Why do a lot of Somali girls marry men that are not on their level?

[Angelina]

@Ragnimo

They found that among the women who had married, 20% of those who had been at private school and 5% of those who had been at state school had married privately-educated men.

Professor Green said that as a result of choosing men who had been to similar schools, privately-educated women were on average much more likely to be married to husbands in high-earning prestigious careers.

He said that the privately-educated husbands of privately-educated women earned an average of £35,900 a year, compared with the £25,900 earned by state-educated husbands of state-educated women.

My overall point:
The researchers suggested that one reason why 'like married like' was that men and women from private schools were more likely to have friends in common, work in similar careers and hold shared values.

UCL – University College London

UCL is consistently ranked as one of the top ten universities in the world (QS World University Rankings 2010-2022) and is No.2 in the UK for research power (Research Excellence Framework 2021).

www.ucl.ac.uk

The things is men marry these women due to commonality.

Also more:

But this only explained part of the reason privately-educated women married well-off husbands. Irrespective of their social background, they were also more likely to go to university and then marry a more highly-educated husband.

 

[Ragnimo]

Yes and if I’m talking a load of crap, why don’t you check the data? Does current data agree with you or no? BTW, many men go for women who are similar to them even via apps due to being able to have something in common with them. Women from certain backgrounds can relate to men more so than other women. Anyways here are the current marriage trends: ‘Women who went to private schools are [B]four[/B] times more likely to marry a man who was privately educated than are state-educated women’, new research from the UCL Institute of Education (IOE) shows. [URL unfurl="true"]https://www.ucl.ac.uk/ioe/news/2017/apr/privately-educated-women-four-times-more-likely-marry-privately-educated-men[/URL] have grown over time, as shown in Figure 2. Moreover, people increasingly marry someone with the [B]same[/B] level of education as themself.36 Among both men and women, full-time employment, earnings, and higher incomes are positively associated with the likelihood of getting married.37,38,39 These findings indicate that economically advantaged individuals are more likely to marry than their less advantaged counterparts. [URL unfurl="true"]https://mastresearchcenter.org/mast-center-research/socioeconomic-factors-and-differences-in-forming-and-maintaining-marriages-and-cohabitations/[/URL] Most data I came across attest to this. The thing is, whilst men might not care so much about a woman’s wealth and education, they still want a woman they can have an array of discussions with. An upper middle class man will probably not have a lot in common with a woman that barely finished high school and is [B]still[/B] in the same environment. I’m sorry but many men don’t just value women based on cooking, cleaning and duties ect. [B]Personality, similar lifestyle and commonality matters to people. An extreme example, even when you look at the elite, I’m talking Princes, very wealthy business families ect, they are marrying the daughters of other wealthy men. [/B] [/QUOTE] [QUOTE="Angelina, post: 3584747, member: 16516"] [USER=27312]@Ragnimo[/USER] They found that among the women who had married, [B]20%[/B] of those who had been at private school and [B]5%[/B] of those who had been at state school had married privately-educated men. Professor Green said that as a result of choosing men who had been to similar schools, [B]privately-educated women were on average much more likely to be married to husbands in high-earning prestigious careers.[/B] He said that the privately-educated husbands of privately-educated women earned an average of £35,900 a year, compared with the £25,900 earned by state-educated husbands of state-educated women. My overall point: The researchers suggested that one reason why 'like married like' was that men and women from private schools were more likely to have friends in common, work in similar careers and hold shared values. [URL unfurl="true"]https://www.ucl.ac.uk/ioe/news/2017/apr/privately-educated-women-four-times-more-likely-marry-privately-educated-men[/URL] The things is men marry these women due to [B]commonality[/B]. Also more: But this only explained part of the reason privately-educated women married well-off husbands. Irrespective of their social background, [B]they were also more likely to go to university[/B] and then marry a more highly-educated husband.

You are flipping the subject on me now, on this occasion what I was replying to is you saying "a uneducated beautiful 23 year lady from the hood" not being able to find a successful man because of her being in the hood that is a bunch of nonsense it's not like the old days when the dating/matchmaking scene was only confined to your local vicinity and if their's no succesfull guys in the hood then the young beautiful lady has no option but date down, no but nowadays that young beautiful girl all she has to do flick on the app and she'll get like 50 matches in 1 day.

Those 'uneducated' beautiful 23 year old girls are in much more high demand than a 'educated' 'careerist' average-looking 30 year old which you are saying the latter has more options . You need to stop lying to these naive younger ladies.

 

[Ragnimo]

Crox of the matter is

1. Men are success objects
2. Women are beauty objects

Average looking women cannot demand a successful man.
A non-successful man cannot demand a beautiful woman.

As a man I can say that the only thing that matters to us men about women is their
1. Their beauty
2. Their youth
3. Virginity
All else do not matter an 'educated' lady with debt and an average career like rn does in no way compensate for the above 3.

