The higher the Mehr a woman asks you to pay, the less she valued you.
- Thread starter mohamedismail
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To discuss, of course. But to engage in a discussion, there needs to be an element of sincerity and respect on both sides. Otherwise, you're arguing with a wall, hardly the purpose of a forum.
I like your points but you'd be much better served helping women identify trash behaviours instead of correcting people stuck in their ways.
mohamedismail
Reewin. Lixda Gobol ee Maayland unii leh!
This can vary based on the man's income/savings. A man who has 100k-200k in the bank will see 10k as light work. While a guy who only has 30-50k savings will see that as a lot.
Especially when the man is a young man in his early 20s it can be really burdening to pay that much. Obviously men over the years will build their wealth and become financially stable later on but in their early to mid twenties it's basically impossible.
If its too much then yeah. 5k or smth is reasonable for a good woman.
You are correct.
However, I don't like seeing these topics flourish without women pushing back on false information. I worry that a young sister will visit this forum, and start believing this nonsense. Sometimes, our words reach men that are not far-gone.
I have made a few topics in the Women's Den and intend to make more.
Anyway, welcome to the forum!
We have stated, many times, in this same thread, that meher should take into account a man's income. If a sister is not happy with a man's income, and is used to a certain lifestyle, she should move on.
techsamatar
I put Books to the Test of Life
One of my uncles, Mehr, initially gifted a Quran to his wife. However, as his financial status improved over time, he consistently provided monetary gifts to his wife, who, being a astute woman, wisely invested in gold (dahab). He continued to purchase gold for her over the years, and today, the value of her gold holdings exceeds 100,000.
If the man belongs to the middle or lower class, which constitutes the majority of the population, it is reasonable to expect that the woman, also hailing from a similar socioeconomic background, would be aware of the financial reality. In such a scenario, when the proposal for marriage is made, it is expected that she would seek a reasonable and practical mehr. The man, if financially prudent and well-prepared, should have saved and set aside funds for this significant occasion, demonstrating foresight and financial responsibility.
Strawberry
ππππ,Soomaalinimada,ππππππ
Your bringing a man who hit his wife and children and the fact that you even take this foolβs advice is beyond me
and pay what she ask thatβs her right you want to argue with the deen now ? 
Celery
Vasodilator
I agree and disagreeβ¦multiple choices allowed.
mohamedismail
Reewin. Lixda Gobol ee Maayland unii leh!
Yes that's why you can clarify in the comment
Yes, itβs good we have a variety of views on here. I have become sympathetic to the plight of men as of recently. Itβs not easy being a man or woman these days.
Iβm not calling someone dumb for not doing that. My view isnβt black and white. Im not trying to put someone down for their own choices and opinions.
To me, itβs smart and wise to think about more than meherka. We all have different priorities. I believe if the meher isnβt what a woman envisioned but the man is, to not let that be why thereβs a delay in getting married. Besides, if a woman chooses a good man heβll spend on her and want to give her what she loves when he is financially good.
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Hence her queenship. She is sorta entitled. lol. Read under her Avatar. Sets the expectation pretty much.
Goldigger = coefficient(size of mehr) + constant
You feel sorry for men, in the year 2023? They're not going to war, so why sorry?
Meanwhile women still have to risk their lives to birth babies.
I can understand some flexibility, if the couple is young, and the guy is just starting out on his career. However, in these cases, usually his family raises the meher money anyway and they plan on it. I don't advise girls, to say no, to something that is already set aside for them. I know a family, where a sister loaned her brother, the meher money, and he later paid it back. They can make time and find money, when something is important to them.
It's human nature, to appreciate things they worked hard for.
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Call me a simp all you want, but i'm the type of abdi to buy dahab sets for my future wife who I don't even know yet while i'm in Dubai. I love Halimos so much man
We all need support but I donβt think they receive it as much as women do. I feel that their-struggles (emotional, physical and even financial) arenβt as seen or as cared about as ours.
To be clear-I feel sympathy for men who try and want to do better but are limited by some things in life. Not ones who intentionally behave like utter garbage. I donβt think a manβs only value should be his money just like a womenβs only value be her looks.
I disagree because thatβs not always the case. There are also those who donβt take people who are good to them for granted.
This is obviously very false. I'm not even going to get in to various conflicts around the world. Keeping it Somali, who do you think was dying in the conflict between SL and SSC in 2023. Were they not men?
We're not talking about guys in Somalia, who still retain masculinity. We are talking about Western men, who are in competition with women, over who is the most delicate flower, that needs to be protected and provided for.
When it's not meher they are obsessing over, they are crying about splitting bills 50/50.
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Sis, women should feel sorry for and support their male siblings and sons. Those are the ones who deserve to be nurtured, and after that familial nurturing, can then become fully formed men. I don't recommend that women, take non-related men under their wings, the relationship will then take a maternal dynamic.
During marriage, if a husband is going through issues, then, of course. But not during the courting stage. Women are not supposed to be rehabilitation centres, or banks for men. Let them ask their hooyo, aabbo etc.
I don't want sisters to fall into the 'starter wife' trap, you know, the wife that has their back when they are trying to establish themselves, some even pay the bills whilst he goes to school, whilst raising the kids. Meanwhile she neglects her own needs, waiting for future dividents, and future gratitude; that may never come. Of course, when he finally makes it, he thinks he needs a new woman to show off to, a woman that doesn't know what it took to build him up.
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You said men. And a lot of us go back and forth in Somalia. Do we suddenly become a different being in Somalia. Wherever there's a conscription, it is mandatory for men. Look at Ukraine where hundreds of thousands of men are thrown to the meat grinder.
We're expected to fight and die. Men are not being delicate flowers about that, we accept it and pick up a gun. What you say is very insulting to the brave men who fight and die.
