Somali spot women learn from this lady😀 you relationship will last for life time

[Xaruun]

I haven't watched all of it, i don't have the patience for it. But the 1st minute she has a point. I've noticed that Somali couples are not that affectionate towards each other. Maybe, if they were physically and verbally affectionate towards each other, marriages would last a lot longer.

Edit: I watched little bit more. The bit in which she said, a woman shouldn't change even if she has had 10 children isn't plausible. Physically you'll change obviously, emotionally you'll change and the time you have for your husband will obviously change. That is why marriage is about growing with each other and trying to accommodate each other.

Lastly, her advice with regards to women in polygamous marriages was demeaning. She said that a woman shouldn't be angry even if her man is talking to the 2nd wife on the phone, even if he is bed with her. My question is, where is the respect? Even if your okay with sharing, you're time is your time. How is he physically with you, but mentally and verbally giving your time to the other wife. How is that acceptable?

I've come to the conclusion that as Somali women, we are our own worst enemy. We complain about Somali men not being just in polygamous marriages, yet our older women give advice to younger women to accept subpar behavior. Most of us would be irritated if we were spending time with a friend and they were on the phone the whole time. Imagine, if your husband is in bed with you, but talking to another woman the whole time?

I agree that women are their worst enemy. Most misogyny comes from women.

 

[DalsanJubiland]

I haven't watched all of it, i don't have the patience for it. But the 1st minute she has a point. I've noticed that Somali couples are not that affectionate towards each other. Maybe, if they were physically and verbally affectionate towards each other, marriages would last a lot longer.

Edit: I watched little bit more. The bit in which she said, a woman shouldn't change even if she has had 10 children isn't plausible. Physically you'll change obviously, emotionally you'll change and the time you have for your husband will obviously change. That is why marriage is about growing with each other and trying to accommodate each other.

Lastly, her advice with regards to women in polygamous marriages was demeaning. She said that a woman shouldn't be angry even if her man is talking to the 2nd wife on the phone, even if he is bed with her. My question is, where is the respect? Even if your okay with sharing, you're time is your time. How is he physically with you, but mentally and verbally giving your time to the other wife. How is that acceptable?

I've come to the conclusion that as Somali women, we are our own worst enemy. We complain about Somali men not being just in polygamous marriages, yet our older women give advice to younger women to accept subpar behavior. Most of us would be irritated if we were spending time with a friend and they were on the phone the whole time. Imagine, if your husband is in bed with you, but talking to another woman the whole time?

That was fair and Thoughtful point Angelina

 

[Desert Flower]

I’ve stopped listening to older habaryars when it comes to marriage and children. I see their lives which are filled with buuq, qiiq iyo qeeylo and I want no parts of that.

Women are always getting lectured, yet I never hear a man being told to look and smell good for his wife, and to take care of her and be romantic etc. I’m tired.

 

[Abdisamad]

Do you read or..?

I'm talking about a polygamous marriage in which a man is in the bed of one wife and shukaanising the other wife.

Please tell me, is that Islamically acceptable?

Is that good manners?

Is a wife that is against that not tolerant or obedient?

I don't know the ruling of that part to be honest.. I'll ask a Sheikh lol.

 

[Abdisamad]

I’ve stopped listening to older habaryars when it comes to marriage and children. I see their lives which are filled with buuq, qiiq iyo qeeylo and I want no parts of that.

Women are always getting lectured, yet I never hear a man being told to look and smell good for his wife, and to take care of her and be romantic etc. I’m tired.

Women like strong men odore, so it makes them want to make children with us

 

[Amirah]

Well said Moma !!
This clip should be Somali national education

You know what I hate about this? Is that she puts all the responsibility on the woman! None on the man! And this is a constant theme in Somali culture. But if you ever studied psychology you know it’s actually the reversed or at least equal effort to sustain love. Psychology studies have shown that it’s easier for a man to get a woman to fall in love or stay in love with him but rarely inverse. Matter of fact, showing man that you love him and deeply care about him more often than not backfires. They’re programmed to chase and seek thrill....once you fully surrender they become like a bored monkey and may even throw xaar at you at your utter bewilderment just so they can spice up sh!t!

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[J-Rasta]

Honestly this subject is not only for polygamous people but the couples themselves.
Although from what I noticed on here it seems like many have mixed reactions when it comes to her solicited advice.
Anyways that would indicate something else and sums up the answers kkk
Not going to delve into any of that.

I think only a professional could discuss this matter.


@Angelina VS @Abdisamad keep going.

Your debates are knowledgeable.

 

[Gladiolus]

Not going to take advice from mostly abused female Somali elders. I have seen how miserable their lives are trying to please a man who couldnt care less about their existence until he wants some nookie. I know a Somali woman who was married to her husband for over 20 years and said he never bought a cup of water let alone anything else, while she financially spends on him. He eventually left her for a younger thing. No thanks.

 

[Amal Hassan]

Not going to take advice from mostly abused female Somali elders. I have seen how miserable their lives are trying to please a man who couldnt care less about their existence until he wants some nookie. I know a Somali woman who was married to her husband for over 20 years and said he never bought a cup of water let alone anything else, while she financially spends on him. He eventually left her for a younger thing. No thanks.

