Confused and dont know what to do right now

[Sophisticate]

Tbh I think men do good morning texts more often than women

Fascinating. Tell me more about these alarm clock...

 

[AussieHustler]

Aussie,

Are you suggesting Somalis only marry to have sex?

Knowles

I met this Somali guy who divorced his Somali wife because she was a “”. Why and how was she a ? He said, during intercourses, she made noises and screamed at the end like a star. When asked wasn’t she a virgin? He answered they might’ve done ‘hyman reconstruction on her. He divorced his wife because she had an orgasm. Most Somali men believe sex is only for making babies and conveniently forget, to do so, they’ve to orgasm. Yaan lagu furrin, bite the pillow instead of screaming.

 

[GAHSVSVS]

@Generalissimo
Weren’t you an atheist?

 

[Sophisticate]

But she had no problem initiating when OP left the country.


OP and this girl are in the 20-22 range so they’re 90’s kids. They should be both be well adept with social media. OP also said that the dates went swimmingly so I don’t think communication is the issue here. Also the fact that OP was initiating contact 90% of the time is suspect.

Step 1. Be attractive.

Step 2. Don’t be unattractive.

In this case a sister wasn’t feeling a brother, it is what it is.

Delete her number. Hit the gym. And in your quest to become sexier and more successful in bagging better I can be your wing woman. Women love you more when you're flaunting a qumayo around your arm.

 

[Emily]

Walalo

Put your seatbelt on because I’m going to be very blunt with you.

She’s just not that in to you bro....

Think about it she is willing to go out with you because it means it’s a day out, free food she gets attention...she’s probably a student so this stuff is useful for her.

However, she can go a whole month without speaking to you, not even concerned if you’re alive or dead


I know it hurts bro but if a girl really liked you she would be excited about mariage...she wouldn’t be able to help herself and would call you or message you.

I know you like her but this is clearly not healthy for you. You two are not on the same page and I think you’re mistaken her being polite and not wanting to say she ain’t interested...to meaning she likes you.

For heavens sake she hasn’t even kissed you and you’re talking about mariage. I guarantee you she has another guy she’s more interested in but he is playing her around so she has you as a back up.

@Emily talk some sense into this guy

I feel bad for him. It seems like he has never been in a relationship. The girl he is talking to probably has other niggas on the side or just like him she is a relationship rookie lol
Like one of them have to make a damn move and kiss, how you gonna fall with someone you’ve never kissed or touched lol

@Generalissimo you sound like a nice gentleman. You need to call the girl and set up a date and go for the kiss and if she pulls away she ain’t the one. Kiss says a lot about the person. this talk and hangout shit for weeks is boring asf. Snapchat and Facebook ain’t shit, you need to be cuddling with this girl.

To be honest I didn’t even read the whole essay
Serious advise: focus on your studies forget about this emotional relationship crap. Get your degree, get that well paying job, your own place and you will find an honest good girl you are compatible with. Don’t settle at young age I swear you will regret it. Your college years should be exploring years, nigga
Have fun, experiment and shit and study hard

You don’t want to be turning up in your mid twenties like some niggas here

 

[Desert Flower]

@Generalissimo first of all welcome back Walaal you are one of the very few favourite posters that I have on this godforsaken site.


Second of all I had a similar situation but not entirely the same. I met a halimo like 4 months ago and we hit it off right away and we would converse daily. She had everything I looked for religious, cultured, fluent in the Somali language and educated. I knew that I wanted to marry her within 3 weeks . The thing is I brought up the subject of marriage to her like a month in and she told me that she needed time to think. And to be honest that’s caadi, women have more to lose when they enter marriage as opposed to men so it makes sense that they take the time to think about it. So a month later I brought up the subject of marriage again and alhamdullilah she agreed that after we both are fully stable career wise then we can have the nikaah.

My advice to you is that at the end of the day you have to be DIRECT and ASSERTIVE sometimes. You are a geeljire with honourable blood from your ancestors, insecurity/texting first shouldn’t bother you especially after 6 months sxb. Just bring the topic of marriage up again and be more serious about it and inshallah you get the answer you desire.

I rarely give genuine answers like these but since it’s you I figured I gotta pitch in my 2 cents.

Wish you all the best sxb.

PS. Don’t get discouraged bro, this is the west the chances of her speaking to another geeljire is pretty rare contrary to what the other posters are suggesting.

Congrats!

 

[Muji]

@Generalissimo
Weren’t you an atheist?

