Marrying For A Green Card

[Bidaar Wanagsan]

miskeen has his heart in the right place, but i would stay in xamar lol

Yeah respect to the kid for green carding his fellow niggas. Still, I note that he's not willing to be gay for humble brothers like Bidaar Wanagsan. I would treat him well too.

 

[Zailah]

I'm hoping some kind hearted xaliimo on here who obeys Allah and his messenger will save her Islamic brother from the evil clutches of the blue eyed kuffar. Surely there's one pious sister amongst these wretches? @FSMDOA, is that you?

Otherwise, I'm gonna be treated by the powers that be the way the Dutch authorities treated the woman in your emoji, and she's not even a Muslim.

The question is will the American immigration authorities clock on to the fact it’s just a marriage of convenience dee

 

[Zailah]

watch season 3 of Prison Break

Is it based in Panama/Latin America or summat

 

[Hades]

Is it based in Panama/Latin America or summat

Just that season

 

[GlitzyCue_]

Were the two broads Somali?

I can't work up much sympathy for Mexican illegals because Mexicans don't want third world qaxootis in their country either. Typical double standards of these swarthy petitioners. They want white people to welcome them, but just you trying getting some welcome in their backyard.

Also, Mexican gangs beat, rob, and abduct North America bound migrants.

Yea they left africa and tahrib through South America to get to America. Lucky for them after those horrors of crossing and being in jail for 6 months, they got their papers.

 

[GlitzyCue_]

My cousin did that. He’s not told me much yet but he was jailed in Panama and I don’t think it was good conditions.

Miskeen I can't imagine how horrible it was to be in a third world prison, the females were captured by u.s border patrol so I'm sure it was a bit better for them.

 

[Bidaar Wanagsan]

The question is will the American immigration authorities clock on to the fact it’s just a marriage of convenience dee

Of course not macaan. Haven't you seen that 1990 chick flick Green Card? Dude flys in from Paris and meets his bride of convenience. He's an ogre, and makes Shrek look like a dashing prince, but what does she care, she's in it for the Benjamins. They spend weeks working on their backstory for the big day when they'll be grilled separately by the immigration and naturalization service, everything from how they met, to what their favorite album is, to how many times a week they make the bed creak.

They went over all this stuff in minute detail like a military operation. Then took lots of photos of themselves in different clothes and different locations to give the appearance they've been dating for ages, and then boom! Dude's living the high life in Beverly Hills. Great movie. Trouble is that she fell for him, and wanted more than the ogre had banked on.

That's my biggest fear TBH. Girls always think I'm the character from Beauty And The Beast when they first lay eyes on me, but they always fall for sheikh Wanagsan at the end.

 

[Bidaar Wanagsan]

I get why a straight guy would turn me down for a marriage of convenience, but what excuse does @AbdiJew have to vote no? Dude is a regular at gay pride.

 

[Zailah]

Miskeen I can't imagine how horrible it was to be in a third world prison, the females were captured by u.s border patrol so I'm sure it was a bit better for them.

Of course not macaan. Haven't you seen that 1990 chick flick Green Card? Dude flys in from Paris and meets his bride of convenience. He's an ogre, and makes Shrek look like a dashing prince, but what does she care, she's in it for the Benjamins. They spend weeks working on their backstory for the big day when they'll be grilled separately by the immigration and naturalization service, everything from how they met, to what their favorite album is, to how many times a week they make the bed creak.

They went over all this stuff in minute detail like a military operation. Then took lots of photos of themselves in different clothes and different locations to give the appearance they've been dating for ages, and then boom! Dude's living the high life in Beverly Hills. Great movie. Trouble is that she fell for him, and wanted more than the ogre had banked on.

That's my biggest fear TBH. Girls always think I'm the character from Beauty And The Beast when they first lay eyes on me, but they always fall for sheikh Wanagsan at the end.

The joys of getting citizenship. @Bidaar Wanagsan, why not just ask your family/adeers from same clan to help out markas

 

[Zailah]

Just that season

I’ll watch it, sure

 

[Bidaar Wanagsan]

The joys of getting citizenship. @Bidaar Wanagsan, why not just ask your family/adeers from same clan to help out markas

My parents came to the country with fake passports. My mum said she was Hodan Cali Ismacil, but that was really the name of her hated enemy in Baidoa whose passport she stole after breaking into her crib with her girlfriends at the height of the qabil wars. My adeer is of similar dubious legality. I can't draw attention to these honest folk. I was hoping you might sponsor Mr Wanagsan yourself baayo. Come on, have a heart, man.