Literally glorify suffering. Get a man who loves you, there’s a lot of men out there. I understand they spent there prime and had many children with these men so they want to make it work but don’t kill yourself for dead jeceyl. Aduunka daad ba ka buuxa. Anyways watching this happen to someone I know is weird cause her husband if 20+ years just switched up. Men are truly very weird

 

[Amirah]

Not going to take advice from mostly abused female Somali elders. I have seen how miserable their lives are trying to please a man who couldnt care less about their existence until he wants some nookie. I know a Somali woman who was married to her husband for over 20 years and said he never bought a cup of water let alone anything else, while she financially spends on him. He eventually left her for a younger thing. No thanks.

Lmao! You never really know what desperation really looks like until you listen to older xalimos. How low their self esteem must be for them to accept and normalize this level of abuse. And faraxs aren’t even good partners or lovers so what they get outta this is beyond my comprehension. Miskeens

 

[Desert Flower]

Literally glorify suffering. Get a man who loves you, there’s a lot of men out there. I understand they spent there prime and had many children with these men so they want to make it work but don’t kill yourself for dead jeceyl. Aduunka daad ba ka buuxa. Anyways watching this happen to someone I know is weird cause her husband if 20+ years just switched up. Men are truly very weird

*Somali men. Think about this: how many old couples have you seen? 50’s and 60 year olds still married (and in love, not just married because they’ve just been together forever).

Like you and @Amirah, I’ve too seen men switch up after 20 years (why is it always at that point?). It’s as if it’s only a matter of time before you’re replaced for a younger version of yourself.

Not only get a man who adores you but one who’s willing to be a partner. Many Somali women are in a relationship with themselves let’s be honest.

 

[Desert Flower]

Lmao! You never really know what desperation really looks like until you listen to older xalimos. How low their self esteem must be for them to accept and normalize this level of abuse. And faraxs aren’t even good partners or lovers so what they get outta this is beyond my comprehension. Miskeens

I was literally thinking this aha!

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[Amirah]

I was literally thinking this aha!

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Lmao!

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[Angelina]

Honestly this subject is not only for polygamous people but the couples themselves.
Although from what I noticed on here it seems like many have mixed reactions when it comes to her solicited advice.
Anyways that would indicate something else and sums up the answers kkk
Not going to delve into any of that.

I think only a professional could discuss this matter.


@Angelina VS @Abdisamad keep going.

Your debates are knowledgeable.

Its not a debate.

I'm talking about treating wives equally with integrity.

Whilst @Abdisamad is telling me that Allah has given him the right to have multiple wives, which has nothing to do with my point.

@Abdisamad, you have to spend equal time with each wife. If you're eating away the time of one wife to chat to and flirt with one wife, how is that being equal. Also, how is that decent behavior? Funny how men know that talking on the phone the whole time they're with a friend they're meant to be spending time with is rude, but all of a sudden they think they can do that to their wives, even in their own bed, a place where husbands and wives are intimate with each other.

The problem is, some men don't know how to treat women like actual humans and think being an absolute terrible person to their spouse is their right. I never once said men don't have a right to have four wives @Abdisamad so I don't know why you replied with that.

 

[jabsveg276]

Its not just sleeping, its spending time as well. Marr


Its not a debate.

I'm talking about treating wives equally with integrity.

Whilst @Abdisamad is telling me that Allah has given him the right to have multiple wives, which has nothing to do with my point.

@Abdisamad, you have to spend equal time with each time. If you're eating away the time of one wife to chat to and flirt with one wife, how is that being equal. Also, how is that decent behavior?

The problem is, some men don't know how to treat women like actual humans and think being an absolute terrible person to their spouse is their right. I never once said men don't have a right to have four wives @Abdisamad so I don't know why you replied with that.

Equal does not equate to just “time”.
You can spend 2 days with one wife and she’ll be happy.

You can also spend 1 day with the other wife, but buy her more stuff.

Both feel happy, both feel content. Equal.

 

[Angelina]

Equal does not equate to just “time”.
You can spend 2 days with one wife and she’ll be happy.

You can also spend 1 day with the other wife, but buy her more stuff.

Both feel happy, both feel content. Equal.

You're debating for the sake of debating. Islam is very strict about the time you spend with wives. That is a sin and you'll have to make it up, so no.

My whole point is, while you're with one wife you're meant to give her time. Not eating away at her time to entertain the other wife whislt your in her bed. How is that spending time with her? Do you know how degrading that is? Wtf

 

[jabsveg276]

Another person that doesn't understand the question. It could be one day or even four days with one wife and then give four days with the other. I know, at this point you're just debating for the sake of debating.

My whole point is, while you're with one wife you're meant to give her time. Not eating away at her time to entertain the other wife whislt your in her bed. How is that spending time with her? Do you know how degrading that is? Wtf

Okay then, spend one day with one wife, then one day with the other. Problem solved.

 

[Angelina]

Okay then, spend one day with one wife, then one day with the other. Problem solved.

Why answer my questions if you don't even understand what i'm saying or engaging properly?

 

[jabsveg276]

Why answer my questions if you don't even understand what i'm saying or engaging properly?

Nigga because nobody cares.

If you have 2 wives, spend one day with each wife or one week each, doesn’t matter.

dont shukaansi ur other wife while you’re with one, it’s common sense

 

[Desert Flower]

Lmao!

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This is true honestly. Sad that that’s the only thing that’s offered in a relationship with a Farax.