What?!?

And he is courting a Somali Muslim girl?


I can’t take any more plot twists

 

[Jake from State Farm]

I learned today’s that it is okay to be a dog Ass nigga And talk to multiple women.

 

[Kodeen]

Stick to giving the guy advice I’m genuinely curious

My honest, true and I promise the most practical advice for OP is to step back and talk to other girls and continue his wife hunt. He seems far too invested in a girl who either isn't fully reciprocating or is just about keeping her foot in the door. She's not in the wrong, but there is no point in wasting your time on her if you're not on the same page. If she's not sure, she can't be persuaded, coaxed or pressured into wanting what he wants.

The more he devests, the less attached he becomes, the more objective and clear his view will be. He thinks he loves her, but he probably doesn't. I wouldn't recommend he stops talking to her either. Just throw other girls in the mix and he'll care less and less about her. And should she ever change her mind, she'll still be available to him. If not, who knows? Maybe one of the others will stick.

 

[Muji]

My honest, true and I promise the most practical advice for OP is to step back and talk to other girls and continue his wife hunt. He seems far too invested in a girl who either isn't fully reciprocating or is just about keeping her foot in the door. She's not in the wrong, but there is no point in wasting your time on her if you're not on the same page. If she's not sure, she can't be persuaded, coaxed or pressured into wanting what he wants.

The more he devests, the less attached he becomes, the more objective and clear his view will be. He thinks he loves her, but he probably doesn't. I wouldn't recommend he stops talking to her either. Just throw other girls in the mix and he'll care less and less about her. And should she ever change her mind, she'll still be available to him. If not, who knows? Maybe one of the others will stick.

So you are capable of writing something that’s well thought out.

 

[AussieHustler]

Kodeen

That’s one smart and confident girl who doesn’t fall for nin kacsadey screaming marriage. Maybe she did background checks on the Op and what she heard didn’t impress her. One thing is very clear, she doesn’t want to commit herself so easily. Those who do, they mostly join the garoob statistics. Why would she? For f*ck sake, he’s still a student, ma apple meher ayuu rabaa like White?

 

[Gibiin-Udug]

I meet a xalimo in my age (somewhere between 20-22) in a new job i started in late January this year and I found her very beautiful and interesting. Two weeks later I added her on Facebook and started to chat with her there. From there I took her Snapchat and number. In late february I asked her out for a cup of coffee and we sat in a starbucks from like 6 pm to 11 pm and I really enjoyed talking with her and felt like we had good chemistry. We ended the date by taking the metro to our stop and me following her home and giving her a hug.

From there on we continued chatting with each other on snapchat and went out on a date once every 3-4 weeks (mostly restaurants and going for a walk). When we went on dates it always felt as amazing and the hours would just fly. By the third date I felt like I was sure that she was a person I wanted to go in a relationship with and by the end of the date when i was walking her closer to her home I told her that I had developed feelings for her, but either I talked to low outside or she choose to ignore it since she didn't respond to that. And when we got to her neighborhood I just gave her a hug and said that it was nice being with her tonight.

On the forth date the family car was available so instead of using the metro we took my car to a restaurant and on the drive home I started jokingly say "lets talk about some serious things now" and then I just laid it out that I liked her and had developed feelings for her. She said that she also felt the same thing as me and we more or less ended the discussion there that night.

By now we were in early May and by now i realized that I initiated more than 95% of the conversations on snapchat and I guess I got insecure and since I had a big uni exam by the end of the month I decided to not initiate anything on snapchat and see how long it would take for her to write something to me. All of May passed with her not initiating anything and since her Birthday was in the end of the month i wrote her a happy birthday on snapchat and she said thanks.

By now I was more or less certain that she had forgot about me and I had a couple of sleepless nights but accepted that she wasn't interested in me and that it was better for me to move on. I was also going to travel to a lot of different countries this summer with friends. So in the beginning of june I uploaded a story on snapchat with me on a airplane. She responded quite quickly and asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was good and i guess that we have been both quite busy with our lives the last month. And then before I saw her reply to that on snapchat the plane lifted and when we landed i realized that the country i traveled to had blocked snapchat and heavily restricted internet access. Instagram and Facebook was legal though and i uploaded a couple of pictures there.

And as the idiot i am i didn't realize that i could just write to her on instagram or Facebook that i can't see her answer on snapchat. So i waited 12 days till i got home again and when i got access to snapchat saw that she wrote 12 days ago that she was wondering what had happened to me and why I was not writing anything to her. I asked if we could meet and talk about this.

