Emotional story

[HiraanBorn]

I hardly defend the haram actions of women. That isn't fair at all as in this forum men will defend men that sleep around, lie, cheat and the worst of it. Have you seen me defend women doing blatant haram?!

Nah, this isn't coming from a place of self hatred. I've been on this forum for time now. Have you seen me defend ajnabi men? I think most timo jelec and Arabs are worse than Somali men, but one thing i've noticed is that if a Somali girl marries out, there seems to be an obsession with the guys on this forum to find faults in her relationship and say things won't last. Believe me when I say this. If the OP was Somali we would not have this conversation. I'm consistant, but they're not.

Most normal people will simply engage with the post and understand that the Pakistani OP could be lying or he could be telling the truth, but overanalysing to such an extent you're creating your own version is insane to me.

Most of the criticism in this story is being directed at the timojileec poster because we're only getting his viewpoint. The only criticism towards the Somali girl is that she bypassed her parents in favour of her uncle which I'll leave to Allah S.W.T to judge.

We have to overanalyse because we aren't getting the full picture but rather the Pakistani guy's viewpoint regarding his wife's family dynamics.

 

[AdoonkaAlle]

Authobillah. The Somali is already married?! How can you compare the unmarried with the married?!

How can you even compare a situation in which people are threatening death?!

They're married already! Are you okay horta. A marker of a normal person is that they understand you can't bring back spilt milk. So, am I meant to advocate for divorce?!

Really read what you wrote, because walal you really are arguing for the sake of arguing at this point.

Honestly, I can't take you serious at this point because you're not logical. You have an insane tendency to compare the incomparible.

The comparison isn't about unmarried with the married but with your actual stances. In the case of the nigerian girl you applauded her decision for not wanting to marry into that family because they hated her and you even gave reasons why such a marriage is harmful to potential kids. Laakin with the somali girl suddenly ethnicity plays no important role even when both families rejected the marriage

No, it's the reality of smart women who are selfless enough to understand that kids need a healthy and welcoming family to be born into and that can only happen if the In-laws are okay with the union.

There are far too many mixed kids who are confused and feel unwanted by one side of the family. Whilst you feel he sacrificed for his family, her sacrifice is greater.

When you were confronted about your double standards and asked how come the inlaws who didn't want the marriage to happen in the case of the somali girl suddenly was of no importance this is what you had to say

Are you okay? They are married already, the family did not oppose the marriage?!

How are they remotely similar. You're making yourself look dumb as you're trying to find a non existent link.

Can you please explain why did you claim the family did not oppose the marriage ? Are you not the one who denied actual facts like family opposition, lied about the father being in and out of prison etc yet speak of being logical

 

[Angelina]

The comparison isn't about unmarried with the married but with your actual stances. In the case of the nigerian girl you applauded her decision for not wanting to marry into that family because they hated her and you even gave reasons why such a marriage is harmful to potential kids. Laakin with the somali girl suddenly ethnicity plays no important role even when both families rejected the marriage




When you were confronted about your double standards and asked how come the inlaws who didn't want the marriage to happen in the case of the somali girl suddenly was of no importance this is what you had to say


Can you please explain why did you claim the family did not oppose the marriage ? Are you not the one who denied actual facts like family opposition, lied about the father being in and out of prison etc yet speak of being logical

You really are comparing the uncomparible and you seem to NOT understand that there are different degrees of dysfunctionality.

1. The Somali girl and Pakistani man's marriage isn't marred in violence or potential violence. There has been no threat to life. She still sees her family and spends time with them. The only issue is the mother who gives her attitude. Is that the same as threatening to kill?

Honestly, I cannot believe you tried to compare such a situation. Any sane person would not compare the two.

2. My stance is, if they're married, then what is the benefit of making a comment about whether or not they should marry? Do you really believe that is logical walal? They're married khalaas unless you think they should divorce?

3. If the OP was still not married to her my reply would be very different. I'm not a fan of men or women entering situations in which there is a major clash between families. But the marriage has taken place and both parties seem to have accepted it even if grudgingly such as the case of OP's mother.

 

[AdoonkaAlle]

You really are comparing the uncomparible and you seem to NOT understand that there are different degrees of dysfunctionality.

