Why do a lot of Somali girls marry men that are not on their level?

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Most don't, youre right, especially the fob ones. But the few westernized Somalis actually do.
Hardly and after a few kids in which it become imperative to get the kids Sharci, but even then it’s few and far between and most of the guys aren’t professionals or very educated. I’m sorry, Abdifreedom but leaving the gender war aside, men who have certain jobs or positions cannot afford to be away from their work months at a time and they tend to understand the importance a fathers presence has on child development. Also, in the last ten years or so, I’ve seen guys go back home but not many bought their wives to the West. The ones that did, did do after a few kids.

It’s such an issue that I tell my cousins back home that they shouldn’t believe a Farax from the West who tells them they’d bring them as some of these men use the idea to shukaansi girls, but they usually leave them there. If they do, it will be after a few years and a few kids down the line. Professional men simply don’t have the time to be having kids and a wife in a whole different continent.
 
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AbdiFreedom

#Pierre4PM/End Mass Immigration to 🇨🇦 #DefundUN
Staff Member
@AbdiFreedom @Javelin @HIBAQ123 @Angelina

Although I usually refrain myself from these kind of threads; I have to firstly admit that your arguments are very entertaining and valid.

Secondly, most men on this thread agree with AbdiFreedom and Javelin whilst most women agree with Angelina and HIBAQ123.

What neither of you two parties are ready to accept is that you may be wrong, so this entire thread has spiralled into a 10-page long "who' s louder?" competition.
You see, men have their own reality which a woman would never truly understand and vice versa. If both of you try to make all your premises based on past experiences, this argument will never come to an end.

@Sophisticate saw through this I can tell.

Oh yeah and congrats to @empressjamila for a 10 page thread without a single post besides the OP

Actually, I am to be taken more seriously because I never engage in these threads and people would have assumed I would take the womens' side, which I have always done in the past. But you start to see the reality of life. The truth of life becomes ugly. Life is without meaning without creating a family and intimate connections and I have seen how it has affected many people I know in the community. For some, they have no desire for it but for many they do and they should make it uncomplicated.

Congrats @empressjamila for the plat.
 
@AbdiFreedom @Javelin @HIBAQ123 @Angelina

Although I usually refrain myself from these kind of threads; I have to firstly admit that your arguments are very entertaining and valid.

Secondly, most men on this thread agree with AbdiFreedom and Javelin whilst most women agree with Angelina and HIBAQ123.

What neither of you two parties are ready to accept is that you may be wrong, so this entire thread has spiralled into a 10-page long "who' s louder?" competition.
You see, men have their own reality which a woman would never truly understand and vice versa. If both of you try to make all your premises based on past experiences, this argument will never come to an end.

@Sophisticate saw through this I can tell.

Oh yeah and congrats to @empressjamila for a 10 page thread without a single post besides the OP
I can actually provide statistics and data to back some of my points, but can they back there’s? Also, there is holes in their logic and half truths. I don’t deny that there are some truths to what @AbdiFreedom says, but it’s half of it, rather than the full picture.

Anyways this is nothing but a friendly debate. I find @AbdiFreedom to be an interesting poster and I’m glad he has finally gone back to the deen.
 
Most of the guys here don’t have enough experience when it comes to the world at large, nor do they bother to look at data or studies on the subject matter that will illustrate the reality on the ground. The views are definitely from the internet which is filled with the ramblings of low quality men who aren’t even doing that well. There is no denying that men don’t care about a woman’s degree or wealth as much as women do, but men tend to marry within their social class due to proximity. Also, men that value education do indeed want a somewhat educated and intelligent wife. I’ve said this time and time again on this thread, a woman that isn’t educated and that lives in a low-socioeconomic area regardless of how young and beautiful she is will struggle to find a upper middle class partner unless she tries to find a way to leave that environment so that she can be in close proximity to the so called ‘high value’ men she desires, therefore, some form of education and job will be needed to break into that social circle. Rich men aren’t going to look for a wife in the ghetto or on an estate in a poor rundown area.
If your talking about men and women in general then your point is true but the point we are making isn't that men will go to ghettos to look for women bellow them but rather the higher up a man is the more women around him and since men don't care about your income or education he will put looks and other factors into contemplation. For example let say a bunch of men and women work for a company and to reflect real life there are more women at the company but more men represented at both ends of the ladder. The men in the middle towards the top have more females to select from and don't really care about the women's position in the company neither their income. So they will focus on other factors like how agreeable or feminine or whatever other factors men tend to look for in a woman. Plus to him it doesn't matter if she's at the bottom of the company or not. Women on the other hand only look towards those guys equal to or above them and they do take into account the man's position and income. Obviously this isn't all women and like you stated many are willing to go down if other factors are fulfilled but overall the point being a man doesn't have to go to a ghettos to look for a girl.

