You’re right. I don’t think everyone here has the same ideas in terms of what people mean by coming first.
Alchemist you’re looking at this from a childish perspective and clearly not married. This has nothing to do with possessiveness or even love.
People on this forum aren’t serious. It’s one thing to put your mother first, but some on here are even advocating to put your siblings before your partner. That’s nuts considering that your siblings will have their own lives and family unit InshaAllah and they’ll be seeing you like twice a week and the rest of their time focusing on their kids and the mother/father of their child.
Lol, I think people are thinking about their child being a teenager or an adult. When all is said and done, it’s child first. Especially for women since we birth them and the greatest love a woman is her own child. They’d sacrifice everything for that child.
Well you’ve answered it. The wife gets more time. Why? Because she’s the one that actually has a life with you. Obviously when there are problems she’s going to take a back seat, but who is the one that gets you all the time and spends most of the time whilst you only see your siblings once a week or even once every two weeks? Your wife. She’s 5x more of a priority and adulthood will teach you this. Many of you lot only see your uncles and aunts here or there with many of them living abroad, are you telling me your mum puts them before your dad? The man she created a life with, whilst your uncles are in different continent?
Wevel has no intention of ever marrying, so don't be surprised by his response.
@The alchemist was being facetious. He did have a point about having multiple roles and shifting priorities. Parents age, spouses can unfortunately leave, and children grow up. Depending on your stage of life and social position, some relationships take precedence over others. Also, there is a difference between living in the West/nuclear family vs. a multi-generational family set-up. The former is more common than the latter. In addition, individuals may feel isolated as historically. People didn't rely solely on a spouse but had others around to provide support. People have never lived alone with their spouses but also had other family members around. In the event of a marriage dissolution, children return to their parents with their dependents. I have seen cases where grandparents were forced to raise their grandchildren or were saddled with them by their children. If a marital situation is toxic, people look to their parents for support.
Caring for your children from 0 to adulthood is basically a given, prioritizing your children comes naturally to people and there’s no need to even consider it on a conscious basis as it’s natural to care for your children and it basically works on the unconscious level, however I think that people need to consciously consider their partners more than anything as that’s the relationship that’s most easily ignored and goes south the easiest.
With regards to your comments about multigenerational family units with siblings living in the same compound or house, I’ve seen it at play back home as my family tend to live in a compound with siblings being next door. Even then, the spouses came first for both men and women after parents since a man had to provide for his wife and look after her above his brother or sister who would be either working themselves and in the case of the sister, she’d be married and looked after by another man, her husband. Naturally, a man’s responsibility after parents is his wife and kids NOT his siblings, so even in joint family unit, it should be wife/ husband.
This I agree with 100%.
I assumed it was strictly just those three. I didn't mention siblings, but speaking of them, those dynamics certainly depend on the family dynamics and closeness and can change. I have seen people who are quite close to their siblings and others who barely talk to them. Like you wouldn't even know they were related. Generally, if they are level-headed, they would support you to spend your time wisely and be understanding of the new demands placed on you based on certain transitions, i.e. marriage and child-rearing. The presumption is they would want their relative to be happy and can help in a conflict that might require outside intervention.
Aww.. this was a very clueless, cute big-girl response.
Stop with the patronizing mockery, it’s boring. if you can’t come up with a valid response, simply ignore. Most married people would argue what I just did simply because what is a fact is that your siblings will indeed carve their own lives. Look at your own family such as your aunts and uncles. They have separate lives focusing on their wives and kids (your cousins). It’s a reality. I’m a whole lot more clued up than you. Putting your adult siblings above your spouse is definitely juvenile. I’d love to hear your real response once married, not as a young man about town who can’t even commit yet.
When did I ever mention siblings...? The only way for you to hold an argument is to fix me to claims I never made. How can I not mock you at that point when you started the cute patronizing attempt to boot? Be reasonable first by coming with some respect.
I @ you when you replied to @Welve whatever his name is and our conversation was about siblings and then you said I was possessive!
Why @ me then and say I was possessive when I was only talking about siblings with that other poster? What’s wrong you?
I don’t actually care to know tbh. You’ve already shared more than I care to know. Don’t act like a victim when YOU @ me about a conversation about putting siblings first. You don’t know me to call me possessive so let’s keep that energy from the very beginning? Then maybe I’d have stayed in my lane?
Walaal , why are you as a married woman arguing with people who have primitive mindsets and who’ll never see eye to eye with you? Maxaa khaldaan meesha
