Who comes first? Spouse, child, or parent?

[empressjamila]

Personally I think it’s spouse, then child, then parent. Maybe unpopular but this is why I feel that way:

The relationship with your spouse is gonna be the #1 example and model for your child when it comes to relationships. Also the mother of your child/father of your child is not that replaceable, that’s why broken families and blended families with stepmoms and stepdads always have messed up family dynamics and tons of abuse.

A healthy marriage with two loving parents is the #1 best environment to raise children in and that’s why you need to put in the work to keep your marriage together. Kids of course are important and you need to prioritize them too but people tend to neglect their marriages when they have kids which is wrong. That’s what your child is observing and gonna use as a model for their own relationships as they get older. Also your spouse is the person you are gonna spend the most time with, once your kids grow up they will leave and create their own families. So if you and your spouse don’t have a close bond then being alone with them is gonna be miserable.

Parents are important too of course but at some point you are going to leave and create your own family. So priorities will have to change.

What are your thoughts?

 

[Abu Hesi]

Kids come first when young, otherwise:

Parents>Kids>Spouse for me

 

[adventurequestworlds1.0.2]

First kids then parents then spouse

 

[Scipio Africanus]

Parents>Children>Spouse(s) for me.

 

[Internet Nomad]

Kids>Parent>Spouse

 

[Internet Nomad]

Kids come first when young, otherwise:

Parents>Kids>Spouse for me

You have an obligation to your kids like your parent had upon you

 

[lahaine]

Very hard one but
Children> spouse> parents
Children need both of their parents more than their grandparents. And children take priority

 

[Abu Hesi]

You have an obligation to your kids like your parent had upon you

My parents put their parents first and I will continue to do the same. That's doesn't mean that they neglected us lol, my grandparents were in old age.

And I appreciate that they put their parents first.

 

[Internet Nomad]

Very hard one but
Children> spouse> parents

You put your wife over your mother?

Your wife didnt raise from a child to adult.
Also your wife can never love you as much as a mother loves her child.

 

[lahaine]

You put your wife over your mother?

Your wife didnt raise from a child to adult.
Also your wife can never love you as much as a mother loves her child.

No I don't Put my wife above my parents I think my children will need their mother more and for me children take priority

 

[adventurequestworlds1.0.2]

Why would any chose their spouse were someday divorce can happend over parents

 

[Sophisticate]

Parents
Kids
Spouse

 

[lahaine]

You put your wife over your mother?

Your wife didnt raise from a child to adult.
Also your wife can never love you as much as a mother loves her child.

Oh nevermind I thought this was a survival question like who would you save first if all three were in danger. But in everyday life it would be children> parents> spouse

 

[Abu Hesi]

Oh nevermind I thought this was a survival question like who would you save first if all three were in danger. But in everyday life it would be children> parents> spouse

Damn, this is even worse

 

[techsamatar]

Personally I think it’s spouse, then child, then parent. Maybe unpopular but this is why I feel that way:

The relationship with your spouse is gonna be the #1 example and model for your child when it comes to relationships. Also the mother of your child/father of your child is not that replaceable, that’s why broken families and blended families with stepmoms and stepdads always have messed up family dynamics and tons of abuse.

A healthy marriage with two loving parents is the #1 best environment to raise children in and that’s why you need to put in the work to keep your marriage together. Kids of course are important and you need to prioritize them too but people tend to neglect their marriages when they have kids which is wrong. That’s what your child is observing and gonna use as a model for their own relationships as they get older. Also your spouse is the person you are gonna spend the most time with, once your kids grow up they will leave and create their own families. So if you and your spouse don’t have a close bond then being alone with them is gonna be miserable.

Parents are important too of course but at some point you are going to leave and create your own family. So priorities will have to change.

What are your thoughts?

Certainly, it makes complete sense. If the relationship between the spouses is strained, it can have a cascading effect and adversely impact the child. Additionally, since the child looks up to the father and mother as role models, any tension between the parents is noticed. Therefore, prioritizing one's husband or wife is tantamount to prioritizing the child's well-being.

 

[techsamatar]

You put your wife over your mother?

Your wife didnt raise from a child to adult.
Also your wife can never love you as much as a mother loves her child.

Being excessively attached to one's parents, such as being a "mummy's boy" or "daddy's girl," is not derived from the Quran or Sunnah and is considered immature. Your spouse is your responsibility, and their well-being should take precedence. If you're not ready to prioritize and care for your spouse above all else, reconsider signing the marriage contract. There are numerous instances of marriages breaking down and ending in divorce due to interference from the parents of either partner, causing tension and discord. It's essential for individuals to understand and respect boundaries, recognizing the roles and responsibilities that people in their lives hold. Everyone in your life plays a distinct position on the chessboard, and recognizing these roles is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

 

[attash]

Kids > Parents > Spouse

You said yourself that the reason why the relationship with your spouse is important is because it sets a model for the kids. This means the main reason why your spouse is important is because of the kids. Knowing this, I don't see why you would prioritize the spouse over kids.

 

[empressjamila]

Being excessively attached to one's parents, such as being a "mummy's boy" or "daddy's girl," is not derived from the Quran or Sunnah and is considered immature. Your spouse is your responsibility, and their well-being should take precedence. If you're not ready to prioritize and care for your spouse above all else, reconsider signing the marriage contract. There are numerous instances of marriages breaking down and ending in divorce due to interference from the parents of either partner, causing tension and discord. It's essential for individuals to understand and respect boundaries, recognizing the roles and responsibilities that people in their lives hold. Everyone in your life plays a distinct position on the chessboard, and recognizing these roles is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

100% agree, wise words walal.

I can understand the POV of people that put kids over spouse, but parents over spouse makes no sense. When you get married it’s time for you to grow up and prioritize the family you are creating. Yes, parents should be cared for in their old age but you can’t put your spouse at the bottom of your priority list and expect a happy home. Boundaries with parents are essential when you get married.

 

[empressjamila]

Kids > Parents > Spouse

You said yourself that the reason why the relationship with your spouse is important is because it sets a model for the kids. This means the main reason why your spouse is important is because of the kids. Knowing this, I don't see why you would prioritize the spouse over kids.

Not necessarily because of the kids. A strong bond between the spouses needs to be there before kids even come in the picture. But it’s essential when you have children, because when you have a healthy relationship between you and your spouse, your child will automatically benefit from that.
Have you ever seen how distressed children get when their parents are divorcing or fighting with each other?

A good marriage = a healthier household dynamic and happier children

 

[World]

1) Kids
2) Parents
3) Wife