Why am I expected to respect my absent father?

[Aboow]

Your daddy issue complex is something you need to handle when interacting with the world. It does not excuse your shit personality or the need to generalize the male population. Might come off as cold, but you don't appear to be a self-critical person, and this thread of yours serves no purpose for fruitful dialogue.

There are ways to raise issues about the Somali community (plenty of problems), even talk about your life if you feel the need, but not like this.

I will decode this: basically don’t expose Somali men.

Protecting the old beer belly adeeros ain’t going to work with this generation. No more ceeb culture. The lack of self awareness some Somali men have is honestly astonishing.

Anyways, am happy more and more people are coming forward and speaking their truth. If Somali men get offended than they are deadbeat father. If your not than it shouldn’t bother you.

 

[Angelina]

I don't know why the guys here are getting defensive. Hint, hint @The alchemist

The fact that we have too many Somali girls with blantant daddy issues shows there is a real issue in our community. Tbh, so do many of the guys, but it just manifests itself in a different way.

I hope the younger generations become much better fathers and I hope young women be extra cautious when it comes to the men they marry, even though many things are qadr and you have no way in predicting how a young childless man will behave in the future. But one thing i've noticed and you even pointed out is that the more in love a man is with you, the more he is much more likely to stick around unfortunately. The fact that your father married your mother simply due to loneliness says it all!

 

[Aboow]

Alxamdulilah I was lucky to have a father who stuck by his children and my mother through thick and thin.One of the most hard-working human beings I have ever seen wallahi he would sacrifice anything for me and my siblings.He fled Somalia prior to SNM starting the rebellion and had no family in Canada, his work ethic and dedication to his family is second to none and unsurprisingly this was something he inherited from my grandfather who passed in SL last year from Corona.My grandfather was super dedicated to his children because his own father passed away when he was 12 and had no one to take care of him,his full younger siblings and his mother.Being a dedicated father can have a generational effect as I have married this year and I plan to be not that different from my father and grandfather.

But growing up I had a lot of my Somali neighborhood friends who came from single mother households.Those with family networks living close by like aunts/uncles did well and those who didn't end up being bums/hoodmen.There's even some peculiar cases of Somali fathers being present in the home but are extremely lazy and make his wife and eldest sons/daughters take care of the household while he heads to mosque or local library to go on hiiraan.com like a bum.

The amount of close Somali friends who would tell me they wish they had a father like mine is a lot but Somali men just like any other men in the world ain't perfect, there's good and bad men in this world regardless of ethnicity.

I hope your experience with your father made you stronger and also makes you a lot pickier when it comes to any future spouses. Allah yi7fadhik wa yigawwiik

Only time I agreed with you LOL

This comment pulled a string in my

 

[World]

LMAO

Cap.

Go make a poll then and see how many fathers ditched their wives at the hospital after she gave birth

 

[Lebron James]

Another person who got a deadbeat dad projecting it on to everyone else

 

[Aboow]

Go make a poll then and see how many fathers ditched their wives at the hospital after she gave birth

Stop deflecting and getting into semantics.

Some Somali men ARE deadbeats just like my father! It happens. If your father isn’t and you don’t plan on being one it shouldn’t bother you walal. Why are you triggered?

 

[Unicorn]

LOL seriously tho the way I put my business on this site is actually not normal

i was gonna say this these men know this stuff some of them also have absent fathers but back them up so they can do that too lol if the bar is low why raise it is the mindset

 

[The alchemist]

I don't know why the guys here are getting defensive. Hint, hint @The alchemist

The fact that we have too many Somali girls with blantant daddy issues shows there is a real issue in our community. Tbh, so do many of the guys, but it just manifests itself in a different way.

I hope the younger generations become much better fathers and I hope young women be extra cautious when it comes to the men they marry, even though many things are qadr and you have no way in predicting how a young childless man will behave in the future. But one thing i've noticed and you even pointed out is that the more in love a man is with you, the more he is much more likely to stick around unfortunately. The fact that your father married your mother simply due to loneliness says it all!

Angelina, I'm a grown-ass man. Don't mention me with your antics. I'm not one of the guys who bicker with you back and forth. My points were clear, not defensive, and certainly not in line with your childish hints. I don't fit the shoe for this thread.

You can jump on every opportunity to project your daddy issues irrespective of the proper conduct of conversation, like this one, but no self-respecting person will lower themselves to this standard. We can be adults and talk about serious problems productively, like real people, but I will not do this internet thing to provide your daily fix.

 

[Angelina]

Angelina, I'm a grown-ass man. Don't mention me with your antics. I'm not one of the guys who bicker with you back and forth. My comments were clear, not defensive, and certainly not in line with your childish hints. I don't fit the shoe for this thread.

You can jump on every opportunity to project your daddy issues irrespective of the proper conduct of conversation, like this one, but no self-respecting person will lower themselves to this standard. We can be adults and talk about serious problems productively, like real people, but I will not do this internet thing to provide your daily fix.