 

[Angelina]

You are flipping the subject on me now, on this occasion what I was replying to is you saying "a uneducated beautiful 23 year lady from the hood" not being able to find a successful man because of her being in the hood that is a bunch of nonsense it's not like the old days when the dating/matchmaking scene was only confined to your local vicinity and if their's no succesfull guys in the hood then the young beautiful lady has no option but date down, no but nowadays that young beautiful girl all she has to do flick on the app and she'll get like 50 matches in 1 day.

I made it clear that commonality is one of the reasons which research shows:

The researchers suggested that one reason why 'like married like' was that men and women from private schools were more likely to have friends in common, work in similar careers and hold shared values.

There is a difference between hooking up and marriage. Men differentiate when it comes to that. Values plays a role when selecting a partner.​

Those 'uneducated' beautiful 23 year old girls are in much more high demand than a 'educated' 'careerist' average-looking 30 year old which you are saying the latter has more options . You need to stop lying to these naive younger ladies.

A beautiful 23 yr old from a low socioeconomic background who is still in that surrounding is much more likely to marry a guy from her background, unless she actually goes out of her way to upgrade herself.

that is the part you’re trying to run away from.

Look at most rich men who are married, they’re married to women who are from a similar background. I don’t know why you’re lying to yourself. Life isn’t a Cinderella movie.

Hey, simple challenge. Why don’t you look at the worlds richest men and or successful men and look at their partners backgrounds? I’m not talking about trash rappers ect. Actual scientists, businessmen and Tech men. Some of them are married to average looking women as well.

 

[Angelina]

Crox of the matter is

1. Men are success objects
2. Women are beauty objects

As a man I can say that the only thing that matters to us about women is their 1. Their beauty
2. Their youth
3. Virginity
All else do not matter an 'educated' lady with debt and an average career like rn does in no way compensate for the above 3.

I’ve never once said that men care more about education or careers, but to deny they overwhelming marry women who are educated if they’re rich and educated is a lie.

Show me data that poor women from lower areas are marrying richer men. Show me. You’re talking from emotions.

you can’t show data, you can’t show studies. What are you talking about?

Everything is based on your feelings. If you can’t show me facts, give up.

 

[j&jenterprises]

I’ve never once said that men care more about education or careers, but to deny they overwhelming marry women who are educated if they’re rich and educated is a lie.

Show me data that poor women from lower areas are marrying richer men. Show me. You’re talking from emotions.

you can’t show data, you can’t show studies. What are you talking about?

Everything is based on your feelings. If you can’t show me facts, give up.

For one that is a British study. There privately educated students make up 7% of population. We are talking the majority of the population who arent on the higher echelons of society. A middle class and working class in today’s day and age aren’t too dissimilar, they pretty much face the same indignities of life. Its a weak argument to go for such a niche group in society and try extrapolating that to the wider society.
Secondly, even if that were to be the case, we, as Somalis, are a minority within that. What evidence do you have that an educated Somali man has more interest in a same status woman? This is not the norm in any Muslim community given our defined roles. If anything, similar status couples are very much an aberration.

 

[j&jenterprises]

Genuinely didn’t think that a man having preference for the younger less educated girl over his age-mate degree-educated (and then ultimately settling for the latter if he doesn’t achieve the former) would be controversial and require data to back it up but you learn something new everyday I guess

 

[Angelina]

Genuinely didn’t think that a man having preference for the younger less educated girl over his age-mate degree-educated (and then ultimately settling for the latter if he doesn’t achieve the former) would be controversial and require data to back it up but you learn something new everyday I guess

You are looking at things black and white. Two things can be right at the same. Men preferring women that are younger and not as educated as them, and educated men mostly marrying educated women. Men like to be more educated than women, but nevertheless, she still should be educated to a certain degree, which is why most are married to women that at very least have a bachelor degree and who are of a similar class but aren’t as rich as them. That is my point.

If men simply settled with educated women and that every man only wanted a woman that didn’t achieve much, why is it the richest of men go for somewhat educated women and why is it that educated women tend to marry up compared to their uneducated counterparts? Why?
Also, look at this which supports my point:
It also looked at men in couples. It found that the partners of those from richer backgrounds earned more than 70% more than the partners of men from poorer families.

So according to this study, rich men are much more likely to be married to women that make 70% more than the wives of poorer men. Why:

That, combined with the fact that "you're more likely to marry someone who's more like you... means social mobility is even lower.

Men from poor backgrounds 'twice as likely to be single' - BBC News

The income gap between men from poor families and rich ones is also widening, the IFS said.

www.bbc.com

Actual princes and elite business men are marrying educated 28 yr olds who are from a rich family. Why did they settle? He could easily get a poor 20 yr old?

