What would you do in this scenario?

[bluebird]

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I would never abandon a child that I raised from birth, I will always be her dad no matter what. Anyone can be a father but not everyone can be a dad

thank you. if people in somalia were like you and thought more of the future and impact of their actions instead of their immediate feelings, it wouldn't be run on the law of jungle

 

[NotreDame]

thank you. if people in somalia were like you and thought more of the future and impact of their actions instead of their immediate feelings, it wouldn't be run on the law of jungle

That is very selfish of you. We owe nobody our time, emotions, money, and efforts. If you want to raise the kid, that is your choice, I have my own.

 

[Abdisamad]

[

thank you. if people in somalia were like you and thought more of the future and impact of their actions instead of their immediate feelings, it wouldn't be run on the law of jungle

We are not evil for disowning a cheating wife and her bastard kid.. How can you even look at this kid that will constantly remind you of how your wife cheated on you everyday...it'll be a very sad and depressing life to live walahi.

 

[bluebird]

People use he as it is another form of a singular gender neutral pronoun. The only true singular gender neutral pronoun we have is "it" which may sound disrespectful. So people tend to use both "they" and "he" as alternatives. So you are most likely the only person to over complicate a pronoun by associating it heavily with a gender, to the point you use the opposite pronoun which is exclusively used for females.

its common to refer to hypothetical babies as "she" to humanize them. they do it because "he" is usually the default, but by saying she, it draws up the picture of a specific child. (they do this a lot in reading material related child development/childhood education)

 

[bluebird]

That is very selfish of you. We owe nobody our time, emotions, money, and efforts. If you want to raise the kid, that is your choice, I have my own.

just because you have a right to make a choice or no obligation doesn't mean you aren't selfish

 

[Jiron]

Jiron sometimes it's OK to be angry and selfish and have a negative/critical view.. If your wife cheats on you and even give birth to a bastard child in your house that's beyond disrespectful and you should kick her and the kid out.. Everything that happens to the kid is on the mother she should suffer for what she has done to you.

I understand that sxb but the child is innocent and the action of her mom is not her fault. for 5 years, I created a bond and irreplaceable experience with her, celebrated birthdays, went to exotic places, heard her first words and got a million little hugs in between. That I can not part with.

 

[NotreDame]

its common to refer to hypothetical babies as "she" to humanize them. they do it because "he" is usually the default, but by saying she, it draws up the picture of a specific child. (they do this a lot in reading material related child development/childhood education)

exactly, when @Jiron said "her". I immediately thought of a little girl. Whereas when everyone else said "he", I wasn't thinking of anyone specific. Crazy how easily programmable the human mind is.

 

[NotreDame]

just because you have a right to make a choice or no obligation doesn't mean you aren't selfish View attachment 134145

Shaming people for being selfish is how you create depressed mules.

 

[Abdisamad]

I understand that sxb but the child is innocent and the action of her mom is not her fault. for 5 years, I created a bond and irreplaceable experience with her, celebrated birthdays, went to exotic places, heard her first words and got a million little hugs in between. That I can not part with.

Just imagine finding out your wife had another man and how that will break your heart into million pieces.. There won't be much love left in me honestly.

 

[bluebird]

Shaming people for being selfish is how you create depressed mules.

I think its okay to be a little selfish, but there's such a thing as going too far

 

[Abdisamad]

People often forget negative feelings or being negative is good for you, if it is justified like in this case.

I think its okay to be a little selfish, but there's such a thing as going too far

Do you want us to accept a cheating wife and her kid and pretend nothing ever happened?

 

[NotreDame]

I think its okay to be a little selfish, but there's such a thing as going too far

You don't get to decide what is too far when it comes to people protecting their mental and emotional well-being.

 

[bluebird]

People often forget negative feelings or being negative is good for you, if it is justified like in this case.

Do you want us to accept a cheating wife and her kid and pretend nothing ever happened?

the kid isn't to blame. and if they still believe you are there dad it would crush them to just act like they don't matter anymore. remember this isn't a random kid but one you raised. I don't know how you could just leave them:/ you love one day and feel nothing the next...it doesn't seem realistic

 

[Jiron]

Just imagine finding out your wife had another man and how that will break your heart into million pieces.. There won't be much love left in me honestly.

I completely understand brother, there's so many ways a person can approach this issue and I wouldn't blame you if you decided to null the marriage. I wouldn't easily forgive the mom, there would be serious discussions and plans going forward, but I would still love and care for my child, regardless if she's not biologically mine.

 

[Abdisamad]

@hodon
What would you do if you found your husband cheated on you and came home with a bastard kid after being stationed abroad for work? And he told you he will be helping the mother financially every month, would you be supportive?

 

[bluebird]

@hodon
What would you do if you found your husband cheated on you and came home with a bastard kid after being stationed abroad for work? And he told you he will be helping the mother financially every month, would you be supportive?

how are the two situations comparable... the crux of the matter here is about the bond , and whether or not you would forgo it?

 

[bluebird]

You don't get to decide what is too far when it comes to people protecting their mental and emotional well-being.

are you sure about that

 

[Abdisamad]

the kid isn't to blame. and if they still believe you are there dad it would crush them to just act like they don't matter anymore. remember this isn't a random kid but one you raised. I don't know how you could just leave them:/ you love one day and feel nothing the next...it doesn't seem realistic

It's not that you don't feel anything but you are broken inside.. You can't expect a broken man to be able to give any love...and why would a wife destroy her husband like that...With that said I do understand your point, you are just focusing only on the kids well-being. But I think it's best for everyone you don't see the kid anymore and try to heal yourself.. I don't think you can ever heal when you have to look at the result of your wife's cheating, day in and day out, it will be a constant reminder of how another man was in bed with your wife, and how she lied to you during pregnancy and she lied to you for 5 years until you finally found out the truth.. Imagine how agonizing and painful that must be, the hurt the bitterness and the psychological trauma.

 

[Benzo]

It's cruel to expect a man to raise a bastard child that's not his own. I wouldn't do it and nor would 99% of men no matter how strong the bond is because it's against our code of honor. I would raise my brothers kids or my friends kids if something happened to them but this particular situation is non negotiable with most men.

Life is not a fairytale, if a woman screws up, she should take the consequences.
it's tough but that's life

 

[المهندس]

I know this is hypothetical but in reality i would not put myself in this situation to begin with.

I akin myself to a private investigator if i am discussing marriage with a women i would already know everything about her i will probably know more about her than she she assumes.

Benefits of having analytical skills