Who comes first? Spouse, child, or parent?

[Nilotic]

Kids
Parents
Spouse

I can't see it any other way; people fall out of love all the time, but short of me killing someone, my mum will always love me; she literally walked through minefields with my father, so how am I going to pick a spouse over that?



Anybody who picked spouse over their mum

 

[Khanderson]

Kids
Parents













spouse

 

[Khanderson]

Kids
Parents
Spouse

I can't see it any other way; people fall out of love all the time, but short of me killing someone, my mum will always love me; she literally walked through minefields with my father, so how am I going to pick a spouse over that?



Anybody who picked spouse over their mum

1) Kids
2) Parents
3) Wife

Agree with you guys.

Kids are the youngest which needs more love than your parents.

But then your parents also deserve love and affection since they been there for you when you were just nothing.

Your spouse is absolutely replaceable.

 

[Abdirazaq]

Spouse> Kids> Parents.

The hardest relationship to deal with is going to be your spouse, as you’re not going to be directly related which means you feel the least obligation but ironically your also going to be spending the most time and be most intimate with them, working through this relationship is going to be number one priority as it’s also the one that most easily dissolves, (it’s also the backbone of what makes and creates a family) everything else followers from there in my opinion, a man and a women who prioritize and love each other will also prioritize and love their children, and then their parents and then their mother/father/brother sister in law etc.

Essentially dealing with the hardest relationship first makes the other ones easier.

 

[The alchemist]

Depends on what you mean. A human takes on different roles dealing with parents, children, and partners - those hats are not the same, and you are obligated to play those roles to the best of your abilities. It's also your role to make sure those relationships don't conflict with one another. If they do, then in a certain context, you have to prioritize based on what you think is the most important if immediate options for reconciling those conflicts fail.

Why am I framing this from a conflict resolution perspective? The reason for this framing is that it does nothing good from generally having a very narrow mind in how you approach a problem. In that respect, I am not going to have a list of priorities when parents, children, and spouses all fall within my most important category. All those have to be handled with utmost importance and care. When priorities become salient, is when you're left with clearly defined, reduced, choices from the friction of discrepancies. And in those cases, you have to consider your relations with your family from a value-weighted point of view.

Those roles you take on is not only managing the relations with other but also how the hats you put on don't conflict with the responsibilities that family holds over you.

Generally, the spouse comes last. Doesn't mean a wife is not important. After all, a good relationship prioritizes the well-being of the children.

We have to realize, all these things hang together. If you treat your parents neglectfully and with disrespect, how are you expecting nice treatment from your children? If you don't respect your wife and are abusive, manipulative whatever bad treatment, how do you think that will translate into the sponges children are in their developmental capacity?

So, all this hangs together as if we're dealing with a needed equilibrium. If someone tips the scale, which is to happen because life is never a smooth ride, we have to work hard to manage a balance with all cases considered.

Now, of course, there are times when things do not work out with the spouses. When you have stressed all options for remedying the problems, factoring in your involvement and theirs, with compromise and mature conciliation of disputes, when everything is done (because jumping ship at the first sign of trouble is a trait of self-centered cowards), then it is morally right to divorce. But I would never in my life cut off my mother for my wife. That is a rule that can never bend. A woman who makes such ultimatums in the first place is not fit to be my wife.

One thing that has to be stressed is that people start off with good prospects with regard to the qualities of their partner. I know many impulsive folks who just ride the clouding waves of emotions and when the euphoria dissipates, they are left with reality, realizing their partner is not well-rounded enough. So choosing the right partner, although no one is perfect, is crucial for longevity. Some people start off with bad conditions early on. You have to avoid those by being responsible.

 

[hinters]

Children, spouse, parent

 

[SizzleSomali]

mom > daughter > wife

 

[Abdirazaq]

Anyone who prioritizes their mother over their wife is being irrational and I can prove it. Imagine your father prioritized his mother over your mother? How would that make you feel? You’d hate it. Maybe you all wouldn’t feel the need to prioritze your mothers so much if your father was there for her.

Also, those who say prioritze the kids before the wife, how would you feel if your relationship with your parents were fine but your parents didn’t prioritize/love each other leading to a loveless household or single parent household? You also wouldn’t like it and you’d feel the effects growing up. Putting spouse above the rest makes everything else flow naturally, kids will get the love they need and parents will also get the care they need but when these priorities are misplaced you end up with messed up family dynamics and divorce.

You can’t honestly be surprised at the high divorce rates and also put spouse last, that’s just hypocritical.

 

[attash]

Anyone who prioritizes their mother over their wife is being irrational and I can prove it. Imagine your father prioritized his mother over your mother? How would that make you feel? You’d hate it. Maybe you all wouldn’t feel the need to prioritze your mothers so much if your father was there for her.

Also, those who say prioritze the kids before the wife, how would you feel if your relationship with your parents were fine but your parents didn’t prioritize/love each other leading to a loveless household or single parent household? You also wouldn’t like it and you’d feel the effects growing up. Putting spouse above the rest makes everything else flow naturally, kids will get the love they need and parents will also get the care they need but when these priorities are misplaced you end up with messed up family dynamics and divorce.