Alchemist, you've been on this site long enough to know that if I wanted to come for you, wallahi I wouldn't have held back, so calm down.

Secondly, I don't even have daddy issues. Parents are still married and my father is an active one. So again, if you were 'grown' you wouldn't be jumping the gun.

Her talking about her daddy issues wasn't even gender bashing. Many of the guys here actually gave her genuine sympathetic advise and mine wasn't even an advice that was bashing all fathers, because I more than many know that some Somali fathers are great.

You said yourself, you're not the type to go back and forth. So keep it that way and have a good day.

 

[karkaar]

Sad to hear what you went through walaal,nobody deserves what you've been through.

 

[Halimo-2018]

Sorry, try to be nice to him maybe visit him maintain your relationship with him for the sake of Allah but some things should be off limits like disrespecting your hoyo and telling you his sex life. While i dont blame you if you cut him off. Remember Allah is merciful to us despite us doing haram forgiveness is good route to go not many can do it. Show him how to maintain a healthy relationship with your kids one day you you might have children of your own perhaps they can enjoy reform grandpa. Remember in islam is important to maintain ties with family and distance family members. Remember he is the parent at end if the day Allah asked us to be kind to our parents.

 

[Bundasliga]

I will decode this: basically don’t expose Somali men.

Protecting the old beer belly adeeros ain’t going to work with this generation. No more ceeb culture. The lack of self awareness some Somali men have is honestly astonishing.

Anyways, am happy more and more people are coming forward and speaking their truth. If Somali men get offended than they are deadbeat father. If your not than it shouldn’t bother you.

Maybe they get offended ,because they have present fathers unlike some of the people trynna paint their experiences to the whole community lol

 

[Aboow]

Maybe they get offended ,because they have present fathers unlike some of the people trynna paint their experiences to the whole community lol

Walal you have to do better. The people offended usually have absent fathers and want to protect them or they are the absentee father.

Alhamdulilah I have never been physically abused but I can empathize with victims of abuse because l’m a human with a healthy moral compass. I don’t deflect or gaslight victims in order to keep our culture’s reputation intact. I don’t adhere to ceeb culture because a victim cannot be at fault. The abuser needs to be shamed. However, the Somali community tends to protect the aggressor especially if he’s a men. Some Somali men will mobilize and help the criminal with bail for example.

I’m not taking a jab at Somali men and turning this into a gender war. I’m simply highlighting situations that happen and that exist in our community. Some Somali men cant empathize with Somali women due to their upbringing and privilege.

Again, I said some Somali men are deadbeats like my father and some aren’t.

 

[Mercury]

Sorry to hear about your dad I truly believe some people dont deserve to be parents in my opinion the same way you prioritize your work working long hours,night shifts etc the same mindset you should have towards your kids and family making sure you're there for them and spending quality time individually with each of your kids

Honestly I can't wrap my head around people who have kids and never spend time with them or look after them even if you're not together with the mother that shouldn't affect the relationship with your kid and to be honest most somali families they dont file for child support or take things to family court so theres nothing stopping the guy from being there for his kid

Instead of going around marrying multiple women left and right and having a bunch of kids why not invest your time and money on your kid's education & needs?

 

[Jaydaan]

Maybe they get offended ,because they have present fathers unlike some of the people trynna paint their experiences to the whole community lol

No one said it’s the whole community. But from my experience it has the biggest % of any Muslim community. We have big problems with absent fathers

 

[Sueeeeeee]

I’m so sorry love InshaAllah things get better for you! Deadbeat Somali fathers are very common. Most of my friends didn’t have fathers.. we need to start shaming these deadbeats

 

[Al-Ma'mun]

have your experiences made turn away from Somali men for marriage or are you still planning on marrying a somali man??

I'm a Somali man married to an Arabized Berber

Just cause I am not bashing this traumatized girl doesn't make me a woman

 

[Mckenzie]

Damn I been thinking of a second wife and this post nearly triggered me

Some of the greatest stories of individuals with high achievements were kids without active or supportive parents. My Dad AUN use to often admonish us that we have living healthy parents who we don't listen to but there are kids without that guidance who have to work harder, their reward is greater than ours as nothing in this World goes unaccounted for.

It's a character building experience that can make you stronger. See it as a test. We all go through our own tests. When you have kids you'll be able to tell them of your struggles and they'll be grateful you worked hard to be the good parent you needed yourself.

 

[SomaliRealist]

Well surely he’s a shitty father but remember Allah put you on this earth for a reason and tests people in different ways. Hold strong sister the best is still to come you never know the way Allah will bless you maybe even in your own marriage when you are married some day or other ways. Always believe in Allah and continue what you are suppose to do as a Muslim.

 

[Abdalla]

As soon as the oldest of my three sons turns 5, I’ll abandon them to keep a long living Somali tradition alive. He’s 4 now, so there’s 1 year left of bonding and then it’s time to buy some caano