Who comes first? Spouse, child, or parent?

[Internet Nomad]

100% agree, wise words walal.

I can understand the POV of people that put kids over spouse, but parents over spouse makes no sense. When you get married it’s time for you to grow up and prioritize the family you are creating. Yes, parents should be cared for in their old age but you can’t put your spouse at the bottom of your priority list and expect a happy home. Boundaries with parents are essential when you get married.

Putting you parent especially your mother over your wife doesn’t mean you are a mommy boy.

Obviously I’m not saying people should cling into their mother and only listen to what she says like a child.

Im just saying when push comes to shove my greatest loyalty is to my child, my mother and then my wife. I would understand if my wife felt like that too. Its not a sign of disrespect or lack of commitment its just nobody can love you like your mother loves you.

“Ibn ‘Umar saw a Yamani man going around the House(Kaaba) making tawaf while carrying his mother on his back and chanting, ‘I am her humble camel. …I carried her more than she carried me.’

Then the man asked, ‘Ibn ‘Umar, do you think that I have repaid her?’

He replied, ‘No, not even for a single groan (of the birth pangs she suffered).’

It’s impossible to repay your mother but you can repay your significant other.

 

[canjeeroiyoshah]

Spouse > Kids > Parents

Islamicly though it is spouse first.

Edit: changed my opinion, wifey comes first.

 

[Abdirazaq]

This post has proved why people should marry their cousins, can’t call your cousin replaceable .

There’s another post on the site saying it should be band in Somalia but I really see the benefits now .

 

[a_bilan]

My kids will come first up until 10 years old, after that it boils down to how I feel about you on any given day.

just to keep things equal

 

[Burqad]

Parents, then siblings, then kids, then spouse

 

[Burqad]

Spouse > Kids > Parents

Islamicly though it is spouse first.

Edit: changed my opinion, wifey comes first.

Islamically it is parent first. You can always remarry or have more kids

 

[Richard Pearson]

1. Kids with @Sophisticate
2. Kids with @empressjamila
3. Parents
4. @Sophisticate
5. @empressjamila
6. Spouse #3
7. Spouse #4

 

[Garaad Awal]

Anyone putting their parents before their own kids should be a red flag that they would be a terrible parent.

 

[Angelina]

Parents, then siblings, then kids, then spouse

If you’re going to put your own siblings before your spouse, then you have a long way to go in terms of maturity.

Your brothers and sisters are going to put the mother/father of their kids before you and that is what will take most of their time, not you.

I’d look at my own married brothers and sisters as fools if they put me before. We all have our own lives and if you love your siblings you’d want them to have that mentality as well.

 

[Angelina]

Just because you prioritize your kids/parents over your spouse doesn't mean you're going to end up in a "loveless or single parent household". Obviously we will still prioritize our spouses, but we also recognize that there are people more important. In fact, if your spouse was a good person, they would not wish for you to prioritize them over the kids. I would not feel comfortable being with a woman who demanded me to prioritize her over her own kids.

I agree with you, but life isn’t black and white. It’s very complicated. In terms of obedience and respect, your mother totally comes first. But the issue lies in priority. If your mother is married to your father and is being provided for and still has the company of your father, who is has more priorities in terms of your current finances and company, your mother or wife?

I don’t 100% agree with @Jammy and I’m more on the view point that it’s parents, kids and then spouses, but every married couple will tell you that the person who ends being the closest to you and ends up consuming a lot of your time are your spouse who you’re raising your kids with. Conflicts of time and money and priorities in general becomes an issue when the mother is a single mother and that actually illustrates to me how important it is to nurture your relationships with your spouse is, since decades down the line it will get messy.

 

[Burqad]

If you’re going to put your own siblings before your spouse, then you have a long way to go in terms of maturity.

Your brothers and sisters are going to put the mother/father of their kids before you and that is what will take most of their time, not you.

I’d look at my own married brothers and sisters as fools if they put me before. We all have our own lives and if you love your siblings you’d want them to have that mentality as well.

If my spouse didn’t put her blood family in front of me I would divorce her for being stupid and sentimental.

 

[Wervelwind]

Child, parent, spouse

 

[Kalsoon]

Personally I think it’s spouse, then child, then parent. Maybe unpopular but this is why I feel that way:

The relationship with your spouse is gonna be the #1 example and model for your child when it comes to relationships. Also the mother of your child/father of your child is not that replaceable, that’s why broken families and blended families with stepmoms and stepdads always have messed up family dynamics and tons of abuse.

A healthy marriage with two loving parents is the #1 best environment to raise children in and that’s why you need to put in the work to keep your marriage together. Kids of course are important and you need to prioritize them too but people tend to neglect their marriages when they have kids which is wrong. That’s what your child is observing and gonna use as a model for their own relationships as they get older. Also your spouse is the person you are gonna spend the most time with, once your kids grow up they will leave and create their own families. So if you and your spouse don’t have a close bond then being alone with them is gonna be miserable.

Parents are important too of course but at some point you are going to leave and create your own family. So priorities will have to change.

What are your thoughts?

Comes first in what? That makes a
difference.

This is one of the reasons why it’s important to choose a good spouse cause they’ll want you to care for your parents too. For me, it depends on the type of situation. It’s not wise to prioritize the same one over the others all the time.

I don’t see how I could put kids over my spouse though. It’s my job as a parent to meet my children’s needs but not at the expense of my husband. That’s a recipe for disaster. It sets a bad example for them and can lead to a marriage breakdown. The older they get, the more they need to see how a healthy marriage functions.

 

[Angelina]

If my spouse didn’t put her blood family in front of me I would divorce her for being stupid and sentimental.

If you were my brother I’d give you a reality check. You’re childish. Your siblings will have their own lives and will put their spouses and kids before you. You’re talking like a child that’s still at home with mum and dad with your siblings in tow.

 

[Wervelwind]

If you were my brother I’d give you a reality check. You’re childish. Your siblings will have their own lives and will put their spouses and kids before you. You’re talking like a child that’s still at home with mum and dad with your siblings in tow.

You should put family in front of your wife, especially if they're younger siblings of yours. Your wife has all the time in the day for your attention so she can have a backseat when your family is having real problems

 

[niggaibnh]

My child

massive gap


Parents
Then wife


To me my child is the most important and the wife the least important

 

[Badeed]

nayaa @Kalsoon what’s ur problem?

 

[The alchemist]

You should put family in front of your wife, especially if they're younger siblings of yours. Your wife has all the time in the day for your attention so she can have a backseat when your family is having real problems

Angelina is a bit too possessive. Her notion of love is to take your soul in a fucking jar or something.

 

[Kalsoon]

nayaa @Kalsoon what’s ur problem?

Lol, idk ask your parents

 

[Garaad Awal]

My child

massive gap


Parents
Then wife


To me my child is the most important and the wife the least important

Finally someone with common sense.Anyone putting their parents or spouse before their own child needs to be smacked in their face.Most of the commentators are kids themselves or just trolling I hope atleast...

I don't see how prioritizing your adult parents over your own child (who 100% depends on you and you are 100% responsible for) makes any rational sense