why do somalis look down in single moms?

[IstarZ]

It's why Islam is there to prevent men from abandoning their children.

There is no accountability on both sides. This is a bigger problem but is a communal problem. Those who abandon their children are the same as the western xalimo who are the leading cause of dysfunction in the west

Since when do Somali men care about Islam? Unless it’s to further their selfish interests or subjugate their womenfolk?

 

[Samaalic Era]

Since when do Somali men care about Islam? Unless it’s to further their selfish interests or subjugate their womenfolk?

The laws will force them to care for their children. It's a divine law of Allah swt that needs to be implemented

 

[IstarZ]

The laws will force them to care for their children. It's a divine law of Allah swt that needs to be implemented

So they need a law to force them to do something that should come natural?

Walle waa yaab.

 

[Samaalic Era]

How is this funny @IstarZ

 

[Samaalic Era]

So they need a law to force them to do something that should come natural?

Walle waa yaab.

It's because of the civil war. People lose the most basic of their being.
People who live in a war zone care for nothing except themselves

 

[IstarZ]

How is this funny @IstarZ

They should just get the snip.

 

[IstarZ]

It's because of the civil war. People lose the most basic of their being.
People who live in a war zone care for nothing except themselves

Your kids are a part of you, though. I get feeling dejected about yourself or situation but you push on to provide a good life for them. However, we’re talking about a country who treat kids as an insurance package.

 

[Mimir]

Your kids are a part of you, though. I get feeling dejected about yourself or situation but you push on to provide a good life for them. However, we’re talking about a country who treat kids as an insurance package.

You dom't really understand the magnitude of the effect the war caused on Somalis.

 

[Inquisitive_]

He shouldn't because he encourages honour killings and acid attacks.Although I agree with some of his views,that is a big fat no.I don't want Somalis being put into the same category as timojilec.

Plus its that individual nature that both genders in the Somali community have that make us unique and closest to how the women were treated during prophet's time.

This is nothing more then pure slander, show me the post were I advocate for this?

You are confusing a case study of how other communities make it work, conveniently ignoring everything else they employ which is absent with us while being hung up on violence.

The family unit primarily survives because of there togetherness, robust community cohesion, shame culture, arranged marriages, stigmatisation of divorce and kaladanbeeyn which are all positive factors that keep shameless crazed female's in the diaspora at bay in the era of feminism.

Honour killings and acid attacks are extremely rare, the crazed ones among them practice this, I wholeheartedly condemn this.

But just knowing that a person has no qualms to resort to extreme violence if extreme violations happen to him is enough to keep the crazed lunatic female's at bay, the same way a robber would not target a person he knows will fight back.

The Asian/Arab female's all have this fear but the Xaalimo's don't because we are not known to resort to violence regardless how bad they violate us and she knows this, hence there is nothing to stop her.

All the other consequences outside of this she also doesn't fear because it's none existent, this is like a hungry robber surrounded by weak targets with no threat of reprisals or consequences.

The only way such a person doesn't rob people is out of genuine fear of Allah and the punishment in both this world and the hereafter, these types of people make up maybe 1% of the population.

The fast majority of humanity are animals kept in line by checks and balances, consequences, fear and punishment, not altruism or deep religiosity.

And my whole argument is as a Somali male in the diaspora, those checks and balances simply don't exist for you as it does for other cultures, hence why our community is in complete utter disarray in the west.

There is a reason why the Prophet said the best thing a male can have in life is a righteous god-fearing wife, and you and I both know how far from the religion our female's are in the diaspora.

You need to write a book in Af Somali sxb. Raise awareness of this in our community home and abroad

In Somalia this is not needed unless they begin to import western culture and toxic feminism.

I doubt there will ever be a welfare system which is the leading cause of marital destruction for us because of the false sense of independence is gives to the wife, emboldening her further in her shamelessness.

As for the diaspora it's a lost cause sxb, there is no checks or balances, no community cohesion, no kaladanbeeyn and the power that Xaalimo's have her is simply impossible to reverse unless you have societal collapse.

The best thing we can do is to get as many quality male's as possible to go back to marry, either live there or import, it will take an entire generation to see these changes, it won't be in our life-time unless something dramatic takes place.

