Confused and dont know what to do right now

[embarassing]

Embarassing, your a person whose opinion i put great value on, whats your take on this whole dilemma walaashiis

I'm not sure where her head is at based on the information you shared with us tbh but I will give you my take on it when I get home tonight.

You'd probably date an asshole like me before you gave this nigga a chance.

be honest with him. He needs to man up.

Nope, no one would have the audacity to be an asshole.

 

[Muji]

He won’t listen to me @World or @Ferrari because he thinks we are hating


But wait till the sequel of this thread which is going to be titled “es ain’t a thing”

 

[Generalissimo]

Walalo

Put your seatbelt on because I’m going to be very blunt with you.

She’s just not that in to you bro....

Think about it she is willing to go out with you because it means it’s a day out, free food she gets attention...she’s probably a student so this stuff is useful for her.

However, she can go a whole month without speaking to you, not even concerned if you’re alive or dead


I know it hurts bro but if a girl really liked you she would be excited about mariage...she wouldn’t be able to help herself and would call you or message you.

I know you like her but this is clearly not healthy for you. You two are not on the same page and I think you’re mistaken her being polite and not wanting to say she ain’t interested...to meaning she likes you.

For heavens sake she hasn’t even kissed you and you’re talking about mariage. I guarantee you she has another guy she’s more interested in but he is playing her around so she has you as a back up.

@Emily talk some sense into this guy

You could be entirely right who knows laakin I'm just a human, you expect me read thoughts too now? If you tell a person that you like them and want to be in a serious relationship and hope to share a mustaqbal with them and the other person says I want the same thing too. In my world that's not the same thing as being polite and if it means that then can you blame me for not making that conclusion?

 

[Jake from State Farm]

I meet a xalimo in my age (somewhere between 20-22) in a new job i started in late January this year and I found her very beautiful and interesting. Two weeks later I added her on Facebook and started to chat with her there. From there I took her Snapchat and number. In late february I asked her out for a cup of coffee and we sat in a starbucks from like 6 pm to 11 pm and I really enjoyed talking with her and felt like we had good chemistry. We ended the date by taking the metro to our stop and me following her home and giving her a hug.

From there on we continued chatting with each other on snapchat and went out on a date once every 3-4 weeks (mostly restaurants and going for a walk). When we went on dates it always felt as amazing and the hours would just fly. By the third date I felt like I was sure that she was a person I wanted to go in a relationship with and by the end of the date when i was walking her closer to her home I told her that I had developed feelings for her, but either I talked to low outside or she choose to ignore it since she didn't respond to that. And when we got to her neighborhood I just gave her a hug and said that it was nice being with her tonight.

On the forth date the family car was available so instead of using the metro we took my car to a restaurant and on the drive home I started jokingly say "lets talk about some serious things now" and then I just laid it out that I liked her and had developed feelings for her. She said that she also felt the same thing as me and we more or less ended the discussion there that night.

By now we were in early May and by now i realized that I initiated more than 95% of the conversations on snapchat and I guess I got insecure and since I had a big uni exam by the end of the month I decided to not initiate anything on snapchat and see how long it would take for her to write something to me. All of May passed with her not initiating anything and since her Birthday was in the end of the month i wrote her a happy birthday on snapchat and she said thanks.

By now I was more or less certain that she had forgot about me and I had a couple of sleepless nights but accepted that she wasn't interested in me and that it was better for me to move on. I was also going to travel to a lot of different countries this summer with friends. So in the beginning of june I uploaded a story on snapchat with me on a airplane. She responded quite quickly and asked me how I was doing. I replied that I was good and i guess that we have been both quite busy with our lives the last month. And then before I saw her reply to that on snapchat the plane lifted and when we landed i realized that the country i traveled to had blocked snapchat and heavily restricted internet access. Instagram and Facebook was legal though and i uploaded a couple of pictures there.

And as the idiot i am i didn't realize that i could just write to her on instagram or Facebook that i can't see her answer on snapchat. So i waited 12 days till i got home again and when i got access to snapchat saw that she wrote 12 days ago that she was wondering what had happened to me and why I was not writing anything to her. I asked if we could meet and talk about this.

We went to some place for food and went on a long walk where we talked a lot. She said that she had thought it was weird that i didn't make any sound from me in a whole month and that she had thought that i was not serious and just playing with her. I told her that I had been busy and also unsure if we had the same goals in this relationship. I then told her that i wanted to be serious and not waste time playing games and she said that she also wanted the same thing.

We talked a lot after and among other things she said she felt i was only texting her up when I wanted to meet her and not otherwise like calling her or things like that. I hadn't realized that I also could call her and not snap her only. So i have since then called her like once a week.

But we have known each other for like 6 months now and I still feel like I'm the only one who initiates contact on text messages and snapchat and the one who asks if she can talk right now on the phone. She isn't also the fastest one to answer messages and sometimes it takes hours for her to answer but thats not a big problem if that was the only issue.

