Thank you, I appreciate you. No one will advice you like this they all want us to be miserable. I’ve seen my own sister struggle with her kids my brother in-law works hard to be there for her and her kids and it is still hard for her she doesn’t tell me much but I know how much it changed her.I want to help her out with her kids I am in no rush to have kids of my own. When I do and the right person comes along I will have 3 maybe 5 if my husband is helpful. I know what you talking about I do not want to pop out babies only to hate them for ruining my life nope I will love them raise them telling them how much they’re loved.
So I am 32 years woman old pushing 33 soon.
- Thread starter Ladylike
- Start date
I understand where you coming from and I can admit that those ladies relationship with their husbands plays a BIG FACTOR as to why they feel this way and I should’ve pointed that out.That link I shared contradicts the sort of stuff you linked. Yes, there's a lot of stuff out there trying to posit that childless unmarried women are so happy but the actual proper, high sample size epidemiology suggests the opposite, from what I know:
‘The desire to have a child never goes away’: how the involuntarily childless are forming a new movement
One in five British women born in the 60s don’t have children – and the grief many of them feel has rarely been acknowledged. But now they, and men in the same position, are organising with others around the world to gain recognition and comfortwww.theguardian.com
Also, I really, really, really need you and every guy and girl on this site to read this:
A lot of people on this site do not understand basic science and I've noticed that, unfortunately, with a lot of the sisters. So many of you like to post epidemiological, survey and generally correlative studies and then use them to make conclusions and back up whatever beliefs you have and it's incredibly irritating to watch cos it's nonsense.
You cannot and can never make ANY conclusions using correlative studies. They don't "say" anything, abaayo. They at most create vague food for thought that should encourage someone to maybe do a clinical study and see why the correlations look the way they do. Are the eedos you're familiar with regretful about having kids cos they were in abusive, shitty relationships? Are there are other confounding factors? Would they feel the same with a loving, present and supportive husband and if they had ideal health themselves both mentally and physically? Too many confounding factors. You cannot look at any of this data and say ANYTHING conclusive. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a crackpot.
Even what I did with my post was mostly just saying that it's possible women do benefit from marriage and having kids but at the end of the day those correlations could be for totally different reasons. Maybe married women with kids just have a higher chance of having kids look after them when they're older and thus reducing the risk of accidental deaths and that's all that studies showing they live longer show. Funny hot take but you get; we don't know what the real reasons are so conclusively blaming being unmarried or not having kids or anything is pseudoscience. And since no one can ever actually conduct clinical trials to prove or disprove any of this as you'd need to treat humans like lab-rats for generations it's all just speculation and always will be.
My two cents? Regardless of your marital status, if you maintain good social relations and cohesion, keep stress down and eat and exercise appropriately you should live a long and healthy life. There's no clinical studies backing that but there's plenty of historical and mechanistic data that does.
These husbands didn’t help them raise the kids, made them work to split the bills, and made them do all the cooking and cleaning, all the while demanding more children from them.
I never try to make it seem like a opinion of a group represents everyone.
But I’m only trying to point out how people make having chidlren seem so dandy and wonderful and full of rainbows, when it comes with hardships not often discussed cause it’s considered shameful for a mother to admit these things.
I just truly want to understand why others get so triggered on why some women don’t want kids. If they don’t, and if they regret it later on, that’s on them and not for us to be like, I told you so.
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Ok so I didn’t mean to make it sound like a majority. What I meant is… since becoming a mother myself.. I notice so many people glamorize children… and they often don’t truly realize the trauma mothers go through.
You may be like of course I did, cause I probably saw my mother struggle, but what I meant is …
A lot of people I’ve met, think raising kids is all fun and like what they see on social media. And they get shocked when I say … when the kids are sick… you don’t sleep. When they get sick … you may have to miss work … what it’s truly like to stay at home with kids…
When one kid is awake, the rest of them may wake up and a mother doesn’t get any sleep.
Cause alot of us didn’t see our mothers probably cry and have breakdowns away from the eyes of us chidlren. We only saw our mothers being strong and taking care of us.
Of course I’m not denying that some people have not seen their mothers struggling, but I’m referring to the people who glamorize child raising and get shocked when I mentioned these things.
I generally feel you, abaayo. I think people just generally get triggered by and dislike the antagonistic and frankly kind of unhealthy attitude a lot of people display when they talk about women and remaining unmarried. Often disparaging and attacking men as a whole, acting like men are some sort of plague women need to escape and allegedly do so much better than... it often just sounds like traumatized women from unhealthy past relationships or unhealthy relationships with their fathers and families espousing a lot of unhealthy views. A lot of sounds like the female version of redpill type stuff and is a turn-off. Just my two cents.
Ok so not once did I attack men ? Not once did I say it’s based on trauma on why we say this ? If anything my earlier comments on this exact thread .. I said I wish my ex husband the best and wish him a wonderful life with his new wife and I hope he has healthy children.
I even pointed out how men will think women who want to be single or wish to not have kids, are saying it based on trauma and what not.