 

[IstarZ]

You dom't really understand the magnitude of the effect the war caused on Somalis.

I love how a multitude of excuses are made when men are criticized but the same is not afforded to women.

 

[Mimir]

I love how a multitude of excuses are made when men are criticized but the same is not afforded to women.

You just made an excuse right now.

 

[IstarZ]

You just made an excuse right now.

I made an observation.

 

[Mimir]

I made an observation.

Oohh wow

 

[Mimir]

This is nothing more then pure slander, show me the post were I advocate for this?

You are confusing a case study of how other communities make it work, conveniently ignoring everything else they employ which is absent with us while being hung up on violence.

The family unit primarily survives because of there togetherness, robust community cohesion, shame culture, arranged marriages, stigmatisation of divorce and kaladanbeeyn which are all positive factors that keep shameless crazed female's in the diaspora at bay in the era of feminism.

Honour killings and acid attacks are extremely rare, the crazed ones among them practice this, I wholeheartedly condemn this.

But just knowing that a person has no qualms to resort to extreme violence if extreme violations happen to him is enough to keep the crazed lunatic female's at bay, the same way a robber would not target a person he knows will fight back.

The Asian/Arab female's all have this fear but the Xaalimo's don't because we are not known to resort to violence regardless how bad they violate us and she knows this, hence there is nothing to stop her.

All the other consequences outside of this she also doesn't fear because it's none existent, this is like a hungry robber surrounded by weak targets with no threat of reprisals or consequences.

The only way such a person doesn't rob people is out of genuine fear of Allah and the punishment in both this world and the hereafter, these types of people make up maybe 1% of the population.

The fast majority of humanity are animals kept in line by checks and balances, consequences, fear and punishment, not altruism or deep religiosity.

And my whole argument is as a Somali male in the diaspora, those checks and balances simply don't exist for you as it does for other cultures, hence why our community is in complete utter disarray in the west.

There is a reason why the Prophet said the best thing a male can have in life is a righteous god-fearing wife, and you and I both know how far from the religion our female's are in the diaspora.

In Somalia this is not needed unless they begin to import western culture and toxic feminism.

I doubt there will ever be a welfare system which is the leading cause of marital destruction for us because of the false sense of independence is gives to the wife, emboldening her further in her shamelessness.

As for the diaspora it's a lost cause sxb, there is no checks or balances, no community cohesion, no kaladanbeeyn and the power that Xaalimo's have her is simply impossible to reverse unless you have societal collapse.

The best thing we can do is to get as many quality male's as possible to go back to marry, either live there or import, it will take an entire generation to see these changes, it won't be in our life-time unless something dramatic takes place.

I tend to view things the way the person am talking to views them.
You and @IstarZ made some valid points but this argument between genders will never stop until each recognize their faults instead of blaming the other.My mom is a psychologist and taught me that blaming only leads you further away from understanding one another.

Realization is the foundation and first step to change.Each gender has its flaws but blaming each other will never change anything.

 

[Aliobaba]

Two things, that turns a woman, into a single mother:

1) She was so impossible to live with, she drove away a good man......

Or

2) She was such a sh*t judge of character, she loved and bred with an arsehole, who left her after planting his oats inside her.

In both cases.......it falls negatively on the woman. Stay clear from single mothers, fellas.

We need more advice big bro

 

[Inquisitive_]

I tend to view things the way the person am talking to views them.
You and @IstarZ made some valid points but this argument between genders will never stop until each recognize their faults instead of blaming the other.My mom is a psychologist and taught me that blaming only leads you further away from understanding one another.

Realization is the foundation and first step to change.Each gender has its flaws but blaming each other will never change anything.

My post is not about blame although it may come across as such.

The main intention behind my posts is stave off this rapid decline in our community and the only way to achieve this is to get the male's to marry from back home and not contribute to this dysfunction because it's a lost cause.

It's not the fault of our Xaalimo's that all the checks and balances I have discussed that other cultures have is none existent in our communities, therefore there is nothing to stop this biological subconscious process. (no fear of punishment or consequences)

You know full well that from a biological standpoint female's are predisposed to dislike and disrespect partners that can't establish full authority over them as well as a toothless community that is unable to keep them in check.

