Confused and dont know what to do right now

[AliUK]

Dude lost before he even started
Females will choose if they want to f*ck you or not in the first 10 seconds they see you
But watch these simps ignore me and think being a good guy and listening will change there mind

Just be respectful to an extent before you get married but save that good guy shit til you are married.

 

[AliUK]

She's being "nice" because she is getting something out of you. Food, a ride, a place to visit, etc are all on your dime.

But on SC, you are not giving her anything, hence why she feels she can ignore you. Why do you think she contacted you right after you said you posted that you were on an airplane? Perhaps because she thought her 'meal ticket' was gone forever.

There seems to be this trend with some girls about trying to 'finesse' dudes out of food, money etc. Low-level stuff if you ask me.

I'm being real frank, but this is the truth. You seem like a really genuine dude and iA, may Allah grant you a righteous wife who actually is into you just as much as you are into her.

Trust me, also other girls will see what he is doing and the trips he is taking so she is trying to avoid competition by reminding him of her and the fact that she is "interesting".

Most girls who do this are stacking on the low and don't want to dip into their stacks for dinner and entertainment which aren't expensive but can add up.

 

[AliUK]

No I don’t expect you to read minds but you are getting a lot of red flags and I suggest you atleast slow things down because even you can see that she is not seriously entertaining the thought of mariage when she can’t even text you for a whole month.

I understand you need closure but she seems like she is being deliberately vague. If you are going to confront her and tell her you feel the relationship is one sided..and then she goes on to repeat the same behaviours. Are you atleast going to conclude you want something else?

This is your first sort of relationship so I can understand why you’re being extra leanient but I just don’t want you to be stuck in the same situation for another 6 months whilst you remain just another option for her if she doesn’t get her dream guy.

Meet up with her..raise your concerns, if her effort doesn’t increase to 50% to match yours, delete her number and get to know other girls...

This is the Knowles we need to see more of.

I did however notice that you didn't criticise the girl like you would if the roles were reversed:siilaanyolaugh:

 

[zeinap83]

Somali girls dont ever initiate anything with a guy. Dont expect her to be the first to call, text or ask you out. If she does that shes not serious about you and sees you as a fling or someone to finesse. Its in our programming to be awkward and unapproachable, esp to abdis.
Sounds like shes a typical xaliimo. You have to pursue until youre engaged. Somali girls are shit at giving signs no need to feel hurt about it. She probably likes you.

 

[Muji]

Trust me, also other girls will see what he is doing and the trips he is taking so she is trying to avoid competition by reminding him of her and the fact that she is "interesting".

Most girls who do this are stacking on the low and don't want to dip into their stacks for dinner and entertainment which aren't expensive but can add up.

Have to admit

This has all the hallmarks of a low grade finesser..she seems to be doing the bare minimum to keep him around. This will be a great learning curve for the OP as he will now be able to spot the signs when he meets another one. I’m supportive of him meeting her again since he will get closure, learn from this or you never know she may be in to him but is a slow burner...

 

[AliUK]

Have to admit

This has all the hallmarks of a low grade finesser..she seems to be doing the bare minimum to keep him around. This will be a great learning curve for the OP as he will now be able to spot the signs when he meets another one. I’m supportive of him meeting her again since he will get closure, learn from this or you never know she may be in to him but is a slow burner...

Trust me, some at least hint at sex which keeps the guy there for time because he thinks he will get some but this girl potentially has him wrapped around her finger without showing any interest.

 

[Desert Flower]

Have to admit

This has all the hallmarks of a low grade finesser..she seems to be doing the bare minimum to keep him around. This will be a great learning curve for the OP as he will now be able to spot the signs when he meets another one. I’m supportive of him meeting her again since he will get closure, learn from this or you never know she may be in to him but is a slow burner...

Agreed. I was thinking the same thing.

She is doing just enough to make sure that he is still invested.

 

[Muji]

Trust me, some at least hint at sex which keeps the guy there for time because he thinks he will get some but this girl potentially has him wrapped around her finger without showing any interest.

That’s how women manipulate men they use their sexuality as a tool

Whereas a manipulative man will use her emotions.