 

[GlitzyCue_]

Wallahi your stories are hilarious
Did you ever think about being a writer @Bidaar Wanagsan

 

[Zailah]

My parents came to the country with fake passports. My mum said she was Hodan Cali Ismacil, but that was really the name of her hated enemy in Baidoa whose passport she stole after breaking into her crib with her girlfriends at the height of the qabil wars. My adeer is of similar dubious legality. I can't draw attention to these honest folk. I was hoping you might sponsor Mr Wanagsan yourself baayo. Come on, have a heart, man.

Loool you won’t watch the U.K. sxb and surely they know people with real citizenship? Go to another country and do the green card lottery? Give up on the States?

 

[Zailah]

Wallahi your stories are hilarious
Did you ever think about being a writer @Bidaar Wanagsan

They are comedic loool :siilaanyosmile:

 

[Bidaar Wanagsan]

I’ll watch it, sure

Don't watch anything by Hades. She is the Shaytan. No word of sympathy from her as you can see. There is evil in her heart.

 

[Bidaar Wanagsan]

Wallahi your stories are hilarious
Did you ever think about being a writer @Bidaar Wanagsan

No walaal. I'm semiliterate. I plagiarized this story from Google as @VixR pointed out

Check for yourself. It was printed in the N Y Times.

 

[lone]

As some of you may know I'm not a naturalized citizen. I've been having some problems lately with my legal status. I wish I didn't lie on my immigration form. I said I was 19 at the time but my glorious bidaar from which light bounces off like a trampoline told another story. I tried to disguise it with a combover, but the massive forehead betrayed me.

Let's be honest though: What Somali has not lied on his asylum claim? So don't act all superior now. I was served my deportation papers last month. I feel like ratting out all these fake refugees who clambered aboard that precarious raft with me on the shores of Bosaaso all those years ago. Any number of them could get me out of this jam by giving me his daughter's hand in marriage, and Mr Wanagsan would be flashing his spanking new EU passport in no time flat, but they claim it's not from them opposition comes, but that as much as they would like to help their Darood brother in his hour of need, their little girls don't find my Barkhad Abdi looks appealing. That's what counts for walaalinimo around here.

I hate young people who are born in the West and have never milked a cow or seen a camel give new meaning to the word hump when in female company; they are spoiled rotten and remind me of a poem we used to recite in Kismayo back when Somalia was the Switzerland of the Horn: wallee waa dad qooqan / kibir sanka u saaran / edeb iyo dhagan celis u baahan.

But it's times like this when I resent having slithered out of the womb during the era of our beloved Siyaad Barre. Life as a failed asylum seeker is not what it could be. Twice I had immigration officers raid my house, but I managed to climb out of the bathroom window just in the nick of time wearing only my leopard print kastuumo I got as a Valentine's from a beauty who found someone better looking and better smelling. My elderly white neighbours were in for quite a surprise when they saw a nekkid African hop over their garden fence with the eagerness of a jihadist at a Yazidi bride market. Alxamdulilah, the malaaika are looking out for me.

Another time I was chased clear across town by two kafir officers who wanted to give me a free helicopter ride to sunny climes. I dropped my groceries in the carpark and took off as soon as I clapped eyes on the merciless goons. The one good thing about my looks is that I'm slim. My pursuers were burly and musclebound, but they were not as fleet footed as I am. Even though I've slowed with age, the miracle is that I could outrun these two fit twentysomethings, proof that Allah, the most high and the most compassionate, can work miracles if you ever needed one.

After I zigzagged my way out of one dark alley after another and left them trailing in the dust, I heard the black one yell "Stop! We just wanna talk." I said "talk to your sister. She's carrying my baby." For some reason that did not endear me to them.

So here's my question. Would you marry someone to allow them to stay in the country? Let's face it, all your mothers and fathers, your uncles and aunts, all the folks who came to the West in the post 1991 exodus have forged papers. Any one of them could be busted tomorrow. Don't we need a collective insurance policy against snitches like the who reported me to the police after we had a bad romance?

This could be you in the dock tomorrow. Hell, I would even marry a fag just to stay. If the highest elected Somali in the US can marry her own brother for a green card and still be the object of reverence whilst in the throes of matrimonial incest, surely one of you tender hearted fellas can let me put a ring on your hairy finger.

Waryaa, I am 100% sure you are not learning English as a second language. Your grammar is impeccable. You did not fool me.

 

[Bidaar Wanagsan]

Waryaa, I am 100% sure you are not learning English as a second language. Your grammar is impeccable. You did not fool me.

You calling me a liar? These blasted kids ain't got no respect for their elders no mo'.

 

[Hades]

Don't watch anything by Hades. She is the Shaytan. No word of sympathy from her as you can see. There is evil in her heart.

at least @ me next time, you bed-ridden goat

Western citizenship is overrated. Why don't you spend your golden years in Somalia & marry a few chicks that won't mind your funny smell

 

[Xooshdheere]

@Hani Malab what price do you desire