Splitting dinner bill with your husband

[VixR]

I look at the issue purely from a biological/psychological standpoint because human behaviour is easy to predict this way.

It has nothing to do with threats or insecurity because these are all secondary/tertiary issues.

We know the types of relationships that blossom the best is were the male brings more to the table then the female, your programmed to seek such males, this is biological, we can't fight this.

The moment this equilibrium is disturbed in your favour, regardless whether I feel threatened or not, YOUR behaviour will CHANGE towards me on a psychological and emotional level, it happens either fast or gradually over time.

In the end you will EITHER push me OUT or reduce me to a toothless ceremonial figure you no longer admire or respect.

If I happen to be in such a relationship, why wait for the natural biological/psychological process to kick off? and suffer unnecessarily for many months or years to come ?

I would leave without feeling insecure, because I understand that Rizq comes from Allah only, and you can't compete in all areas.

Of course I will not do so immediately and wait for the justifications which will come quick as her attitude begins to change, I will give her a warning which will fall on deaf ears, and it will be 3 strikes and out for me.

The problem with you is you’re already thinking of leaving and strikes. Why wouldn’t I respect you, if I respected you in the first place? How can someone have kids with someone who thinks of fleeing at the thought of my having resources and success.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Insecurity is most definitely the root of your argument as I have noticed that you seem to regard marriage as some sort of battle ground or a constant power play. Therefore, anything you feel gives women an 'advantage' from your perspective will end with the man in the losing position. Instead of looking at wealth as simply being 'money' that one may use to purchase xyz, in the hands of women you regard it as ammunition she could potentially use to humiliate a husband.

This is the reality of life whether you like to admit or not, had I not cared about my children, you best believe that I would have had several marriages under my belt already.

But I love my kids and need prime custody over them, as well as a powerful insurance against our crazed Xaalimo's who have left a devastating trail of death and destruction all over the west.

Other Muslim races in the west have several checks and balances in place to protect their household from crazed lunatics, but we have absolutely zero as I discussed with you before.

Therefore I virtually have no choice but to go back home as a means of safeguarding my progeny from being fatherless, irreligious, ill-disciplined and the worst of all being interrogated by the Exalted and Most High as to why with the intellect he provided me I placed myself in a lose/lose proposition.

As a religious female you should know the seriousness of this responsibility placed on the Father, and to think I would gamble on this is complete utter lunacy.

I refuse to be ruled by a man’s wallet. Far better women than I have been destroyed, bc they felt they could relax in the shadow of a man’s ego.

@Inquisitive_ Can you imagine how you just used 3ayd to refugee Somali families as a justified excuse for Somali men to flee their children’s lives.

Why do you think I condone such male's? anyone that is in a position of power and abuses this is a scum in my eyes.

There is no justified excuse to flee from your children, it's something I would never do, but you have to understand those who go via the court systems with long legal battles, end up harming the children even more then those that flee in the long run.

I know of a particular case were the father is fighting tooth and nail for so long and causing so much anguish, that the Xaalimo herself wished he was the typical Farax that just abandoned his kids.

I am trying to avoid this entire problem all together.

 

[HalimaJ]

The problem with you is you’re already thinking of leaving and strikes. Why wouldn’t I respect you, if I respected you in the first place? How can someone have kids with someone who thinks of fleeing at the thought of my having resources and success.

Negativity often begets negativity and usually when someone is anticipating a negative reaction, they subconsciously start to behave irrationally due to feeling threatened. If that isn't insecurity, I don't know what is. For someone that prizes themselves for their logic, his reasoning seems to be shaped by 'feelings' dressed up with biological psychology, without even analysing the wider picture.

If you're already looking for signs and have one foot out of the door, it is safe to say the issue isn't her whatsoever. Look within.

 

[VixR]

This is the reality of life whether you like to admit or not, had I not cared about my children, you best believe that I would have had several marriages under my belt already.

But I love my kids and need prime custody over them, as well as a powerful insurance against our crazed Xaalimo's who have left a devastating trail of death and destruction all over the west.

Other Muslim races in the west have several checks and balances in place to protect their household from crazed lunatics, but we have absolutely zero as I discussed with you before.

