Emotional story

[sagegreen]

The oldest Somali daughter or the first Somali daughter is never appreciated. Even Islamically do children have rights. People can talk easily about the rights of the parents. But what about the children's rights?

This miskeena does too much, doesn't have boundaries, and needs therapy.

Ladies we should stop this "Strong Somali woman" movement. It doesn't benefit us and no one will appreciate you.

 

[Bundasliga]

Meanwhile faraxs were too busy “arranging their luxuriant hair”

Catching L's left and right

 

[Magan95]

Anyone seen this Afar documentary where a white woman lives with them for a short time?



These ppl have a similar family structure... their men just watch livestock while the women build their houses, cook, clean, wash laundry, take care of children, and gather firewood among other miscellanous things.

On top of that, they get beatings from the men quite often.



African girls and women definitely need feminism

 

[Bundasliga]

Anyone seen this Afar documentary where a white woman lives with them for a short time?



These ppl have a similar family structure... their men just watch livestock while the women build their houses, cook, clean, wash laundry, take of children, and gather firewood among other miscellanous things.

On top of that, they get beatings from the men quite often.



African girls and women definitely need feminism

They need to be reminded about the deen & treatment of women.

Feminism won't work in countries like that

Edit: why they all naked ?!

 

[HiraanBorn]

Anyone seen this Afar documentary where a white woman lives with them for a short time?



These ppl have a similar family structure... their men just watch livestock while the women build their houses, cook, clean, wash laundry, take of children, and gather firewood among other miscellanous things.

On top of that, they get beatings from the men quite often.



African girls and women definitely need feminism

No, they don't need modern feminism, the male members of this tribe need to be educated on the Islamic rights of women.

 

[Magan95]

They need to be reminded about the deen & treatment of women.

Feminism won't work in countries like that

No, they don't need modern feminism, the male members of this tribe need to be educated on the Islamic rights of women.

I agree that there needs to be proper islamic education for men, but there also needs to be a feminist movement that brings concrete consequences to the abuse these men dish out such as the Feminist legal theory/jurisprudence. That's what happened in the west for women to have the rights and freedoms they do today.

"Feminist jurisprudence is a philosophy of law based on the political, economic, and social equality of sexes. As a field of legal scholarship, feminist jurisprudence began in 1960s. It now holds a significant place in U.S. law and legal thought and influences many debates on sexual and domestic violence, inequality in the workplace, and gender-based discrimination. Through various approaches, feminists have identified gendered components and gendered implications of seemingly neutral laws and practices. Laws affecting employment, divorce, reproductive rights, rape, domestic violence, and sexual harassment have all benefited from the analysis and insight of feminist jurisprudence."

Edit: The day women wait for men to give them rights is the day it'll never happen. You need protests, civil rights battles, and financial leverage. When you're 50% of the population, working as a collective to get your community into respecting you should be easy for Somali women, since they're the backbone of the Somali community themselves.

The problem is that Somali women are so indoctrinated with patriarchal abuse that they themselves on average are reinforcing these ideals to the next generation. Our parents generation is far too gone, I hope the next generation of Somali women and girls can unlearn these harmful practices and break their chains/cycle of abuse.

 

[HiraanBorn]

I'm not discussing differences of opinions because one madhab doesn't mean shit compared to the other 3. I'm telling you your religion values women as second class citizens which is why women in somali culture are treated this way, even by their OWN mothers. From slaves

The rich/upper/middle class don't cook/clean. What about the lower/working class? Whos busting their ass everyday similar to somali mums while taking care of the kids? Also abuse isn't common in somali households when it does happen theres no surprise because as I said again its allowed in religion. Seeing as somali culture is 90% islamic theres no surprise why we and other muslim cultures have a bad reputation towards the women.


No such thing as a community failing all because of lazy adheers. What makes them act this way? Power religion gives them to do what they want with no consequence. See what happens to a woman if she starts doing khaat/drugs and shukaansining other men. She'll be dead before the days over, best case scenario she wont see her kids anymore.

you ever thought about What causes somali mums to act like pick mes? It can't come out of nowhere. Somali women were strong back in the day, no such thing as men marrying multiple wives and leaving them all with the work. Now they're wearing those tents and hide rapists/pedos somali guys by sending them back to badiyo from the police in the West. Its all learnt behaviour from past generations, theyre given a place in islam which is to be subsurvient to the man and do everything he says so that becomes their place naturally; almost subhuman babymaking machine. mix that in with some cultural stuff and extremism now you have the current somali community. Denying religion has any part of why we're fucked up is doing to be a HUGE denial on your side. Waiting for 'misinterpretation of islam' and other excuses.

