Let's say I did for argument's sake, am I wrong? What he said was not conducive to the conversation or issue he was facing, Somali or not, what he did was in poor judgement.
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Let's say I did for argument's sake, am I wrong? What he said was not conducive to the conversation or issue he was facing, Somali or not, what he did was in poor judgement.
It is. As a person that works you're entitled to breaks, vacations, working hours ect. Why isn't she? Why must she work around the clock? Is her job anyless stressful than yours?
Motherhold, child rearing and chores are a never ending task. When is your wife going to have time for herself and even you for that matter?
As a man with that attitude, you won't be happy long term. The same selfish men are the same ones who complain when their wives are out of shape, haggered, wearing a suugo stained baati and doesn't have time to beautify herself and she's aged prematurely and isn't as affectionate and is too tired with a headache for intimacy. Their lack of compassion literally destroys their relationships.
If your wife does everything and you have a few kids, when will she have time to hit the gym? when will she have time to de-stress? , when will she have time for both of you to spend quality time, when will she have time to beautify herself?
One thing i've noticed is that women who have helping husbands or maids have better relationships, look younger as they have more time to look after themselves ect.
Even religion wise it is better for you to help as the Prophet s.a.w did it. Also, true love is helping someone especially when you can see when they need it.
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If you're free, then there's no problem with helping.
These dumb Abdis always like to talk about how Somali women age badly by referring to our hoyo's generation, always failing to take into account that Somali mothers are often taking care of 5+ kids with a lazy husband, and never has time to hit the gym, visit the beauty parlour, etc.
i'm very glad to see younger generation of Somali women learnt from the previous generation's mistakes, and are no longer accept lazy BS and are unafraid to put themselves first!
You must help. Not doing so is straight up xaasidnimo and you're not going to have the type of marriage you want and you only have yourself to blame. When she's gained weight, haggered and stressed, don't complain then.
Of course. If they have a traditional relationship in which the man provides, then obviously the woman will do most of the cooking and cleaning, but for the health of the relationship and even your wife's mental and physical health you must help.
In our community, a lot of Somali habayars tend to complain about severe back pain and high level of stress. If you've noticed many of them are overweight as well. They also always complain about doing everything. Hardly see them go gym, go to the salon ect.Many Abdis on here complain about how out of shape and how they age badly. Well now you know why.
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I am talking world wide ps we are talking about Somali relationships not Indian or Chinese
Being a single mother of two kids is better than being shackled to a xaasid lazy man who causes you nothing but stress, fatness and premature aging.These dumb Abdis always like to talk about how Somali women age badly by referring to our hoyo's generation, always failing to take into account that Somali mothers are often taking care of 5+ kids with a lazy husband, and never has time to hit the gym, visit the beauty parlour, etc.
i'm very glad to see younger generation of Somali women learnt from the previous generation's mistakes, and are no longer accept lazy BS and are unafraid to put themselves first!
Wallahi I find it so sad that a lot of Somali women tend have an array of health problems by the time they're 45- 50 which isn't even that old. Stress and constant fatigue is a huge source of many of the illnesses that inflict them and combine that with lack of exercise and you're left with disasters.
My post was referring to general rules in marriage. Obviously when the other is struggling and one spouse has the means to help the other, then they should, although there might not be any Islamic obligation to do so.
Like say helping your wife in chores if they're burdensome or helping your husband financially if he's struggling and you have the means to help.
How is a man not helping a general rule? Especially Islamically when it is the opposite? There are literal hadiths about helping one's wives, so what on earth are you talking about?
A married woman with a lot of kids will always need help, so only helping when she's a second away from a break down isn't the way forward. Why do you think maids and nannies have been common for centuries in nearly every culture? Even back home men who can afford it always employ help for their wives. Plus as a father you should be in the habit helping with child rearing as they're your kids just as much as they are hers. Men not spending quality time with the kids is why they end up having a distant relationship with their own children and its a common problem in African, Asian and Arab households.