 

[Omnya]

I meet a xalimo in my age (somewhere between 20-22) in a new job i started in late January this year and I found her very beautiful and interesting. Two weeks later I added her on Facebook and started to chat with her there. From there I took her Snapchat and number. In late february I asked her out for a cup of coffee and we sat in a starbucks from like 6 pm to 11 pm and I really enjoyed talking with her and felt like we had good chemistry. We ended the date by taking the metro to our stop and me following her home and giving her a hug.

From there on we continued chatting with each other on snapchat and went out on a date once every 3-4 weeks (mostly restaurants and going for a walk). When we went on dates it always felt as amazing and the hours would just fly. By the third date I felt like I was sure that she was a person I wanted to go in a relationship with and by the end of the date when i was walking her closer to her home I told her that I had developed feelings for her, but either I talked to low outside or she choose to ignore it since she didn't respond to that. And when we got to her neighborhood I just gave her a hug and said that it was nice being with her tonight.

On the forth date the family car was available so instead of using the metro we took my car to a restaurant and on the drive home I started jokingly say "lets talk about some serious things now" and then I just laid it out that I liked her and had developed feelings for her. She said that she also felt the same thing as me and we more or less ended the discussion there that night.

By now we were in early May and by now i realized that I initiated more than 95% of the conversations on snapchat and I guess I got insecure and since I had a big uni exam by the end of the month I decided to not initiate anything on snapchat and see how long it would take for her to write something to me. All of May passed with her not initiating anything and since her Birthday was in the end of the month i wrote her a happy birthday on snapchat and she said thanks.

By now I was more or less certain that she had forgot about me and I had a couple of sleepless nights but accepted that she wasn't interested in me and that it was better for me to move on. I was also going to travel to a lot of different countries this summer with friends. So in the beginning of june I uploaded a story on snapchat with me on a airplane. She responded quite quickly and asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was good and i guess that we have been both quite busy with our lives the last month. And then before I saw her reply to that on snapchat the plane lifted and when we landed i realized that the country i traveled to had blocked snapchat and heavily restricted internet access. Instagram and Facebook was legal though and i uploaded a couple of pictures there.

And as the idiot i am i didn't realize that i could just write to her on instagram or Facebook that i can't see her answer on snapchat. So i waited 12 days till i got home again and when i got access to snapchat saw that she wrote 12 days ago that she was wondering what had happened to me and why I was not writing anything to her. I asked if we could meet and talk about this.

We went to some place for food and went on a long walk where we talked a lot. She said that she had thought it was weird that i didn't make any sound from me in a whole month and that she had thought that i was not serious and just playing with her. I told her that I had been busy and also unsure if we had the same goals in this relationship. I then told her that i wanted to be serious and not waste time playing games and she said that she also wanted the same thing.

We talked a lot after and among other things she said she felt i was only texting her up when I wanted to meet her and not otherwise like calling her or things like that. I hadn't realized that I also could call her and not snap her only. So i have since then called her like once a week.

But we have known each other for like 6 months now and I still feel like I'm the only one who initiates contact on text messages and snapchat and the one who asks if she can talk right now on the phone. She isn't also the fastest one to answer messages and sometimes it takes hours for her to answer but thats not a big problem if that was the only issue.

When we talked on the phone last week I told her that I wanted to share a mustaqbaal with her and then she said that she wanted the same thing. I asked her how she wanted to us to take the next step but she asked how I meant with next step. I suggested for her to maybe talk to her parents about me or me introducing me to them. She said that she wanted to wait with that.

I love this girl and really want to share a future with her but I dont really know what differs our thing between a friendship and a romantic relationship since we mostly just talk about casual things and not intimate and emotional topics. And it really feels weird when the act of writing her or asking if she has time to talk on the phone feels like a hard choir and not something easy and fun to do. She says that she feels the same thing as i do but her actions don't show that.

Be blunt with me SSpotters and tell me where I can improve since this is my first serious time dating and I guess her first time too. Is it too late to recover by now or can I still save this?

