How to avoid marrying a "bad girl"

I have noticed this for a very long time. Due to the way boys are conditioned and socialised, they seem to be much less skilled at dealing with their emotions. So when they get their hearts broken, they seem to become bitter and lash out at the entire female gender. I have seen it on this forum with male divorcees who seem to have a nasty habit of insulting and demeaning women. Heartbreak is one of life's lessons, if you process it properly, it will help you become wiser and more patient. Just like all of Allah's tests. Sometimes, it's a test and sometimes, it's your own fault

We all know men who married women, even though their wise loved ones said "Don't marry that one, she has these negative traits". You were stubborn and married a "bad girl". Accept your fault in choosing her. The worst thing you can do is become bitter, you will only get the same outcome, over and over again.



Toxic qumayo/"bad girl" traits to spot and run away from.

1. She doesn't worship Allah
2. She has no true self-love for herself or her heritage.
3. She is self-absorbed/vapid
4. She is materialistic-- she spends all her money on name brands
5. She is consumed with social media and seeking validation/attention from others
6. She doesn't have good female role models
7. Her hobbies consist of watching trashy tv and listening to poisonous music
8. She cannot discuss anything that is not "surface" level
9. She always has long acrylic nails--- ask yourself, when does she take them out to pray?
10. She doesn't value education and self-improvement, whether it's akhirah or dunya.
11. The apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree.. look at her female family members, if they all have toxic traits and she's not "saved", run.
12. Listen to your parents, even the prophet SAW had advisors.
 
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What about undercover and ‘reformed’ ****s
I think undercover and reformed men and women should find each other and I wouldn't be surprised if that's how it ends up. We've all heard of couples who messed around with each other and ended up getting married. Alhamdulilah for them.


الخبيثات للخبيثين والخبيثون للخبيثات والطيبات للطيبين والطيبون للطيبات

“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women” (24:26)
 
I think undercover and reformed men and women should find each other and I wouldn't be surprised if that's how it ends up.

We've all heard of couples who messed around with each other and ended up getting married. Alhamdulilah for them.



“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women” (24:26)
الخبيثات للخبيثين والخبيثون للخبيثات والطيبات للطيبين والطيبون للطيبات
So basically there’s no way to sniff out hoejabis
 
So basically there’s no way to sniff out ***jabis
If you are chaste, there is nothing to worry about.
Like Allah SWT said in the Qur'aan;

الخبيثات للخبيثين والخبيثون للخبيثات والطيبات للطيبين والطيبون للطيبات
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women” (24:26)
 
The issue is men like to pursue those types of women and avoid the more conservative ones. Why do some women cake themselves in makeup and wear revealing tight clothes when meeting up with a guy?

Because it helps them rope the guy in. If it didn't work then they would switch uo their looks immediately. They will of course deny this but women with dodgy reputations are never single for too long.
 
The issue is men like to pursue those types of women and avoid the more conservative ones. Why do some women cake themselves in makeup and wear revealing tight clothes when meeting up with a guy?
Because it helps them rope the guy in. If it didn't work then they would switch uo their looks immediately. They will of course deny this but women with dodgy reputations are never single for too long.
Facts sis.

A lot of Muslim Men don't follow the Sunnah and don't lower their gaze, they develop crushes on flamboyant women and instead of using their big brain, they use their small brain and then get trapped.

Allah SWT warned them, the prophet SAW warned them but nope, they'd rather complain later.
 
A reminder to not pursue someone based off their outward appearance and attractiveness
!!

It's not easy to look past that shiny exterior but luckily for us, if we use our brains and consult our loved ones, we can spot who is just an empty shell.

So many Somali "ciyaala suuq" guys are handsome, such a shame lol.
 
Or maybe they hide their true selves until it's too late. Once they're married they start acting up I've heard this argument from women who marry bad men
 

Zenith

Unserious Human.
Number 6 ,7 and 11 are really harsh man you are really going to judge her based on family? They could all be useless but she might be different. How will I know the difference till I try
 

Desert Flower

Staff Member
Great list. Don't let the pick-me's see it though. Like others mentioned on here, men need to do their homework as well. You can't go after a certain aesthetic and all that comes with it, and then complain later that she doesn't pray, care about the deen, or has an awful personality. Sus her out before you get in too deep.
 
Number 6 ,7 and 11 are really harsh man you are really going to judge her based on family? They could all be useless but she might be different. How will I know the difference till I try
6-- If a girl has a bad family AND she doesn't seek out good women in the mosque or elsewhere, isn't she partially to blame? At some point, you have free-will!

7. Again, free-will, you can choose not to listen to or watch trash 24/7

11. People are affected by toxic family members and if most of them are bad.. and she doesn't try to find good people to follow.. is that not her fault?
 
* I don't blame sisters for having a bad family but I do think at some point, that you can choose to walk to the nearest mosque and find a nice habaryar to emulate. You can be even prouder of yourself for breaking the toxic cycle and starting a new family line.
 
Great list. Don't let the pick-me's see it though. Like others mentioned on here, men need to do their homework as well. You can't go after a certain aesthetic and all that comes with it, and then complain later that she doesn't pray, care about the deen, or has an awful personality. Sus her out before you get in too deep.
Thanks sis, that was my intention, we always hear about "bad boys" but not enough about these dangerously seductive "bad girls".. who are actually super easy to spot.
 

Zenith

Unserious Human.
6-- If a girl has a bad family AND she doesn't seek out good women in the mosque or elsewhere, isn't she partially to blame? At some point, you have free-will!

7. Again, free-will, you can choose not to listen to or watch trash 24/7

11. People are affected by toxic family members and if most of them are bad.. and she doesn't try to find good people to follow.. is that not her fault?
You make a fair point but unless I'm stalking her I won't know who she's friends with :mjkkk:

Inshallah I'll never have to deal with this sounds like hell I'd rather be confused with my feelings in peace
 
You make a fair point but unless I'm stalking her I won't know who she's friends with :mjkkk:

Inshallah I'll never have to deal with this sounds like hell I'd rather be confused with my feelings in peace

Find out early who she really is and ask your female relatives to "dig around", you can always find some news on any Somali. We are all connected.
 
Tf is this thread about? Im confused so your not a bad girl but you're giving advice to abdis to avoid bad girls? Am i missing something here? Are just putting down other xalimos?
 

Desert Flower

Staff Member
Thanks sis, that was my intention, we always hear about "bad boys" but not enough about these dangerously seductive "bad girls".. who are actually super easy to spot.
I agree abayo. Its just that there's a certain narrative where you can't criticize fellow sisters without having people come for your neck. There is toxicity in both genders and it would be wrong if we were to be silent on that.

Advice for men: Get to really know the girl. If that's hard, think about whether you'd want her to be the mother of your children. Your kids will spend a majority of the time with their mom and you need to know if she's responsible, mature, patient and knowledgable. Doqon moms raise doqon kids.
 
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