@Angelina if i disappear i'll get back to your reply sometime later again thanks.

You're attacking religion because it's easy and that's the norm in modern Western society. Always ignoring the real deeper issues and going straight for the religion.

Most of the time if not all of the time culture is the true culprit, many Muslim communities throughout Africa and Asia have not abandoned their pre-Islamic jahil view of their womenfolk.

For example, honour killing can not be considered an established practice in Islam but many Muslim South Asian communities do this. Why do they do it? Perhaps it has always been part of their indigenous practices before Islam.

 

[Bundasliga]

I agree that there needs to be proper islamic education for men, but there also needs to be a feminist movement that brings concrete consequences to the abuse these men dish out such as the Feminist legal theory/jurisprudence. That's what happened in the west for women to have the rights and freedoms they do today.

"Feminist jurisprudence is a philosophy of law based on the political, economic, and social equality of sexes. As a field of legal scholarship, feminist jurisprudence began in 1960s. It now holds a significant place in U.S. law and legal thought and influences many debates on sexual and domestic violence, inequality in the workplace, and gender-based discrimination. Through various approaches, feminists have identified gendered components and gendered implications of seemingly neutral laws and practices. Laws affecting employment, divorce, reproductive rights, rape, domestic violence, and sexual harassment have all benefited from the analysis and insight of feminist jurisprudence."

Feminist legal theory & jurisprudence is secular & therefore not compatible with the deen.

Non secular people/tribes wont adopt anything secular.

 

[Juliet]

The oldest Somali daughter or the first Somali daughter is never appreciated. Even Islamically do children have rights. People can talk easily about the rights of the parents. But what about the children's rights?

This miskeena does too much, doesn't have boundaries, and needs therapy.

Ladies we should stop this "Strong Somali woman" movement. It doesn't benefit us and no one will appreciate you.

If a guy ever tells you he loves how “strong” you are walk……no, RUN away. You’ll be muling for the rest of your life if you don’t. Run. Period.

 

[Magan95]

Feminist legal theory & jurisprudence is secular & therefore not compatible with the deen.

Non secular people/tribes wont adopt anything secular.

Somalia is already a majority secular country by practice. If they can adopt the secular system of being a republic, I don't see why they can't adopt other parts.

Especially with Siad Barre's dictatorship, our parents generation had no problem accepting the laws of the land when it came to the feminist legal laws that were put into place.

If we did it before, why not do it again?

 

[sorevsa]

-It isn't one Madhab but 3/4. Overworking women is purely cultural. There are countless hadiths which show that the Prophet s.a.w used to help his wives. Since we follow the Prophet's s.a.w example, how is overworking women part of the religion?

- Explain how abuse is allowed in Islam. Since you claimed this, where have you seen this?

- Double standards and men getting away with things at the expense of women is a world wide phenomenon. We live in a man's world, men control the narrative and set the rules. This is why in most cultures men hold women to a higher standard. Why? Because they simply can. They have the power to do so. You're a gaal, yet you still believe in double standards? I remember you posted that it is okay for men to have 'fun' but not women. Why do you believe this? It clearly isn't religiously motivated is it?

- Somali women weren't 'strong' back in the day. I'm an avid reader of history and i've read countless accounts. Women did even more work then, especially nomadic women. Even foreign explorers of the 1800s would comment it on and there are passages that talk about their chores in detail.

- You'll even notice on this site and its like that in real life. The biggest misogynists tend to be the wildest hypocrites. They'll talk about their zaani exploits, say things contrary to religious values and then turn around and talk about religion ONLY when dealing with women. How is the issue religion, when the worst culprits don't even value it to begin with?

lol the prophet does many things muslims follow or dont. they pick the parts where youre allowed

verse 4:34 is my evidence. if you claim thats mistranslated then there wouldn't be yusuf ali, pickthall AND shakir translation all saying "beat them".
https://wikiislam.net/wiki/Islam_and_Women for anything else I said. as much as i'd like to discuss islam, i aint gonna waste my time with an islamic debate since its always gonna be circular. maybe if we meet in the religion section I can.