Therefore I virtually have no choice but to go back home as a means of safeguarding my progeny from being fatherless, irreligious, ill-disciplined and the worst of all being interrogated by the Exalted and Most High as to why with the intellect he provided me I placed myself in a lose/lose proposition.

As a religious female you should know the seriousness of this responsibility placed on the Father, and to think I would gamble on this is complete utter lunacy.

Why do you think I condone such male's? anyone that is in a position of power and abuses this is a scum in my eyes.

There is no justified excuse to flee from your children, it's something I would never do, but you have to understand those who go via the court systems with long legal battles, end up harming the children even more then those that flee in the long run.

I know of a particular case were the father is fighting tooth and nail for so long and causing so much anguish, that the Xaalimo herself wished he was the typical Farax that just abandoned his kids.

I am trying to avoid this entire problem all together.

Thinking they’re scum is hardly an insurance policy.

And yet, I’m sure you consider what he’s doing justified and the so-called Halimos are the cause of destruction, of course. Why are you always on the side of extremes, can’t that couple share the custody?

 

[VixR]

Negativity often begets negativity and usually when someone is anticipating a negative reaction, they subconsciously start to behave irrationally due to feeling threatened. If that isn't insecurity, I don't know what is. For someone that prizes themselves for their logic, his reasoning seems to be shaped by 'feelings' dressed up with biological psychology, without even analysing the wider picture.

If you're already looking for signs and have one foot out of the door, it is safe to say the issue isn't her whatsoever. Look within.

He’s exasperating. It doesn’t bode well for his own family. No wonder he talks of impoverished women in Somalia, if that isn’t the epitome of powerlessness. Well, if the mother of your children is as diminished as he wishes, he can expect his children to take after that.

 

[HalimaJ]

This is the reality of life whether you like to admit or not, had I not cared about my children, you best believe that I would have had several marriages under my belt already.

But I love my kids and need prime custody over them, as well as a powerful insurance against our crazed Xaalimo's who have left a devastating trail of death and destruction all over the west.

Other Muslim races in the west have several checks and balances in place to protect their household from crazed lunatics, but we have absolutely zero as I discussed with you before.

Therefore I virtually have no choice but to go back home as a means of safeguarding my progeny from being fatherless, irreligious, ill-disciplined and the worst of all being interrogated by the Exalted and Most High as to why with the intellect he provided me I placed myself in a lose/lose proposition.

As a religious female you should know the seriousness of this responsibility placed on the Father, and to think I would gamble on this is complete utter lunacy.

Why do you think I condone such male's? anyone that is in a position of power and abuses this is a scum in my eyes.

There is no justified excuse to flee from your children, it's something I would never do, but you have to understand those who go via the court systems with long legal battles, end up harming the children even more then those that flee in the long run.

I know of a particular case were the father is fighting tooth and nail for so long and causing so much anguish, that the Xaalimo herself wished he was the typical Farax that just abandoned his kids.

I am trying to avoid this entire problem all together.

Inquisitive God help you when you do get married. Its very telling that you ignored my 2nd paragraph. But understand that marriage is a gamble. We can't predict the future and we don't know what will become of us. Today we have money, tomorrow we might not, today we have health tomorrow we might not. If you think that any woman under those circumstances is going to destroy you, then why bother?

I think before opting to marry you need to start contemplating your deep rooted issues with regards to women. How is a woman meant to share a life with you and bare your kids, when you already view her as a potiential enemy and are plotting ways to subdue her?

 

[Hodan from HR]

What I am thinking every time inquisitive_ mentions toothless ceremonial figure

Hypergamy or no hypergamy, sis is running for the hills

 

[Inquisitive_]

The problem with you is you’re already thinking of leaving and strikes. Why wouldn’t I respect you, if I respected you in the first place? How can someone have kids with someone who thinks of fleeing at the thought of my having resources and success.

Because your respect was predicated on something completely different prior.

Don't get me wrong, I am not judging your sincerity, I honestly believe your being sincere when you say that, but if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

The reality is always different and what often determines reality is psychology and biology that is hard-wired in us.

Yes there are always exceptions to a rule, but for the most part we know what happens, the same way you can predict what an animal will do if you observe it long enough, is no different to a human being.