You can’t honestly be surprised at the high divorce rates and also put spouse last, that’s just hypocritical.

Just because you prioritize your kids/parents over your spouse doesn't mean you're going to end up in a "loveless or single parent household". Obviously we will still prioritize our spouses, but we also recognize that there are people more important. In fact, if your spouse was a good person, they would not wish for you to prioritize them over the kids. I would not feel comfortable being with a woman who demanded me to prioritize her over her own kids.

 

[Gacmeey]

Kids
Parents
Wives

Anything else is wrong

 

[Abdirazaq]

Just because you prioritize your kids/parents over your spouse doesn't mean you're going to end up in a "loveless or single parent household". Obviously we will still prioritize our spouses, but we also recognize that there are people more important. In fact, if your spouse was a good person, they would not wish for you to prioritize them over the kids. I would not feel comfortable being with a woman who demanded me to prioritize her over her own kids.

I think too many of you are mistaking love and priority, obviously you’re going to have a deeper love for your mother and children in some ways compared to your wife, especially in an unconditional sense but what I mean by priority is working through the relationship and affirming needs and wants for each other, resolving incompatibilities and issues that are brought up and working to deepen ties and bonding, all of this will be most required of your spouse as it’s much harder to do compared to your parents and your children where those things come more naturally.

This is why you prioritize your spouse first, as it’s a feeble relationship that needs so much work put into it, also the failure of such a relationship is so grave that you end up messing up not just your spouse but all the other people around you if you don’t take it seriously, especially the kids.

 

[Qeelbax]

I really hate these comparisons.

Kids=Parents=Spouse

 

[Juke]

Parents>Kids>Wife

One can only ever have the same 2 parents for their whole lifetime. Kids hit in 9 month intervals, moderate turnaround time. Partners can always be readily replaceable.

 

[The alchemist]

Parents>Kids>Wife

One can only ever have the same 2 parents for their whole lifetime. Kids hit in 9 month intervals, moderate turnaround time. Partners can always be readily replaceable.

Nothing signals family values more than a declaration of prioritization of a new partner over blood.

What it really means is that they chose themselves first. The "partner" is a superficial phantom of their self-centered desires, cloaked in language for establishing a new family, priority commitments, responsibilities, etc. (positive things outside this context), that somehow got to be put in the language of definite hierarchies, as if there are inherent conflicts of interests, from an economic language; opportunity cost, giving one, deprives the other, of the finite amounts available. The language of the dilemma is only placed for the defense of self-prioritization, entailing a decreased attention toward parents and consideration for self-attention. Increased investment toward individualization by arranging the "particularities" into hypothetical non-contextual orders of value, in true essence, an ego-centric pursuit.

That's my perspective.

 

[Abdirazaq]

Nothing signals family values more than a declaration of prioritization of a new partner over blood.

What it really means is that they chose themselves first. The "partner" is a superficial phantom of their self-centered desires, cloaked in language for establishing a new family, priority commitments, responsibilities, etc. (positive things outside this context), that somehow got to be put in the language of definite hierarchies, as if there are inherent conflicts of interests, from an economic language; opportunity cost, giving one, deprives the other, of the finite amounts available. The language of the dilemma is only placed for the defense of self-prioritization, entailing a decreased attention toward parents and consideration for self-attention. Increased investment toward individualization by arranging the "particularities" into hypothetical non-contextual orders of value, in true essence, an ego-centric pursuit.

That's my perspective.

I can’t tell if I’m an idiot or if you write in an overly esoteric fashion like some philosopher penning his new thesis. Either way it took me three times rereading your words in order for me to kinda comprehend what you’re trying to say.

In layman’s terms you think people prioritizing their spouse over their “blood” is self-centred and inherently greedy in nature, but I don’t see why the same claim couldn’t be made the other way round. Human beings could just as easily prioritize their blood relatives over their spouse as they feel a deep familial bond with them and see their spouses as replaceable, these people would also make their self-centred arguments as to why they need to make their relatives number one over everything else. You could easily argue that every choice a human being makes is ultimately self-centred in nature, so pointing towards such a vague and all encompassing reason as to why a person would prioritize their spouse over “blood” seems kinda disingenuous to me.

Also do you seriously believe that there isn’t some “finite amount” of interests available between the people who matter to you? Cause there clearly is in the form of time, which is obviously limited, you can easily create a hierarchy of prioritization between important people in your life on that basis.

 

[hanif#]

Kids
Spouse
Parents

 

[ReerVanCadde]

All of you are wild.
Spouse, parents, kid last
So long as I have my spouse I can have another kid wtf

 

[Nilotic]

All of you are wild.
Spouse, parents, kid last
So long as I have my spouse I can have another kid wtf

 

[Djokovic]

I Côme first

 

[Badeed]

Spouse > kids > parents (last)

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