When we talked on the phone last week I told her that I wanted to share a mustaqbaal with her and then she said that she wanted the same thing. I asked her how she wanted to us to take the next step but she asked how I meant with next step. I suggested for her to maybe talk to her parents about me or me introducing me to them. She said that she wanted to wait with that.

I love this girl and really want to share a future with her but I dont really know what differs our thing between a friendship and a romantic relationship since we mostly just talk about casual things and not intimate and emotional topics. And it really feels weird when the act of writing her or asking if she has time to talk on the phone feels like a hard choir and not something easy and fun to do. She says that she feels the same thing as i do but her actions don't show that.

Be blunt with me SSpotters and tell me where I can improve since this is my first serious time dating and I guess her first time too. Is it too late to recover by now or can I still save this?

You started 95% of the convos.i personally would have stepped away once I noticed that. But you said y’all had chemistry so there’s a good thing.

I’m not a fan of hanging out and being around people who don’t share the same energy as me.

She said she liked you but didn’t even try to contact you for an entire month.

For an entire month fam!!
I would have done the race like my Nigga tay k and found another female

 

[Starscream]

That’s so crazy wallahi I don’t even like small talks with females. 5 hours wow and all he gave her is a hug I’m shook.

Females are very uninteresting creatures they all sound like overgrown chickens

These guys don't know nothing I feel upset for them they are the biggest enemy's of themselves

He'll learn the hard way
The worst are the give compliments across screen simps wtf do they gain?
Every has inflated head now the days of eating off average/fat/ugly hoes with low self esteem in dry spell is over is dime or desert dick no in betweens
Simps are cancer inside us We should round them and kill them

 

[Desert Flower]

Thats the thing that confuses me so much, her behavior when we are out together is so much different than we are chatting on snapchat. She is very receptive and it feels more like a 50/50 split on who is talking.

If my gut instincts had said that she is using me for free food or something like that i would had quit this a long time ago runti. She has actually offered to pay every time we have eaten in some restaurant. She even sent money to my account once when the bill was unusually high but i sent it back and refused lacagta

She's being "nice" because she is getting something out of you. Food, a ride, a place to visit, etc are all on your dime.

But on SC, you are not giving her anything, hence why she feels she can ignore you. Why do you think she contacted you right after you said you posted that you were on an airplane? Perhaps because she thought her 'meal ticket' was gone forever.

There seems to be this trend with some girls about trying to 'finesse' dudes out of food, money etc. Low-level stuff if you ask me.

I'm being real frank, but this is the truth. You seem like a really genuine dude and iA, may Allah grant you a righteous wife who actually is into you just as much as you are into her.

 

[Cumar]

Bro don't get oneitis. There's so much good single women out there. If she ain't calling/texting you and asking about your day it means she has other options. Never be someone's consolation prize.

If I was ever initiating 90% of the convos with any girl I'd drop her out of principle. Simple as. I ain't gonna be nobody's second choice. You deserve better my man.

 

[embarassing]

Also be careful taking the advise of a bunch of guys and girls who come to an online forum for attention and to flirt (I don't mean everyone here) @Generalissimo

 

[Generalissimo]

You started 95% of the convos.i personally would have stepped away once I noticed that. But you said y’all had chemistry so there’s a good thing.

I’m not a fan of hanging out and being around people who don’t share the same energy as me.

She said she liked you but didn’t even try to contact you for an entire month.

For an entire month fam!!
I would have done the race like my Nigga tay k and found another female

Thats the thing that's bugging my mind bro, the fact that I'm the one who is initiating the convos most of the time.

Since this is my second serious time i'm dating a girl and probably her first or second time it could just be that both of us are total rookies and lack basic relationship skills. Because both of us fucked up by not contacting each other for an entire month. I was like "lets see how long it takes for her to contact me" and she could also be thinking the same goddam thing

 

[Blade1]

Omg some of these advices. Firstly is she shy natured that's why she might be doing this. I think I'd do the exact same thing she is doing so this is a lesson to me taht people will precieve you as what you are and others are saying. Secondly confront her about this and ask her if she's serious or she's playing and got another guy.
Thirdly do not kiss her or any haram things the useless degenerates on here are saying.
I think she likes you and is shy and doenst want to seem too eager or just got you on a backbencher.
She wouldn't do all those things you aid she does if she wants interested. I think she likes you

 

[Desert Flower]

Thats the thing that's bugging my mind bro, the fact that I'm the one who is initiating the convos most of the time.

Since this is my second serious time i'm dating a girl and probably her first or second time it could just be that both of us are total rookies and lack basic relationship skills. Because both of us fucked up by not contacting each other for an entire month. I was like "lets see how long it takes for her to contact me" and she could also be thinking the same goddam thing

That screams "immature" to me.

You don't really need to be a seasoned relationship expert to know whether you like someone. You either do or you don't.

