Would you go for a younger man?

[Kodeen]

That sounds like an imbalance of power. Lol. Your ebony against their alabaster skin. Aren't you somewhat worried about a dip in IQ among the next generation. And its not like you have your lacaag situation in order. Blonde hair is also particularly rare. Unless you are cool with artificial ones, that play unintelligent to collectively bring down group IQ.

Imbalance of power? I'll take that as a compliment.

You're painting quite a picture there Soph.

Are you sure we don't have something in common here? Although the reverse coupling looks completely unnatural and wrong, I won't judge.

Natural blonde preferred, but fake is fine. I'm not interested in my children's IQ. They're not a science experiment. I will love and appreciate them regardless. Unless they're gay or marry Djiboutians.

 

[Sophisticate]

Imbalance of power? I'll take that as a compliment.

You're painting quite a picture there Soph.

Are you sure we don't have something in common here? Although the reverse coupling looks completely unnatural and wrong, I won't judge.

Natural blonde preferred, but fake is fine. I'm not interested in my children's IQ. They're not a science experiment. I will love and appreciate them regardless. Unless they're gay or marry Djiboutians.

No Kodeen. You know I bleed Somali colours. I'm consistent. Just trying to get inside your head.

Interesting. So, IQ doesn't matter to all?

 

[Kodeen]

No Kodeen. You know I bleed Somali colours. I'm consistent. Just trying to get inside your head.

Interesting. So, IQ doesn't matter to all?

Within reason, no.

 

[Sophisticate]

Within reason, no.

What's reasonable? 130 and up. I hope.

 

[Kodeen]

What's reasonable?

If I write flip on a blank piece of paper and it take her 3 or fewer flips to figure out what's going on, we're good to go.

 

[Sophisticate]

If I write flip on a blank piece of paper and it take her 3 or fewer flips to figure out what's going on, we're good to go.

This is worse than lusting after caano. C'mon, have higher standards.

 

[Saalax Bidaar]

Can I be of any help eedo macaan ?

 

[AdoonkaAlle]

When you're young and precocious you're taking in everything. You were also emulating given your close proximity to your Adeers, but I'm sure it also has something to do with the positive characteristics that they possessed which you wanted to assimilate and make you're own, albeit in a different way.

Bro, humans are meaning-making machines always creating stories based on their experiences, some of which are based on singular/isolated events. Some choose to re-examine these old tales and make new scripts and others prefer to stick to vestiges of their pasts.

Its good to see you're self-reflective and self-aware. The beauty of being an adult is you can be childlike in terms of your thirst for knowledge while having the executive functioning and cognitive dexterity of an adult.

I think what happens is that we're arrested in terms of our notions of age. I've met kids in their early 20s chronologically who are biologically in their 30s, this has more to do with negative lifestyle. And if we're talking about mental age, we all know people who are emotionally stuck in a certain phase of their life that has long since gone, irrespective of their age. So, you might have presented as older in maturity though you're younger than her.

I see where she is coming from. If we have an old snapshot of her being a toddler and you being a newborn then the gap in age is significantly more pronounced as children are rapidly growing. And it can mean something in grade school, not so much later on in life. But sometimes people are unnecessarily mortified by this. But these people are just blindly following the norm mostly because of coercion, and the opinions of others which factor heavily into their decision making.



Interesting. Probably the accumulation of experiences (some good, some less savory). And environmental factors (familial expectations, one's group of friends), we don't quite live isolated in airtight chambers and our decisions have ripple effects on others close to us. I totally agree that people overlook various factors when forming those demands.

Haa walaal it was due to their positive qualities that made me want to imitate them, but as you stated at that age kids are very impressionable and i'm grateful to have had such a positive experience. I wouldn't describe it as a case of wanting to assimilate those qualities in my own way but i see it as a beneficial learning experience. Those positive qualities are traits that they've acquired through their own life experience and to me their serve as a realistic example that i can learn from and further develop myself so as to speak.


Whether once decides to re-examine past experience and come up with new ones or just stick to what they know, i've noticed that unless it's done objectively you risk making the same mistakes over and over again. New-script or not it's all context-dependent how many realise this i wonder


Mahadsanid walaal laakin what if your intellect tells you one thing and your heart tells you another? how do you proceed ahead, do you give precedence to you intellect knowing fully well it's limitation or will you as they say follow your heart ? how do you determine the correct path to take? is it a matter of evaluating which of the two is more risk prone ?