so youre saying the result of somali community is due to misogyny, i've been telling you where the misogyny comes from. if religion didn't have vague(i'll play devils advocate here) and nonwomen friendly verses there would not be any confusion. e.g verse about beating women exists. lets say its out of context, how do you expect the average muslim man to understand this and not beat the f*ck out of his wife and make her cook/clean? your god knows people are sometimes stupid and selfish why send down a religion where it looks like(playing devils side again) its against women via the treatment of them in scripture.


as for the thing I said in that specific thread thats my own thoughts based on experiences. men can sleep around and not attach to their partners unlike women who when they sleep around a lot can impact their ability to pair bond(ability to connect to partner emotionally). i acknowledge it might come across as hypocritical but idrc. the fact that women care much less about a mans private life suggests i'm right.

I agree that there needs to be proper islamic education for men, but there also needs to be a feminist movement that brings concrete consequences to the abuse these men dish out such as the Feminist legal theory/jurisprudence. That's what happened in the west for women to have the rights and freedoms they do today.

you mean reminded of how much power they hold in islam to further enforce on women?

also you can stop larping as a muslim loool

I am the eldest daughter and I wanted to please everyone by being too nice and giving, they always compared me to other girls which made me a bit competitive and I thought that was that right thing to do as a girl. Overtime, I started to understand this is wrong. I drew boundaries. I started getting negative vibes from the family and the brainwashed aunties. I learnt how to ignore and it is going well hadda.

sorry to hear bout the toxicity you faced. glad youre doing fine. somalis will test you all the time, be firm with them about what youre comfortable and not comfortable doing. women are told to be nice to everyone, not saying be a b**** but choose who you share your kindness with.

 

[Bundasliga]

Somalia is already a majority secular country by practice. If they can adopt the secular system of being a republic, I don't see why they can't adopt other parts.

Especially with Siad Barre's dictatorship, our parents generation had no problem accepting the laws of the land when it came to the feminist legal laws that were put into place.

If we did it before, why not do it again?

Because its done by force lol .


There can't be any muslim country ruling by shariah without getting sanctioned,boycott or a regime change by foreign governments .


Even if we look at non Islamic 3rd world countries its the same they couldn't care less about feminist legal theory or LGBT rights.

 

[sorevsa]

Ladies we should stop this "Strong Somali woman" movement. It doesn't benefit us and no one will appreciate you.

now youre realising ahahah, black women calling themselves strong has never ended well. lose lose situation, one hand youre too masculine or you can handle more work from people to showcase your strength. take some notes out of white womens books who use their gender to get what they want in life. start faking those tears abayo

 

[AdoonkaAlle]

The life of an eldest daughter.

I think miskiinta needs lots of dua and therapy. Allah has blessed her with a good husband.

Noticed a number of red flags with the above story

1. Marrying for the wrong reasons : The basis of his "marriage" to her was done out of sympathy so as to alleviate her from her difficult situation. Once this was done it didn't turn out the way he had thought it would and is only realising the cost of it. Marrying someone out of pity rarely ends well

2. "Wife doesn't put her needs on top" the girl bypassed her father and mother who were clearly against this man marrying their daughter. She chose him over her family yet this somehow doesn't register with him. If choosing a man over your family doesn't indicate prioritising your own needs over theirs then i've no idea what does

My wife asked her uncle, a nice gentleman who not only has a great knowledge of Islam but has a nice family, respect his wife, works and support his children and is involved in the muslim community, to be her wali and after few talks and one meeting he accepted and spoke with the Imam who agreed and we just went on with our plans.

Kulaha we just went on with our plans, the uncle was good because he facilitated what he wanted

3. Description of her family: Even when both families were throwing insults etc look at how at he distinguishes his family from hers. Her mother was "nice" and completely selfish while his mother was just mean. Except for a few words here and there he doesn't air out any of his family's dirty laundry laakin for her side of the family he doesn't hesitate to show just how messed up they are. He does this so as to justify bypassing her parents Wale blood is thicker than water

4. Lack of barakah : Bypassing the parents, nikah being a disaster, family hatred on both sides, mental stress on the wife etc all point to the fact that this relationship of theirs lacked blessing from the start and the strain this has on their relationship is just going to increase. The guy doesn't even realise that she's compensating for the issues that this marriage caused her. She sacrificed more than him to be in this relationship and this is clearly having an impact on her more than she imagined. Laakin the guy is completely oblivious to this


Jacelyka can make you do crazy things, as somalis say "ninki soo joog laga wayo soo jiif ayaa laga heela"

 

[Qahwe]

sorry to hear bout the toxicity you faced. glad youre doing fine. somalis will test you all the time, be firm with them about what youre comfortable and not comfortable doing. women are told to be nice to everyone, not saying be a b**** but choose who you share your kindness with.