 

[MariaMaria]

When you say upfront and blunt could you give some examples of what you consider upfront and blunt behavior?

actually ignore what I said, you can't be more blunt than you have and it sounded like you've been trying to make it romantic so there nothing more you can do.

other than addressing her one more time to find out where she is at

 

[Muji]

You could be entirely right who knows laakin I'm just a human, you expect me read thoughts too now? If you tell a person that you like them and want to be in a serious relationship and hope to share a mustaqbal with them and the other person says I want the same thing too. In my world that's not the same thing as being polite and if it means that then can you blame me for not making that conclusion?

No I don’t expect you to read minds but you are getting a lot of red flags and I suggest you atleast slow things down because even you can see that she is not seriously entertaining the thought of mariage when she can’t even text you for a whole month.

I understand you need closure but she seems like she is being deliberately vague. If you are going to confront her and tell her you feel the relationship is one sided..and then she goes on to repeat the same behaviours. Are you atleast going to conclude you want something else?

This is your first sort of relationship so I can understand why you’re being extra leanient but I just don’t want you to be stuck in the same situation for another 6 months whilst you remain just another option for her if she doesn’t get her dream guy.

Meet up with her..raise your concerns, if her effort doesn’t increase to 50% to match yours, delete her number and get to know other girls...

 

[Geeljire Sandheer]

Females are very uninteresting creatures they all sound like overgrown chickens

He'll learn the hard way
The worst are the give compliments across screen simps wtf do they gain?
Every has inflated head now the days of eating off average/fat/ugly hoes with low self esteem in dry spell is over is dime or desert dick no in betweens
Simps are cancer inside us We should round them and kill them

We should put them in a gas chamber like the Goat Hitler

 

[Cumar]

Thats the thing that's bugging my mind bro, the fact that I'm the one who is initiating the convos most of the time.

Since this is my second serious time i'm dating a girl and probably her first or second time it could just be that both of us are total rookies and lack basic relationship skills. Because both of us fucked up by not contacting each other for an entire month. I was like "lets see how long it takes for her to contact me" and she could also be thinking the same goddam thing

A girl who really likes you, will make time for you in her life. It is as simple as that. Don't over complicate it.

 

[Jake from State Farm]

Thats the thing that's bugging my mind bro, the fact that I'm the one who is initiating the convos most of the time.

Since this is my second serious time i'm dating a girl and probably her first or second time it could just be that both of us are total rookies and lack basic relationship skills. Because both of us fucked up by not contacting each other for an entire month. I was like "lets see how long it takes for her to contact me" and she could also be thinking the same goddam thing

You didn’t f*ck up shit.

She didn’t contact you for an entire month.
Big red flag

 

[Jake from State Farm]

No I don’t expect you to read minds but you are getting a lot of red flags and I suggest you atleast slow things down because even you can see that she is not seriously entertaining the thought of mariage when she can’t even text you for a whole month.

I understand you need closure but she seems like she is being deliberately vague. If you are going to confront her and tell her you feel the relationship is one sided..and then she goes on to repeat the same behaviours. Are you atleast going to conclude you want something else?

This is your first sort of relationship so I can understand why you’re being extra leanient but I just don’t want you to be stuck in the same situation for another 6 months whilst you remain just another option for her if she doesn’t get her dream guy.

Meet up with her..raise your concerns, if her effort doesn’t increase to 50% to match yours, delete her number and get to know other girls...

Do what knowles says.

 

[Generalissimo]

She's being "nice" because she is getting something out of you. Food, a ride, a place to visit, etc are all on your dime.

But on SC, you are not giving her anything, hence why she feels she can ignore you. Why do you think she contacted you right after you said you posted that you were on an airplane? Perhaps because she thought her 'meal ticket' was gone forever.

There seems to be this trend with some girls about trying to 'finesse' dudes out of food, money etc. Low-level stuff if you ask me.

I'm being real frank, but this is the truth. You seem like a really genuine dude and iA, may Allah grant you a righteous wife who actually is into you just as much as you are into her.

Laakin it seems that you aint reading what i'm writing. I just told you that I don't have my own ride and that we take the bus and metro to the places we go to eat like some miskiimiins

And if she hadn't offered to pay for the food every time and splitted the bill 2-3 times I would have dipped since I aint go time for golddiggers

 

[Muji]

A girl really who likes you, will make time for you in her life. It is as simple as that. Don't over complicate it.

Cumar I hate to say but he needs to learn the hard way... I’m sure this will turn him into a woman hater but he can’t say the signs were not there


Even I a certified man hater who drinks the tears of Somali men would not wait a whole month to contact a man I wanted to marry.

 

[Cumar]

Laakin it seems that you aint reading what i'm writing. I just told you that I don't have my own ride and that we take the bus and metro to the places we go to eat like some miskiimiins

And if she hadn't offered to pay for the food every time and splitted the bill 2-3 times I would have dipped since I aint go time for golddiggers

Some girls "offer" to split knowing full well you'll obviously refuse out of principle.