Walaasha was just taken aback and i believe my interaction with her was sort of a "aha moment". As they say there's always a first time for everything, all in all i do believe wholeheartedly that it was a positive experience for the both of us even though it didn't lead to guur.

Interesting. Probably the accumulation of experiences (some good, some less savory). And environmental factors (familial expectations, one's group of friends), we don't quite live isolated in airtight chambers and our decisions have ripple effects on others close to us. I totally agree that people overlook various factors when forming those demands.

boqolkiba boqol i agree with you but it's only a tiny minority that are able to take the above into consideration without letting it dictate the right course of action when the situation demands it. If you look at the demands that some people expect from their potential spouse(s) one notices that they tend to be individualistic in nature.

They are based on serving the interest,desires and goals of the individual instead of being mutual. Having expectations that in the past have brought about a result that you want is realistic but expecting others to do what's in your interest in unrealistic. In addition people have shortcomings that they bring into the relationship and as such both parties need to be considerate and willing to accept each other based on this.

There's so much involved in finding a spouse and guurka in general that is not reflected on the surface level (ie is apparent) so we need to be humble enough to recognise our flaws in this process and act accordingly by seeking taalo when it's needed.

 

[Gambar]

The age gap isn’t big enough. I think people who are within 4-5 years of each other aren’t all that different. They are still within the same category as far as life experience

I consider marrying older if a 25 year old marry a 38-40 year old.

It’s somewhat big because 4-5 years apart means you didn’t grow up together.

 

[Saalax Bidaar]

It’s somewhat big because 4-5 years apart means you didn’t grow up together.

Baayo waxaasi waa iska caadiyoos
Aniga iyo adigu waa heshiinaynaa

 

[Gambar]

Baayo waxaasi waa iska caadiyoos
Aniga iyo adigu waa heshiinaynaa

Waad khaldantahay.

 

[Saalax Bidaar]

Waad khaldantahay.

Don’t forget Nabigeenii Suubanaa Nabad galyo iyo Naxariis korkiis ha ahaatee waxa uu guursaday Khadija RA iyadoo 40 jirta nabiguna 25.

Baayo waaba sunnah ma la odhan karaa?

 

[Gambar]

Don’t forget Nabigeenii Suubanaa Nabad galyo iyo Naxariis korkiis ha ahaatee waxa uu guursaday Khadija RA iyadoo 40 jirta nabiguna 25.

Baayo waaba sunnah ma la odhan karaa?

Waa laga yaaba.

 

[Saalax Bidaar]

Waa laga yaaba.

Inabti fahamka waa waxaa kugu jeclahay soomaha

 

[Saalax Bidaar]

@Gambar


Naag uur leh ku jiidhay ee iga daa “Qashin”ka

 

[one]

Why do you think people make such a big fuss about it? And do you think age shaming is a thing? I'm kind of curious?

Probably has to with maturity level and the false notion that girls are more mature than their male counterpart at any given age. I mean sure girls get into puberty earlier than the boys and their brain mature faster. But maturity can be measured in other ways, too. Imo, maturity comes with experience. Hardships and life lessons you face and deal with in life contributes to your self growth and maturity. I have this relative, in her mid 30s and I have never seen anyone more immature and pampered than she is.

It could be an evolutionary thing as well, maybe women tend to prefer older men because they provide some sense of security.

Deffo, age shaming is real and alive; and there's a double standard/stigma when the women is the older party. No one really bats an eye when a man gets into a relationship with a partner 10-12 years his junior. This is especially true in the Somali community, there's even a somali proverb that goes along the lines of "Nin ku dhali kara ayaa ku dhaqi kara".

Imo, if he ticks every single box except the age, then that shouldn't be a deal breaker..at all. It's just being petty really. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Aziz]

That's interesting. Is that sort of thing common.



And that's all she wanted? Cool.

@sophisticate

You mean only qosol iyo sheeko? No. Ofcourse thats not all she wanted, you are not at all sophisticated are you

 

[Sophisticate]

Haa walaal it was due to their positive qualities that made me want to imitate them, but as you stated at that age kids are very impressionable and i'm grateful to have had such a positive experience. I wouldn't describe it as a case of wanting to assimilate those qualities in my own way but i see it as a beneficial learning experience. Those positive qualities are traits that they've acquired through their own life experience and to me their serve as a realistic example that i can learn from and further develop myself so as to speak.