I have a wonderful loving relationship with my father and my uncles. I was raised my both my parents. My dad played a big role in my life so
please don’t say it’s cause we or I had a bad relationship with my dad.
I even convinced some of my married friends who wanted to leave their husbands,and told them to stay and how their issues within the marriage can be fixed with communication and counselling.
I just advocate for women to have kids with men when they’re both mentally happy and healthy and able.
I truly believe humans beings, man and woman both need each other and there’s no need to feel each other useless.
I wasn't talking about you, walaal. Just meant that sometimes that's the vibe around threads of this sort and some of the women posting in them.
Oh, ok sir. My bad then. I just try to come into these threads to not give advice that’s centred on hating men. I truly don’t, as I try to be fair.
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Same femcel that made threads on how she's not attracted to faraxsAll the femcels are coming out the woodwork
Having children with the right husband is frankly amazing and I can imagine those women are happier than single women who've always wanted kids.
I see your frustration but for too long, men have gone out of their way to attack women who remain unmarried by a certain age. On a cultural level and personal level and this seems to be a phenomenon. From youtube, to the shaqo la'an adeeros at cafes to young Western guys here. I've never understood their obsession. There are men who end up being life long bachelors who die alone. Women hardly comment on that or shame them and society as a whole doesn't even though countless studies show that being single is more damaging for older men than older women. (A lot of it is due to women prizing social connections more than men so they end up having a stronger support system and closer relationships with friends and family).
In saying that, men and women need each other and children are a blessing. We just need to stop attacking people who've not been blessed with that yet.
I see your point. It is a common phenomenon for men to shame single women who are older but it's honestly kinda common to do so with men too. Men get shamed for being single and old too. People talk about how he must be creep or a closeted gay dude or just generally find it strange. Calling any single dude over 30 nowadays an "incel" is a common practice as well, lol. But I still get what you mean and I think overall that women get hassled way more for being old and single and don't think any one, man or woman, should be put down for that. Xaram calayk.
Also, I hate to be that guy but I have to emphasize that those studies do not show that. They are correlative studies and cannot "show" anything in regards to conclusions. What they show is that there is a correlation between older men having more issues when unmarried vs when married. Can you truly control for all other confounding factors and blame how they are unmarried? No. They show the same for women too in some of these papers but again, you cannot conclusively blame how the woman is unmarried. You'd need a clinical trial to make real conclusions and the sort that would be needed can never be greenlit outside of somewhere like Nazi Germany. Correlative studies are at best food for thought.
ur a girl
The thing is kids have always been difficult, they are a massive sacrifice of life, but that never stopped anyone from the time of the first man till now from having children.
Now we live in the modern day we have the privilege of deciding how many children we want at whatever age but what you don't realise is that has an adverse effect on society as a large. Fertility rates in the west are going down largely and if they do not solve this issue in 20-30 years you will see a massive decline in the population meaning less people do run a functioning society and the entire society will collapse as a result. We all like to think about ourselves individually but the problem is this is at the cost of both yourself and society's success.
Thank you@Ladylike you have a beautiful voice m'A abaayo. And as a guy, I respect the fact that you understand how sacred sex is. It's so important to educate ourselves especially as men on these things prior to getting married. You're appreciated
all.because I'm not interested in somali men in weird so be it.You’re just weird (from what I’ve read on here) and most likely folxumo.
they hurt by the truth, you just don't find all those qualities in somali men if he's good looking he's immature if he's financially stable than he's not on deen etc .. I'm just going to broaden my scope and not date my entire time only looking for somali menAll the femcels are coming out the woodwork
Accusing others of being immature while painting an entire race of men as mostly bums is quite mature and nuanced of you.Stop blaming Somali men, you are the reason (and perhaps genetics) on why you are single.Take some responsibility for once
your a dude
I'm an almost 31 year old farax and my hooyo is getting really antsy about me marrying. I can only imagine how much more it would be if I was a woman. I told her I don't want to marry but it does not seem like she wants to give up on it.
I'm not saying that anyone else in my position should do the same. I don't mind potentially being alone for the rest of my life and not having children. I don't get lonely very easily, but that's just me. For anyone else, it is very likely you'll regret missing your chance. Women who want to have multiple children should definitely not be lax about it. Honestly, some of you xalimos give straight BS when it comes to advice. Yes, she shouldn't rush herself but telling her that her chance will come when it comes etc is plain wrong. You have to be proactive about it - meet many faraxs, be social etc
I'm not saying that anyone else in my position should do the same. I don't mind potentially being alone for the rest of my life and not having children. I don't get lonely very easily, but that's just me. For anyone else, it is very likely you'll regret missing your chance. Women who want to have multiple children should definitely not be lax about it. Honestly, some of you xalimos give straight BS when it comes to advice. Yes, she shouldn't rush herself but telling her that her chance will come when it comes etc is plain wrong. You have to be proactive about it - meet many faraxs, be social etc
She still has time . Women have children in their 40s these days and most xalimos in the west don’t want too many children.
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