1. The Somali girl and Pakistani man's marriage isn't marred in violence or potential violence. There has been no threat to life. She still sees her family and spends time with them. The only issue is the mother who gives her attitude. Is that the same as threatening to kill?

Honestly, I cannot believe you tried to compare such a situation. Any sane person would not compare the two.

2. My stance is, if they're married, then what is the benefit of making a comment about whether or not they should marry? Do you really believe that is logical walal? They're married khalaas unless you think they should divorce?

3. If the OP was still not married to her my reply would be very different. I'm not a fan of men or women entering situations in which there is a major clash between families. But the marriage has taken place and both parties seem to have accepted it even if grudgingly such as the case of OP's mother.

Wallahi waa cajib the level of in denial and deflection you're displaying here. The similarity between the nigerian girl and somali girl is based on the fact that families were denying their marriage. Not the threat of violence, no one were was comparing them on this basis nor were you called out for this reason.

You went ahead as far as to mention the problems such marriage causes down the line when children come into the equation. This is what you wrote in that thread

Angelina said:
No, it's the reality of smart women who are selfless enough to understand that kids need a healthy and welcoming family to be born into and that can only happen if the In-laws are okay with the union.

There are far too many mixed kids who are confused and feel unwanted by one side of the family. Whilst you feel he sacrificed for his family, her sacrifice is greater.

Now what you described above most definitely applies to the somali girl as well laakin you seem not bothered by it. Even now you continue to downplay the serious problems, red flags etc their actions caused. The only thing you only cared about was the treatment the girl received from her family and insisted on how bad her family is especially her father.

You were not bothered at all by the disrespect he showed towards her family, one sidedness of this relationship where she continues to make more sacrifices to establish good relations with his side of the family while he does nothing of the sort.

For someone who cares about the right of women etc how is it that you ignored all of this ? why didn't you take into consideration your previous advice where you talked about the importance of having a healthy and welcoming family ?

The only thing that has been consistent in our entire discussion is your defence of this guy, i'm fairly certain that you wouldn't have gone to such extremes had he been somali given how you were so insistent in wanting the father to be guilty no matter what. The disparity in how you reacted to these 2 men is indeed shocking to say the least.

 

[Bobthebuilder]

@Angelina I can't lie abaayo but I have always noticed you have clear issues with men's actions (especially Somali) and that you more often than not defend women's actions. Laakin why are you defending this timojileec ajnabi when you wouldn't do the same for your own men?

It screams of self-hate in my opinion and usually I think you are pretty consistent in your views but views can be consistently incorrect. I think your views are being shown to be incorrect, especially concerning this issue.

facts bro she said somali men are lazy because the women make the aqal. Meanwhile women in Pakistan are being enslaved and forced to make mud bricks in order to pay off the debt their husbands have incurred.

“Living without running water, and often trapped by their employers for the rest of their lives, these women are forced to work in brick kilns, agricultural fields and other hard labour industries to clear debts which overshadow their families

https://time.com/16225/the-pakistani-women-brick-makers-enslaved-by-debt/

 

[ReerVanCadde]

This is what you call true love!

I know far too many Somali girls who practically run their homes, work and parents expect them to carry their whole family on their back as they're daughters.

I'll get attacked for this, but this is the norm for our dhaqan. This has been happening for centuries. Even explorers who came to our lands would comment on how hard working the women are. Even the ajnabi commentators knew straight away the wife was Somali.

This isn't true love. Wake up and smell the coffee.

 

[Dinaz]

Bro don't try and argue with her on women's issues, she's not like other women she actually uses her brain in her arguments. You won't win kkkk.

stop arguing online

 

[Man with a garuun]

facts bro she said somali men are lazy because the women make the aqal. Meanwhile women in Pakistan are being enslaved and forced to make mud bricks in order to pay off the debt their husbands have incurred.

“Living without running water, and often trapped by their employers for the rest of their lives, these women are forced to work in brick kilns, agricultural fields and other hard labour industries to clear debts which overshadow their families

https://time.com/16225/the-pakistani-women-brick-makers-enslaved-by-debt/

Here is a timojileec man slapping his wife in their wedding; yet we have people making excuse for that scum who wrote a whole ass thread in reddit about his father-in-law because he rejected that timojileec punk to marry his daughter........And this girl is a low self esteem one because she is "married" to a guy who disparages her family even though the whole marriage is off as far as I am concerned since the father - as the true weli - didn't agree to it.



