This Somali Sister is asking for an advice? What do you think?

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

First that won’t be me clause am not having 7 kids in the west. Let’s say it was me I would tell him to step it up if he can’t we can get a divorce. All he have to do is step up his money I had 7 kids risked my body health and time he can’t work harder? Life is not complicated we make it. My parents won’t be here forever am making sure they are happy with my choices.

You make it sound so easy. It's not as simple as "yeah bro, just pick up an extra couple shifts". The man's already working to support 7 children, asking him to "step up his money" is beyond selfish. He's not some pack mule you can just dump your family's financial burdens on, that's so callous wallahi lol

 

[Abdisamad]

Of course not when the husband is holding you back. With 7 kids he have to step up his money game otherwise she has options. The kids will be fine.

How's he is supposed to make enough money to support 7 kids in the west and a half of a village population in Somalia?this a very huge burden to put on someone's shoulders.

 

[Ladylike]

How's he is supposed to make enough money to support 7 kids in the west and a half of a village population in Somalia?this a very huge burden to put on someone's shoulders.

The same way I stretched my body to have 7 kids by risking my health and life? Why make me have 7 kids if you can’t be a supportive husband? It is fine he can support the kids I will get a divorce to support my family if that’s what it takes. He divorced me not his kids

 

[Ladylike]

You make it sound so easy. It's not as simple as "yeah bro, just pick up an extra couple shifts". The man's already working to support 7 children, asking him to "step up his money" is beyond selfish. He's not some pack mule you can just dump your family's financial burdens on, that's so callous wallahi lol

So you telling me I can have 7 kids breast fed them taker of them go through stress of child birth back to back postpartum lose my sense of self by making sure 7 kids are alive but he can’t step up his money game? Knowing how big the world is? Specially now a days? Em no I am a getting a divorce he can provide for his kids I am not laying down with him in the same bed. His kids will always be his to take care of I am a optional Allah gave me that right. So no I am not staying.

 

[Abdisamad]

The same way I stretched my body to have 7 kids by risking my health and life? Why make me have 7 kids if you can’t be a supportive husband? It is fine he can support the kids I will get a divorce to support my family if that’s what it takes. He divorced me not his kids

 

[Abdisamad]

So you telling me I can have 7 kids breast fed them taker of them go through stress of child birth back to back postpartum lose my sense of self by making sure 7 kids are alive but he can’t step up his money game? Knowing how big the world is? Specially now a days? Em no I am a getting a divorce he can provide for his kids I am not laying down with him in the same bed. His kids will always be his to take care of I am a optional Allah gave me that right. So no I am not staying.

You must be trolling.. I can't take you seriously at this point.

 

[Ladylike]

You must be trolling.. I can't take you seriously at this point.

I am 100% serious.

 

[Cajiib]

To me, she should worry about her kids in the West and forget about supporting her siblings back home at the expense of her kids. However, her husband should try to send some money to her parents. This should only be based on what he can afford after he takes care of his family in the diaspora. He has no responsibility for her siblings, nephews and nieces. This culture of expecting something from a married woman by her relatives is a disaster and needs to change. The demands from her family is pushing for breaking this family up.

I would tell her seek assistance from the right people first of all. Taking the wrong advice can ruin your life.

If I were in her shoes, and I ask Allah to protect me from that test, I would do my best to try to keep my marriage intact (within reason) as well as aid my parents. If my husband gave me extra spending money while I stayed home with the kids, I would send it to my parents so they could get by. If I had enough saved, I would help them start a business that is in demand where they live. If I didn’t receive spending money from hubby, I would see if I could utilise any skills I have to make money from home. It’s not all or nothing. You make what you have work for you. It’s not an easy situation nonetheless. The husband and wife should work together and be a unit. she shouldn’t abandon her parents either. She may not be able to build them big houses but she can make sure they are living well.

 

[Angelina]

Our parents were new immigrants to the West who tended to have big families, yet they still tried to send money to their in-laws if the wife did not have brothers in the West. That is something I love about older generation Somali men.

@Abdisamad, what is she meant to do? Watch her parents live in poverty? The fact of the matter is that if his parents needed that extra assistance, he'd try and work extra shifts and do anything to help ends meet. Poor woman can't as she has 7 children. They should be a unit, he needs to try and look after her family the way he would his.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

So you telling me I can have 7 kids breast fed them taker of them go through stress of child birth back to back postpartum lose my sense of self by making sure 7 kids are alive but he can’t step up his money game? Knowing how big the world is? Specially now a days? Em no I am a getting a divorce he can provide for his kids I am not laying down with him in the same bed. His kids will always be his to take care of I am a optional Allah gave me that right. So no I am not staying.

I'm not sure if you're just being obtuse to try and get your point across or if you're being serious. If the man's looking after a family of 8, how is he supposed to find the time to work an extra job? Because he can't exactly just storm into HR and demand a 30% salary bump

What you're saying doesn't make sense hunno. You're asking this hypothetical husband to magically pull money out of his arsehole without taking into account what that would mean. No offence but I can't think of anything worse than being married to someone with your mindset. What a hell-ish fucking existence that would be lol

 

[Angelina]

I'm not sure if you're just being obtuse to try and get your point across or if you're being serious. If the man's looking after a family of 9, how is he supposed to find the time to work an extra job? Because he can't exactly just storm into HR and demand a 30% salary bump
What you're saying doesn't make sense hunno.