As I was reading this I felt like you were talking about me but allahamdulilah mine’s over. I was in a relationship similar to yours and let me tell you Walal, If someone wants you in their life. They will make it clear that they want you in their life. Never force anything. If it’s meant to be it will happen inshallah. She might be a shy girl and since this is her first relationship she might not know how to express herself and that’s ok. Explain to her that you need to feel that she cares about you and how her actions don’t show that. Tell her how she can do that. If you see that she changed after you’ve talked to her that’s good and it means she cares. If nothings changed then actions speak louder than words. Move on.

 

[Nomad2054]

it is said that you can take a horse to the water but you can't me it drink, you got first hand opinion from worlds class finesse specialists.

my take is this i hope the women turns out to be the blessing that you are desperately praying for, but from what i have read i believe she is a lesson. you will either learn or you will earn.

we all have to go through the ropes so do it your way and have no regrets if it doesn't work out.
best of luck to ya young fella

 

[Muji]

it is said that you can take a horse to the water but you can't me it drink, you got first hand opinion from worlds class finesse specialists. my take is this i hope the women turns out to be the blessing that you are desperately praying for, but from what i have read i believe she is a lesson. you will either learn or you will earn.

we all have to go through the ropes so do it your way and have no regrets if it doesn't work out.
best of luck to ya young fella

You’re a finesser??

 

[Cigal Shidaad]

Talk about sex and get intimate with her. Forget about future that's bs

 

[Generalissimo]

As I was reading this I felt like you were talking about me but allahamdulilah mine’s over. I was in a relationship similar to yours and let me tell you Walal, If someone wants you in their life. They will make it clear that they want you in their life. Never force anything. If it’s meant to be it will happen inshallah. She might be a shy girl and since this is her first relationship she might not know how to express herself and that’s ok. Explain to her that you need to feel that she cares about you and how her actions don’t show that. Tell her how she can do that. If you see that she changed after you’ve talked to her that’s good and it means she cares. If nothings changed then actions speak louder than words. Move on.

Thank you for your reply abaayo! May I ask if you were the one who was paying all attention to the other or if a guy was interested in you but not vice versa.

And do you think that this is something that is best handled IRL in 12 days when i return back home or can I handle this by phone before?

 

[Ferrari]

Tbh I think men do good morning texts more often than women

Where yall live? I always get more than I give. But then again I know how to deal with a xalimo, and how to manipulate her.

 

[Lostbox]

@Knowles spiting facts all over the place here. @Generalissimo you seriously need to start using your head. Your emotions will lead you to the wrong place.

 

[Nomad2054]

You’re a finesser??

you know i was talking about you stop playing girl.

 

[Muji]

you know i was talking about you stop playing girl.

I don’t know what you’re talking about

 

[Nomad2054]

I don’t know what you’re talking about

View attachment 50723

make them incels pay for every cent and then come online and make them pay again.

 

[Jake from State Farm]

Jerome

Sxb, don’t listen to these guys, in general, most women are naturally decent and honourable beings who are loyal and commit to a bloke. Find one of them.

But don’t act like the stereotypical Somali guy. Learn from your old man.

What does the stereotypical Somali man do.

What is wrong with dating multiple women at the same time just like the guys on the bachelor

 

[Inquisitive_]

Few points

1. Something that began with Haram is bereft of any barakah and will always end terribly, especially when both of you "know" it's haram and thus no ignorance is involved.

You wouldn't like someone doing this to your sister, remember that as you do, so shall it be done onto your sisters/daughters etc.

2. Talking to a women for 5 straight hours demonstrates tremendous low value to her, she knows you have nothing better to do in life and as a result all interest she had in you dissipated quickly.

3. Women are programmed to follow and not lead, you programmed her to never initiate first through your 'actions' and she is simply following it

When it comes to women you presume she is already heavily attracted to you and you simply lead through your actions only, if you presume anything else, you set yourself up for failure.

Never! Ever! inquire about her opinions or emotions for you, it demonstrates to her your off low value incapable of leading her, only the insecure care about what other people think of them, women in general are insecure, the last place she wants to see this disease is in you.

Don't despair! every one of us has made these mistakes and much worse, as always you live and learn in life.