You’re not understanding that families and men do look and care about commonality. It’s hard for you to understand as you look at marriage as simply being about sex and chores. You have a very low and primitive view of marriage.

 

[Angelina]

For one that is a British study. There privately educated students make up 7% of population. We are talking the majority of the population who arent on the higher echelons of society. A middle class and working class in today’s day and age aren’t too dissimilar, they pretty much face the same indignities of life. Its a weak argument to go for such a niche group in society and try extrapolating that to the wider society.

That’s the thing, if you read everything you’d know that even goes for the rest of society, not just private educated:

‘Moreover, people increasingly marry someone with the samelevel of education as themself.36

Among both men and women, full-time employment, earnings, and higher incomes are positively associated with the likelihood of getting married.37,38,39 These findings indicate that economically advantaged individuals are more likely to marry than their less advantaged counterparts.’

https://mastresearchcenter.org/mast-center-research/socioeconomic-factors-and-differences-in-forming-and-maintaining-marriages-and-cohabitations/

Secondly, even if that were to be the case, we, as Somalis, are a minority within that. What evidence do you have that an educated Somali man has more interest in a same status woman? This is not the norm in any Muslim community given our defined roles. If anything, similar status couples are very much an aberration.

In the West, norms have changed, more than I’d say 85% of Somali, Arab and Asian girls in the West have a university degree. Most girls I know who were raised in the West have a degree now and or some sort of qualification. Also, most Somali men marry in the country they live in. There isn’t a mass exodus of men marrying back home apart from the fobs and daqan celis. That is the facts. Even more so, if the Somali man is a professional, they cannot afford to be out of the country months on end and many are educated enough to understand the importance of fatherhood and a family being together. Most men that go back are older and tend to seek a second wife. The reality is that most Muslim men in the UK are married to women that at least have degrees. I’m talking about our generations not our parents. You cannot go against that claim unless:

A. You argue that most men marry back home, which we both know is false.

B. Most Muslim girls don’t have degrees.

 

[DR OSMAN]

A Somali girl I know from work is getting married soon, she’s a beautiful, educated RN with a 4 year degree and her soon to be husband is a warehouse worker with no university education. Obv I congratulated her but internally I was like wtf. And I see this so often with Somali girls unfortunately.

Personally I believe as a woman it is in your best interest to marry a man either someone on your level or above. Marrying a man who doesn’t make as much as you do when you are educated and have a well paying job isn’t gonna do you any favours. You will automatically become the main breadwinner or have to split the bills 50/50. The husband can’t be the provider for you and your family as he is Islamically supposed to because he literally doesn’t have the means to. You will have no choice but to take on that role. When you have children this will be amplified. You cant stay at home with your babies for as long as you would like bc you gotta go back to work asap to put food on the table. Meanwhile you’re still doing majority of the domestic chores at home as that is the cultural expectation. While busting your ass at work. What kind of life is this?

I know it’s slim pickings out there and a lot of women will marry any guy they can find that treats them decent but a man’s income and occupation matters..don’t settle for a man below your level.

I read a statistic, 80% of women want 20% of the men since 80% of the males are useless. So yes it's slim pickings for females.

 

[DR OSMAN]

What don’t females understand that your career, money, personality are all superfluous to us Having a relationship with the Qur’an and Allah SWT, be feminine and obedient and competent in house duties is a female worth far more than an university educated, personality combining humorous & critical thinking, having your own car, having your own side hustle.

My life long principle is to keep the main thing the main thing. The main thing in marriage is to find a compatible & competent partner to strive towards Akhira.

1) Compatible - she is obedient and feminine.

2) Competent - she can do her house duties and has Fard al ayn ilm to teach your children 5 pillars of Islam, Akhlaaq and your Somalinimo.

A career woman can or cannot provide this. So she isn’t necessary higher in value (both Dunya wise or Akhira, from the perspective of marriage). What depends is if she provides the above. But then, a working woman will tend to scuff and find it harder to do the above given she is naturally more independent.

Damn ur standards are low, u will waste all ur wages payin for a 'female' and die broke same with ur kids no generational wealth. Cleaning and being feminine? that's not even funny even a 'monkey' can do that. How can u be in marriage with a 'slave', how boring as f*ck no wonder the divorce rate is high. Plus what is your 'dust value' only a 'few r remembered in the world the many are just dust' why wud allah care for u when noone in society cared for u? ur religion doesn't stand on 'reason' but 'dogma' of 'failed' people who's 'dust' is among the world dust and nobody even cared to note their name or achievements and u think u stand a chance before allah u r wishful thinker kiddo, not a 'reason thinker'.

 

[DR OSMAN]

Ill be frank with u women unlike these males who r probably 'failures' and don't want u rejecting them.