As for somalis we as a group are very much a tight knitted community. It doesn't matter what our soical economic background is we literally have access to each other in places like the mosque through family and events and friends. An individual can be from the ghetto actually they can be from the badiyo and some guy from the diaspora would go back and wife her up due to a somali connection. So the soical economic point you have been making doesn't exactly work the same way in our case thats for mainly cadaan people in the West that's what those stats are based off mainly not your average somali.
 
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AbdiFreedom

#Pierre4PM/End Mass Immigration to 🇨🇦 #DefundUN
Staff Member
I can actually provide statistics and data to back mine, but can they back there’s? Also, there is holes in their logic and half truths. I don’t deny that there are some truths to what @AbdiFreedom says, but it’s half of it, rather than the full picture.

Anyways this nothing but a friendly debate. I find @AbdiFreedom to be an interesting poster and I’m glad he has finally gone back to the deen.

Likewise. It's all friendly debate despite my strong emotions even if people think I am personally attacking them. I am not.
 
@AbdiFreedom @Javelin @HIBAQ123 @Angelina

Although I usually refrain myself from these kind of threads; I have to firstly admit that your arguments are very entertaining and valid.

Secondly, most men on this thread agree with AbdiFreedom and Javelin whilst most women agree with Angelina and HIBAQ123.

What neither of you two parties are ready to accept is that you may be wrong, so this entire thread has spiralled into a 10-page long "who' s louder?" competition.
You see, men have their own reality which a woman would never truly understand and vice versa. If both of you try to make all your premises based on past experiences, this argument will never come to an end.

@Sophisticate saw through this I can tell.

Oh yeah and congrats to @empressjamila for a 10 page thread without a single post besides the OP
There isn't really a right or wrong it's just different perspectives from different view points. I like hearing them so I can get more informed. I haven't partaken in these myself in a while
 
If your talking about men and women in general then your point is true but the point we are making isn't that men will go to ghettos to look for women bellow them but rather the higher up a man is the more women around him and since men don't care about your income or education he will put looks and other factors into contemplation. For example let say a bunch of men and women work for a company and to reflect real life there are more women at the company but more men represented at both ends of the ladder. The men in the middle towards the top have more females to select from and don't really care about the women's position in the company neither their income. So they will focus on other factors like how agreeable or feminine or whatever other factors men tend to look for in a woman. Plus to him it doesn't matter if she's at the bottom of the company or not. Women on the other hand only look towards those guys equal to or above them and they do take into account the man's position and income. Obviously this isn't all women and like you stated many are willing to go down if other factors are fulfilled but overall the point being a man doesn't have to go to a ghettos to look for a girl.
That I agree with. But in order for that women to be selected, she needs to have enough qualifications to actually work in that said company and work in an department that makes her noticeable. Men have mostly selected partners on proximity. Also, you argue that men don’t care if the women is at the bottom of the company. That isn’t actually 100% true. You might get a cleaner/janitor and very rarely do these women get a look in. Upper class men care about what their families think, it sounds horrible and shallow but life isn’t a Cinderella movie.

If we look at the worlds most powerful men, they’re married to women who might not be as educated or rich, but they’re impressive when you compare these women to the general population. It is a running theme and data confirms this.
As for somalis we as a group are very much a tight knitted community. It doesn't matter what our soical economic background is we literally have access to each other in places like the mosque through family and events and friends.
That’s because Somalis value qabil over class. A Somali man wouldn’t unfortunately marry a beautiful, young and feminine midgaan girl despite the kids ending being his tribe ect.

Also, Somalis hardly marry through the masjid lol, but they do marry through word of mouth and it’s usually the boys mother that facilitates it and asks questions. They without doubt do ask what a girl does. I’m sorry but Somali mothers do judge girls that don’t do anything with their lives. Many of us are in the positions we are in with regards to education and careers due to our mothers pushing us. Btw Somali mothers also brag about their daughters achievements.
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An individual can be from the ghetto actually they can be from the badiyo and some guy from the diaspora would go back and wife her up due to a somali connection. So the soical economic point you have been making doesn't exactly work the same way in our case.

yes, mostly self employed Uber drivers. A professional man that works 9-5 doesn’t have enough time to go back and forth unless he brings her to the West and as of late, many guys believe that the wife will be westernized or leave them. It simply isn’t common for them to do that.
 