I don't blame them for this because the only way to override such a strong repulsive biological disposition when you don't have checks and balance is deep religiosity and fear of Allah, and even then her respect for you is out of pity not out of love/devotion, and such female's are incredibly rare anyway.

You have to understand the dynamics of power, authority, love and devotion and how they intertwine and interlock with our biological disposition, and the effect the wider society has on this.

Understanding this basic psychology is key because the majority of people are mere animals whose behaviours and actions are easy to predict and anticipate, just like the actions of wild animals in the jungle.

The majority of our Farax's fail to understand that the authority he had pre-marriage in a relationship, will not carry over through marriage.

They failed to understand basic psychology of why; in a relationship the male has the power/authority to walk away on a dime with no consequences or collator.

The female's subconsciously know this and this is reflected in her receptive/submissive behaviour and attitude towards him, it all happens subconsciously of course and there is no malice or ill-intent behind this.

But the power dynamics shift completely in marriage in the diaspora, now that the idiot paid a small fortune to marry her and made himself financially bankrupt in the process. (lowering his contribution threshold and by extension his power)

Now that he has kids with society empowering her over him and even worse then this no checks or balances from his community to make her think twice, no threat of violence to reassert authority.

He turns into a deer in headlights while biologically she becomes more and more repulsed by him and eventually throws him out or strips him of all authority and he becomes a toothless ceremonial figure that we see so often in our community (imagine the daughters raised in such households)

This is basic psychology and as a Somali male in the diaspora you will forever be at her mercy and there is absolutely no way out for us.

This is my message to the diaspora male's and my appeal is primarily towards those that have the ability to dissect and understand that it's a zero sum game for us unfortunately.

 

[Mimir]

My post is not about blame although it may come across as such.

The main intention behind my posts is stave off this rapid decline in our community and the only way to achieve this is to get the male's to marry from back home and not contribute to this dysfunction because it's a lost cause.

It's not the fault of our Xaalimo's that all the checks and balances I have discussed that other cultures have is none existent in our communities, therefore there is nothing to stop this biological subconscious process. (no fear of punishment or consequences)

You know full well that from a biological standpoint female's are predisposed to dislike and disrespect partners that can't establish full authority over them as well as a toothless community that is unable to keep them in check.

I don't blame them for this because the only way to override such a strong repulsive biological disposition when you don't have checks and balance is deep religiosity and fear of Allah, and even then her respect for you is out of pity not out of love/devotion, and such female's are incredibly rare anyway.

You have to understand the dynamics of power, authority, love and devotion and how they intertwine and interlock with our biological disposition, and the effect the wider society has on this.

Understanding this basic psychology is key because the majority of people are mere animals whose behaviours and actions are easy to predict and anticipate, just like the actions of wild animals in the jungle.

The majority of our Farax's fail to understand that the authority he had pre-marriage in a relationship, will not carry over through marriage.

They failed to understand basic psychology of why; in a relationship the male has the power/authority to walk away on a dime with no consequences or collator.

The female's subconsciously know this and this is reflected in her receptive/submissive behaviour and attitude towards him, it all happens subconsciously of course and there is no malice or ill-intent behind this.

But the power dynamics shift completely in marriage in the diaspora, now that the idiot paid a small fortune to marry her and made himself financially bankrupt in the process. (lowering his contribution threshold and by extension his power)

Now that he has kids with society empowering her over him and even worse then this no checks or balances from his community to make her think twice, no threat of violence to reassert authority.

He turns into a deer in headlights while biologically she becomes more and more repulsed by him and eventually throws him out or strips him of all authority and he becomes a toothless ceremonial figure that we see so often in our community (imagine the daughters raised in such households)

This is basic psychology and as a Somali male in the diaspora you will forever be at her mercy and there is absolutely no way out for us.

This is my message to the diaspora male's and my appeal is primarily towards those that have the ability to dissect and understand that it's a zero sum game for us unfortunately.