I wish we knew that family, because it won't be long before he beat the sh-t out of that low self steam girl and left her for good. Timojileecs are most racist, arrogant, and cadaan-worhsipping beasts that I've ever seen. And no Somali man should let his marry daughter marry them. If it turns out that the girl runs with the timojileec guy, disown her, remove her from your will, and make sure she never comes around you and your family.

 

[AdoonkaAlle]

facts bro she said somali men are lazy because the women make the aqal. Meanwhile women in Pakistan are being enslaved and forced to make mud bricks in order to pay off the debt their husbands have incurred.

“Living without running water, and often trapped by their employers for the rest of their lives, these women are forced to work in brick kilns, agricultural fields and other hard labour industries to clear debts which overshadow their families

https://time.com/16225/the-pakistani-women-brick-makers-enslaved-by-debt/

The biggest issue with bringing it up was how she utilised it to score gender points and also her lack of understanding.

She was projecting her modern views of gender dynamics back to our dhaqaan claiming it’s the source of our problems that we’ve with women, especially what she terms as naag nool dhaqan.

Unfortunately one of the major setbacks that has befallen Muslims in the west is that they look at their culture and religion through the lens of their adopted western views. For muslim women this means the adoption of feminism.

Instead of analysing issues properly the blame is shifted entirely to either dhaqan, men and even diinta sometimes. Our people have gone through colonialism, civil war and resettlement to the west, all of this upheavals have had huge negative impacts on us yet people belittle these factors when considering societal issues that we face.

Now for her women making aqal was yet another example of how lazy somali men are and how our dhaqaan enabled them to be just that. Women worked harder because this is what an cadaan gaal stated so, completely ignoring the fact the gaal is judging nomadic people he came across based on his standard of gender roles of people living in cities where construction of houses etc was the domain of men. Furthermore one has take into consideration the racist beliefs of gaalka.

Somalis also lived in towns made of stone who was in charge of making them ? The life of a nomad is a very rough life where people move constantly and as such it’s very important that everyone did their part in ensuring their survival. This is common among all nomadic people and it’s why you’ll notice a similarity between different ethnic groups when it comes gender roles.

Women in these societies had domain over anything pertaining to the house including maintaining, setting & dismantling of their traditional aqals. Just look at nomadic people like turks, mongols, native americans, Inuits and even bedouin arabs. Men helped out as well and also were the ones in charge of making them. Not all traditional male skills were taught to just men alone.

Laakin all of what I just explained above never is considered and instead cultural norms are simply taken out of context and critiqued based on the world views of the individual doing the critiquing

 

[Juliet]

Holy shit. Can you say E-M-A-S-C-U-L-A-T-E-D?

 

[Chase]

View attachment 221689

Holy shit. Can you say E-M-A-S-C-U-L-A-T-E-D?

That doesn't even make sense, if Somali women are stronger than the men, what's with all this abuse of women's rights and patriarchy talk?

 

[Rorschach]

@AdoonkaAlle impressive back and forth walaal - truly enjoyed your meticulous unravelling of the unruly @Angelina.

 

[AdoonkaAlle]

@AdoonkaAlle impressive back and forth walaal - truly enjoyed your meticulous unravelling of the unruly @Angelina.

Mahadsanid laakin isku dirka meesha ka sar sxb. At the end of the day waa gabar soomaliyeed oo walaasheena ah who’s just as passionate like us when it relates to the issues we’ve talked about.

Kuligenba we need to be nuanced so as to navigate sensitive issues that concerns us iyo bulshaadeena in a more productive manner. None of us is free from errors sidas darteed wey ficantahay to hold ourselves accountable & refrain from insulting each other.

@Angelina doodeena waxay ahayd mid wanaagsan, uu jeedadayda ma ahayn in adiga ku aflaagadayo iyo wax la mid ah. Hadad xumaan xagayga ka dareentay waxaan rajaynaya in aad iska kay cafisid walaal