When your seasoned and experienced you can see the writing on the wall long before the actual events take place.

I like to be pragmatic and not an idealist.

 

[HalimaJ]

He’s exasperating. It doesn’t bode well for his own family. No wonder he talks of impoverished women in Somalia, if that isn’t the epitome of powerlessness. Well, if the mother of your children is as diminished as he wishes, he can expect his children to take after that.

He has pretty much admitted it. He wants to always be in the position of power. The idea of two people from equal backgrounds coming together to build a family is foreign to him as essentially as I have mentioned, he believes in power struggle and battle of wills rather than love and mercy being the dominant factor.

Even if he goes back home, judging from the mindset he has displayed, he would probably even avoid Xalimos from well to do families as her family connects and independent wealth might be too much of an 'advantage'.

 

[VixR]

He has pretty much admitted it. He wants to always be in the position of power. The idea of two people from equal backgrounds coming together to build a family is foreign to him as essentially as I have mentioned, he believes in power struggle and battle of wills rather than love and mercy being the dominant factor.

Even if he goes back home, judging from the mindset he has displayed, he would probably even avoid Xalimos from well to do families as her family connects and independent wealth might be too much of an 'advantage'.

He has pretty much admitted it. He wants to always be in the position of power. The idea of two people from equal backgrounds coming together to build a family is foreign to him as essentially as I have mentioned, he believes in power struggle and battle of wills rather than love and mercy being the dominant factor.

Even if he goes back home, judging from the mindset he has displayed, he would probably even avoid Xalimos from well to do families as her family connects and independent wealth might be too much of an 'advantage'.

He might be surprised to note, perhaps too late, but hopefully not, that the latter is more of a recipe for disaster and damaging to the family unit, especially the kids, than the former could ever be.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Inquisitive God help you when you do get married. Its very telling that you ignored my 2nd paragraph. But understand that marriage is a gamble. We can't predict the future and we don't know what will become of us. Today we have money, tomorrow we might not, today we have health tomorrow we might not. If you think that any woman under these circumstances is going to destroy you, then why bother?

I think before opting to marry you need to start contemplating your deep rooted issues with regards to women. How is a woman meant to share a life with you and bare your kids, when you already view her as a potiential enemy and are plotting ways to subdue her?

The first thing an idiot does is to blame qadr on his misfortunes.

While the intelligent person takes all possible precaution that he/she can, makes sincere dua to Allah, learns from the mistakes of others, then places his trust in him.

This is the prophetic way of understanding qadr, yes god forbid everything could go wrong with me, there are already a few things that happened outside of my control.

But as long as I continue to do everything in my power and means, I will have zero regrets, regardless of how terrible the outcome is from which I seek Allah's refuge.

Why? because the hadith clearly states that whatever happens to believers is "good" for him/her regardless how you perceive it.

I don't know where you got this notion that I view women as potential enemy from, in fact far from it, the closest women in my life including my own mother agrees with me 100%.

 

[VixR]

Because your respect was predicated on something completely different prior.

Don't get me wrong, I am not judging your sincerity, I honestly believe your being sincere when you say that, but if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

The reality is always different and what often determines reality is psychology and biology that is hard-wired in us.

Yes there are always exceptions to a rule, but for the most part we know what happens, the same way you can predict what an animal will do if you observe it long enough, is no different to a human being.

When your seasoned and experienced you can see the writing on the wall long before the actual events take place.

I like to be pragmatic and not an idealist.

Because your respect was predicated on something completely different prior.

Don't get me wrong, I am not judging your sincerity, I honestly believe your being sincere when you say that, but if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.

The reality is always different and what often determines reality is psychology and biology that is hard-wired in us.

Yes there are always exceptions to a rule, but for the most part we know what happens, the same way you can predict what an animal will do if you observe it long enough, is no different to a human being.

When your seasoned and experienced you can see the writing on the wall long before the actual events take place.

I like to be pragmatic and not an idealist.

