Confused and dont know what to do right now

[Geeljire Sandheer]

Why did nobody show you the light poor fellow have a read pronto
She will be begging for you back

https://www.somalispot.com/threads/the-secret-to-make-girls-chase-you-only-mandem.44810/

 

[MariaMaria]

I actually half agree about the physical contact stuff

Do you guys flirt?

 

[Wardheere]

I meet a xalimo in my age (somewhere between 20-22) in a new job i started in late January this year and I found her very beautiful and interesting. Two weeks later I added her on Facebook and started to chat with her there. From there I took her Snapchat and number. In late february I asked her out for a cup of coffee and we sat in a starbucks from like 6 pm to 11 pm and I really enjoyed talking with her and felt like we had good chemistry. We ended the date by taking the metro to our stop and me following her home and giving her a hug.

From there on we continued chatting with each other on snapchat and went out on a date once every 3-4 weeks (mostly restaurants and going for a walk). When we went on dates it always felt as amazing and the hours would just fly. By the third date I felt like I was sure that she was a person I wanted to go in a relationship with and by the end of the date when i was walking her closer to her home I told her that I had developed feelings for her, but either I talked to low outside or she choose to ignore it since she didn't respond to that. And when we got to her neighborhood I just gave her a hug and said that it was nice being with her tonight.

On the forth date the family car was available so instead of using the metro we took my car to a restaurant and on the drive home I started jokingly say "lets talk about some serious things now" and then I just laid it out that I liked her and had developed feelings for her. She said that she also felt the same thing as me and we more or less ended the discussion there that night.

By now we were in early May and by now i realized that I initiated more than 95% of the conversations on snapchat and I guess I got insecure and since I had a big uni exam by the end of the month I decided to not initiate anything on snapchat and see how long it would take for her to write something to me. All of May passed with her not initiating anything and since her Birthday was in the end of the month i wrote her a happy birthday on snapchat and she said thanks.

By now I was more or less certain that she had forgot about me and I had a couple of sleepless nights but accepted that she wasn't interested in me and that it was better for me to move on. I was also going to travel to a lot of different countries this summer with friends. So in the beginning of june I uploaded a story on snapchat with me on a airplane. She responded quite quickly and asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was good and i guess that we have been both quite busy with our lives the last month. And then before I saw her reply to that on snapchat the plane lifted and when we landed i realized that the country i traveled to had blocked snapchat and heavily restricted internet access. Instagram and Facebook was legal though and i uploaded a couple of pictures there.

And as the idiot i am i didn't realize that i could just write to her on instagram or Facebook that i can't see her answer on snapchat. So i waited 12 days till i got home again and when i got access to snapchat saw that she wrote 12 days ago that she was wondering what had happened to me and why I was not writing anything to her. I asked if we could meet and talk about this.

We went to some place for food and went on a long walk where we talked a lot. She said that she had thought it was weird that i didn't make any sound from me in a whole month and that she had thought that i was not serious and just playing with her. I told her that I had been busy and also unsure if we had the same goals in this relationship. I then told her that i wanted to be serious and not waste time playing games and she said that she also wanted the same thing.

We talked a lot after and among other things she said she felt i was only texting her up when I wanted to meet her and not otherwise like calling her or things like that. I hadn't realized that I also could call her and not snap her only. So i have since then called her like once a week.

But we have known each other for like 6 months now and I still feel like I'm the only one who initiates contact on text messages and snapchat and the one who asks if she can talk right now on the phone. She isn't also the fastest one to answer messages and sometimes it takes hours for her to answer but thats not a big problem if that was the only issue.

When we talked on the phone last week I told her that I wanted to share a mustaqbaal with her and then she said that she wanted the same thing. I asked her how she wanted to us to take the next step but she asked how I meant with next step. I suggested for her to maybe talk to her parents about me or me introducing me to them. She said that she wanted to wait with that.

I love this girl and really want to share a future with her but I dont really know what differs our thing between a friendship and a romantic relationship since we mostly just talk about casual things and not intimate and emotional topics. And it really feels weird when the act of writing her or asking if she has time to talk on the phone feels like a hard choir and not something easy and fun to do. She says that she feels the same thing as i do but her actions don't show that.

Be blunt with me SSpotters and tell me where I can improve since this is my first serious time dating and I guess her first time too. Is it too late to recover by now or can I still save this?

You said you love her.
Propose to her you will see her true colors.

 

[Ferrari]

initially, you don't initiate conversations for more than a couple days because if you do, you're teaching her that you'll always be the one to talk to her so why should she bother texting you first? She already thinks you'll hit her, and that's why she found it weird that u didn't chat her up for a month. This allows u to know if she into or not before u even take her to a date. If she isn't into u, she won't bother texting u first and that'll be ur cue to move on to the next one.

you played yourself. I'd suggest, quit all contacts with her now and save yourself the headache. It sounds like she has all the cards. Let her chase you, you have to show her that you can replace her easily. Right now it seems you are the insecure one when in reality, if you want the relationship to work and last, you gotta make her feel insecure.

Also, don't be afraid to talk about intimate stuff, they actually like that despite what they say.

you played yourself waryaa

and lastly why are you so serious at 22?

 

[Generalissimo]

She is wasting your time, also, you should've kissed her instead of hugging her when you walked her home, it's tradition by now.

I usually go through things in a very blunt way, tell her you want to have a more serious relationship and if you can't have that then you'll dip. There's always plenty more fish in the sea saxib.

Also try mentioning marriage.

I promise you that it's so much better to get the truth rather than endlessly living a lie.

I wasn’t sure if she would respond good to that, but what’s done is done now.

Should I tell her IRL that I want to have a more serious relationship or is it something I can take on Snapchat or a call?

Laakin how do I mention marriage?

