Why am I expected to respect my absent father?

[Angelina]

Some faraxs in their late 30s are fucking scumbags, they're relics of a bygone era who think chipping in with the odd bit of housework is akin to castration. I'm all for parent putting their wants/needs second in order to bring up their kids in a stable household, but at some point having these guys around does more harm than good wallahi.

I don't know why women in these situation continue having children with deadbeats like that, surely they can piece it together that the guy's a useless cūnt after the 2nd child? They're not completely blameless.

Imagine being a young impressionable girl and growing up around that shit, you'd think any guy who treated you with a modicum of respect and not like some Filipino housemaid was a complete fâggot, brutal wallahi lol

@Amina99
Its usually a problem with the older generation. They grew up in households in which their mothers were treated this way as well. Back home, men even going into the kitchen is seen as ceeb and this is something both men and women have internalized.

However, we can't keep soley pointing the finger at men. I've seen a lot of this and usually, its the man's mother to blame. She raised him as a little prince who has women doing absolutely everything for him. Even when some of these mothers are ill, they would rather force themselves to do everything for their sons rather than actually get him to help out. Hence, they grow up not having much compassion for women and think that even on the verge of severe illness these women have to do everything for them.

Therefore, you can't expect a man who grew up to have little empathy for his mother or sister to have empathy for a wife who isn't blood related. I wish it was easy to vet for this behavior.

 

[Wervelwind]

@Amina99


Therefore, you can't expect a man who grew up to have little empathy for his mother or sister to have empathy for a wife who isn't blood related. I wish it was easy to vet for this behavior.

From your point of view, why do you think western xalimos put up with this?

 

[Angelina]

From your point of view, why do you think western xalimos put up with this?

They don't. Which is one of the reasons why divorce rates are high and why there is a disconnect between Western Xalimos and Abdis. Its also why many here say stuff like how they want a Somali girl from back home.

 

[Bundasliga]

Reminds me of some family friend who literally stayed home and watched an Arsenal match while his wife was giving birth. Poor woman did everything in their household, exhausted herself to the point kidney failure. 36yr old+ faraxs got away with absolute murder wallahi

Pay for some therapy ASAP, parental neglect and being made to feel like they were unwanted fucks people up badly. Nip it in the bud now or it's going to haunt all of your future relationships.

Reminds me of this

Expressions Oozing speaking the truth

youtube.com

 

[Amina99]

Some faraxs in their late 30s are fucking scumbags, they're relics of a bygone era who think chipping in with the odd bit of housework is akin to castration. I'm all for parent putting their wants/needs second in order to bring up their kids in a stable household, but at some point having these guys around does more harm than good wallahi.

I don't know why women in these situation continue having children with deadbeats like that, surely they can piece it together that the guy's a useless cūnt after the 2nd child? They're not completely blameless.

Imagine being a young impressionable girl and growing up around that shit, you'd think any guy who treated you with a modicum of respect and not like some Filipino housemaid was a complete fâggot, brutal wallahi lol

Man the stories I got from that piece of shit excuse of a husband.

I’ll never forget when she confided in me over some tea, one late afternoon how she wishes she can go back in time and had left him after the second child, and how much easier her life would be if she didn’t have all these kids with him.

I asked her. Sowhat made you keep having kids with him ?

…
I wanted to give him a son ! He kept getting me pregnant to have a son, and I thought maybe he would be happier if I gave him one !
Her 4th child is a boy.

I’m not making this up, and I remember her telling me that I’m so lucky for only having one child that is a son.

She also told me if she can chose which kid to keep, she said wishes she only had her son, as she felt the best connection with him.

She said she loves her children, but wish she stuck to one or two. Her life would be easier and she would’ve left him. She also resents her husband making her do all the cleaning and cooking, and work long hours to pay the bills.

Isnt this crazy @Angelina ?

 

[Amina99]

@Amina99
Its usually a problem with the older generation. They grew up in households in which their mothers were treated this way as well. Back home, men even going into the kitchen is seen as ceeb and this is something both men and women have internalized.

However, we can't keep soley pointing the finger at men. I've seen a lot of this and usually, its the man's mother to blame. She raised him as a little prince who has women doing absolutely everything for him. Even when some of these mothers are ill, they would rather force themselves to do everything for their sons rather than actually get him to help out. Hence, they grow up not having much compassion for women and think that even on the verge of severe illness these women have to do everything for them.

