How to avoid marrying a "bad girl"

I agree abayo. Its just that there's a certain narrative where you can't criticize fellow sisters without having people come for your neck. There is toxicity in both genders and it would be wrong if we were to be silent on that.

Advice for men: Get to really know the girl. If that's hard, think about whether you'd want her to be the mother of your children. Your kids will spend a majority of the time with their mom and you need to know if she's responsible, mature, patient and knowledgable. Doqon moms raise doqon kids.
I agree 💯
 
Tf is this thread about? Im confused so your not a bad girl but you're giving advice to abdis to avoid bad girls? Am i missing something here? Are just putting down other xalimos?
?

I want to give some guidance to good men who want to marry a decent lady, but have trouble spotting who to avoid.
 
Imo They should go for what they want I was just reading a thread on Muslim Reddit the other day, most of the guys said they prefer a girl/women with some kind of past,.otherwise they find her to be boring so let them go for that instead of choosing someone else and cheating on the side or resenting them
 
Or maybe they hide their true selves until it's too late. Once they're married they start acting up I've heard this argument from women who marry bad men

Istikharah prayers, done well and consistently
Consulting wise family members
Background checks etc. Should help weed them out.

Or if after all of this, you end up with a loser, it is just a test and Allah knows best.
 
I have noticed this for a very long time. Due to the way boys are conditioned and socialised, they seem to be much less skilled at dealing with their emotions. So when they get their hearts broken, they seem to become bitter and lash out at the entire female gender. I have seen it on this forum with male divorcees who seem to have a nasty habit of insulting and demeaning women. Heartbreak is one of life's lessons, if you process it properly, it will help you become wiser and more patient. Just like all of Allah's tests. Sometimes, it's a test and sometimes, it's your own fault

We all know men who married women, even though their wise loved ones said "Don't marry that one, she has these negative traits". You were stubborn and married a "bad girl". Accept your fault in choosing her. The worst thing you can do is become bitter, you will only get the same outcome, over and over again.



Toxic qumayo/"bad girl" traits to spot and run away from.

1. She doesn't worship Allah
2. She has no true self-love for herself or her heritage.
3. She is self-absorbed/vapid
4. She is materialistic-- she spends all her money on name brands
5. She is consumed with social media and seeking validation/attention from others
6. She doesn't have good female role models
7. Her hobbies consist of watching trashy tv and listening to poisonous music
8. She cannot discuss anything that is not "surface" level
9. She always has long acrylic nails--- ask yourself, when does she take them out to pray?
10. She doesn't value education and self-improvement, whether it's akhirah or dunya.
11. The apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree.. look at her female family members, if they all have toxic traits and she's not "saved", run.
12. Listen to your parents, even the prophet SAW had advisors.
Nothing but pure facts, same would go for men tbh minus obvious ones like #9
 
The issue is men like to pursue those types of women and avoid the more conservative ones. Why do some women cake themselves in makeup and wear revealing tight clothes when meeting up with a guy?

Because it helps them rope the guy in. If it didn't work then they would switch uo their looks immediately. They will of course deny this but women with dodgy reputations are never single for too long.
This is something most girls can attest to. The miskeen homebody girls are usually the ones that struggle to marry as they don't have a history of dating nor do they know many men. All the serial daters and the girls that were 'bait', are all snapped up. The reality is very different to what men say online.
 

Abdisamad

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I agree abayo. Its just that there's a certain narrative where you can't criticize fellow sisters without having people come for your neck. There is toxicity in both genders and it would be wrong if we were to be silent on that.

Advice for men: Get to really know the girl. If that's hard, think about whether you'd want her to be the mother of your children. Your kids will spend a majority of the time with their mom and you need to know if she's responsible, mature, patient and knowledgable. Doqon moms raise doqon kids.
I like your last part doqon mom's raise doqon kids. That's 💯 spot on.
 

Abdalla

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Great list. It shows that 'Bad girl' encompasses way more than just promiscuous past
 
Men need to be smart and not get fooled into marrying this girls any sane man would only have fun with these girls as Girl friends but never marry one.

Finding a good girl with dacan and deen will give you less headache in life a bad woman will make your life hell use your brain men!

Whats point marrying these bad girls when you can just have fun with them? so stupid for men to actually even think about wifeing girls like these
 
Facts sis.

A lot of Muslim Men don't follow the Sunnah and don't lower their gaze, they develop crushes on flamboyant women and instead of using their big brain, they use their small brain and then get trapped.

Allah SWT warned them, the prophet SAW warned them but nope, they'd rather complain later.
many men dont get trapped in they use this girls for fun and when it comes to settle down they get a good one thats why you find lot of somali girls unmarried
 

Abdisamad

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A trait of a good wife is one who knows what's important for her in every situation. One who knows how to treat her man like a king but also voices her opinion when he steps out of line..
 
Men need to be smart and not get fooled into marrying this girls any sane man would only have fun with these girls as Girl friends but never marry one.

Finding a good girl with dacan and deen will give you less headache in life a bad woman will make your life hell use your brain men!

Whats point marrying these bad girls when you can just have fun with them? so stupid for men to actually even think about wifeing girls like these
If you commit zina and have 'fun' with girls before marriage, what makes you think you have a right to be with a decent girl?

Chaste girls are for chaste men.

Men that have their fun, also deserve women who also have their fun. You don't deserve better because you're a 'man'.
 
Men need to be smart and not get fooled into marrying this girls any sane man would only have fun with these girls as Girl friends but never marry one.

Finding a good girl with dacan and deen will give you less headache in life a bad woman will make your life hell use your brain men!

Whats point marrying these bad girls when you can just have fun with them? so stupid for men to actually even think about wifeing girls like these

Men who use women are terrible people who will likely end up with a woman who is their mirror image.

Allah doesn't distinguish between a male sinner and a female sinner and they both have equal consequences.

In a Muslim country, both the male and female would be flogged.

 

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