We went to some place for food and went on a long walk where we talked a lot. She said that she had thought it was weird that i didn't make any sound from me in a whole month and that she had thought that i was not serious and just playing with her. I told her that I had been busy and also unsure if we had the same goals in this relationship. I then told her that i wanted to be serious and not waste time playing games and she said that she also wanted the same thing.

We talked a lot after and among other things she said she felt i was only texting her up when I wanted to meet her and not otherwise like calling her or things like that. I hadn't realized that I also could call her and not snap her only. So i have since then called her like once a week.

But we have known each other for like 6 months now and I still feel like I'm the only one who initiates contact on text messages and snapchat and the one who asks if she can talk right now on the phone. She isn't also the fastest one to answer messages and sometimes it takes hours for her to answer but thats not a big problem if that was the only issue.

When we talked on the phone last week I told her that I wanted to share a mustaqbaal with her and then she said that she wanted the same thing. I asked her how she wanted to us to take the next step but she asked how I meant with next step. I suggested for her to maybe talk to her parents about me or me introducing me to them. She said that she wanted to wait with that.

I love this girl and really want to share a future with her but I dont really know what differs our thing between a friendship and a romantic relationship since we mostly just talk about casual things and not intimate and emotional topics. And it really feels weird when the act of writing her or asking if she has time to talk on the phone feels like a hard choir and not something easy and fun to do. She says that she feels the same thing as i do but her actions don't show that.

Be blunt with me SSpotters and tell me where I can improve since this is my first serious time dating and I guess her first time too. Is it too late to recover by now or can I still save this?

Ummmm Starbucks closes at 9 pm..

 

[AussieHustler]

I learned today’s that it is okay to be a dog Ass nigga And talk to multiple women.

Jerome

Sxb, don’t listen to these guys, in general, most women are naturally decent and honourable beings who are loyal and commit to a bloke. Find one of them.

But don’t act like the stereotypical Somali guy. Learn from your old man.

 

[landheer]

You don't sound assertive enough tbh you just keep tip toeing around this issue confront her with it and see what she says.

 

[Lostbox]

@Generalissimo what value does she bring? She honestly sound like a drain on your resources and time.

 

[Generalissimo]

Ummmm Starbucks closes at 9 pm..

I dont want to qarxiis myself and give all the specific details, laakin it was a coffeehouse chain that only exists in my country so I mentioned a a generic coffeehouse instead

 

[Mckenzie]

It's ok to be soft sxb, a lot of guys in the thread are talking a big game but truth is, every nigga acts like the biggest nacnac boy around the girl he likes the most. Don't follow too much advice from here, just learn from your mistakes and not every girl is the same.

 

[embarassing]

@Generalissimo you guys are young, you said she is 20-22? Marriage is a huge life changing step and can be scary, it doesnt necessarily mean she doesnt have feelings for you. You've only known each other 6 months, didn't speak for one, hung out once every 3-4 weeks, and talk on the phone once a week? It doesn't seem like you know each other too well yet.

I agree with @Coulombs law you should be direct about how you feel and what you want, then step back from being the one initiating all the convos. If you don't see a serious change in effort from her end, you should move on.

I hope it works out in your favour aboowe, all the best inshaAllah.

 

[KULTA]

Next time you see her you need to take her to a cafeteria and ask her 1) What do you want 2) Are you ready for a relationship 3) If not, why are we wasting our time

Tell her how feel and if it doesnt work then move on. Thats what i would do.

 

[Generalissimo]

@Generalissimo you guys are young, you said she is 20-22? Marriage is a huge life changing step and can be scary, it doesnt necessarily mean she doesnt have feelings for you. You've only known each other 6 months, didn't speak for one, hung out once every 3-4 weeks, and talk on the phone once a week? It doesn't seem like you know each other too well yet.

I agree with @Coulombs law you should be direct about how you feel and what you want, then step back from being the one initiating all the convos. If you don't see a serious change in effort from her end, you should move on.

I hope it works out in your favour aboowe, all the best inshaAllah.

Thanks for your very thoughtful reply @embarassing

This is probably the way that I will handle this dilemma. Laakin I was wondering if this is something that’s best taken care of face to face or if it’s better to give her some space and call her/write on message?