Thank you!

 

[Magan95]

The girl has had her health destroyed by this ajnabi male, the femcels in the thread are forgeting that this ajnabi guy is a doctor with high salary lol why is the woman even working loads of jobs in the first place? This definatly wouldn't happen if the husband docter was Somali he wouldn't have the woman working jobs, helping her family alone and serving his own family and having to put up mistreatment/bad-behaviour from her in-laws. Yet you have cynical females like @Angelina who call this a "loving relationship" i demand you backtrack that statement if you care about that girl. If you think thats love then no wonder everyone calls you a femcel ypu dont know what love is. Right now it seems like the only girl who cares about her and is vocal is @Magan95

When a Somali man is an Excellent man, Mashallah no other man can beat him. Unfortunately in this decade they're a hidden demographic, like a needle in a haystack. Not only do they take care of you and spoil you, but they take care of your family like their own.

My uncle spoils his stay at home wife, she doesn't even get her own groceries. He works 6 days a week to provide for her and the kids and I've never once heard him complain. When he comes home from work and if she's tired he cooks for her, bathes the kids, and puts them to sleep. Excellent father, emotionally available, his children will come out splendid. They're a team.

This xalimo's husband in the story is only a basic husband. He could make it so that they live near her family so that will cut down her commute time. He could get her a car so she doesn't have to take the bus as much, that will save her time. (Though I do understand why it would be better if she sets boundaries with her family because she needs to be poured into instead of being an empty cup.) If he wants her to go to school (which he mentioned) he could tell her he'll fully financially support her and to focus on school.

He could easily set stricter boundaries and tell her not to cater to his family as much. Apparently she spends 2 hours a week cleaning his sisters place to the point that his own sister was alarmed. With people like his wife, you have to force them to take breaks or not do things.

By force I don't mean physically, but making the plans and breaks so that they can't say no. If she's obsessed with cleaning and cooking in the house, then he should sometimes clean and cook before she does to give her a break. He needs to step up and try harder instead of trying a little bit and being stumped.

 

[Magan95]

you mean reminded of how much power they hold in islam to further enforce on women? also you can stop larping as a muslim loool

Walal I just got out of a days long battle with a crazy, zealous, hypocritical, bloodthirsty, and Sinful wahhabi/Salafi regarding this topic. I'm a retired soldier now.


Whether someone is Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Shintoist, Hindu, tribal religion, Vudui's etc... they all have one thing in common... when a society is patriarchal, women suffer. Men are the problem whether they wear a striped skin or checkered one.

 

[sorevsa]

Walal I just got out of a days long battle with a crazy, zealous, hypocritical, bloodthirsty, and Sinful wahhabi/Salafi regarding this topic. I'm a retired soldier now.


Whether someone is Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Shintoist, Hindu, tribal religion, Vudui's etc... they all have one thing in common... when a society is patriarchal, women suffer. Men are the problem whether they wear a striped skin or checkered one.

patriarchy affects average man same way as a chick. just like how people grow up with ideas about people skin colour, what religion is right same way with patriarchal cultures. 99% of men aren't at fault of what they grew up seeing as the norm. takes incredibly long to unlearn that stuff.

 

[Bundasliga]

patriarchy affects average man same way as a chick. just like how people grow up with ideas about people skin colour, what religion is right same way with patriarchal cultures. 99% of men aren't at fault of what they grew up seeing as the norm. takes incredibly long to unlearn that stuff.

Patriarchy is natural & would exist with religion or not .

 

[sorevsa]

Patriarchy is natural & would exist with religion or not .

maybe, i don't see it being toppled ever. although we don't live in the olden times, men still gotta lead. just get rid of the sexism and shit and we gucci. men are becoming too feminine so women start demanding more shit taking advantage of their docileness.

thats why these fds women are all looking for traditional men despite what they say. all their requirments are linked to trad stuff. even they want to be a little girl next to their SO.