Oh my days I swam at the pool for 2 hours took a shower talked to the hommies working there bussed 1 hour home broke my fast checked this thread & see it went from 7 pages to 11 :damn: the gender wars of black communities are unmatched
 
That I agree with. But in order for that women to be selected, she needs to have enough qualifications to actually work in that said company and work in an department that makes her noticeable. Men have mostly selected partners on proximity. Also, you argue that men don’t care if the women is at the bottom of the company. That isn’t actually 100% true. You might get a cleaner/janitor and very rarely do these women get a look in. Upper class men care about what their families think, it sounds horrible and shallow but life isn’t a Cinderella movie.

If we look at the worlds most powerful men, they’re married to women who might not be as educated or rich, but they’re impressive when you compare these women to the general population. It is a running theme and data confirms this.
Perhaps amongst non muslim westerners which is if we're both being real were this running theme and data is about which isnt necessarily true when it comes to us somalis or muslims as a whole since most would prefer there wives became housewives ideally so a rich guy would simply pull her out of the job if he were to find her in such a state but to a degree you are correct on the family's opinion being a factor and I can't speak on behalf of all men on that aspect.

That’s because Somalis value qabil over class. A Somali man wouldn’t unfortunately marry a beautiful, young and feminine midgaan girl despite the kids ending being his tribe ect.
Once again I can't speak for every man but I know qabil is a non issue for my family and many other people especially in the diaspora but I can't really say we don't have data on this just opinions but qabil and somalinimo in general is definitely more valued amongst somalis then class.


Also, Somalis hardly marry through the masjid lol, but they do marry through word of mouth and it’s usually the boys mother that facilitates it and asks questions. They without doubt do ask what a girl does. I’m sorry but Somali mothers do judge girls that don’t do anything with their lives. Many of us are in the positions we are in with regards to education and careers due to our mothers pushing us. Btw Somali mothers also brag about their daughters achievements.
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Yes I'm aware which is why things like relying on hooyo who looks for women based on how women look for men like you stated is definitely a last resort for most men



yes, mostly self employed Uber drivers. A professional man that works 9-5 doesn’t have enough time to go back and forth unless he brings her to the West and as of late, many guys believe that the wife will be westernized or leave them. It simply isn’t common for them to do that.
True
 
Perhaps amongst non muslim westerners which is if we're both being real were this running theme and data is about which isnt necessarily true when it comes to us somalis or muslims as a whole since most would prefer there wives became housewives ideally so a rich guy would simply pull her out of the job if he were to find her in such a state but to a degree you are correct on the family's opinion being a factor and I can't speak on behalf of all men on that aspect.


Once again I can't speak for every man but I know qabil is a non issue for my family and many other people especially in the diaspora but I can't really say we don't have data on this just opinions but qabil and somalinimo in general is definitely more valued amongst somalis then class.
You’re from a religious family MashaAllah, but whilst diaspora Somalis have become relaxed when it comes to qabil and wouldn’t care about their son and daughters marrying major Qabils, midgaan is a whole other ball game. Ask your family about what other Somalis think. It’s sad and insane, even in the West, Midgaans seem to be the last Taboo.
Yes I'm aware which is why things like relying on hooyo who looks for women based on how women look for men like you stated is definitely a last resort for most men




True
Anyways enough about marriage and gender, check out my other thread about Somalis in Britain a 100 yrs ago!
 