1. Physical looks die away it's important but not as important as No 2
2. Personality, if u dont get along or cant even talk, relationship is spent 99% outside of bed, it will lead to divorce.
3. Life goals. Like career, money, business, academics, community. If u guys don't have the same goals, don't waste ur time unless ur prepared to negiotate and balance depending on how no 1 and 2 ranks.

The reality is 80% of men are useless so you only have 'slim pickings' so take that into factor. It's even higher rate among Somali males, 95%

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

Somali educated women don't even really have good paying jobs. It's either nursing (average job and most are not RN but something less) teaching (average job) or a few in software engineering and these are like 1 in 10 of them. The vast majority of the educated are in lower paying jobs like events planning or is a coordinator job at some nonprofit which they could have gotten without the degree. Let's get real here. You can't have an inflated self worth working at some youth organization or helping refugees. You can't look down on blue collar Somali guys when you're doing shit $25 per hour jobs. You barely see Somali women in STEM or Business programs a decade ago. Somali guys outnumber them in those programs.

 

[Lostbox]

There no point trying to understand people. See successful women, women from successful families or women you have a far higher status then their partners settle for guys way below their level.

It doesn't make sense and I don't bother trying to understand why anymore.

We are taught that men settle down and women settle up. While the majority of people fellow this. It seems like most people are going for whatever makes them happy

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

There no point trying to understand people. See successful women, women from successful families or women you have a far higher status then their partners settle for guys way below their level.

It doesn't make sense and I don't bother trying to understand why anymore.

We are taught that men settle down and women settle up. While the majority of people fellow this. It seems like most people are going for whatever makes them happy

A Somali girl with a BA that tells car and home insurance or runs youth programs is on the same level as a Somali guy driving an Uber or a construction worker.

 

[Lostbox]

A Somali girl with a BA that tells car and home insurance or runs youth programs is on the same level as a Somali guy driving an Uber or a construction worker.

There social standing is at the same level. They don't come from established families in are community. I'm not sure what your getting at?

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

There social standing is at the same level. They don't come from established families in are community. I'm not sure what your getting at?

What I'm getting at is that type of woman thinks she's better than they kind of man. The man is better due to higher income

 

[Sophisticate]

Somali educated women don't even really have good paying jobs. It's either nursing (average job) teaching (average job) or a few in software engineering and these are like 1 in 10 of them. The vast majority of the educated are in lower paying jobs like events planning or is a coordinator job at some nonprofit. Let's get real here. Very few are in STEM or in Business programs and go on to careers in those fields.

I'm not in any of those nor do I see a problem with those largely female dominated fields.

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30% of female lawyers in the US also quit upon having children. Let's face it these enviroments are not lady friendly. There is a little phenomenon called the quiet resignation. Imagine 10-12 hour days plus weekends in private firms. That's incompatible with child rearing/raising.

About 30% of female lawyers are unemployed or
under-employed12 during prime career-building years—ages 35–40.13 These are
the worst years to drop out of the labor market, just when the fruits of all the
training and hard work are nearly ready for harvest. Despite the time and effort
spent completing exhausting educational programs, these women wind up in
households that conform to all the hallmarks of traditional gender roles.

One longitudinal study of 1,600 lawyers over 20 years, compiled in 2013 for the Law Society of Upper Canada, put the departure rate for women at 52 per cent compared with 35 per cent for men. Some returned, but they were most likely to be men.

By 2014, 60 per cent of women who had started out in the business in 1998 had bowed out, compared with 47 per cent of men, according to a 2016 study by the Criminal Lawyers Association.

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

I'm not in any of those nor do I see a problem with those largely female dominated fields.

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30% of female lawyers in the US also quit upon having children. Let's face it these enviroments are not lady friendly. There is a little phenomenon called the quiet resignation. Imagine 10-12 hour days plus weekends in private firms. That's incompatible with child rearing/raising.

I'm referring to the majority, not high value women like yourself. Lol

Those largely female roles are nothing to brag about though. They are used to determine their worth in picking partners which is crazy.

 

[Angelina]

A Somali girl with a BA that tells car and home insurance or runs youth programs is on the same level as a Somali guy driving an Uber or a construction worker.

Lol, they’re not. I’m sorry being an Uber driver doesn’t take any skills or dedication and it’s the jobs our fathers did when they ran away from a war torn country and couldn’t speak English. Also, for a lot of Uber drivers, they’d have to work longer hrs to make the normal salary of some of those jobs you’re describing in which it’s a 9-5, have weekends off and actual long holidays. It’s not just the money you should be looking at, but overall life quality.

Some teachers in the UK make the same as Uber drivers that are working around the clock, but they simply aren’t the same class. Even some hooyos in care industry are clearing a good amount as they’re working back to back shifts, working weekends ect. That comes at a cost, and you can’t compare that with someone that has a professional job with clear weekends, holiday pay and other perks and packages.

You’re having a laugh mate.