Why am I expected to respect my absent father?

[Dibleyy]

Seeing discussions by men about how they’re not apart of their child’s lives because of the mother pisses me off because 99% of the time that man is using that as an excuse. Look at Indian, Arab families even though they have extreme problems within the family even when the fathers are abusive but still provide for their children and are in their lives.

Madow men and (older!) somali men have in common is that They can have kids and just leave them on the spot. My father never helped me or supported me as a child and ditched my mom at a hospital after she gave birth, my mom has never asked him for anything in my life and is just happy when he calls or asks about me.

This man is legit the worst and here’s some things he’s done

-calls my mom to ‘check up on me’ and then gossips back home about me like he is present father

- never paid for anything in my entire life and only started to give $100 a month after my sister was tired of footing the bill

- told me the only reason he got with my mom who had children at the time was because he was lonely and didn’t want to commit zinah (he told me this at 10)

- we have lived in the same city for 11 years but I’ve only ever seen him maybe 30 times in my entire life, my aunt uncle and 4th cousins on his side talk about seeing him once a week lol

so all in all I have a stranger I’m supposed to call my father and respect him but respect who? What? What is there to respect? Who even if he dies I wouldn’t cry? I have no faith in a relationship with a Somali man or hell any man in that case.


I write this post as a message for the Somali men on this app, please for the love of god please don’t be like that loser. Treating your kids like shit is one thing but absence causes a numbness that won’t ever go away. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. . .

 

[Abdalla]

ditched my mom at a hospital after she gave birth,

I am sorry but I LOL’ed hard on this part.

told me the only reason he got with my mom who had children at the time was because he was lonely and didn’t want to commit zinah (he told me this at 10)

Again LOL’ed. That guy is unhinged walahi. Jeez

How is the father of your siblings. Is he a better father than yours?

 

[greznigrezni]

Dude is an absolute loser, and he knows it deep down. I am sorry that you didn't a childhood with a present father and a responsible one at that. I guess the best way to think about things would be to not have expectations for anything. It helps with the disappointment part and you just kind of expected that things wouldn't go right. It's always your choice if you want to date a Somali man, but I guarantee you that most of them aren't like these-khat head 80s men.

 

[TekNiKo]

Seeing discussions by men about how they’re not apart of their child’s lives because of the mother pisses me off because 99% of the time that man is using that as an excuse. Look at Indian, Arab families even though they have extreme problems within the family even when the fathers are abusive but still provide for their children and are in their lives.

Madow men and (older!) somali men have in common is that They can have kids and just leave them on the spot. My father never helped me or supported me as a child and ditched my mom at a hospital after she gave birth, my mom has never asked him for anything in my life and is just happy when he calls or asks about me.

This man is legit the worst and here’s some things he’s done

-calls my mom to ‘check up on me’ and then gossips back home about me like he is present father

- never paid for anything in my entire life and only started to give $100 a month after my sister was tired of footing the bill

- told me the only reason he got with my mom who had children at the time was because he was lonely and didn’t want to commit zinah (he told me this at 10)

- we have lived in the same city for 11 years but I’ve only ever seen him maybe 30 times in my entire life, my aunt uncle and 4th cousins on his side talk about seeing him once a week lol

so all in all I have a stranger I’m supposed to call my father and respect him but respect who? What? What is there to respect? Who even if he dies I wouldn’t cry? I have no faith in a relationship with a Somali man or hell any man in that case.


I write this post as a message for the Somali men on this app, please for the love of god please don’t be like that loser. Treating your kids like shit is one thing but
absence causes a numbness that won’t ever go away. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. . .

 

[Geeljire lotus]

Lool

 

[Geeljire lotus]

that was sad to read

 

[Dibleyy]

Man stfu

 

[asveros]

Sorry about your experience, absent fathers can seriously f*ck childrens lives; wouldn't wish it on my enemy. If you vet properly and pick a good man i'm sure he will be a good father.

 

[Dibleyy]

I am sorry but I LOL’ed hard on this part.


Again LOL’ed. That guy is unhinged walahi. Jeez

How is the father of your siblings. Is he a better father than yours?

Tbh tho he wasn’t like that to his other kids or wives, he took care of them. I think it’s cause my mom wasn’t the same qabil like his other wives lol

 

[The alchemist]

Answering, as this was directed at the males here:

No one asked for your fucking life story.

 

[Dibleyy]

Answering, as this was directed at the males here:

No one asked for your fucking life story.