Therefore, you can't expect a man who grew up to have little empathy for his mother or sister to have empathy for a wife who isn't blood related. I wish it was easy to vet for this behavior.

Oh I hundred percent get it. It’s not totally their fault as their mothers prepared them to be like this.

He would always compare her to his mother too, and it’s like … than go back to Kenya and marry her ass then ?

Which is why I say to the girls here when vetting for a man, that to see if he was a mommas boy and never did chores and cooking growing up, and that’ll let you know what you got in store dealing with him.

Did his mother treat him like a prince who can’t do no wrong ? Authobulkah how many sisters do I know who married a guy they’re mother gassed up as amazing and holy and wonderful, only for the guy to be a complete psychopath who will treat you like a slave ?

It can also happen with guys who marry girls they thought were so sweet, and she ends up being a psycho as well.

 

[Angelina]

Oh I hundred percent get it. It’s not totally their fault as their mothers prepared them to be like this.

He would always compare her to his mother too, and it’s like … than go back to Kenya and marry her ass then ?

Which is why I say to the girls here when vetting for a man, that to see if he was a mommas boy and never did chores and cooking growing up, and that’ll let you know what you got in store dealing with him.

Did his mother treat him like a prince who can’t do no wrong ? Authobulkah how many sisters do I know who married a guy they’re mother gassed up as amazing and holy and wonderful, only for the guy to be a complete psychopath who will treat you like a slave ?

It can also happen with guys who marry girls they thought were so sweet, and she ends up being a psycho as well.

The situation is deep. Even the way we raise girls contributes to this. People will often wonder why many women would put up with this, but women are socialised to not put their needs first, whilst many men are raised to mostly think about their needs first and foremost. Mothers, society at large ect contribute to this thinking.

That is why the older generation and a lot of younger men unfortunately have a mindset that a woman has to 'keep a man', and upon divorce its because she 'wasn't able to keep him, or look after his needs or wants'.


Therefore, culturally relationships are soley based on the man and what he wants. How could we then expect young men to value helping and keeping their spouse happy, when they're raised with that bullshit and young girls are raised to over value relationships at the expense of their own dignity?!

Studies also show that men are 6x more likely compared to women to leave if their wife has a chronic illness. Why? Because many have been socialised with the idea that a woman has to do most of the nurturing ect and if she's unable to do so anymore then there isn't any point to the relationship. Obviously, this isn't all men, but its worrying and it shows how society has contributed to this messed up thinking and the consequences.

 

[Amina99]

The situation is deep. Even the way we raise girls contributes to this. People will often wonder why many women would put up with this, but women are socialised to not put their needs first, whilst many men are raised to mostly think about their needs first and foremost. Mothers, society at large ect contribute to this thinking.

That is why the older generation and a lot of younger men unfortunately have a mindset that a woman has to 'keep a man', and upon divorce its because she 'wasn't able to keep him, or look after his needs or wants'.


Therefore, culturally relationships are soley based on the man and what he wants. How could we then expect young men to value helping and keeping their spouse happy, when they're raised with that bullshit and young girls are raised to over value relationships at the expense of their own dignity?!

Studies also show that men are 6x more likely compared to women to leave if their wife has a chronic illness. Why? Because many have been socialised with the idea that a woman has to do most of the nurturing ect and if she's unable to do so anymore then there isn't any point to the relationship. Obviously, this isn't all men, but its worrying and it shows how society has contributed to this messed up thinking and the consequences.

That’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t get married. That statistic is very real and based on real life strains I’ve had relatives go through with they husbands leaving them after something like that.
Or leave them for another women down the line.

Everything else you said is right on the dot and just facts. I genuinely think if both women and men prioritized their happiness and mental health first, we wouldn’t have all these unsuccessful marriages and bringing unnecessary and innocent children into this world.

 

[Wervelwind]

That’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t get married. That statistic is very real and based on real life strains I’ve had relatives go through with they husbands leaving them after something like that.
Or leave them for another women down the line.

Everything else you said is right on the dot and just facts. I genuinely think if both women and men prioritized their happiness and mental health first, we wouldn’t have all these unsuccessful marriages and bringing unnecessary and innocent children into this world.

You dont want kids??

 

[AbdiFreedom]

You're not. I know a few whose dads are now trying to contact them now as they are getting older after decades of abandonment. They are adamant about not having them even hear their voices.