Your Mehr

[Hodan from HR]

I don't know what my mehr price will be especially since I find the idea of putting my inherent worth in $ to be tacky. I might just ask the guy to "surprise" me then judge his generosity and seriousness according to his income.

One thing I hate though, is when a guy talks about gifting you high mehr in the early stages. It gives off unhinged desperate vibes. Like you can't capture and retain a woman's attention with your essence so you resort to materialistic promises..

 

[Unbothered]

20k or over is reasonable.

 

[Sheikh Google]

I don't know what my mehr price will be especially since I find the idea of putting my inherent worth in $ to be tacky. I might just ask the guy to "surprise" me then judge his generosity and seriousness according to his income.

One thing I hate though, is when a guy talks about gifting you high mehr in the early stages. It gives off unhinged desperate vibes. Like you can't capture and retain a woman's attention with your essence so you resort to materialistic promises..

Exactly. Like I can't woo you with my words here take some money so I can buy your coochie. Feels so archaic and desperate. Mehr should be a combo of his love for you/her being reasonable and just a mutual appreciation for the marriage that you are both going into. Not here's 10plusk now your mine so open yo legs...

 

[canjeeroiyoshah]

Haven't seen anything more than 30k in the west and that was basically a scandal lol.

Mehr is meant to be security for a wife in case of a divorce from what I understand. Nowadays both parties are working and the times are different, not sure why it's relevant to pay crazy amounts.

 

[Hargeysa]

Fellas, in all honestly how much mehr would you want your sister or daughter to get?

Honestly? That would be for her to decide

I'd be more concerned with whether she likes him (and that's mutual), his character, their compatibility (Deen, world views etc) , and his career tbh

 

[TekNiKo]

5k omgg wow

Only arranged marriage/ugly man will be charged more than that. If you are a decent man, she herself would want you to not feel the weight of expensive marriage.

 

[Nilotic]

80k for tall mugdi dhuxul save your money sxb

I'm Dinka, so I obviously love tall, jet black women

 

[Angelina]

Only arranged marriage/ugly man will be charged more than that. If you are a decent man, she herself would want you to not feel the weight of expensive marriage.

It's got nothing to do with ugliness, but about a man's finances. A multimillionaire's wife, who is also from a wealthy background will have different expectations compared to a miskeen Xalimo from an inner London estate marrying Abdi the uber driver.

Every man and woman for that matter has a different tax bracket, so saying a woman doesn't love a man based on what she expects for a Mehr and a wedding isn't correct as you're simply looking at it from only your own socio-economic lense.

 

[Chase]

Fellas, in all honestly how much mehr would you want your sister or daughter to get?

Mehr is for security, right? In case of divorce? It doesn't matter to me, a woman's worth cannot be tied to some monetary value, that's just archaic af. It's unfortunate people misunderstand the concept when it comes to this though. What's mine is yours, dheen makes this clear, why the need for some lump sum payment upfront? Like I'm financing a car or something.

 

[Shimbiris]

Most arguing with you are incredibly broke and unable to afford it.

My ancestors paid a high bride price and it paid off with beautiful wives and daughters. Those were real men. If a brother is unwilling to sell his kidney on the blackmarket he's not serious.

There she goes sounding like a serial killer again. Our big sis wants a man's kidneys now.

 

[a_plant]

I don’t know really. I just don’t understand the whole Mehr thing.

 

[Angelina]

Mehr is for security, right? In case of divorce? It doesn't matter to me, a woman's worth cannot be tied to some monetary value, that's just archaic af. It's unfortunate people misunderstand the concept when it comes to this though. What's mine is yours, dheen makes this clear, why the need for some lump sum payment upfront? Like I'm financing a car or something.

Because the what's mine is yours argument is actually a myth. Technically it isn't true. You're required to provide for her and everything else is indeed yours, from the house the car you name it. Islamically a Muslim woman isn't entitled to alimony and a woman could be contributing, cooking, cleaning and even buying furniture in her husband's house for the last 20 yrs and even though its morally grey/wrong he can talaq her on the spot and she'd have to go in 3 months with 0 claims to a house she literally put all her energy into for 20 years. If she doesn't have any saving? Tough luck.

Mehr is no where near enough as after all of these years the money wouldn't be there, but for housewives in particular you can see why mehr would be a real concern for them. Maybe as a society we need to think of Islamically acceptable ways of helping women as despite all of this, Muslim women are routinely told that they should aim to stay home, even though they're putting everything into a home that is not there's unless they financially contributed and have clear evidence.

 

[TekNiKo]

Warya, 5K is a lot for back home. She hit the jackpot.

Funny how you assume shes a back home Halimo when she is in Europe lol. Not all Halimos are money grabbers.

 

[AbdiFreedom]

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[Angelina]

Funny how you assume shes a back home Halimo when she is in Europe lol. Not all Halimos are money grabbers.

She made tahriib. You've told us about her and she's currently in Germany right? She's from back home and that is a lot for them.

In the West, the average Xalimo asks for 3-6k. That is cheap compared to other Muslim ethnic groups, yet our men still complain.

 

[Sheikh Google]

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youre married??? I swear you is a gay sex worker?

 

[Nilotic]

Somali (or rather Islamic dowry) makes far more sense than Nilotic dowry; for one, our dowry doesn't go directly to the woman... it goes to her parents, grandparents and uncles and aunts.

 

[Bundasliga]

In the West, the average Xalimo asks for 3-6k. That is cheap compared to other Muslim ethnic groups, yet our men still complain.

Ain't nobody complaining about 3k-6k ,where you get that from?

 

[Chase]

Because the what's mine is yours argument is actually a myth. Technically it isn't true. You're required to provide for her and everything else is indeed yours, from the house the car you name it. Islamically a Muslim woman isn't entitled to alimony and a woman could be contributing, cooking, cleaning and even buying furniture in her husband's house for the last 20 yrs and even though its morally grey/wrong he can talaq her on the spot and she'd have to go in 3 months with 0 claims to a house she literally put all her energy into for 20 years. If she doesn't have any saving? Tough luck.

Mehr is no where near enough as after all of these years the money wouldn't be there, but for housewives in particular you can see why mehr would be a real concern for them. Maybe as a society we need to think of Islamically acceptable ways of helping women as despite all of this, Muslim women are routinely told that they should aim to stay home, even though they're putting everything into a home that is not there's unless they financially contributed and have clear evidence.

That's a doomsday scenario if I've seen one, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't like seeing marriages being handled like some business, it's a union of families coming together and completing half your dheen, any guy doing those things to his wife never loved her or is a kalab, it's up to her to exercise due diligence when choosing a partner.

 

[Angelina]

Ain't nobody complaining about 3k-6k ,where you get that from?

Hardly no one unless they're like rich Somalis in Kenya or the khaleej gets more than 10k. I've been to enough weddings, seen a lot of my friends, acquaintance, relatives ect you name it get married, yet hardly anyone got more than 10k and to top it off, Somali men do not usually pay upfront as they would usually have to pay for the wedding expenses, so majority are actually paying £5k in like installments, yet mehr is it seems still a topic of conversation.

I'm going to assume, the majority here are teens or early 20s so they might not know how marriages work in our community nor have they actually asked people in real life about mehr.

The 50k+ Mehr is found in the Khaleeji community yet bored Somalis want to discuss something that never usually happens in our community.