any copulation they've is considered zina and their children would be counted as being born out of wedlock. She should've had him convert before marriage.

As brother @mohamedismail was alluding to earlier most scholars advise against marrying ahlul kitaab women in non-muslim countries and even when it is allowed it's for ahlul kitaab women who were seriously practising and with the intention that the man would have her convert eventually.
The problem is some muslim men have taking it as a carte blanche to marry any non-muslim woman even when neither of them are seriously practising. The kids I grew up with who had non-muslim mothers are still muslim because their fathers are praticing men and some of their mothers converted as well.

In respone to sister @CurrentlyOnline, no brother should rub this in the nose of muslim sisters. Being allowed to marry ahlul kitaab women is not a privlige as much as it is a burden, our deen puts heavy emphasis on you raising your children to be proper muslims and doing that in household where that might be challenged by their very own mother is a real tough challenge

It's usually the guy in the neighbourhood who everyone knows drinks and fornicates who marries a non-muslim woman and then to no ones surprise their children end up either non-practicing or non-muslim. That why the scholars advise against it in non-muslim lands because there is a lack of a good muslim enviroment that would've prevented such a disaster.
That's why I have personally don't know or seen a seriously practicing brother marry a non-muslim woman, the closest thing is a brother marrying a recently reverted sister but reverts in general tend to be more serious about their than most muslim from muslim households.

However I would also like to add that you shouldn't underestimate the imaan of our sisters to believe that it is so weak that it would falter when met with responses from a misogynistic trolls* online when they're asking questions regarding our deen.

Praise be to Allah.

Just as the parents have rights over their children, so too the children have rights over their parents.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded”

[at-Tahreem 66:6].

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock…” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (893) and Muslim (1829).

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no person whom Allah puts in charge of others, and when he dies he is insincere to his subjects, but Allah will forbid Paradise to him.” Narrated by Muslim (142).

Therefore children have rights over their parents to which the parents must pay attention. These rights are many and include the following:

1. A man must choose a good wife for himself and a woman must choose a good husband for herself. A man should choose a woman who will be a good mother for his children in the future, and a woman should choose a man who will be a good father to her children.

2. Giving the child a good name, taking care of him, and fulfilling his basic needs of food, drink, clothing and accommodation, according to what one can afford, without falling short or being extravagant.

3. One of the most important rights that children have over their parents is that they should give them a good upbringing and take care of them, paying attention to their manners and behaviour, and their practice of their religion in a manner that is pleasing to Allah, and following up with them regarding worldly matters in such a way that will help them to live a dignified and righteous life.

Many parents fall short with regard to this duty that they owe to their children, then they suffer the consequences of their falling short, which is defiant disobedience from their children, and the children’s mistreatment of them.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

Whoever neglects to teach his child that which will benefit him, and leaves him without any guidance, has wronged him gravely. Most children’s deviance is because of their parents and the parents’ neglect and failure to teach them the obligatory religious duties and the sunnah of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), so they neglected them when they were small.…

How many are the parents who were the cause of their children’s misfortune and suffering in this world and the hereafter, because of their negligence and failure to discipline the child, and their encouraging and helping him to pursue his whims and desires. By doing that, they think that they are being kind to the child, at the time when they are disgracing him, and they think that they are showing mercy to him at the time when they are wronging him. Thus the child will be of no benefit to his parent, and the parent is the cause of the child’s misfortune and of his missing out on opportunities for success in this world and the hereafter…

If you think of the causes of children’s misguidance and corruption, you will see that it is mostly the fault of the parents.

End quote from Tuhfat al-Mawdood bi Ahkaam al-Mawlood (p. 229, 242).

It should be noted that if the father and mother fall short in raising their child, that does not mean that the child should fall short in his duties towards his parents and mistreat them; rather he has to treat them kindly and forgive any mistreatment on their part towards him. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and to parents, good treatment”

[al-Isra’ 17:23]

“But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness”

[Luqmaan 31:15].

For more information on the rights of children over their parents, please see question no. 20064.

And Allah knows best.

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[Deejay]

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[hinters]

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