Sophisticate

~Gallantly Gadabuursi~
Staff Member
What needs to be said...
  • All people have intrinsic value and worth. They choose to live up to that ideal with their daily actions and decisions, which are self-honouring, neutral, or diminishing.​
  • You were as valuable before you stepped foot into a formal learning institution. You were valuable before a high school diploma, as you will be when you wear a doctoral robe at graduation (if that is your chosen path/what IIahi has for you). Never let an ego-identified person tear you down. Better yet, let their fixed mind fuel your fire. They are operating from their lower self.​
  • With that said, immigrant parents, some of whom came with limited access to schooling or disrupted education or even those with undervalued foreign credentials, want the best for their children. They see the abundant opportunities for their children in a first-world nation where ascension is more achievable. In their homeland they might be stifled due to limited financial support to pursue education or other blocks such as nepotism.​
  • The last thing they want for someone born and raised here (not back home) is to get caught in a trap of living hand-to-mouth and being financially blocked from bettering their financial lot.​
  • Forgive me, but the last advice I would give to a financially insecure man is to wed. His financial obligations will increase, and he will be met with even more obstacles unless he has familial support.​
  • Can a financially secure woman marry a man where there is an educational or financial mismatch? Most certainly. It's a free country; what might not seem idyllic to us as individuals are fair game to others.​
  • However, whatever you do, never base your relationship on whom a man or woman could become. You are endeared to an unrealized future. Instead, anchor yourself to the present reality. Only you can get your goal and not be the wind beneath their wings. Only a man can lift himself from a plateau to a platform if he wants and has the interest, desire and moves progressively in that direction.​
  • I say this as someone who has lived in the self-help section and read life-transforming odds-breaking tales which shatter probabilistic calculations.​
  • Men that fell on hard times usually don't have a supportive woman with them (other than family), but through their grit and the grace of the All Mighty, they got themselves out of their holes. Romance normally came after.​
  • Also, you aren't a less valuable man or woman because you aren't with someone either. Stop attaching your self-worth to what you have and to whom you are attached. Don't quote me if you are one of those brainwashed by the population control psyop of 'inceldom'; they essentially have a defeatist mind frame and wish to assign themselves a victim identity.​
  • Most people are average (rich to poor), and if a lovely soul with a disfigurement can find a fulfilling relationship, how can you complain? If you are alive, say Alx. Then, something can be done about your lot.​
  • Another issue is that some people forget that beauty doesn't guarantee you will marry or have an easy life free of hardship. It merely gives you a larger supply of potentially interested people if you are even visible that is. Few will knock on your door asking for your hand.​
  • I have known habos in their 60s who were beautiful in their prime, never married are/ were lovely, kind and nurturing even without children. It would have been amazing if they had them, but it wasn't in the cards.​
  • Some people enjoy knocking others down and take a sickening pleasure in doing so. I'm not very fond of that. But, on the other hand, if a lady wants to marry a financially comfortable man, then allow it. Just because she is average doesn't mean she can't get that. I'm sure someone will find her appealing enough.​
  • It’s all God's plan. If you are content with your life choices and not mauling over years of regret, you are in a great place.​
 
What needs to be said...
  • All people have intrinsic value and worth. They choose to live up to that ideal with their daily actions and decisions, which are self-honouring, neutral, or diminishing.​
  • You were as valuable before you stepped foot into a formal learning institution. You were valuable before a high school diploma, as you will be when you wear a doctoral robe at graduation (if that is your chosen path/what IIahi has for you). Never let an ego-identified person tear you down. Better yet, let their fixed mind fuel your fire. They are operating from their lower self.​
  • With that said, immigrant parents, some of whom came with limited access to schooling or disrupted education or even those with undervalued foreign credentials, want the best for their children. They see the abundant opportunities for their children in a first-world nation where ascension is more achievable. In their homeland they might be stifled due to limited financial support to pursue education or other blocks such as nepotism.​
  • The last thing they want for someone born and raised here (not back home) is to get caught in a trap of living hand-to-mouth and being financially blocked from bettering their financial lot.​
  • Forgive me, but the last advice I would give to a financially insecure man is to wed. His financial obligations will increase, and he will be met with even more obstacles unless he has familial support.​
  • Can a financially secure woman marry a man where there is an educational or financial mismatch? Most certainly. It's a free country; what might not seem idyllic to us as individuals are fair game to others.​
  • However, whatever you do, never base your relationship on whom a man or woman could become. You are endeared to an unrealized future. Instead, anchor yourself to the present reality. Only you can get your goal and not be the wind beneath their wings. Only a man can lift himself from a plateau to a platform if he wants and has the interest, desire and moves progressively in that direction.​
  • I say this as someone who has lived in the self-help section and read life-transforming odds-breaking tales which shatter probabilistic calculations.​
  • Men that fell on hard times usually don't have a supportive woman with them (other than family), but through their grit and the grace of the All Mighty, they got themselves out of their holes. Romance normally came after.​
  • Also, you aren't a less valuable man or woman because you aren't with someone either. Stop attaching your self-worth to what you have and to whom you are attached. Don't quote me if you are one of those brainwashed by the population control psyop of 'inceldom'; they essentially have a defeatist mind frame and wish to assign themselves a victim identity.​
  • Most people are average (rich to poor), and if a lovely soul with a disfigurement can find a fulfilling relationship, how can you complain? If you are alive, say Alx. Then, something can be done about your lot.​
  • Another issue is that some people forget that beauty doesn't guarantee you will marry or have an easy life free of hardship. It merely gives you a larger supply of potentially interested people if you are even visible that is. Few will knock on your door asking for your hand.​
  • I have known habos in their 60s who were beautiful in their prime, never married are were lovely, kind and nurturing even without children. It would have been amazing if they had them, but it wasn't in the cards.​
  • Some people enjoy knocking others down and take a sickening pleasure in doing so. I'm not very fond of that. But, on the other hand, if a lady wants to marry a financially comfortable man, then allow it. Just because she is average doesn't mean she can't get that. I'm sure someone will find her appealing enough.​
  • It’s all God's plan. If you are content with your life choices and not mauling over years of regret, you are in a great place.​
As per usual wise words!
 

