Somali Love

[Farhiya 687]

"LOVE DOESN'T EXIST" Subhanallah enjoy yourselves and stop being gloomy.

I’m not gloomy just realistic the only love I need is self love. Mutant respect and friendliness is dope.

 

[AussieHustler]

Most definitely. Cause I remember people being in love hopping from person to person. Initially loving each other than despising each other. Thinking this isn’t for me. Too much emotional labour & drama.

@Farhiya 687

Mate, it’s all about compatibility. When we are, it’s called love.

 

[Saar]

I’m not gloomy just realistic the only love I need is self love. Mutant respect and friendliness is dope.

Ofc respect and friendliness is nice and needed but love does exist!!! It's just that some people misuse it or say that they love someone way too early.

 

[Farhiya 687]

@Farhiya 687

Mate, it’s all about compatibility. When we are, it’s called love.

True. Playing devils advocate here you love your parents but not compatible with them. Expect genetically ahaha. I get what you mean.

 

[Farhiya 687]

Ofc respect and friendliness is nice and needed but love does exist!!! It's just that some people misuse it or say that they love someone way too early.

This is a sweet perspective. If I find it cool if I don’t that’s cool too. It’s kinda weird I’m the most lovey dovey person out there. I guess it’s a self protection thing not getting hurt etc.

 

[Saar]

This is a sweet perspective. If I find it cool if I don’t that’s cool too. It’s kinda weird I’m the most lovey dovey person out there. I guess it’s a self protection thing not getting hurt etc.

I understand sis

 

[QueenSamaale]

Love is so weird to me. I went through a stage where I denied the existence of romantic love. I'd say love os all about hormones but if I was asked then what do your parents feel towards each other?, I'd probably struggle to answer.

How do I know I'm in love and not high on hormones? Will this "love" last? What if this is a temporary phase. Those are questions I ask myself.

 

[Farhiya 687]

I understand sis

Thanks I’ll be fine if happens just gotta dust it off and be wiser. Yeah I just never want to become a bitter person so blind or bias. And not see the good in people or things. Yeah Dostoevsky is right.
“What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.”- Fyodor Dostoevsky

 

[Farhiya 687]

Love is so weird to me. I went through a stage where I denied the existence of romantic love. I'd say love os all about hormones but if I was asked then what do your parents feel towards each other?, I'd probably struggle to answer.

How do I know I'm in love and not high on hormones? Will this "love" last? What if this is a temporary phase. Those are questions I ask myself.

I totally feel you. It’s good questions to ask one’s self. I theorise love is one of the support beams of a house. Other support beams are like as AussieHusler said compatibility or respect, banter, supporting each other etc etc.

 

[Saar]

Thanks I’ll be fine if happens just gotta dust it off and be wiser. Yeah I just never want to become a bitter person so blind or bias. And not see the good in people or things. Yeah Dostoevsky is right.
“What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.”- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Love isn't always successful so it's completely normal to be cautious but when you meet someone whom you actually love you will forget about the fears.

 

[Farhiya 687]

Love isn't always successful so it's completely normal to be cautious but when you meet someone whom you actually love you will forget about the fears.

Exactly!

 

[NAAFO]

@Basra elaborate

 

[NAAFO]

I think love is nice. But the idea of it’s co-dependent I can’t live without you. Is weird living your life and simultaneously loving them is possible. Honestly I think respect, liking, caring about someone is better than love. Because love is super ambiguous maybe I don’t practice it in the way you like it.

This is a interesting case.

@NAAFO

Great thread and please can you put punctuations in your posts. You make great points and good structured arguments, but it is very painful to read. Thanks. No pun.

First, the word 'love' needs to be carefully deconstructed it's meaning and people falling "in-love" and falling "out-love" with all kinds of people has no religious premise because it is a universal thing and could be found anywhere.

Secondly, in most cultures, relationships between an able bodied and a disabled person, in most cases, it is between an able bodied woman and a disabled man. You will rarely see a man falling for a disabled woman, but it is quiet common in the opposite.Why?

Thirdly, the causes of this phenomenon vary and are complex. But as @VixR pointed out, within the Somali context, a Somali woman may marry a disabled man and then be called love. Have you seen a case of a male Somali marrying a disabled female? Even in the case when a disability strikes two healthy couples, the wife would rarely leave her disabled husband and she would care for him and the children and become the bread winner of the family. However, (in most cases), the bloke would abandon his sick wife and seek another wife. Is it love or responsibility? Is it pragmatism or idealism? Is it that he has a better chance in getting another lover and she couldn't? I think it is a mix of all the above which we base our choice/decission and has nothing to do with "love".

@AussieHustler

Thank you for contributing to this thread I created I appreciate it and giving your input which their wasn't a lot of responses initially but I agree with you I think also its more about finding someone that you have something in common with whether its identity, ideals, life goals etc I think just the same as you its more about these realistic requirements that are incumbent upon a healthy relationship to thrive and therefor succeed because of those realistic expectations,​

When I heard about the chap Abdi Omar in the 2nd video a while ago and the work he does within the UK through his career, which I hadn't really paid much attention to and upon seeing his videos for the first time when it became apparent to me with the pleasant realisation that he was married but in addition to this he wasn't the only somali guy that had similar circumstances that found his soul mate mash'Allah may Allah strengthen their unions and make them true companions insh'Allah amin,

this is true however its practically unlikely if not virtually impossible for a disabled woman to find a husband or boyfriend but this isn't as challenging in western societies as non western societies but your absolutely right disabled men have it easier not completely challenge free as say their non disabled male counterparts but it still poses challenges for both genders for example I really do think their are a lot of non disabled men that would be open to dating/marrying disabled women especially as they are attracted towerds them but sometimes get put off primarily because certain people can think negatively in a cynical way such as this guy must have some nefarious intentions or even worse like he has some sick fetish, so for a lot of non disabled men that are as I said attracted to disabled women they're definitely reticent in coming forth with their intention & desire to do so and within this scenario I'm giving is western obviously.

So you can only imagine not just the unlikeliness of it happening within our community given how protective they normally are of our sisters especially when their disabled, for disabled men in some ways yes I will admit it is easier however not within our community as a lot of people have their preconceptions regarding disability that you lack mental capacity to come up with a coherent thought or cogent argument because they tend to generalise all disabled people as the same for men I particularly have noticed that non western women think that if your a disabled man then that you suffer from erectile dysfunction or your dick doesn't work which isn't the case or that your asexual or somehow sexually inadequate these are some of the presumptions that disabled people can encounter western people for the most part tend to be open minded about such things but I will admit it was mind blowing to see somali sisters that are open minded to this extent which is why I think that people shouldn't presume what they aren't aware of but rather let true love survive Insh'Allah by not being salty by not dictating to others what they can & can't do may Allah destroy the haters Insh'Allah amin

 

[WarsameCilmi]

I suspect the people who dont believe in love were raised in homes where their parents didnt show love to each other. My dad used to always buy flowers and do romantic things for my mom.