Not invited to my sisters wedding

[ReyRey]

Control what you can. Your sister was your father's responsibility.

Now she's his responsibilty.

 

[kickz]

all of you seem totally unbothered by the fact that I mentioned that she was PAYING FOR HER OWN WEDDING. Is that normal? Since when do women pay for their own wedding? All of it.

Thats a red flag if I have ever seen one

 

[Jaydaan]

I think u r a potato.

loool istaqfurullah. I hate potatoes

 

[xyz]

Now she's his responsibilty.

No she’s not. Her wali is now her grandfather or uncle. Doesn’t have to be brother.

 

[Prettymuslim94]

You could always find a better man for her

 

[The_memesiah9]

So my sister is getting married this weekend and I'm officially not invited. She's marrying this Jamaican dude who recently reverted and that she met at work, and I kid you not - but she's paying for her own wedding. Thats what made me so pissed off. She's getting married not only to an ajnabi, she's getting married without a mehr, and is actually paying all her wedding expenses out of her own pocket.

I tried to stop this madness. But my hooyo seems desperate to send her daughter off since she's getting too old, and seems to be more concerned with sending her daughter off to any man thats willing to marry her. My abo passed away three years ago of diabetes, his last words was to look out for my sisters.

I'm conflicted because on the one hand I don't want to make her wedding about me, and my feelings. Its her big day, and truthfully I don't have anything against the Jamaican dude. My only issue is how fast everything has transpired with virtually no checks and balances, how she's financing her own big day all by herself with absolutely no contributions from the guy who's suppose to be paying. Is mehr a Somali-only thing?

Anyways, me and my sister had an argument today about driving her to town to get her fitting done. I had plans with my boys and didn't anything to do with her pre-festivities so I digressed. She went on telling me how I'm not a decent brother and how she doesn't even want me to come to her wedding. I fell silent in total fustration. Did she think proper brotherly conduct meant bending the knee and dancing playfully along with everything she wants to do in life, even if its rational? Why do our women blame us for being to protective over them and when we don't we're also blamed for being enablers of gender based violence against them.

In short, I really miss my Abo. And my sister's wedding is fast approaching. I don't have an outfit either cause I really haven't been planning to go.

If your father is dead, its you the Jamaican person should ask if he can marry your sister or not. Your mother have no say in this matter. This is what Islam teaches. If you say no the marriage is illegitimate. Man up, you do not even know the guy, he is a recent revert, who was he before then, what does he do for a living? Do you even know his family, do you know his friends, have you checked his criminal record? I hope you see this and fear Allah, because it is him you should please and it is him that will question you.

 

[NotoriousBIG]

Dishonor should not be tolerated in the Somali community, your testicles have changed into ovaries. Be a man and confront her.

 

[Abdillahi]

I would rather marry a non Muslim than a Jamaican. They are the worse scum in the world. Oh man your sister has it bad.

 

[ReyRey]

No she’s not. Her wali is now her grandfather or uncle. Doesn’t have to be brother.

It seems like they're not around. So, yes, she is his responsibility now.

 

[Prettymuslim94]

If your father is dead, its you the Jamaican person should ask if he can marry your sister or not. Your mother have no say in this matter. This is what Islam teaches. If you say no the marriage is illegitimate. Man up, you do not even know the guy, he is a recent revert, who was he before then, what does he do for a living? Do you even know his family, do you know his friends, have you checked his criminal record? I hope you see this and fear Allah, because it is him you should please and it is him that will question you.

Indeed he should do all of that that.

 

[soomaa]

My mom told me at 13, be married or be dead.

I'm sorry our beautiful sisters are placed under so much pressure to get married. You're all invaluable no matter when you decide to get married. I pray you find the best spouse and your marriage be the greatest ever written!

 

[The_memesiah9]

It’s sad situation bro. But the older women get the more desperate they become. I can also see it from your mums side. Atleast he is muslim and it could be much worse. Sometimes we just have to accept the bare minimum for our loved ones and look at the bigger picture. Give her distance and dont let her use you as an excuse if things don’t work out

Anyone even if he was a born Muslim, it is the responsibility of this brother to find out who he is. The sister cannot marry without her brothers approval. She is ignorant about the deen and following her own emotions and desires not her intellect and reason.

 

[Ghengis Kaarhis]

Will she buy his suit as well?

 

[xyz]

It seems like they're not around. So, yes, she is his responsibility now.

Why assume?
@soomaa what does your grandfather/uncle think about the marriage?

 

[Jaydaan]

Anyone even if he was a born Muslim, it is the responsibility of this brother to find out who he is. The sister cannot marry without her brothers approval. She is ignorant about the deen and following her own emotions and desires not her intellect and reason.

True, but not everyone has that kind of relationship with their sibling or know the deen. when my sister was married she introduced the guy to me and my brother first. we researched him and then sat with him and talked to him.

 

[Dooyo]

Why didn't she bring the guy over, if he truly is a new Muslim, to meet you and your family? It seems like she is still Muslim, considering that she went for a revert, so she must be well-aware that the dude is supposed to meet up with her family.

 

[The_memesiah9]

u know how i know a hadith is NOT valid.

When it purports to say who will enter Janaah, are they God?

Basra you are very ignorant about Islam, educate yourself, you the last person, a person should ask for advice on these matters

 

[Yahya]

Yall make it seem like it's easy to control the actions or decisions of a grow defiant woman in a non islamic country. It's up to her here and she already made up her mind.

Op can only cut her off or threaten her. She probably feels her age and wants to get married or is very attracted to this man. Either way i've seen this happen before, the women don't listen in all cases and run off with their men.

 

[Prettymuslim94]

Ask him to meet with you if he refuses the marriage shouldn't happen right away if he does accept then proceed.
Here's a guide
1. Check his background
2. Question his lifestyle
3. Does he fear Allah and know Islam
4. Why does he want your sister.
5. What family does he come from?
6. Does he respect your ethnicity(somali)
7.does he have baby mamas if so go ask them what kind of man he is.
8. Ask him who his ex girlfriends are and go to each of them to ask about him.
Don't be scared to interrogate him.

If he passes all this then he will be allowed to marry your sister.

 

[Prettymuslim94]

Will she buy his suit as well?

If that's the case his a bum