Inquisitive, good luck. I know I can’t be tiptoeing around your ego, which is why I try like hell to sniff it out in potentials, as I would much rather one that wasn’t so fragile and dependent on my own lack of fulfillment.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Inquisitive, good luck. I know I can’t be tiptoeing around your ego, which is why I try like hell to sniff it out in potentials, as I would much rather one that wasn’t so fragile and dependent on my own lack of fulfillment.

What ego? your not very good at reading people, besides I very much doubt you bring the same thing to the table.

On a positive note, outside of your gaalnimo and lack of moral compass, you don't strike me as the typical loose cannon Xaalimo like @HalimaJ @Knowles and their ilks.

Your one of the rare Xaalimo's you can actually reason with, and by that alone, statistically your marriage is more likely to prosper

 

[HalimaJ]

What ego? your not very good at reading people, besides I very much doubt you bring even 20% of what I bring to the table, I have yet to meet a Xaalimo that exceeds that.

On a positive note, outside of your gaalnimo and lack of moral compass, you don't strike me as the typical loose cannon Xaalimo's like @HalimaJ @Knowles and their ilks.

Your one of the rare Xaalimo's you can actually reason, and by that alone, statistically your marriage is more likely to prosper.

Please don't add me to your nonsense. I don't know why you're making predictions on people's marriages when you're unmarried and you don't know how your own future marriage will fare.

Also, telling someone you bring xyz and doubting what they bring is obviously a form of arrogance and is an indication that you are egotistical.

You lack self awareness and its painful to see.

 

[Inquisitive_]

Please don't add me to your nonsense. I don't know why you're making predictions on people's marriages when you're unmarried and you don't know how your own future marriage will fare.

Also, telling someone you bring xyz and doubting what they bring is obviously a form of arrogance and is an indication that you are egotistical.

You lack self awareness and its painful to see.

You should learn from @VixR

Yes she misrepresents what I say like you, but the difference is the level of empathy; she at least makes an attempt to understand and it shows in her response.

She even went out of her way to read the incel infested sub-reddits and redpill material I am not even a fan off, you can't accuse her of ignorance.

You on the other hand take the classic loose cannon Xaalimo approach by completely misrepresenting everything and add insults on top of it.

This is not how you do conflict resolution or debate difference of opinion, this form of contempt and arrogance is worse then my one liner you got fixated on.

 

[VixR]

What ego? your not very good at reading people, besides I very much doubt you bring the same thing to the table.

On a positive note, outside of your gaalnimo and lack of moral compass, you don't strike me as the typical loose cannon Xaalimo like @HalimaJ @Knowles and their ilks.

Your one of the rare Xaalimo's you can actually reason with, and by that alone, statistically your marriage is more likely to prosper

How can my marriage prosper in comparison to their’s, if I’m the one who doesn’t have a moral compass?

You should learn from @VixR

Yes she misrepresents what I say like you, but the difference is the level of empathy; she at least makes an attempt to understand and it shows in her response, she even read the incel infested reddit to arm herself with some foreknowledge.

You on the other hand take the classic loose cannon Xaalimo approach by completely misrepresenting everything I say and add insults on top of it.

This is not how you do conflict resolution or debate difference of opinion, you have shown nothing more then arrogance and contempt in your posts and it's not the first time you done so.

HalimaJ is 1000x more patient and understanding than I am.

The difference between Knowles, HalimaJ, and I, is you have a weird crush on me.

 

[TekNiKo]

Remember guys marriage is a union of raxma and love, your wife should be your best friend, companion, lover you should be their to support each other during the rough and good times etc Marriage shouldnt be a competition.

 

[Inquisitive_]

HalimaJ is 1000x more patient and understanding than I am.

The difference between Knowles, HalimaJ, and I, is you have a weird crush on me.

You only stand out because of your ability to reason without emotions getting the best of you.

The downside to this is that female's like this have a particular androgynous type physiognomy that is disgusting to be polite

 

[VixR]

You only stand out because of your ability to reason without emotions getting the best of you.

The downside to this is that female's like this have a particular androgynous type physiognomy that is disgusting to be polite

Androgynous physiognomy = logic is my clue to bounce.

If it wasn’t for your female hate and pseudoscience, I might like you better.

 

[HalimaJ]

I'm confused, @Inquisitive_ i thought you liked androgynous body types.