Whether once decides to re-examine past experience and come up with new ones or just stick to what they know, i've noticed that unless it's done objectively you risk making the same mistakes over and over again. New-script or not it's all context-dependent how many realise this i wonder


Mahadsanid walaal laakin what if your intellect tells you one thing and your heart tells you another? how do you proceed ahead, do you give precedence to you intellect knowing fully well it's limitation or will you as they say follow your heart ? how do you determine the correct path to take? is it a matter of evaluating which of the two is more risk prone ?

Walaasha was just taken aback and i believe my interaction with her was sort of a "aha moment". As they say there's always a first time for everything, all in all i do believe wholeheartedly that it was a positive experience for the both of us even though it didn't lead to guur.

boqolkiba boqol i agree with you but it's only a tiny minority that are able to take the above into consideration without letting it dictate the right course of action when the situation demands it. If you look at the demands that some people expect from their potential spouse(s) one notices that they tend to be individualistic in nature.

They are based on serving the interest,desires and goals of the individual instead of being mutual. Having expectations that in the past have brought about a result that you want is realistic but expecting others to do what's in your interest in unrealistic. In addition people have shortcomings that they bring into the relationship and as such both parties need to be considerate and willing to accept each other based on this.

There's so much involved in finding a spouse and guurka in general that is not reflected on the surface level (ie is apparent) so we need to be humble enough to recognise our flaws in this process and act accordingly by seeking taalo when it's needed.

How does one take a dispassionate look at their old relationship patterns that were counterproductive? Some might not have the tools to critically examine the past without being self-pitying or in a state of self-denial. How does one change the aperture of their perceptual lens to increase self-awareness? Particularly when one doesn’t really know how.

I think a degree of detachment is important when making decisions, so I believe the head should have primacy over the heart, as the heart can be fickle. Then again, the head could be equally as misleading and is full of biases. Can the head and heart even be separated? Aren’t they like an endless feedback loop?

Even though the outcome didn’t lead to guur it’s good to see you’ve gained some perspective and learning from the process. People are teachers, always. They constantly remind us of what we want, choose to handle and what we refuse to tolerate. Most of these lessons are incidental.

Certainly, but aren’t most relationships self-serving to some degree. Don’t we look for certain characteristics in others that we possess and/or long to have? Many characteristics that people say they require in a spouse are accessories rather than concrete must-haves. In order to determine that one would have to get a handle of what their values are, that and a determination of one’s negotiables vs. non-negotiables are in a relationship.

I agree with you, lol, it’s unfair to try to get someone to conform to the image you have in your head about who they should be. Even if it is good intentioned people tend to fight back and assume it’s a form of disapproval even if it’s for the purpose of getting them to stretch themselves for the better. Still self-serving though and probably an egocentric move at that. That’s why it’s much easier to focus on changing oneself instead. In the hopes that one will attract what one is.

 

[Sophisticate]

Probably has to with maturity level and the false notion that girls are more mature than their male counterpart at any given age. I mean sure girls get into puberty earlier than the boys and their brain mature faster. But maturity can be measured in other ways, too. Imo, maturity comes with experience. Hardships and life lessons you face and deal with in life contributes to your self growth and maturity. I have this relative, in her mid 30s and I have never seen anyone more immature and pampered than she is.

It could be an evolutionary thing as well, maybe women tend to prefer older men because they provide some sense of security.

Deffo, age shaming is real and alive; and there's a double standard/stigma when the women is the older party. No one really bats an eye when a man gets into a relationship with a partner 10-12 years his junior. This is especially true in the Somali community, there's even a somali proverb that goes along the lines of "Nin ku dhali kara ayaa ku dhaqi kara".

Imo, if he ticks every single box except the age, then that shouldn't be a deal breaker..at all. It's just being petty really. Just my 2 cents.

Men always want women to be younger or at least young appearing and that won't change. I find when younger men say they like older women it sounds a lot more like a fetish than some natural inclination. And is this due to her resources often being greater than his as well, or a certain degree of life experience or grounding at that particular age (but like you said that depends on the individual, as some people are much younger mentally than their chronological age).

 

[Sophisticate]

@sophisticate

You mean only qosol iyo sheeko? No. Ofcourse thats not all she wanted, you are not at all sophisticated are you

I just thought it was strictly sheeko.