 

[Geeljire Sandheer]

Seriously address the fact that you feel like that maybe you like her more than she likes you. It is better to get that out of the way for yourself because it will always weigh on your mind. It might also help make the relationship more romantic in a way , if she cares about you she will understand what you are saying and make that effort.

It sounds like she is playing games in my opinion , not coz she is a but insecurities. She cares about you but maybe feels like if she makes it obvious to you , you'll think she is needy or something. A lot of girls do this thinking it will make them seem mysterious but it just makes the guy think wtf is going on.

She's thinking she's boujee but he didn't crack her shell I don't blame him I blame these films telling niggas to be gentlemen if he played the bad boy role he wouldve been eating time back

 

[White]

I wasn’t sure if she would respond good to that, but what’s done is done now.

Should I tell her IRL that I want to have a more serious relationship or is it something I can take on Snapchat or a call?

Laakin how do I mention marriage?

Straight to her face, doing it through snapchat is weak. You don't ask people out in snapchat, you do it face to face, meaning serious topics like this should be done face to face.

It doesn't matter if she responds good or not, it's the fact that you're doing this to clear your mind, do you want to live in regret or move on and possibly be married?

 

[MariaMaria]

She's thinking she's boujee but he didn't crack her shell I don't blame him I blame these films telling niggas to be gentlemen if he played the bad boy role he wouldve been eating time back

I agree

but why you gotta be so crude?

 

[Geeljire Sandheer]

I wasn’t sure if she would respond good to that, but what’s done is done now.

Should I tell her IRL that I want to have a more serious relationship or is it something I can take on Snapchat or a call?

Laakin how do I mention marriage?

I feel sorry for you bro if you don't read my thread you will stay in the freindzone forever

 

[gurey]

Nothin to worry about. Somali girls dont initiate contact. Kibir miyaa mise xishood, I dont know

 

[Generalissimo]

Seriously address the fact that you feel like that maybe you like her more than she likes you. It is better to get that out of the way for yourself because it will always weigh on your mind. It might also help make the relationship more romantic in a way , if she cares about you she will understand what you are saying and make that effort.

It sounds like she is playing games in my opinion , not coz she is a but insecurities. She cares about you but maybe feels like if she makes it obvious to you , you'll think she is needy or something. A lot of girls do this thinking it will make them seem mysterious but it just makes the guy think wtf is going on.

Thanks abaayo for your answer, Im currently abroad for 10 more days. Should I wait with bringing that up until i get back home or do i take it over text in snapchat before i travel home?

 

[Geeljire Sandheer]

I agree

but why you gotta be so crude?

I don't want my somali brother to keep suffering In this mental torture just for trying to be a nice guy

 

[Geeljire Sandheer]

Nothin to worry about. Somali girls dont initiate contact. Kibir miyaa mise xishood, I dont know

Its pure kibir for most of them

 

[Generalissimo]

Telling girls that you’re in love with them on your fourth date



Are you a religious person? If not then why haven’t you initiated physical contact with her on the first date? Just wondering.

I'm not that religious runti sxb, I just guess that it wasn't any right time for it since we took the metro and live in a place known as little mogadishu

 

[Zainab_7]

Based on my experience and from the women I know some girls are careful with guys meaning sometimes the expectation is there for you to start the conversation and other times the girl is testing you to see if you care. There's also the slight chance shes not a texter or phone user and that's why your always having to initiate the convos. But let me tell you this NO GIRL WILL WASTE YOUR TIME OR HER TIME AND GET ON A METRO IF SHE DIDNT GIVE A SHIT LOOL!!! Metro means bus right? Or subway? I'm Canadian so we dont use that term but if shes getting out of her house to hop on a bus to see you my nigga she cares.

As for the emotional convos dont expect all women to be open to you especially when your just courting her, maybe shes saving all the emotional stuff once you're married! Less buuq that way rather than talking about intimate stuff to a man you aint married to she sounds like a gabar with xishood and sharaaf.

For the marriage issue, marriage is a huge responsibility if she's saying she wants to wait it could be she's scared to approach her parents, she's not ready yet or other reasons. Don't assume because she said wait that means ciyaar, there should be a reason! You were headed in the right direction in trying to get the parents to talk continue in this direction. It only shows her your serious about her and want to make things halal.

Lastly, if you wanna spend the rest of your life with this women have a conversation with her on how you feel!!! Trust me communication is so important I'm giving you advice you will never know whats in a women's mind until you ask her. She's the only person that can decrease your worries and I bet you its nothing serious!

Sorry for the long essay lol

 

[MariaMaria]

Thanks abaayo for your answer, Im currently abroad for 10 more days. Should I wait with bringing that up until i get back home or do i take it over text in snapchat before i travel home?

Face to face is always the best. Be upfront and blunt so she can't hide away from it.

 

[gurey]

Its pure kibir for most of them

I know. I have cut contact with a few girls cos i just couldnt be asked lool

 

[Generalissimo]

Sounds really complicated..if you're certain that this is the girl you'd like to be with then have a serious convo with her, either she feels the same way or she doesn't. If she doesn't then you'll just have to cut ties. There's no point in wasting your time with someone who doesn't want you

This is also what I was thinking laakin that's what i thought we did when we talked about this last month. I said that i want to have a serious relationship with you and she said that she also wanted to do that. Its just that i dont see any difference between her now and before the talk we had.

 

[Starscream]

Am keep it real with you if the hoe doesn't get wet when she first see's you she never will.
Also 5 hours of talking to stupid creatures like females

 

[Generalissimo]

You don’t sound compatible with her

Your approach might work with someone whose religious but not your normal every day hijabi

Why would she want you to meet her parents after a few dates?

She said that she felt I wasn't being serious with her and half a year had passed with us talking and getting to know each other so I guessed that would be a logical next step.