j&jenterprises

A landheere always pays his debts
It really isnt. How many men unless they have their own business or are digital nomads can leave their jobs four to six months in a year to visit their wives? Most men who go marry back home tend to be self employed Uber drivers or older men who have their own businesses. A doctor or corporate Abdi doesn’t have the luxury to spend a lot of time outside of the country.

This is why I think you’re a ciyaal. No real life experiences nor do you think through your points which betrays your illogical stances. Professional Abdis are indeed mostly married to Western women whether Somali or ajnabi.
Throughout the back & forth not once did I try to gage your age or any personal info. We can agree to disagree, but sincere advice in general, keep it classy walaal.
 
Throughout the back & forth not once did I try to gage your age or any personal info. We can agree to disagree, but sincere advice in general, keep it classy walaal.
Alright then, I’m done with this discussion any ways. Check out my other thread about Somalis in the UK a 100 yrs ago.
 
A working educated women probably places less emphasis on mans earnings vs someone who wants to be stay at home mom with limited job options.

Educated well paid man that’s bald and out of shape will loose out to broke but fit and handsome guy. He will be improvement project for educated girl withh money 😆. Probably why educated semi ugly guys look back home
This. Unless the woman happens to find someone who ticks all boxes and is on deen.
Most men are. After a few years of marriage, the wife becomes the closest to a man and he ends up confiding in her in everything. Look at your own parents marriages or ones in your family. A man and a woman are a unit. She’ll never expose you and chat shit about your failures, especially when she’s been with you for years and is the mother of your kids. Your boys don’t have that level of loyalty at times.
Investing and unloading everything on the wife is unwise. If the relationship fails the guy will be left without a proper network to fall back on because he neglected his social life. Confiding is basically handing his wife a loaded pistol. Plus most people don’t REALLY want to deal with another person’s bs problems. Most men stay shut off and 50/50 for a reason because it’s just the wisest thing to do
 
A lot of women aren’t marrying later because of feminism. I know many women that have gladly married at 23, but they simply couldn’t find anyone or didn’t have good options then, but options can become better if you’re in a more professional environment or you move. A beautiful 23 yr old in a working class hood area isn’t going to have better options that a 28 yr old that is actually around a more educated and sophisticated group.
That is a load of nonsense coming from you. Did you conveniently leave out that the #1 way nowadays how couples meet and start of relationships are through dating apps? And here you pushing that socio-economic circles stuff hardcore like it's the good old days, it's very hypocritical coming from you, did you not claim yourself that you got married through a app?
 
That is a load of nonsense coming from you. Did you conveniently leave out that the #1 way nowadays how couples meet and start of relationships are through dating apps? And here you pushing that socio-economic circles stuff hardcore like it's the good old days, it's very hypocritical coming from you, did you not claim yourself that you got married through a app?
Yes and if I’m talking a load of crap, why don’t you check the data? Does current data agree with you or no?

BTW, many men go for women who are similar to them even via apps due to being able to have something in common with them. Women from certain backgrounds can relate to men more so than other women. Anyways here are the current marriage trends:

‘Women who went to private schools are four times more likely to marry a man who was privately educated than are state-educated women’, new research from the UCL Institute of Education (IOE) shows.

have grown over time, as shown in Figure 2. Moreover, people increasingly marry someone with the same level of education as themself.36

Among both men and women, full-time employment, earnings, and higher incomes are positively associated with the likelihood of getting married.37,38,39 These findings indicate that economically advantaged individuals are more likely to marry than their less advantaged counterparts.

Most data I came across attest to this. The thing is, whilst men might not care so much about a woman’s wealth and education, they still want a woman they can have an array of discussions with. An upper middle class man will probably not have a lot in common with a woman that barely finished high school and is still in the same environment. I’m sorry but many men don’t just value women based on cooking, cleaning and duties ect. Personality, similar lifestyle and commonality matters to people.

An extreme example, even when you look at the elite, I’m talking Princes, very wealthy business families ect, they are marrying the daughters of other wealthy men.
 
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