LOL seriously tho the way I put my business on this site is actually not normal

 

[Abdalla]

Tbh tho he wasn’t like that to his other kids or wives, he took care of them. I think it’s cause my mom wasn’t the same qabil like his other wives lol

I mean your siblings from your mums side. If her ex husband ditched her all, then it’s time to stop blaming the men but also look at the behavior of women.

 

[Basra]

Seeing discussions by men about how they’re not apart of their child’s lives because of the mother pisses me off because 99% of the time that man is using that as an excuse. Look at Indian, Arab families even though they have extreme problems within the family even when the fathers are abusive but still provide for their children and are in their lives.

Madow men and (older!) somali men have in common is that They can have kids and just leave them on the spot. My father never helped me or supported me as a child and ditched my mom at a hospital after she gave birth, my mom has never asked him for anything in my life and is just happy when he calls or asks about me.

This man is legit the worst and here’s some things he’s done

-calls my mom to ‘check up on me’ and then gossips back home about me like he is present father

- never paid for anything in my entire life and only started to give $100 a month after my sister was tired of footing the bill

- told me the only reason he got with my mom who had children at the time was because he was lonely and didn’t want to commit zinah (he told me this at 10)

- we have lived in the same city for 11 years but I’ve only ever seen him maybe 30 times in my entire life, my aunt uncle and 4th cousins on his side talk about seeing him once a week lol

so all in all I have a stranger I’m supposed to call my father and respect him but respect who? What? What is there to respect? Who even if he dies I wouldn’t cry? I have no faith in a relationship with a Somali man or hell any man in that case.


I write this post as a message for the Somali men on this app, please for the love of god please don’t be like that loser. Treating your kids like shit is one thing but absence causes a numbness that won’t ever go away. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. . .

I am sorry hon

 

[warshuush]

Im sorry sis <3 And pray that with time your wounds heal
But why on earth did he leave your mother in the hospital by her self? why?
What was his horrible exuse?
And did your mothers family or his family yell him out? or was your mother the second wife!?

 

[World]

Sad to read, but your father is the exception. Never heard of a father that treats his children in such a way. This is unheard of.

 

[The alchemist]

LOL seriously tho the way I put my business on this site is actually not normal

Your daddy issue complex is something you need to handle when interacting with the world. It does not excuse your shit personality or the need to generalize the male population. Might come off as cold, but you don't appear to be a self-critical person, and this thread of yours serves no purpose for fruitful dialogue.

There are ways to raise issues about the Somali community (plenty of problems), even talk about your life if you feel the need, but not like this.

 

[Dibleyy]

I mean your siblings from your mums side. If her ex husband ditched her all, then it’s time to stop blaming the men but also look at the behavior of women.

there’s no excuse to be a bummy father no woman or her behaviour should drive a man from his kids wtf

 

[Al-Ma'mun]

Alxamdulilah I was lucky to have a father who stuck by his children and my mother through thick and thin.One of the most hard-working human beings I have ever seen wallahi he would sacrifice anything for me and my siblings.He fled Somalia prior to SNM starting the rebellion and had no family in Canada, his work ethic and dedication to his family is second to none and unsurprisingly this was something he inherited from my grandfather who passed in SL last year from Corona.My grandfather was super dedicated to his children because his own father passed away when he was 12 and had no one to take care of him,his full younger siblings and his mother.Being a dedicated father can have a generational effect as I have married this year and I plan to be not that different from my father and grandfather.

But growing up I had a lot of my Somali neighborhood friends who came from single mother households.Those with family networks living close by like aunts/uncles did well and those who didn't end up being bums/hoodmen.There's even some peculiar cases of Somali fathers being present in the home but are extremely lazy and make his wife and eldest sons/daughters take care of the household while he heads to mosque or local library to go on hiiraan.com like a bum.

The amount of close Somali friends who would tell me they wish they had a father like mine is a lot but Somali men just like any other men in the world ain't perfect, there's good and bad men in this world regardless of ethnicity.

I hope your experience with your father made you stronger and also makes you a lot pickier when it comes to any future spouses. Allah yi7fadhik wa yigawwiik

 

[Jaydaan]

This is sad and never understood men like this. Seen Somali men like this. Hell I know one and his closest friend is always with his kids. I always think when he see his friends with his kids, does he never think of his own.

My dad was around and not. He was there physically and brought money to the house. But like most Somalis outside of saying don’t do that and do this, there was never much human connection. Only when we got grown he realised his errand try to have relationship and he needs money. I still don’t hold any grudge cause I’m sure that’s how he had it with his dad and didn’t know better

 

[Aboow]

Sad to read, but your father is the exception. Never heard of a father that treats his children in such a way. This is unheard of.

LMAO

Cap.