If you want to talk about 'Islamic obligations' then according to the Shafi Madhab a woman doesn't even need to do all the cooking and cleaning. Although, that would cause issues in a relationship if woman doesn't and the man is out of the home so I would never advocate that.
My point being, I find it worrisome that people would go into relationships trying to do the bare minimum and in our community it's usually at the expense of wives and then pass it off as 'deen'. Why are our men obsessed with polygamy and use the excuse the Prophet s.a.w did it, but down play the importance of helping one's family as that is part of the Prophetic tradition:
The guidance of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) toward his wives is the best example. Imam Al-Bukhari reported that al Aswad said:" I asked Aisha what the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) used to do in his house? She replied:" He used to serve his wives, and when the time for prayer came he used to go out for the prayer."
Now you have apostates like @sorevsa who think men not helping their wives is due to religious reasons and not because of culture.
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And in the Hanafi madhab it's considered wajib.
Plus, if the husband asks his wife to take care of the house, then she should do it, otherwise she'll get a sin for not obeying her husband.
There are madhabs that say a man should provide a woman with the standard of living she's used to and other's say that as long as you're providing for her needs then you're all good.
Generally nitpicking rulings isn't helpful because both sides can engage in it.
I don't disagree with your post but I'de advise you not to nitpick rullings in different madhabs to make your points because it can be done by anyone that's willing to put an effort into reading fatawa from renowned scholars.
I wasn't nitpicking, I was basically showing you how flawed your arguments that a woman should do all the cooking and cleaning is.
Nope, you can't use the obedience arguments in this regard as according to some Madhabs she isn't obliged to.
From the contemporary scholars, my respected teacher Shaykh Mufti Taqi Usmani (may Allah preserve him) says in his Contemporary Fatawa:
“It is not a legal obligation of the wife, according to Islamic teachings, to cook the meals or serve the house, and if a woman elects to refuse to undertake these works, a husband cannot compel her to do so.
It has been mentioned previously on the Hanafi Fiqh List that the wife must
It has been mentioned previously on the Hanafi Fiqh List that the wife must obey the husband even in reasonable permitted household matters like cooking. But Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam mentioned that
islamqa.org
This is a Hanafi site btw.
I wasn't nitpicking, I was basically showing you how flawed your arguments that a woman should do all the cooking and cleaning is.
Nope, you can't use the obedience arguments in this regard as according to some Madhabs she isn't obliged to.
From the contemporary scholars, my respected teacher Shaykh Mufti Taqi Usmani (may Allah preserve him) says in his Contemporary Fatawa:
“It is not a legal obligation of the wife, according to Islamic teachings, to cook the meals or serve the house, and if a woman elects to refuse to undertake these works, a husband cannot compel her to do so.
It has been mentioned previously on the Hanafi Fiqh List that the wife must
It has been mentioned previously on the Hanafi Fiqh List that the wife must obey the husband even in reasonable permitted household matters like cooking. But Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam mentioned that
This is a Hanafi site btw.
Same hanafi site by the way.
Gender Equality in Islam: Debunking Misconceptions - IslamQA
Q: Muslim women are told that they should not leave their homes in order to work and that they are not allowed to interact freely with the opposite gender. Likewise, they are told that they should be
islamqa.org
@Shadow-san
In the shafi school of thought, the husband cannot use Obedience as a way for her to cook and clean as it isn't seen as an obligation.
Question:
It was said in another answer that, according to Shafi’i school, “it is not an obligation on the wife to serve her husband in cooking, washing, etc. “. So If a husband asks her to do these things that are sunna and not an obligation, and she disobeys him, without any valid reason, will she be sinful?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
Obligations
The obligations of a wife are in this link, and yes, it is not obligatory for her to do what you mentioned:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers...s-in-obeying-my-husband-in-the-shafii-school/
In the shafi school of thought, the husband cannot use Obedience as a way for her to cook and clean as it isn't seen as an obligation.