Interesting!You gave me a new outlook on this topic.Thanks saxiib



I'm kinda lucky cause I was raised and live in Kenya

 

[Inquisitive_]

Interesting!You gave me a new outlook on this topic.Thanks saxiib



I'm kinda lucky cause I was raised and live in Kenya

No problem bro, keep in mind the dynamics in Kenya with no welfare or governmental interference and with plenty of checks and balances on both genders!

No surprise leads to far less divorce, far stronger family ties and family units and as a result those households produce far superior children then those raised in the diaspora.

But the average diaspora raised confused quasi feminist homewrecker divorcee will try to convince you those female's are oppressed and would love to export there diseases to them.

 

[Mimir]

No problem bro, keep in mind the dynamics in Kenya with no welfare or governmental interference and with plenty of checks and balances on both genders!

No surprise leads to far less divorce, far stronger family ties and family units and as a result those households produce far superior children then those raised in the diaspora.

But the average diaspora raised confused quasi feminist homewrecker divorcee will try to convince you those female's are oppressed and would love to export there diseases to them.

With the amount of dhaqancelis flooding Kenya,the change has unfortunately began but not as bad as the places you mentioned.

 

[Hodan from HR]

My post is not about blame although it may come across as such.

The main intention behind my posts is stave off this rapid decline in our community and the only way to achieve this is to get the male's to marry from back home and not contribute to this dysfunction because it's a lost cause.

It's not the fault of our Xaalimo's that all the checks and balances I have discussed that other cultures have is none existent in our communities, therefore there is nothing to stop this biological subconscious process. (no fear of punishment or consequences)

You know full well that from a biological standpoint female's are predisposed to dislike and disrespect partners that can't establish full authority over them as well as a toothless community that is unable to keep them in check.

I don't blame them for this because the only way to override such a strong repulsive biological disposition when you don't have checks and balance is deep religiosity and fear of Allah, and even then her respect for you is out of pity not out of love/devotion, and such female's are incredibly rare anyway.

You have to understand the dynamics of power, authority, love and devotion and how they intertwine and interlock with our biological disposition, and the effect the wider society has on this.

Understanding this basic psychology is key because the majority of people are mere animals whose behaviours and actions are easy to predict and anticipate, just like the actions of wild animals in the jungle.

The majority of our Farax's fail to understand that the authority he had pre-marriage in a relationship, will not carry over through marriage.

They failed to understand basic psychology of why; in a relationship the male has the power/authority to walk away on a dime with no consequences or collator.

The female's subconsciously know this and this is reflected in her receptive/submissive behaviour and attitude towards him, it all happens subconsciously of course and there is no malice or ill-intent behind this.

But the power dynamics shift completely in marriage in the diaspora, now that the idiot paid a small fortune to marry her and made himself financially bankrupt in the process. (lowering his contribution threshold and by extension his power)

Now that he has kids with society empowering her over him and even worse then this no checks or balances from his community to make her think twice, no threat of violence to reassert authority.

He turns into a deer in headlights while biologically she becomes more and more repulsed by him and eventually throws him out or strips him of all authority and he becomes a toothless ceremonial figure that we see so often in our community (imagine the daughters raised in such households)

This is basic psychology and as a Somali male in the diaspora you will forever be at her mercy and there is absolutely no way out for us.

This is my message to the diaspora male's and my appeal is primarily towards those that have the ability to dissect and understand that it's a zero sum game for us unfortunately.

Can I just say your heart is at the right place even though I don't agree with your approach?
It is about time we don't pass down this curse.

I once volunteered with the Indigenous community in my city for a course requirement. Basically, back in the days, the natives' children were put in residential schools and abused. When they grew up, they had children of their own who they abused and so on and so forth.

The intergenerationa trauma has been passed down for so long that now it has become their identity; poor, alcoholics, and dysfunctional (there is always the exception).

You would think people who grew up in dysfunctional families will know better to not repeat the same mistakes


Also me of the somali women in the diaspora are aware of this dynamics and don't want to repeat the same cycle. That is why hypergamy and marrying out is propagated amongst them.

Personally, I believe creating awareness among the somali youth and learning from the past generation's mistakes should help as a counteractive measure.

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