Hunno,

What do you think that said man would have done if it was his parents in need? Say sorry, I have 7 kids to feed to his hooyo?

Its a difficult situation wallahi, but if she's the mother of your 7 kids and she can't exactly go and find employment, then he simply needs to try and grind and find a way the way he would for his own parents.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

Hunno,

What do you think that said man would have done if it was his parents in need? Say sorry, I have 7 kids to feed to his hooyo?

Its a difficult situation wallahi, but if she's the mother of your 7 kids and she can't exactly go and find employment, then he simply needs to try and grind and find a way the way he would for his own parents.

I get that it's a difficult situation for both people, but you can't just say "he's my husband he needs to be on his grind and huslte" without suggesting a realistic solution. Doesn't his wife have other relatives who can step in, why would they burden a man who's financially responsible for 7 people with this? The poor fuckers probably already working like 50-70hrs a week.

Opting out of the marriage and getting a divorce would probably be the cheaper option in that situation, not to mention the kind of toll that could take on his health.

 

[Angelina]

I get that it's a difficult situation for both people, but you can't just say "he's my husband he needs to be on his grind and huslte" without suggesting a realistic solution. Doesn't his wife have other relatives who can step in, why would they burden a man who's financially responsible for 7 people with this? The poor fuckers probably already working like 50-70hrs a week.

Opting out of the marriage and getting a divorce would probably be the cheaper option in that situation, not to mention the kind of toll that would take on his health.

Difficult situation, but that is what you sign up for when you marry a traditional woman who stays home and births and raises your 7 kids. He obviously has no obligations to her other family members but he needs to try and figure out something for her hooyo and abo. If he wouldn't allow his own mum to be in poverty then how could be allow the grandmother of his own kids?

A solution would be the mum to work, but she can't as she has a 7 kids and daycare isn't exactly cheap. Maybe she can work evenings and the husband stays with them?

Divorcing is silly for the wife as she'll be in an even worse pickle after marriage and unfortunately she can't be certain if he will continue providing for the kids after divorce because as we've seen time and time again, some men divorce the kids as well and start a new life.

 

[Man with a garuun]

I'm not sure if you're just being obtuse to try and get your point across or if you're being serious. If the man's looking after a family of 8, how is he supposed to find the time to work an extra job? Because he can't exactly just storm into HR and demand a 30% salary bump

What you're saying doesn't make sense hunno. You're asking this hypothetical husband to magically pull money out of his arsehole without taking into account what that would mean. No offence but I can't think of anything worse than being married to someone with your mindset. What a hell-ish fucking existence that would be lol

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Angelina]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Saxib, you were raised back home so you know how difficult it is. But charity starts at home. You might not have any obligations, but you should give to your poor siblings back home and see it as sadaqa.

 

[Vanessa]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Islamically, It is the brother responsibility to look after his parent.

 

[Vanessa]

if she couldn’t bring her siblings to suppor the family.
She could work causally as support worker after she drops off her kids to school, she could work 2-3 hours and then pick up her kids from school.

 

[Abdisamad]

Our parents were new immigrants to the West who tended to have big families, yet they still tried to send money to their in-laws if the wife did not have brothers in the West. That is something I love about older generation Somali men.

@Abdisamad, what is she meant to do? Watch her parents live in poverty? The fact of the matter is that if his parents needed that extra assistance, he'd try and work extra shifts and do anything to help ends meet. Poor woman can't as she has 7 children. They should be a unit, he needs to try and look after her family the way he would his.

There's no easy option here.. But I think having 7 kids with only one provider is already a huge burden financially and obviously one can only help within their own ability.. As I understand on the lady in the video her siblings are expecting financial support from her every month and her mother wants her to build them houses etc.. This is not fair to require from someone with 7 kids.. What would be fair is if the family back home started a business of some kind that'll support them with an income and she or the husband can send them a one time fee to make this happen.. But sitting and waiting on handouts from an already burdened relative is not fair.

 

[Man with a garuun]

Saxib, you were raised back home so you know how difficult it is. But charity starts at home. You might not have any obligations, but you should give to your poor siblings back home and see it as sadaqa.

And who has issues with that? The question was does the lady in the video have an obligation to be fully responsible for her siblings and their children? And the answer to that question is no. Her husband can hardly support them; therefore, putting a pressure on this poor guy who is struggling to support his family is outrageous. If they have the means to do so, they can support them based on their ability and willingness, but the lady and her husband have no obligation to support them.

But I am pretty sure your dhagax "hubby" wouldn't agree to support your siblings, nieces, and nephews if their lives were dependent on him.

 

[Man with a garuun]

I am 100% serious.

Your nieces and nephews have mothers and fathers. Where are they and what are they doing to support their kids? You're telling us you would throw away your kids in order to support others' kids? If this is what you're aiming at in your arguments, you're really missing screws in your head.

Fyi, supporting your father and mother is a different matter entirely.