Question:
It was said in another answer that, according to Shafi’i school, “it is not an obligation on the wife to serve her husband in cooking, washing, etc. “. So If a husband asks her to do these things that are sunna and not an obligation, and she disobeys him, without any valid reason, will she be sinful?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
Obligations
The obligations of a wife are in this link, and yes, it is not obligatory for her to do what you mentioned:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers...s-in-obeying-my-husband-in-the-shafii-school/
Lol it says you can't force her to do it, but it is considered a religious obligation on her part. Just like you can't force your wife to have sex with you although it's a religious obligation on her part.I wasn't nitpicking, I was basically showing you how flawed your arguments that a woman should do all the cooking and cleaning is.
Nope, you can't use the obedience arguments in this regard as according to some Madhabs she isn't obliged to.
From the contemporary scholars, my respected teacher Shaykh Mufti Taqi Usmani (may Allah preserve him) says in his Contemporary Fatawa:
“It is not a legal obligation of the wife, according to Islamic teachings, to cook the meals or serve the house, and if a woman elects to refuse to undertake these works, a husband cannot compel her to do so.
It has been mentioned previously on the Hanafi Fiqh List that the wife must
It has been mentioned previously on the Hanafi Fiqh List that the wife must obey the husband even in reasonable permitted household matters like cooking. But Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam mentioned that
This is a Hanafi site btw.
My whole point is, whether a wife has to obey her husband in cooking and cleaning is debated amongst different madhabs and even within madhabs.Same hanafi site by the way.
Gender Equality in Islam: Debunking Misconceptions - IslamQA
Q: Muslim women are told that they should not leave their homes in order to work and that they are not allowed to interact freely with the opposite gender. Likewise, they are told that they should be
I'm fully aware that the Hanafi and even many Salafis have different opinion but even they shy away from saying it is an Islamic obligation.
An you said that in the Shafi'i madhab a wife can even asked to be paid a sum for her duties in the house.
The same article you linked said that iy is impermissible in hanafi fiqh.
No, it isn't by the vast majority of Madhabs. If you're Hanafi then great.
Even Salafi websites like Islamqa argue women should, but they shy away from saying it is an Islamic obligation.
Erm, I never talked about payment. I don't know anything about payment.
I know in the Hanbali madhab a woman can charge her husband to breastfeed. That is it.
@Shadow-san
Look at Islamqa. They take the stance that a woman should cook and clean. But even they shy away from saying it is a religious obligation simply because the vast majority of Madhabs believe otherwise:
If the husband knows that the majority of scholars say that it is not obligatory for the wife to serve her husband and take care of the house, I say that one of the benefits of this may be that he will not go to extremes and demand too much of his wife in this regard, and that he will not give her a hard time if she falls short, because what she is doing is not a duty according to the majority of fuqaha. However, even it is a duty according to some of them and this is what we think is more correct the fact that there is such a difference of opinion means that the husband has to look at what she is doing as something voluntary rather than obligatory, or something in which the scholars differ as to whether it is obligatory, so he should be gentle with her if he sees that she is falling short in this regard, and he should encourage her and help her to do it
Look at Islamqa. They take the stance that a woman should cook and clean. But even they shy away from saying it is a religious obligation simply because the vast majority of Madhabs believe otherwise:
Does a Wife Have to Cook and Clean? - Islam Question & Answer
It is the wife’s duty to serve her husband within the bounds of what is reasonable and as other wives who are like her serve husbands who are like him.
islamqa.info
If the husband knows that the majority of scholars say that it is not obligatory for the wife to serve her husband and take care of the house, I say that one of the benefits of this may be that he will not go to extremes and demand too much of his wife in this regard, and that he will not give her a hard time if she falls short, because what she is doing is not a duty according to the majority of fuqaha. However, even it is a duty according to some of them and this is what we think is more correct the fact that there is such a difference of opinion means that the husband has to look at what she is doing as something voluntary rather than obligatory, or something in which the scholars differ as to whether it is obligatory, so he should be gentle with her if he sees that she is falling short in this regard, and he should encourage her and help her to do it
My point is not about whether it's an obligation or not. I'm just telling you that nitpicking fatawa and picking ones that benefit your argument can be done by literally anyone that's willing to swift through a couple books. So it's not a strong foundation to base your arguments on.
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