The thing is that Im abroad 12 more days and she is going on some trip 2-3 days after when I get home back

 

[Jeesto]

I meet a xalimo in my age (somewhere between 20-22) in a new job i started in late January this year and I found her very beautiful and interesting. Two weeks later I added her on Facebook and started to chat with her there. From there I took her Snapchat and number. In late february I asked her out for a cup of coffee and we sat in a starbucks from like 6 pm to 11 pm and I really enjoyed talking with her and felt like we had good chemistry. We ended the date by taking the metro to our stop and me following her home and giving her a hug.

From there on we continued chatting with each other on snapchat and went out on a date once every 3-4 weeks (mostly restaurants and going for a walk). When we went on dates it always felt as amazing and the hours would just fly. By the third date I felt like I was sure that she was a person I wanted to go in a relationship with and by the end of the date when i was walking her closer to her home I told her that I had developed feelings for her, but either I talked to low outside or she choose to ignore it since she didn't respond to that. And when we got to her neighborhood I just gave her a hug and said that it was nice being with her tonight.

On the forth date the family car was available so instead of using the metro we took my car to a restaurant and on the drive home I started jokingly say "lets talk about some serious things now" and then I just laid it out that I liked her and had developed feelings for her. She said that she also felt the same thing as me and we more or less ended the discussion there that night.

By now we were in early May and by now i realized that I initiated more than 95% of the conversations on snapchat and I guess I got insecure and since I had a big uni exam by the end of the month I decided to not initiate anything on snapchat and see how long it would take for her to write something to me. All of May passed with her not initiating anything and since her Birthday was in the end of the month i wrote her a happy birthday on snapchat and she said thanks.

By now I was more or less certain that she had forgot about me and I had a couple of sleepless nights but accepted that she wasn't interested in me and that it was better for me to move on. I was also going to travel to a lot of different countries this summer with friends. So in the beginning of june I uploaded a story on snapchat with me on a airplane. She responded quite quickly and asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was good and i guess that we have been both quite busy with our lives the last month. And then before I saw her reply to that on snapchat the plane lifted and when we landed i realized that the country i traveled to had blocked snapchat and heavily restricted internet access. Instagram and Facebook was legal though and i uploaded a couple of pictures there.

And as the idiot i am i didn't realize that i could just write to her on instagram or Facebook that i can't see her answer on snapchat. So i waited 12 days till i got home again and when i got access to snapchat saw that she wrote 12 days ago that she was wondering what had happened to me and why I was not writing anything to her. I asked if we could meet and talk about this.

We went to some place for food and went on a long walk where we talked a lot. She said that she had thought it was weird that i didn't make any sound from me in a whole month and that she had thought that i was not serious and just playing with her. I told her that I had been busy and also unsure if we had the same goals in this relationship. I then told her that i wanted to be serious and not waste time playing games and she said that she also wanted the same thing.

We talked a lot after and among other things she said she felt i was only texting her up when I wanted to meet her and not otherwise like calling her or things like that. I hadn't realized that I also could call her and not snap her only. So i have since then called her like once a week.

But we have known each other for like 6 months now and I still feel like I'm the only one who initiates contact on text messages and snapchat and the one who asks if she can talk right now on the phone. She isn't also the fastest one to answer messages and sometimes it takes hours for her to answer but thats not a big problem if that was the only issue.

When we talked on the phone last week I told her that I wanted to share a mustaqbaal with her and then she said that she wanted the same thing. I asked her how she wanted to us to take the next step but she asked how I meant with next step. I suggested for her to maybe talk to her parents about me or me introducing me to them. She said that she wanted to wait with that.

I love this girl and really want to share a future with her but I dont really know what differs our thing between a friendship and a romantic relationship since we mostly just talk about casual things and not intimate and emotional topics. And it really feels weird when the act of writing her or asking if she has time to talk on the phone feels like a hard choir and not something easy and fun to do. She says that she feels the same thing as i do but her actions don't show that.

Be blunt with me SSpotters and tell me where I can improve since this is my first serious time dating and I guess her first time too. Is it too late to recover by now or can I still save this?

Tror du verkligen att hon är "the one" för dig? Vad är det som är speciellt med henne sxb?

 

[embarassing]

Thanks for your very thoughtful reply @embarassing

This is probably the way that I will handle this dilemma. Laakin I was wondering if this is something that’s best taken care of face to face or if it’s better to give her some space and call her/write on message?

The thing is that Im abroad 12 more days and she is going on some trip 2-3 days after when I get home back

You should do it in person, try to meet up with her before she leaves.